A/N Hey guys, here's the next chapter of The Rogue but I've discovered a review that had someone complaining that this was a yaoi story so here's my response to that. Look, if you really don't like this story all that much because of that, then no one is forcing you to read it so just exit out of the story.
Don't complain because that just makes you look childish and no one wants that so find a different story instead of complaining since that affects my motivation and I really don't want to go through that again.
Well, now that I got that out of the way, enjoy.
In the past two days since we've been staying on this mountain, Shirou took the opportunity to teach me everything he knew about hunting and other survival skills while I did know the basics of that because of what I learned in the army, though Shirou helped me sharpen those skills and I have to admit that learning more about this simpler and rustic lifestyle was a pleasant experience indeed.
Showing me ways of how to live off nature proved to be a fascinating subject and I took to it like a duck to water as I sharpened my knowledge of foraging and gathering wood, not to mention the close contact with the forest was having a positive effect on me.
My mood had improved greatly from the miserable state I was in back in the city and it started becoming more noticeable as I found myself laughing and smiling more while Shirou pointed out that something about me seemed lighter now.
I wasn't the only one as Shirou seemed to find some sort of gratification in teaching me what he knew and I wasn't surprised since not only did he get to share the knowledge he accumulated over the centuries, but also the ancient ways of his clan and I was always interested in learning more, excited even.
Then it was time to learn how to hunt and Shirou went easy on me first, bringing me to a stream where I could practice spearfishing and I spent some time trying to stab a fish, only I kept missing while Shirou found amusement in that.
On my second day, I speared my first fish and I couldn't help but stare at the sight wiggling gasping animal as memories of my time in War Dogs came flashing back but Shirou thankfully helped me end its suffering by using a rock to deliver the killing blow, though I was frozen stiff as the memories of butchered families, screams, and gunfire continued to rage on until Shirou managed to snap me out of it and I realized that my hands were trembling.
It took a while for me to recover from what was clearly a PTSD episode but Shirou was understanding and told me to rest while he speared more fish and later that day, when we sat down by the campfire to savor our roasted catch, I had felt a lingering sense of pride and respect as I tasted the fish I had caught.
Somehow, having direct contact with the animal prior to its death had made the meat tastier and more fulfilling so it was like there was a sense of closure in knowing that the fish had served its function in nature and that its death had been done in a respectful nature.
Upon waking on the third day, Shirou had told me that it was time for the next step and in order to do that, I would need to be in my beast form at all times and not wear any clothes so that mortified me and I quickly refused at the idea of being fully nude.
Shirou had explained that my clothes would only serve to get soiled in mud and dirt during a hunt, also limiting my movement when agility was very crucial but he also pointed out that being free of clothing would help bring a strange primal spike of my senses, breathing new life into my beastman instincts and helping me become more in-tuned with them.
So, it was with great reluctance that I shifted into my beast form and stripped down to nothing when I covered my groin and blushed while my ears folded back to express my embarrassment at being nude around another guy.
Shirou didn't even look bothered by it as he shifted into his beast form and stripped down for possibly the third time until he was fully naked and only wore his collar since he had done it before the entire time we were on this mountain while he grabbed a strap with a quiver that had arrows in it, securing the quiver to his back and he grabbed a bow before slinging it until he handed me a leather belt that had the holstered dagger attached to it.
I shyly put the belt on around my waist and felt really awkward as Shirou gestured for me to follow him and we left the cave, then we went out into the wilderness and I noticed that the thick mountainous fog was a sign of a possible drizzle so it looked like we might not be able to catch anything today since the dense moisture in the air and the poor visibility so Shirou decided that we would go foraging instead and we were walking for a short time.
"Get down!" Shirou warned in a quiet harsh voice as he dropped to the ground and I didn't even question it, doing the same just as fast and then we slowly crawled closer to a cliff edge while my sense of shame from being nude around another person was momentarily forgotten.
Once we made it to the cliff's edge, we cautiously peered over it in a way that wouldn't draw attention and Shirou carefully pointed at what he spotted when I looked and saw that it was a Japanese serow, then I sent him a nod.
"Yeah, I see it," I whispered and Shirou clutched at the bow slung over his shoulder.
"If we are quick, then we can kill it before the fog gets worse," Shirou told me quietly and I hesitated at that.
