Sorry about the delay... I was kinda failing science for a while and was using all my spare time on extra credit - Won't happen again, promise!

How I Feel

Chapter the eleventh: Beloved Boyfriend

Two days later, Ran sat in Heiji and Shinichi's hospital room, slouched back and half sleeping. She was incredibly tired and worried. Her body wanted sleep but her brain was too active to rest. Her back was sore and she felt like her legs would fall off. But she didn't want to be asleep if they woke up.

There hadn't been any signs of awakening though. Both of them lay flat in their beds, unmoving except for the slow rising and falling of their chests as they breathed.

Ran gently caressed Shinichi's face. His skin was cold as ice. The rhythmic beating of the heart monitor was her only reassurance that he was alive. She wasn't sure he would ever wake up. She could only hope. She sighed heavily and stood, leaving the room to find Kazuha.

---

Heiji blinked and looked around. He was in an unfamiliar place. Everything was dark. He could only hear his own heavy breathing. Nothing else. He was alone. The floor echoed as he walked. A strange mist swirled around his feet.

"Hello?" he called. "Is – Is anyone here?" he got no answer. He walked through the mist slowly, searching for someone. He was freezing. His breath was visible in front of his face. He shivered and rubbed his arms.

He wandered around, but no one was there with him. Wherever he was, it was empty. And there was no way out. There were no walls or doors or ceiling. It was all nothing. Like he was walking through somewhere that didn't exist. Destined to be alone. Forever.

He was breathing heavier now. His lungs were having trouble getting air. The mist swirled around his legs angrily. He gripped his arms just below his shoulders, trying to keep out the cold. The mist wrapped around him like ropes, keeping him still, unmoving. He couldn't move if he wanted to. He couldn't breath. He was having some sort of panic attack. He screamed.

"HELP ME!"

But no one heard. And no one came to help. He squirmed and thrashed, but he couldn't get out of the strong hold of the invisible force. Memories flashed through his mind, images on a projection screen. He screamed again

"Someone help me, please! I – I can't breathe!" he screamed. His cries went unanswered. All he could do was watch all the good and bad times flash across his eyes.

---

Heizo looked up as the slow, rhythmic beating of his son's heart suddenly sped up. He got to his feet quickly as a cold sweat formed on Heiji's forehead and his face contorted with pain and discomfort. He slammed his fist down on the 'call nurse' button when Heiji clenched his eyes shut tightly and arched his back.

A nurse ran in. At the sight of Heizo trying to restrain a thrashing Heiji, she stuck her head out the door and shouted for help. Doctors and nurses rushed in and surrounded him, shoving Heizo out of the way. He couldn't see what they were doing. All he wanted was to see his son.

---

Heiji jumped as his heart suddenly constricted. He took a sharp intake of breath and tried to force air into his lungs. He fell to his knees, gasping. His heart raced in his chest, trying to keep him alive.

'Dad, help me! Anyone! Kazuha? Kudou?' he thought desperately. Recent images flashed across his eyes, forcing him to relive painful moments. He clenched his eyes closed tightly as he felt all the pain from his beating by the man in black. He shook his head wildly, trying to get rid of the memories, but to no avail.

"Stop!" he cried.

---

Heiji's eyes snapped in open, startling the doctor. The nurses backed away slightly, giving the boy some air. He gasped for breath, letting his lungs fill up with sweet oxygen. His chest stung slightly and he realized the painful constricting of his heart was a machine forcing air into his lungs. He coughed roughly and finally his breathing slowed. He let his head fall to the side and his eyes drift half closed. The doctor performed a few tests before finally nodding and leaving, followed by the nurses.

His raspy breathing was loud in his ears. His vision blurred and he felt his hair plastered to his forehead from the cold sweat. He was totally numb. It was impossible to move, even if he wanted to. He shivered involuntarily.

