Damnable Inertia
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Inertia. Noun: in'urshu.
1) A disposition to remain inactive or inert.
2) (physics) the tendency of a body to maintain is state of rest or uniform motion unless acted upon by an external force.
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It has been so long. So long that I don't even know if I am lonely anymore. So long since I have seen another living human
being. So long since I have heard human speech. So long that even the constellations have changed. I'm pretty sure about
that...
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I found out long ago that I am not made of stone. Not any kind of natural stone, anyway. In a sense, I am immortal. The
worst fate imaginable. It's ironic-most people think it would be great to live forever. Who wouldn't want to? I'll tell you –me.
I can't tell you how many times I have prayed to die. To pass from this plane of existence. I don't care how. I don't care
what happens to my 'soul.' I just don't want to exist anymore. There is no point to it, anymore. No one is left. No one to
talk to me. No one to feel pity for me. No one to feel love for me. No one even to stare at me. Though I could not talk back,
it was nice to have visitors, sometimes.
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I know everything. Everything about my friends, the Teen Titans. Everything they were. Everything they felt. I know now,
they truly were my friends. They tried to help me escape from this prison. They kept visiting; even though for all they knew I
was long dead. It's really kind of ironic, isn't it? I finally found true friendship and love after I 'died.' At least that's what my
friends finally concluded-'dead.' I have learned enough of humility to be thankful - glad that they thought me dead.
Otherwise, I think they would have suffered terribly for my fate. I know I did not deserve their pity or concern, but they gave
it freely, despite my horrible acts. I wish I could have told them how much they meant to me. How much their simple acts of
kindness and human decency changed me, for the better. No matter now. They are gone, and as far as I can tell, so is the
rest of humanity. All that is left now to keep me company are the insects. And the sun. And the moon, and stars.
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The earth above me and the man-made structures have eroded away over the centuries. My pedestal now is not so far
below the surface, and the roof of my chamber is open to the sky. That's how I can tell there are no animals anymore. No
birds. Not even rats or other small scavengers. Just the insects. And some plant life. I don't know what happened. I don't
think that any nuclear weapons were used. I heard no explosions, felt no tremors. There were sirens, though. But that's all I
know. Since then, silence.
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It's funny how time becomes compressed. I guess my 'mind' has learned to adjust to long periods of boredom. Maybe it's
like some kind of self-hypnosis. I see the sun rise, traverse the sky, and set. I see the moon and stars march across my field
of vision every day. It just goes a lot faster than it used to. Days pass like minutes, now. And still I stand, arms outstretched,
crying out in silent anguish to the Gd that will not let me die.
I miss my friends. Even though my cavern was sealed off soon after I was-'frozen' like this, they came to see me. More often
than I would ever have expected. Or deserved.
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He really did care for me. He told me that although we never got to know each other well enough to be sure, he thought that
he would have loved me. Did love me. Oh, Gd, how I wish I could tell him how very dear he was to me. I did love him.
From the moment I first met him. He was unlike anyone I ever knew. He knew how to make me laugh. He always made me
feel special. He never let me get down on myself for long. He would find a way to make me realize that my problems were
only temporary setbacks. I still remember how it felt when he held me. The warmth of his body against mine was so-
comforting. He was such a gentle soul. He never wanted to hurt me, even if it meant surrendering his life in exchange.
He did find several girlfriends, after - what happened to me. But the relationships never lasted very long. I like to think that
we could have been-husband and wife. I think he would have made me happy. I know I could have made him happy-he was
so easy to please. He was just so happy to be with me, and talk about things, and play silly games.
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Cyborg didn't come by too often, until he thought he had figured out a way to bring me back. He tried a lot of things that I
didn't understand, but they all involved some kind of subatomic particles. He seemed really frustrated. He said he was sorry.
But he never really talked to me directly much.
Starfire was so sweet. She would come at least once a month, maybe more, and give me flowers. Always red roses. She
new that to Earth-people, red roses meant love; and she said she loved me as a friend. She would talk to me and keep me
up to date on all the adventures she had. Her ill-fated romance with Robin. Her trips to Tamarand, her home world. I felt so
evil. I tried to kill her, but in the end, she was still my true friend. She never stopped coming. Until - I think it was an
accident. But Raven never really told me all the details. Starfire, I loved you too. I miss you so much. Sweet, innocent
Starfire…
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Raven came, too. At first, she only came with one of the others, usually Beastboy or Starfire. She never said much, at first.
