I took a few personal liberties with this story, so some details about certain relationships and things are altered, as you'll see.
Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.
Chapter 2. Red Light
New students are given a few days after move-in day to get acclimated with the dorms, the campus, and each other.
Mahiru spends the majority of that time with Karen, who chatters away excitedly about everything and anything. They go on another tour of the school together, and Mahiru spots a few other familiar faces from the entrance exams, but not quite the one she's looking for.
Saijou-san probably has tons of her own friends, anyway. She was just being nice to me the other day. I don't want to bother her...
Instead, Mahiru gives the majority of her attention to Karen, who doesn't need very much prompting at all to share information about herself and her aspirations. They do a lot of talking together as they walk the campus and discuss the various classrooms and scenic viewpoints, but the place Mahiru gets to know her roommate the best is, of course, their room.
From day one, Mahiru is a little surprised to find that Karen is a bit of a whirlwind behind closed doors, though considering her personality, it probably shouldn't have come as that much of a shock. While Mahiru unpacks her bags slowly and calmly one by one, Karen is tossing out articles of clothes and random objects all at once so she can see everything first and put it away later.
They have a few differences in terms of organization, and Karen needs to ask her for help with arranging the clothes to have them fit in her dresser. Mahiru offers to teach her how to fold laundry, which Karen has evidently never done before, and Karen watches her intently. When she attempts the foldings herself they come out a bit sloppy, but Mahiru praises her for doing her best.
Living with Karen really is like living with a younger sibling, and Mahiru knows all about that.
By the end of their first day, after having supper together, Mahiru and Karen are both exhausted. But Mahiru has to remind her to brush her teeth before getting ready for bed. And by the time she comes back from using the restroom herself, Karen is already fast asleep in her bed, snoring softly. Mahiru doesn't mind the noise, as it reminds her she isn't alone.
On the second day, the two of them sleep in a little before having breakfast, and Mahiru learns a bit more about Karen's preferences for food. They walk around to explore the last few parts of the dorms, greeting their new classmates whenever they come across them.
They eat lunch outside together and chat some more, though it's mostly Karen who is talking about her favorite plays and how much she's looking forward to acting out Starlight at the end-of-the-year Festival while Mahiru happily listens.
In the afternoon, they return to their room to unpack the last of their things from their suitcases.
Presently, Mahiru places a family photograph on her desk, right at the center. She'd already called and messaged them the day before to let them know she'd arrived safely and was settling in, and they were all very happy for her.
Unlike Mahiru's neat and spacious desk, which only has a few notebooks and textbooks at the corner, Karen's already has random objects and school supplies arranged all over it; notepads, a set of playing cards, random snacks, a phone charger, pencil sharpeners, markers, a dinosaur alarm clock.
And on top of its own little purple handkerchief was always where she put her crown hair pin. Every morning she clipped it in, and every night she carefully took it out. She'd been wearing it the day they'd met at their entrance exams too, so Mahiru knows it must be very important to her. She wants to ask her about it, not to be nosy, but simply because she's curious.
So as she's folding up the last of her laundry on her bed, Mahiru lifts her head to her roommate, who is struggling with folding the sleeves of one of her sweaters properly.
"Say, Karen-chan?"
Karen perks up like a dog when her name is called.
"Yeah! What's up, Mahiru-chan?"
Mahiru fidgets a little bit, and her eyes fall away from Karen's face.
"I-I was just wondering… about your hair pin…"
"My hair pin?" Karen reaches up to touch it. A strange look comes across her face then. It's a smile, but it isn't like all the smiles Mahiru has seen on her before. Rather, it's sort of sad, distant. Karen looks back down at her laundry, missing Mahiru's gaze completely. "Ahh, y'know, I don't really remember all that well! I think someone gave it to me a looong time ago, but I don't really remember. It's sorta just become a habit to wear it every day, though."
Mahiru tenses as an awful tightness constricts through her chest at the notion of having potentially brought up sad memories for her. She'd never seen Karen be anything but energetic, but Mahiru's nosiness had caused her to become melancholy.
"I-I'm sorry! It's none of my business…" She bows her head, clutching her fists on her skirt and trying to hold back tears. Across the room, Karen just shakes her head, seeming to snap out of whatever trance had taken hold of her.
"It's all right! Say, Mahiru-chan, how many younger siblings do you have?"
While on one hand, Mahiru is grateful for the subject change, she's also still upset. It seems Karen really won't talk about the history of her hair pin - either because she doesn't want to, or because she honestly can't bring herself to do it.
Mahiru hates that she'd been so thoughtless. She hates that she might've asked something that could make her sad. But she tries her best to hold back the tears to answer her question.
"Four…"
"Four?! That's incredible! I bet you're the best big sister ever!"
And just like that Karen is back to her usual self, and all seems right with the world again.