"Heiji?" Heizo tried worriedly. Heiji's eyes widened and he looked over through his peripheral vision. His father took his seat back next to the bed and faced his son. Heiji looked at him tiredly and his lips turned up at the corners. He opened his mouth to talk but found he had no voice. So he just used all of his strength and inched his left hand closer. Heizo got the hint and took his son's hand in his.

Heiji smiled slightly. It was nice to be alive.

"I'm so sorry dad," he whispered.

"Don't be, you did nothing wrong," Heizo said in a surprisingly gentle tone. He squeezed the boy's hand comfortingly and Heiji fell into a deep sleep.

---

"Heiji!" Kazuha exclaimed as she ran into the hospital room, out of breath. He didn't look up, which worried her slightly. She looked at him concerned and walked up slowly. His head was tilted to the side, his cheek resting on the soft white pillow. She smiled softly and sat next to the sleeping boy. She looked behind her at the still unconscious Shinichi and sighed.

Ran had also heard about Heiji waking up. She seemed happy, but heartbroken at the same time. She was happy Heiji had awoken, but sad that Shinichi hadn't. They were assured he would wake up eventually, they just didn't know when exactly. She looked back at Heiji and smiled.

He looked so innocent, lying in the hospital bed, sleeping. His lips were parted slightly and his breathing was soft. The slight glare of light on the white pillows made him look like a sleeping angel. She took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. His eyelid twitched slightly but he didn't wake up. His heart monitor beeped steadily, and she soon found her heart beating in harmonization with his. She smiled at his sleeping form and felt tears welling up in her eyes. She released his hand and wiped them away, sniffling. She started when she felt a gentle hand on her face. She looked down, startled.

"No more tears," Heiji whispered, wiping her lower eyelids with his thumb. She placed a hand over his and held it to her face. He smiled softly and tried to blink back his own tears. She laughed quietly and released his hand. His hand gently slid sown her face, tickling her cheek with his fingers.

"Oh Heiji," she sniffled. "I didn't think you'd ever wake up."

"Don't I always?" he whispered, smiling. She smiled a watery smile and wiped tears from his cheeks. They sat for a long time and cried together.

---

Ran sighed wistfully as she sat between the two sleeping teenagers. She'd had a long conversation with Heiji, but he was soon overcome with exhaustion and had fallen asleep. Shinichi hadn't awoken yet. It was two weeks after they had been saved from the evil men in black. Ran was worried. There had to be something wrong.

The doctor said Shinichi hadn't slipped into a coma. If he wasn't in a coma, why was he still asleep? Doctors were baffled, and even Kogoro found himself vexed about the younger detective. She placed a gentle kiss on his forehead and stood up, leaving the room quietly.

She went straight home. She'd been avoiding Kentaro and promised to meet him for dinner. She changed into a light green dress and pulled her hair into a braid before heading to the diner. Kentaro greeted her brightly with a wave and a smile.

"Hey Ran," he said joyfully. She did her best to smile back. "How have you been?"

"It's been," she thought for a moment, "Terrible. Shinichi's sick still."

"Aw, I sure am sorry Ran," he said. "But you said yourself he was a jerk."

"That doesn't mean I don't care," she argued.

"Well if you hate him so much you shouldn't care," he said back. She fumed.

"I do not hate him, I never will!" she snapped. "I love him!"

"You said yourself that he never even called you, never stopped by," Kentaro said loudly.

"You don't know him at all!" she shot back.

"I only know what you tell me," he growled. She shook her head disgustedly and stood up. She slung her purse over her shoulder and walked out of the restaurant. He growled in frustration and followed her. She kept many paces ahead of him and turned up her nose when he tried to talk to her. She made her way through the hospital doors and into the elevator.

"Ran – wait!" he called. She smirked at him and jammed her finger on the button. The doors closed silently, blocking his way to her. He growled impatiently and turned on his heel.

Ran smirked widely and relaxed, knowing she'd lost him. Who needed him anyway? It wasn't like she actually cared for him. She only wanted Shinichi right now. She exited the elevator and headed into their room. Heiji was awake, sitting up in the bed with a book in his lap. He looked up as she walked in and smiled.