"I know it's food at the end of the day, but what if I have another episode at a crucial moment and it gets away?" I asked, then Shirou sent me a stoic look.
"I understand if you're worried about that, but we have one fish left and a bunch of berries so you're going to need something more substantial than that in your stomach during your stay in these woods," Shirou replied logically.
I couldn't argue against that because I knew he was right, though I was still concerned about the thought of having another episode and screwing up the hunt so that had been on my mind while we spent a long hour quietly tracking the buck, which had disappeared amidst the thick fog at some point during our conversation.
Still, this was a good opportunity for me to learn something new and I paid attention as Shirou showed me ways to read the animal's hoofprints, scratches on the tree bark, droppings, and other traces left behind as I was again impressed by the extent of his knowledge and it was surprisingly engaging for me.
Shirou had explained to me that a proper bow hunt would involve letting the game bleed to death as we tracked it down, though he wasn't exactly eager about dealing with the hassle of searching for it on such a humid foggy day.
I knew what he meant by that since I saw that the hazy clouds surrounding the trees were gradually thickening into a drizzle and even though moisture usually enhanced scents, too much of it tended to either disrupt or mixed them, which would either water them down or saturate the air with an incomprehensible mixture of smells that could give any canine nose a sensory overload, which would be far from ideal in such conditions.
With that in mind, Shirou had decided that the best approach to get this over with as quickly as possible was to have me take down the serow after he shot it and even though that brought back my concerns about the possibility of having another episode, thinking back to my experience of killing and eating a fish gave me enough confidence to agree.
We soon found the serow and took our positions to ambush it so Shirou was in the bushes far to the left while in a pair of bushes to his right as the serow was busy grazing and I had slowly pulled out my dagger as my fur bristled and my tail twitched in anticipation.
At that moment, I felt that strange primal spike to my senses that Shirou had mentioned as my ears twitched at the slightest noise and my nose focused on each scent all around me, mostly centered on the scent of the serow.
I found myself enjoying the feral power that my new beastman instincts were bestowing upon me and my pupils enlarged slightly as the urge to ambush the serow and sink my teeth into it was now hitting me, but I stayed focused and patient to stick to the plan since the slightest mistake could cost me and Shirou.
I watched as a gust of wind blew in our favor and the fog cleared before my eyes, knowing that Shirou now had a perfect view of the target when an eerie deadly silence befell the forest as the songbirds halted their singing, the air stayed still, and the wooden groans of tree trunks came to a stop so it was as if mother nature herself was holding her breath in anticipation for what's to come.
My ears perked up at the faint whistling sound of an arrow before it buried itself into the fur and flesh of the serow but because the buck had flinched, it ruined Shirou's aim since he intended to target the lungs but now the arrow had been deflected by bone and pierced the serow's gut instead.
The serow let out a sharp pained bleat that shattered the silence in the woods, alerting birds as they burst out of the treetops when Shirou quickly jumped out of the bushes with another arrow nocked in place while his face was locked in a predatory snarl and the sight and noise caused the injured serow to dart away from him in the opposite direction, just as we planned.
"Doug, now!" Shirou called out, giving me the signal to act.
My ears perked up at the call and my new instincts took over as soon as the sound of approaching hooves reached my ears, instructing my muscles to tense up like a spring and release into an explosion of adrenaline as a low feral growl rumbled from my throat.
Baring my teeth and getting my dagger ready, I leaped out of the bushes with a snarl and tackled the serow with all of my weight before stabbing into its hide with my dagger as it cried in pain from the blade sinking into its flesh, the two of us rolling on the ground in a blur of brown and silver as fur went flying everywhere.
Shirou eventually caught up with us as I was pinning it to the ground with a vicious growl and holding a feral expression while blood was starting to coat my hands and chest, then Shirou took a closer look at where the arrow hit as he helped me restrain the animal by holding it in a headlock while I was keeping its hindlegs pinned until I saw that the arrow shaft had snapped in half during the scuffle and the buried portion was left deeply embedded in the muscle and intestines.
"Dammit, I missed the target so this won't do for a quick kill," Shirou grunted with a grimace as the small cervid tried to thrash its head loose, only to have no luck because of the wolf beastman's inhuman strength.
"So, what are you going to do?" I questioned as I looked at him, then the serow soon paused its struggles to catch its breath and Shirou gestured for me to hand him the dagger.
"I'm going to speed things up," Shirou stated.