But Mahiru takes the incident to heart.
I really shouldn't be so pushy. I need to mind my own business…
She continues folding her laundry as Karen blabbers on happily.
But Mahiru finds she just can't smile back right now.
When their first day of classes finally arrives, Mahiru hardly sleeps at all the night before. She lies in bed all night, heart pounding so frantically she can feel every beat of it, and her mind racing in a million different directions.
And yet somehow Karen manages to snore away the entire night without a care in the world.
Karen-chan, please lend me some of your energy for today!
Of course, Karen had been on her mind quite a bit as well. Mahiru had replayed the moments of their first meeting, their stretching and dancing together, and all the things Karen had talked to her about at the entrance exam. Remembering it makes her giddy all over again, especially the memories of finding out they would be roommates. And then a few days ago when Karen had spotted her in the crowds and come running over to hug her and call out her name…
Just remembering it all makes Mahiru squeal softly, and she turns onto her side clutching her blankets to her pounding chest.
She'd only known Karen for a few days, and lived with her as her roommate for even fewer. Yet Mahiru can't help but feel she likes her in a way she'd never really liked any of her friends or classmates before. Just thinking of Karen makes her smile and sends her heart into a frenzy.
But it feels nice. Really nice. Mahiru even takes a little pride in the fact that she's the only one in their school who gets to see Karen in her pajamas or with a bedhead of messy hair.
Karen-chan… I'm so lucky I got to meet you…
She lets her roommate fill her head and her heart for a while longer that morning, cautiously rolling back over to glimpse Karen in her bed. Even though she's drooling and snoring and has a leg and an arm hanging over the side, Mahiru still blushes to look at her.
Ah… I think I've got it pretty bad... This is no good…
The moment dawn breaks, Mahiru finally starts feeling groggy enough to rest, but by then she knows it's time to get moving.
Thankfully, the eustress is enough to make her feel energized in spite of the sleepless night; she'll probably crash later this evening, but hopefully she'll have enough energy to make it through the first day of classes.
Quietly, she climbs out of bed to get dressed and ready, wanting to let Karen sleep in at least until the alarm.
But when the dinosaur alarm clock does finally go off, Karen doesn't so much as budge. Mahiru stands by her bedside and waits and waits, but Karen just continues sleeping and snoring through the sounds. Mahiru grimaces.
"Karen-chan…" She'd woken up perfectly fine on their previous mornings. But now that they have classes to attend, it seems Karen was suddenly unwilling to get up. Mahiru fretfully moves closer to Karen's bed to shake her shoulder.
"K-Karen-chan, it's morning."
But Karen just grins in her sleep and rolls over. Mahiru's jaw drops a little.
"Karen-chan… Hey, Karen-chan! We're gonna be late! I-It's only the first day!"
It's a process from there. No matter what part of Karen she pokes or which way she pulls the covers, her roommate subconsciously counters her and gets back to her pillow. Mahiru glances worriedly at the time.
"Oh, we're gonna be late…" Dropping her head, Mahiru sinks to the floor in defeat.
A moment later, Karen slowly pushes herself up, rubbing her eyes.
"Mnmn… Morning, Mahiru-chan… Wha?! Oh my gosh, we're gonna be late! You should've woken me up!"
"Eeeeh-?"
But at least now Karen is jumping out of bed and getting dressed, so Mahiru quickly joins in to help her gather her things.
They scramble about before heading to the door, only for Karen to double back to grab her hair pin. They rush to the dorm cafeteria to find most other girls have already left and started the walk to school, so the two of them only take things they can eat on-the-go before hurrying outside.
Of course they hit every red light at the crosswalks, and Karen stops several times to pick up a coin or to pet a stray cat. Mahiru frets and whimpers all the while.
By the time Seishou is in sight, Mahiru can't see any other students outside, meaning they are the last two to arrive.
"K-Karen-chan!"
"Huh?" Karen looks up from the butterfly she'd been chasing after. "Wha! We're late!"
"That's what I've been saying!"
"Come on! Let's run!"
"E-Ehh?"
But before Mahiru can comprehend what's going on, Karen has grabbed her hand and started racing down the sidewalk with her. Mahiru squeaks and stumbles as she follows, her face already turning red.
Karen races along, her hair bouncing in the wind, her smile bright and shining in the sunlight. Mahiru feels her heart flutter more strongly than anytime before, and when she tries to swallow it doesn't go down properly.
She knew she'd liked Karen from the start - and not just from the start of their official term, but since the entrance exams when they'd met. There's just been so much other stuff on her mind since then, Mahiru hasn't gotten a moment to really recognize her feelings that much.
Dwelling on it in the comfort of her bed is one thing, but letting the realization come to her in broad daylight with all the world around her has an entirely different feeling to it.