"Hey Ran," he greeted. She gave a short look of longing towards her unconscious love and took the seat next to Heiji's bed he closed the book and set it down next to his legs.

"Hi Heiji," she smiled. "How are you feeling today?"

"Just fine, thanks," he said, adjusting himself on the bed to get more comfortable. He saw her eyes go distant as her mind wandered. He took her hand gently and looked at her with sympathy. She looked at her lap, ashamed.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It's okay Ran," he assured. "And he'll be okay. The doctor said he's showing signs of improvement."

"And what about you Heiji? When will you get to leave this horrid place?" Ran asked, smiling slightly. He laughed and shook his head.

"Hopefully soon!" he chuckled. "They won't let me leave!" Ran laughed.

"You're pretty eager, aren't you?" she asked.

"A little. Hospitals give me the creeps," he said. She nodded.

"Yeah. Shinichi never liked them either," she said. She frowned slightly and looked away. He squeezed her hand gently. They both looked over as someone rushed through the door. Ran scowled darkly. Kentaro wheezed and leaned against the wall, trying to catch his breath.

"Ran!" he exclaimed. "Come on, just listen to me."

"I have nothing more to say to you. Now please leave," Ran spat venomously. He scowled.

"I'll leave but I want you to come with me," he said, gripping her upper arm. She yanked her arm back and stood up. Heiji released her hand and pushed himself up straighter, glaring at Kentaro.

"Don't touch me!" she snapped. He reached for her again, but stopped, his head jerking foreword. He spun around, looking about frantically. He didn't see anyone there. Heiji also looked surprised. He knew who it was however, and was extremely relieved. Ran shrieked when she noticed and Kentaro finally found who had thrown the book at him. Kogoro sneered at the teenager.

"Get out," he growled. Kentaro glared but brushed past him on his way out. Ran bit her lip.

"I'm sorry dad, I didn't know," she apologized. He shook his head.

"It's alright," he said. "Come on, I want you home tonight."

"Okay, bye Heiji," she said. She kissed his forehead gently and followed her father out of the room. Heiji watched her go, frowning slightly. He still felt uneasy about that Kentaro. He slid down under the blankets and closed his eyes.

---

Heiji opened his eyes and frowned. He couldn't recognize anything around him. He was no longer in the hospital. He was in the same dark place he was in before regained consciousness. The eerie fog floated around his ankles, making him shiver involuntarily. What would happen this time?

He wandered around, carefully stepping through the mist as though afraid to anger it. The place seemed to be empty again, but there was no way to be sure. The floor just stretched on and on, never stopping. The mist glowed faintly, giving him enough light to find his way around. He stopped suddenly, squinting.

A pale light shown ahead. It was like a beam coming down from the ceiling. He blinked and realized the beam was shining on a figure huddled on the ground, shaking. He stepped closer slowly, confused and concerned.

"Hello?" he called. His voice echoed cacophonously through the room. The figure trembled and didn't answer. Heiji walked foreword slowly and got closer and closer to the form curled up on the floor. As he got nearer, he saw it was a teenaged boy, his age. He couldn't see what he looked like because he was curled up into a ball, with his arms covering his face as though expecting to be struck. He kneeled down slowly and put a hand on the boy's shoulder.

The boy jerked away with a startled cry and trembled harder. Heiji's eyes widened concernedly, and he tried to talk to the terrified boy.

"Hey," he said. "Who are you?" The boy, who had been covering his face with his forearms, didn't reply but kept shaking. He was clutching his hair with his hands so hard his knuckled were turning white. Heiji gripped the boy's wrists tightly and pulled his hands away from his face. His eyes widened even more when he saw the boy's appearance.

---

kristanite - Ummm... 'kay

Sadie Janelle - Why thank you

PRIVATE - Well, sure!I'd love to,I can totally do that

conan - Here's the latest

Tant - You's be think right...

kudo - It's right here!