I grabbed the handle of the dagger and ripped it out, causing the serow to let out a low groan as I was about to hand the dagger to Shirou when I saw all the blood and my pupils shrank as I suddenly found myself back in the warehouse, Shirou being in the place of the deer as his torso had the large hole and he was gurgling weakly.
I sucked in a breath as nothing but panic flooded my system and I dropped the dagger while hyperventilating, feeling like a cornered animal and wanting to flee or fight back as I was back in the forest and Shirou was frozen in place while he stared at the expression of pure terror that was on my face.
The latest PTSD episode that was flaring up in me was all it took for the buck to act up again as it violently twisted its body to throw me off it and arched its back to deliver a mighty kick straight to Shirou's face, causing a dull sickening crack to echo in the air when the bones crumpled under the impact.
Shirou let out a cry of pain and covered his snout with both hands, then the buck took advantage of the fact we were no longer holding it down by immediately jumping to its hooves and fleeing the area, vanishing under the thick veils of fog like a ghost while Shirou and I just stared after it in silence with stunned expressions.
I sat up and groaned as my head hurt from hitting it on the ground, though the pain melted away and I shook my head to clear it when I caught sight of Shirou's nose and a pang of guilt hit me, seeing his canine snout looking visibly crooked and bleeding with the vibrant red color standing out against his white fur so I couldn't help but grimace.
"Shirou, are you alright?" I questioned as I moved closer and, without thinking, reached up to hold his face in my hands so that I could examine him more closely.
I let out a hiss of sympathy as I saw how broken his snout was and I noticed that he was tense from me touching him until he closed his eyes and lowered his face, hissing as I heard and felt the fragmented bones rearrange themselves with a series of pops.
"I'm fine," Shirou grunted as he scowled.
Watching his unnatural healing abilities in action caused mixed feelings in me since while I was relieved to see him recover from his injuries, it was still a cringe-inducing sight that sent chills down my spine, especially when I felt some of the moving bones ripple under my hands so I don't think I'll ever get used to seeing something like that and the thought of how I had the same abilities also made me uncomfortable as my hands dropped from Shirou's cheeks to my lap.
"I'm so sorry, it's all my fault...I don't know what happened because when I saw all the blood, it was like I was back in that warehouse...seeing you laying on the floor with that hole in your torso..." I trailed off as I shuddered and hugged my arms while my ears folded back, then Shirou let out a soft sigh.
"Forget about it, it's quite clear that the incident is still raw so I shouldn't have pushed you this far," Shirou told me as he raised a hand to his face and rubbed it tiredly, which consequently smeared blood all over his muzzle to join my bloody handprints and his icy blue eyes shone with annoyance at that.
"So, what now? Do we go after it?" I asked quietly while I still sounded shaken up, then Shirou took a long look at our surroundings as I noticed that the fog has almost swallowed the whole place in a hazy curtain of moisture and I could already feel my fur growing damp while Shirou scowled and picked up the bloody dagger before handing it to me.
"No," Shirou grumbled as I took back the dagger and my eyes widened at that.
"Wait, what? It's in pain and will quite clearly be suffering so shouldn't we put the poor thing out of its misery?" I asked in disbelief as Shirou gathered his bow and stood up before gesturing toward the misty wisps around us.
"It's not worth it, at least not now because we have no visibility, it's just starting to drizzle, my nose full of blood, and it would become rather difficult for you to pick up its scent because of the heavy moisture in the air so tracking it would be a nightmare.
I know it sounds cruel, but the best option we have would be to look for it once the weather clears up so we should head back, but before we do, you need to wash yourself since you're covered in blood," Shirou pointed out as he helped me up before he turned around and headed towards the bush he used as a hiding place, intending to retrieve our foraging bags.
I stayed behind, staring somberly at the trees the wounded buck had disappeared into as it felt like the entire forest was staring at me, judging me for not finishing the buck the way nature had intended me to, and now there was a mortally wounded animal out there about to die a slow agonizing death, and it would've been all my fault.
I sighed and turned to walk after Shirou, the fine droplets blowing past me in a chilly gust making me shiver and for a moment, I started regretting leaving my clothes back in the den but it wasn't all that bad since my thick fur helped protect me from most of it, though the gloomy weather couldn't have fit my mood better.