Being roommates with Karen, being hugged by her, getting to know her and using each other's first names… All of that throughout the past few days had really driven it home for Mahiru.
She likes her. She really really likes her. Maybe in a different kind of way than she ought to…
Karen pulls her along toward the final crosswalk, and Mahiru giggles to herself as she's swept along in the undertow.
But suddenly the light turns red, and they're forced to skid to a halt. Mahiru can't stop herself in time though, and she crashes right into Karen.
"Kya!"
"Whoa!"
But somehow, Karen manages to maneuver them into a sort of dance. She adjusts their weight and angle, reaching out quickly for her, and ends up catching Mahiru in her arms in a dip of sorts.
Mahiru finds herself suspended in her roommate's arms, looking up at Karen with the bright blue sky behind her.
She gets dizzy for a whole lot of reasons. Their faces are just inches apart, and Mahiru feels her heart leap halfway up her throat.
Karen grins down at her.
"Heehee, gotcha!"
Mahiru can't even speak. She just finds some wobbly semblance of her balance as Karen helps her back to her feet again and dusts her off. The worry about being late for class on the first day has been overridden by a surge of giddy, warm flutterings in her chest. Mahiru swallows a few more times before she finally finds her voice again.
"Th-Thanks, Karen-chan…"
"No problem!" Karen keeps a firm hold of her hand, and Mahiru bows her head to conceal her blush. Her emotions are jumbled and scattered, but somehow she knows exactly how she feels.
Karen-chan is really… Ah, I think I might be-
The light turns green. Before Mahiru can finish the thought, she feels Karen pulling her forward. Mahiru lifts her face, feeling the beginnings of a smile on her lips as she looks to Karen's bright and cheerful expression. Karen twirls around to continue leading the way.
"Come on, come on!" she sings.
Mahiru musters up a bit of confidence. She draws in a deep breath and stammers out her name.
"K-Karen-"
"Come on, Hikari-chan!"
Mahiru staggers to a dead stop.
Karen keeps running a few more steps, and their hands break apart. She turns back around with confusion on her face.
"Huh? What's the matter, Mahiru-chan?"
Mahiru blinks, and she feels tears. But Karen seems genuinely confused. She must not have realized that she'd just called out someone else's name.
But all the soft and happy feelings inside Mahiru's chest have suddenly started to rip apart. In an instant, her wonderful, hopeful world has been torn from under her. Her voice is once again meek and feeble.
"Karen-chan… just now, you…"
Mahiru's insides twist painfully, stinging. For how happy and carefree she'd been around Karen from the moment she'd met her, this sudden shift is horribly cruel. She almost feels sick.
Karen is still standing in the middle of the crosswalk, tilting her head and puzzled.
"Huh? I can't hear you, Mahiru-chan! What's the matter?"
And Mahiru knows it. She knows Karen wasn't even aware she'd said someone else's name just now. She knows Karen never intended to hurt her feelings, as she probably didn't even knew how Mahiru felt about her to begin with.
And now she'll probably never know.
Mahiru doesn't feel as though she can stand by her side right now.
She draws in a whimper of a breath, but when she looks up again, tears blur her vision so she can't see Karen's eyes. She covers her own eyes, pretending like the sun is bothering her, and plasters on a smile.
"S-Sorry! It's nothing!"
"If you're sure," Karen says. "Wah! We're gonna be so late!" She turns and runs the rest of the way across the street.
But now, Mahiru follows at a sluggish, defeated pace.
All the thrill and excitement of moments ago has come crashing down over her and left her feeling completely hollow. Whatever feelings she'd had - or thought she'd had - for Karen, suddenly become dried-up and lifeless.
She makes it to the other side of the street just as the light changes, then follows Karen to the school building, where they're scolded by the staff at the door for being tardy.
And even though she'd promised herself to start off her high school experience at Seishou with a smile, Mahiru feels a familiar wetness dripping down her face as she takes her first step inside.
A/N: It pained me to write this chapter, but I envisioned the scene of Karen saying Hikari's name instead like a real anime scene in my head and tried to write it as best I could. Mahiru was finally perking up a bit after being so nervous, and she even started having softer feelings for bubbly, positive Karen... only to know Karen is subconsciously thinking about someone else. And she can't even be upset at Karen about it, because she knows Karen wasn't ever trying to hurt her with that. So Mahiru has no one to be upset with but herself.
That's the feeling I want to capture. The stinging hurt of knowing that no one is at fault for your pain but your own complicated and selfish feelings, but you can't help feeling that way. So it only makes you feel even more helpless and awful... If any of our girls are prone to this sort of emotion, I feel it would be Mahiru.
The red light at the crosswalk ended up creating a red light for Mahiru herself; she knows she can no longer think of Karen the way she thought she wanted to.
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