Had to keep her emotions firmly in check. Same old Raven-the textbook case of stoicism. But as time went on, she changed.
She became the one to spend the most time with me. She told me all of her private thoughts, her most precious secrets. I
thought she felt that since I was only a statue, she could safely bare her soul. To let out all the things inside her that she
couldn't confide in anyone else. But it became even more than that. She actually missed me. Me! The evil monster that
taunted her, tried to drown her; called her a witch. Well, in fact, she did become a witch, or sorceress, if you prefer. She
learned so much from her association with Malchior, the enchanted dragon-demon. She became an expert in the 'black arts,'
as she called them. She became so powerful that she did not need the others-but she stayed, because she was part of the
team. She learned to control her powers so well because she found love. That was the missing part. I don't know who it
was, or how she met him (or her?) but it made a profound change. Don't get me wrong, she didn't become a bubbly
extrovert like Starfire, but she softened. She became a whole person-someone that could be a friend. Not someone who
pushed people away, or frightened them. She asked for my forgiveness. Can you imagine? She said that she felt that her
cruelty to me might have driven me to seek out Slade. I wanted to tell her how wrong she was-I was working for Slade even
before she ever met me. She could have done nothing to change what happened. She cried. Impossible as that sounds, I
swear it is true. She cried for me. She cried for my terrible circumstance. She cried because as hard as she tried-as many
spells and incantations she performed over me, she could not reverse my condition. She even resorted to black magic.
Powerful, dangerous ceremonies which drained her own life-forces. She came near to death several times, once lying
unconscious for almost a day, before the Titans came looking for her. Raven never stopped coming. She spoke to me almost
every day for her entire life. I'm still not sure why she never stopped. Surely she did not still feel a sense of responsibility after
all those years. All those many, many years. Or – is it possible - that through her powers as an empath that she knew? Did
she know that my conscious mind still existed? I will never know – I never sensed her – mind. She never told me if she could
sense mine…
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It seemed that being a Halfling Azeraethaen comes with a long life. An extraordinarily long life. The others all died long
before she even got old…
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Robin came only a few times, usually with Starfire. Or to help Cyborg, when he was still trying to revive me. Raven told me
all about him. His story was the saddest of all. It seems that he never could get over his obsession with Slade, that bastard.
Even though I did finally kill him (the one good thing I ever did,) Slade never ceased to haunt Robin. I think Raven said that
the effect of the substance released from Slade's mask was permanent. Cyborg did the best he could to reverse the effects,
but they never completely went away. Starfire and Raven even made him consult with medical doctors, but they too, were
unable to find a way to undo the neurological damage. Robin ended up in an institution, slowly consumed by madness. Raven
told me the Bruce Wayne spared no expense in trying to make Robin as comfortable as possible. But there was nothing
anyone could do to save him from himself.
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Very few others ever came. The cavern was locked and guarded. Starfire told me that would-be gawkers were told that my
cavern was in a 'geologically unstable condition,' and that was why only 'qualified' people were allowed in. Of course, some
scientists were allowed to prod and poke me. They scanned me, photographed me, x-rayed me, ran tests. The Titans would
not allow them to take material samples of me, though. I don't even know if it would have mattered. I don't think I can feel
pain. I don't feel cold, or wet, or heat. I can sense vibrations, though. I still feel the Earth, alive beneath me. For that matter, I
don't know if the material I am made of could even have been penetrated by human means. I'm still here, after all: as the
forces of nature slowly erode the landscape around me – here I stand, in a pose of eternal supplication to the sky -
untouched by time.
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I am beginning to wonder when it will all end. The sun is starting to become noticeably larger, and redder. Eventually, it will
go nova and incinerate Mercury, Venus, the Earth, and possibly Mars. What will become of me? Will I die, finally released
from this interminable damnation? Or will I be propelled into the vastness of interstellar space - to drift alone, endlessly for all
of eternity? I would like to think that maybe I will finally be consumed in that great cosmic cataclysm as Earth's sun destroys
itself and all other life in the inner solar system.
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Please, Gd, please let it be so…