With the drizzle persisting throughout the morning, Shirou and I found ourselves confined to the cave for a good while as a campfire burned outside, its position right in front of the entrance allowing a soothing cozy warmth to flow inside the den, something I found very pleasant as I quietly munched on our last roasted fish.
The way back to the den had been completely silent, my thoughts far too scattered for me to focus on having a conversation with the ancient wolfman and Shirou remained quiet to respectfully give me some space, which I appreciated while even an hour had gone by without us saying anything since we came back but the silence wasn't tense or charged with emotions, rather simply numbing like an anesthetic.
It's possible that was the forest's calming effect on me but I wasn't sure as I looked at Shirou, who was resting on his makeshift straw bed on the other side of the den and I noted that he had covered the rough material with multiple pelts, turning it into an incredibly soft comfortable mattress.
I focused on Shirou, who was still in his beast form but at least he wore pants this time and I recalled that during our first day on this mountain, he had explained that he liked to stay in his beast form and fully nude whenever he spent time here, where fully embracing his beastly side helped him reconnect with nature and the ancient practices of his native clan, which made sense to me and gave me an idea of why he wanted me to hunt while fully nude so I didn't question it further.
Still, it wasn't as if his nudity in that form bothered me all that much since Shirou was far too fluffy to expose anything inappropriate and now I was more than used to the sight after being around him in that state for a couple of days now.
As my eyes swept across his face, I couldn't help but admire the tranquility of his lupine features since back in Anima city, catching the wolfman in a truly relaxed state was a very rare occurrence as he would often stay wary and tense even in his sleep, ready to snap his eyes open and jump into action so the poor guy never allowed himself a break and I felt bad for him, having put so much weight on his shoulders for centuries so it was nice seeing him looking truly relaxed for once.
It didn't take long for me to start feeling some kind of warmth rise up in my chest and I started feeling confused about it, though it felt nice so I wasn't complaining all that much but then there was a tiny bothersome thorn of guilt that pricked my heart.
I tried my best to ignore it since it caused just enough discomfort to annoy me, like a pesky papercut but the thorn was too persistent because, over the following few minutes, it dug deeper until it was impossible to ignore as it stung with every heartbeat and the warmth in my chest did little to relieve that obnoxious sensation.
Frowning, I pushed my empty bowl away and shuffled in my spot on the cave floor before leaning against the wall, and when I gazed at the dozing wolfman again, the thorn stung harder while I could still see traces of blood staining his mane, spots Shirou had missed while we were washing the blood off in separate areas of a lake until I started feeling a hint of doubt and wondered if he secretly regretted bringing me to his most sacred place to train me.
This whole time, my PTSD has been screwing things up and making me a useless newbie for Shirou to babysit, my episodes ruining this brand-new experience for me so it almost reminded me of my first days in Anima city, back when I was scared and confused while Shirou made no effort to hide his suspicion of me and gave me the cold shoulder.
Things between us have matured and grown stronger during these past few months, despite its ups and downs, though he knew me well enough that I wasn't the type for bullshit and preferred it when people get to the point, though I wonder if I even deserved such attention from him since I still feel like a screwup, especially considering what happened earlier.
Suddenly, I started quickly running my hand through my head fur and let out a growl of frustration to cut my thoughts off, knowing that the reason why Shirou brought me to this den in the first place was to relieve me from the destructive influence of my own self-loathing and to allow that kind of negativity to take hold of me again would render Shirou's efforts a waste of time and the worst part about it is that it would be a complete disregard for his rare display of care.
I scowled at nothing in particular, recalling the time I asked Shirou about his decision to bring me to the den during our first day and wondered how he could take such a sudden break when he still had a job and responsibilities back in the city.
Much to my surprise, Shirou explained that he had spent the previous week doing extra work for both the mayor and the Horners to earn his leave so we would be fine staying on the mountain for six days, though the mayor was ready to send Kuro if an emergency came up.
The idea of him going to such an extent to provide me a few days of peace to cope with my trauma and teach me how to use my new godly abilities and silver wolf form made me speechless with awe since I never would've believed Shirou could willingly do something like that a few months ago, especially not for me of all people since I was just a mass murderer who had barged into his life with Michiru and turned it upside down.
My gaze met Shirou's sleeping form once more and I realized that he had changed a lot since it was hard to imagine how much willpower it must've taken for Shirou to lower his guard enough just to bring me to a place that's very personal to him so that couldn't have been easy for a lone wolf like him.
