Konya wa April Fool's

By Cypher

Bastard. Fucking bastard. And now he's ringing my doorbell. I know it's him. He always does the same thing. Knocks, rings the bell, knocks, rings the bell…wish he'd give the damn thing a rest. Growling, I get out of my chair and open the door, hating the fact that he's got a nervous grin, the same one puppies have after you've scolded them and now they're not sure how okay things are with you.

Damn, I'm wasted. And I'm in no mood to deal with that…that…that man! Growling again, I slam the door in his face and stalk back to the living room. Maybe he'll get the message and leave me alone. Maybe he'll realize I was swaying slightly because I'm drunk and go home. Maybe he'll see me in a few days at work and act like nothing happened.

"Jack?"

And maybe cows will sprout wings and fly--or is it pigs? Definitely wasted here. "Go away, Daniel!" I hear the door shut, but I know he's still in the hall, still standing there. Probably has that confused look, trying to figure out what's going on. I know that face. I know all of Daniel's faces, he's not exactly shy with his emotions. Probably why he got past my defenses.

"Jack, it was just a joke. An April Fool's joke. I don't see why it's such a big deal. You replaced all my artifacts with rocks, real rocks. It was a little revenge."

"You KISSED me!" I turn and glare at him, ignoring the fact that I momentarily overbalance and nearly fall over. "Right there! In front of the whole fuckin' commissary!" Not to mention he flirted with me heavily all day. I thought he was coming onto me, that he finally took notice of this old Colonel and wanted to upgrade our friendship to a relationship.

I thought he'd finally, FINALLY realized that I loved him, that I was IN love with him. Carter's got Pete, Teal'c's got that Jaffa woman…Ish-something. And Daniel has me. It wasn't rocket science. If it was, I wouldn't have figured out my feelings. And today I thought he'd figured out his as well.

But no. It was all a fuckin' joke. At MY expense. God, I need another drink. Without waiting for him to respond, I march into the kitchen and dig for that emergency bottle of scotch I know I've hidden in the cupboards.

Daniel, of course, follows me. "Why're you so worked up over a little joke, Jack? You pulled pranks all over the base, but the one time I pull a prank on you…" He goes quiet for a minute as I finally wrap my hands around the bottle and drag it out. "So you can dish it out but you can't take it yourself? Is that what this is about?"

"No it's NOT about that!" I don't bother with a glass. I just take a big swallow from the container. It takes me a few moments to realize I need to open the damn thing. Great, more material for Daniel to use against me.

He ignores the chance to tease me, though. "What's this about, Jack? It was a kiss, a little kiss."

It was NOT a little kiss. I slam the bottle on the counter and work on getting the cap off. He grabbed my head and forced his lips on mine. Not that I'm adverse to a little alpha behavior, but in front of half the base? I panicked…and everyone laughed, he laughed. He fuckin' laughed at me. Tossing the top aside, I try to drink again, and this time succeed.

I feel him move by my side, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Jack?"

Aw shit, what the hell. What's the worst he can do, report me? I'll just retire. Getting a bit old for field work anyway. "You wanna know what this is about, Danny?" I turn to him. "You REALLY wanna know? Well fine." This time I grab HIS head and kiss him. Hard.

He doesn't kiss me back. He shoves me away. He looks…mortified? Uncertain? Scared? I don't know. Too smashed to figure it out.

"I…you….we…."

"That's why, Danny." I spread my arms out, spilling some of the booze. "I love you."

"You're drunk." Pathetic way to deflect my comment. I just ignore the attempt.

"Fuckin' love ya, and you screw me over. Build me up with some hope and smash my feelings with the force of a sledgehammer. Bravo, Doctor Jackson. A perfect performance. Joke's on me, the laughing stock of the whole base. Hope you're happy."

He stares at me for a bit, and I wonder what he's thinking. Does he love me? Does hate me? Gonna beat the shit outta me--hey, even us Special Ops are vulnerable when drunk, and he's been working out with Teal'c. "So that, Daniel, is why. That's why I just up and left, face red and heart broken." I raise the bottle shakily. "Happy April Fool's." I take another swig and go back to staring at him.

A few minutes pass, then he comes over, grabs the bottle, and takes his own long drink, coughing as the rough liquid slides down his throat. "Love me, huh?"

"Yep." I reach for the bottle, but Daniel stubbornly keeps it out of my reach.

"This isn't a prank?"

"Do I look like I could pull a prank?" I mean, seriously. Drunk as a skunk here. Okay, so I've been known to fake it before, but still. And I'd never joke, not about this.

He stares at me for a moment, then sighs and sets the bottle down before putting his arm around my torso. "Come on, Jack. Let's get you to bed."

"M'not tired." Drunk, not tired.

"The sooner you sleep this off, the sooner we can talk."

I know that look. He's hoping I'll forget all this tomorrow, forget what I said, what I did, and just go on living. Fucking bastard. Joke's on him. I'm not going to forget this night. And tomorrow, I'm going to make sure he knows that. And then maybe he'll finally admit his feelings and we can fuck like bunnies.

Though from Danny's behavior, we probably won't. At least, not until cows fly.

Author's Prattle: This is a fic that was inspired by a Ranma song, the lyrics of which can be found at I hope to one day finish it, but right now inspiration is focused on…a lot of other things. Keep your fingers crossed that the Creative Writing classes will get me going on it again.

Disclaimer. I don't own Stargate SG-1, its characters or settings. It belongs to MGM, Gekko Productions, SciFi channel, and a few others. I'm just borrowing their stuff in a creative exercise. I also don't own the Ranma song, Rumiko Takahashi owns Ranma and any of its derivative works.

As always, I hope you enjoyed the story, and reviews are welcome!