The warmth in my chest, which had mostly dimmed by now, sparked back to life while I felt a newfound respect for him since Shirou was a mostly closed-off individual who had put up a lot of walls, and with good reason considering his past so for him to trust me enough to see this place and learn the ancient ways of his clan shows he is starting to open up and becoming comfortable enough to share something so personal.
Maybe that was why that pesky little thorn of guilt kept bothering me since it appeared that I was taking his efforts for granted and wallowing in my own misery so instead of feeling sorry for myself, I should've returned the favor.
With that in mind, I was hoping to learn more about him so that I could find a way to return the favor but I was hesitant in waking him up since I doubt he would be happy about that, though I found myself rising to my feet and approaching Shirou anyway, who hadn't moved at all on his bed.
He was lying on his back with his hands behind his head and to most people, Shirou would seem to be in a deep sleep but I knew better because even if the forest's calming presence had made Shirou more relaxed, those ears of his were still very sensitive and alert so I quietly gulped while I sneaked up to the bed, sitting down right next to it.
The air became thick with tension as I watched for any signs of awareness from the napping wolfman, but besides one of his ears twitching slightly, there weren't any and I started feeling uncomfortable sitting this close to him and staring while he was asleep so I wondered what the hell I was doing since this would be seen as very creepy and I was most definitely in Shirou's personal space, which he wouldn't take kindly to.
I was pushing my luck on this one and knew that I had to move back before he woke up and got defensive at the sight of me being too close so I started to carefully scooch back and tried not to make any noise, but unfortunately, my knee slightly brushed against Shirou's arm.
I froze with my eyes widening in alarm as Shirou's body stiffened up immediately, which told me that he was now very much awake even though his eyes hadn't opened yet so I stayed absolutely still as he let out a quiet groggy sound.
"Doug, what do you think you're doing?" Shirou questioned in a low rumbling voice while still not opening his eyes, though his peaceful emotionless expression could very well be mistaken for someone who's still lost in dreamland.
"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you," I muttered as I looked away and avoided eye contact.
"It's fine, now what do you need?" Shirou asked and I sighed.
"Well, I kinda wanted to talk but you were asleep and I didn't want to bother you so you don't mind, right?" I inquired as I felt bashful and shyly rubbed my arm when I looked back at Shirou.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw his steely blue eyes looking into mine and their intensity bore right into me, leaving nothing untouched or unturned as they searched for something in the depths of my blue orbs while time seemed to freeze as both of us stayed perfectly still, locked into an unyielding staring contest that rendered us oblivious to the rest of the world until Shirou sighed.
"No, so what did you want to talk about?" Shirou inquired.
"Um, could you tell me more about the paintings?" I asked with a look of genuine intrigue and Shirou immediately let out a low groan.
"I wondered when you'd bring them up," Shirou grumbled, bringing a hand up to rub his brow tiredly.
"I wanted to, but many of them look really personal so I decided to wait for the right moment," I admitted with a sheepish smile and Shirou peered at my face under his palm with careful suspicious eyes, studying me cautiously and I didn't blame him since centuries of bad experiences with other humans had probably caused him to develop a habit of searching for any clues to my intentions with that kind of knowledge as he stared into my eyes for what seemed like an eternity until he sighed.
"Fine," Shirou said reluctantly with a frown.
The response made me relax since I was expecting him to tell me no, but the fact that he was comfortable enough to trust me with knowing such personal history caused me to smile slightly as I looked around the den and my mind buzzed with a myriad of questions while I inspected each mural, the mild daylight seeping into the den serving to make the deep shades of red composing the drawings to stand out and add a somewhat sinister look to the imagery.
"Shirou...you made all of these with blood, didn't you? I can smell it," I pointed out and Shirou nodded, making me ask him, "Why?"
"It's animal blood, which stains rock really well and lasts for thousands of years so it's way easier to use the blood from game than mixing pigments from the forest," Shirou answered casually.
"I guess, but it kinda gives it a sinister look if I have to be honest," I admitted while staring at the wolf beastman strangely and he snorted in amusement.
"It's only blood and it could be much worse since some primitive methods to make paint included mixing animal dung with the pigments," Shirou commented, and I made a face at that.
"Actually, how old are these paintings? Some of these look so...ancient," I questioned and Shirou scoffed lightly.
"Oh, not that old since most were made within the last two to three decades and I think the oldest was made around sixty years ago," Shirou clarified and my eyes widened at that.
"Wait, you've been on this island for that long?" I asked with a look of surprise and Shirou nodded until an odd distant look glimmered in his eyes.
"Anima city didn't simply materialize out of nowhere because before its foundation, the mayor and I had already been using this place to shelter beastmen for decades...this used to be an island prison long ago where humans dumped convicts here as a quick solution for their social issues until a riot reduced the prison to shambles.
After that, the island remained abandoned for decades, serving as a hotspot for all sorts of illegal activities you can imagine and by the time Barbara and I arrived here, there were already many beastmen living on the island, either hiding away from humans or being sold in slave markets," Shirou explained and I started looking repulsed upon hearing that last part since I could only imagine what he felt at the time, witnessing such cruelty and injustice.
"Jesus, so what did you do?" I asked, then Shirou started holding an expression of distaste.
"The first thing I did was get rid of all the human trash, then we freed the enslaved beastmen and formed a community for them, hidden deep in the woods...over the years, Barbara pursued a career in beastmen genetics and slowly built a reputation among humans.
It took a long time for her to garner enough political influence to convince the mainland's government to cease hold of the island and hand the ownership over to us but if I had to be honest, I think they only agreed to it because they were fed up with all the homeless beastmen cluttering the streets on the mainland.
Basically, dumping them here was just an easy solution like the humans did to their prisoners decades ago so, in their eyes, we're nothing but garbage to be disposed of," Shirou replied as his tone took on a bitter and cynical edge to it.
Feeling completely stunned and shocked by what I just heard, I thought back to the painting that welcomed us back in the tunnel as it was a depiction of the island prior to Anima city's foundation, showing a place mostly untouched by society and overrun by nature so who would guess that such a beautiful place would hide such a dark past and present as well.
I shifted a little and scooted over to the mattress before tapping Shirou's shoulder in a silent request to move, then he complied and after some shuffling, sat next to me with our backs resting against the wall.
"Be honest with me, are you happy with how Anima city turned out?" I pondered once we had settled in a comfortable position, and if Shirou was taken off guard by the question, he didn't show it.
"Good question and I know I shouldn't, but...deep down inside, I will always compare it to Nirvasyl for better or worse...it will never be a perfect city but I guess it doesn't need to be because as long as the beastmen have a safe place to call home, I can take care of the rest," Shirou replied slowly, his eyes again becoming distant and somber so I could tell that he was chasing distant memories.
"That sounds good to me," I stated and pointed toward a large painting on the opposite wall, the painting being one of several depictions of an elegant busy city with many beastmen wearing toga-like garbs.
"Is that Nirvasyl?" I asked and I noticed Shirou stiffening slightly until he let out a sigh.
"Yes..." Shirou trailed off quietly and I hummed in thought as I rose to my feet and walked toward the image in question, taking my time in observing each little detail and admiring the beauty of the rough strokes that shaped such an intricate scenery.
"It's beautiful...are all these drawings your memories?" I breathed out, and I noticed the wolfman quietly approaching me while looking visibly tense.
"Mostly, yes...it's difficult to hold onto memories when you live for so long, which is why they are easier to grasp if I draw them down," Shirou answered in a flat voice and I paused at that.
Hearing him say that reminded me that I would outlive any friends or family who aren't immortal, such as Michiru, the Horners, the mayor, Yuki, my aunt and uncle, and my cousin while the worse part is that I might start to struggle to remember them until I eventually forget them entirely after living for so long, which scared me more than anything because I didn't want to forget those I care about.
That's why I wanted to ask him what it would be like to live that long, what it's like to be immortal and how to cope with such an endless lonely existence but I hesitated and gulped since I had no idea if asking such a thing would be out of line.
"So...um...I know that I'm immortal and that I won't age now but...can I ask...what it's like? Having to endure that, I mean...I'm still trying to grasp that I'm going to live for literal centuries," I admitted and there was a long pause as Shirou's eyes widened when he looked away and glanced at another painting that depicted a starry night, not answering for a long while and my ears lowered.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have asked so it's okay if you don't want to talk about it," I said with a look of regret, causing Shirou to quickly look at me and his eyes softened until he let out a heavy sigh and crossed his arm.
"It's...lonesome, always outliving those around me while time and memories have long lost all meaning...many would call it a curse," Shirou replied quietly and hearing that pretty much confirmed that I will be living such a lonely existence, never aging and never dying while watching everyone I knew being taken by the sands of time and eventually struggling to remember them until forgetting altogether.
"Would you?" I questioned with a look of sympathy.
"I've been asking myself that for over a thousand years and have yet to come to some kind of answer so don't get me wrong, I'm proud of my duty as the protector of beastmen but it's not an easy path since it required countless sacrifices," Shirou admitted somberly as his gaze wandered to a painting behind me and hardened into an icy pained stare, making me look back and I grimaced when I realized what he was referring to.
"You said you drew your memories to remember them, but why draw...this? Aren't these memories you would rather forget?" I questioned as I gestured at all the murals depicting Nirvasyl's destruction and Shirou scowled.
"No, just because a memory is unpleasant, doesn't mean it should be forgotten since that would be disrespectful to all the innocents whose deaths gave me new life that day and besides...after living for so long, it's easy to lose track of my purpose.
Painful or not, sometimes I need this reminder," Shirou said in a sharp stoic tone, and as grim as his words sounded, I saw the wisdom in them so I couldn't help but respect his ability to face such horrific traumatic events head-on, which made me wonder if I will be able to do the same one day.
"How about Nirvasyl? What was it like?" I asked after a little pause and Shirou started looking thoughtful, pressing his lips in a straight line and I knew that he was searching for the right words to describe the long-gone city.
"It was a stunning place, had never seen anything like it at the time with so many different beastmen races in one place and it was a major destination for traders, too. My clan originally intended to stay in Nirvasyl for a short while but we found such great opportunities as merchants that we ended up settling there permanently," Shirou spoke quietly and I tried to picture what it must've been like back then.
"Barbara said human traders visited Nirvasyl too, right?" I questioned and Shirou nodded, prompting me to ask, "Did you ever meet any?"
"A few, Nirvasyl had alliances with many human kingdoms and they were usually nice enough while some were very reserved and intimidated by beastmen, then there were others who were way too excited about our...exotic looks," Shirou explained, rolling his eyes at the last part.
The mental image of a young Shirou standing around and looking awkward while being surrounded by a bunch of curious humans poking him in awe made me snicker, and even though this was a heavy topic for Shirou, it was nice to be able to have this conversation with him since I had always been curious about learning more about him the entire time we've worked together, but I was always hesitant at the fear of touching upsetting subjects.
I took another look at the detailed mural depicting a lively untouched Nirvasyl as its inhabitants came in all shapes and sizes, hares, deer, sheep, foxes, birds, and more as all of them engaged in an array of different interactions that varied from negotiating merchants to children in the middle of some ball game, helping me picture the city in perfect detail.
"Man, I wish I could've been there to see it for myself," I breathed out after a while.
"Don't," Shirou said sharply, catching me completely off guard and I quickly looked at Shirou, only for his eyes to meet mine in an intense stare ladened with nothing but pain.
"If you were there and hadn't been immortal, then you would've met the same fate as my clan so you're fine right where you are, Doug," Shirou stated while his eyes flicked back to the wall and I followed his gaze to see that he was looking at the mural of Nirvasyl's horrifying massacre.
I was at a loss for words after hearing that and I felt a new flame spark to life deep in my chest, nurtured by a myriad of emotions currently fighting for dominance within my mind until I felt flustered and sent Shirou a thankful, sheepish smile.
"That...might be the nicest thing you've ever told me, Shirou," I pointed out and couldn't help but smirk as I noticed his ear tips reddening until he folded them back with a light grumble and looked away.
"Don't get too used to it," Shirou muttered and I chuckled as I stepped forward and rested a hand on his shoulder, making him stiff up from my touch as he became rigid as a wooden board with both arms firmly pressed to his sides as his eyes widened from what I was doing.
"I won't, that's what makes it even more special," I replied and it took a while until Shirou had relaxed with a deep defeated sigh.
"You're welcome..." Shirou grumbled and I removed my hand from his shoulder before I found myself walking over to the entrance so that I could watch the sights for a while.
A/N Well guys, looks like something is starting to develop between Shirou and Doug so only time will tell if it'll grow into something more but either way, let me know what you think and stay tuned.