2.
Olivia walked into her apartment and locked the door behind her. She ran her left hand over her face and went to assess the damage to the bathroom mirror.
There was glass in the sink and on the floor. She started carefully picking up the larger pieces and throwing them into the waste paper basket. She then grabbed a small broom and swept up the floor. When all the pieces of the broken mirror were in the garbage she set out to remove the mirror from the wall. She wanted all evidence gone so that in the morning she could just go to work.
After everything in the bathroom was back to normal, minus a mirror, she climbed into bed and turned herself over to a restless sleep.
&&&
Olivia stopped outside of the 1-6 precinct, took a deep breath and plastered a smile on her face. She easily strode into the room and placed her coat on the back of her chair. Elliot was at his desk already working and looked up to offer a smile. She grabbed a coffee cup off her desk and glided over to the coffee machines and poured herself a cup. Munch and Fin came into the precinct chatting away about what makes the perfect Saturday night.
"Hey Olivia, everything okay, heard you got yourself quite the battle scar."
"Yeah right Fin, I got into a fight with the coffee pot. Swung around too fast and backhanded it into the sink, luckily it was not hot. All that to answer the phone for it to be a telemarketer."
"Well you know those telemarketers are all part of a conspiracy…"
"Oh be quiet Munch."
"I'm serious Elliot."
"Okay guys we got a hot one, a body was found in the park, the uniforms noticed a condom wrapper and missing clothes he had us called." Cragen came into the bullpen and handed Elliot the file.
"Elliot, Olivia you two head down to the park and see the scene. Munch Fin he have an ID already, a Missy Kline, why don't you go check for an address and look at the neighbors."
Cragen went back into his office and shut the door. Elliot and Olivia headed out to the car. Munch and Fin started on finding out information about the victim.
&&&
Elliot and Olivia moved under the police line flashing their badges.
"What do we have?" Olivia asked the ME on the scene.
"Young female, strangulation. Missing panties. There is a condom wrapper, no condom. Won't find fluids but if the guy didn't use gloves we'll have finger prints. First guess at time of death about 6 hours ago."
"Thank you. El why don't we look to see if we can find anything else around here for evidence. Then we'll head back to see what Munch and Fin have found before hitting the morgue."
&&&
/2 days later/
Elliot stormed out of the interrogation room.
"The scum lied to us he was there he did know. Damn it. Do we have the boyfriend Casey."
"We have him. There is enough evidence and if I put him on the stand the jury should see right through him. He all but came out and said he did it. His prints are at the scene and on the body. He has no way out."
"Good." Elliot left in search of his partner who had disappeared a couple hours before.
On his way back to the bullpen he glanced at his watch. He didn't realize how late in was, he spent all evening with the suspect. It was now ten o'clock.
He found Olivia at her desk, eyes glazed over.
"We got him Liv. Casey thinks that it's a solid case. Should be no problems…. Liv are you alright."
"Hmm, what yeah El I'm fine. Just haven't been sleeping well."
"When was the last time you actually tired to sleep?"
"Um, well, three days ago."
"Liv either go home or hit the crash room. You'll be no good unless you get some sleep."
"Yeah, I just want to finish this up. Why don't you go home to Kathy and the kids."
"Alright, but I want to see you rested for the morning."
"Okay."
Elliot grabbed his coat and yawned. This was the earliest he was to get home in weeks. He left after waving goodbye to Olivia.
After another 2 hours of mindless staring at the file on her desk Olivia got up and dragged herself to her locker. She grabbed a pair of black sweats and a dark gray hoodie and went to the bathroom. She was too tired to head home so she just changed quick and flopped on the cot in the crash room.
A dream filled sleep soon over took her, she just wished they could have been pleasant.
XXXXX
The vacant eyes of ADA Alex Cabot looked up form the concrete walk. Flames billowing from the explosion in the background. She heard the cries of Elliot and her own voice calling to her to hold on everything was fine, the sirens that filled the void….
Her heart sank when the realization that Alex was dead hit her. Nothing could fill it, not even the half a bottle of scotch that she used to drown 3 bottles of beer. She always knew not to mix, but she also never knew pain like loosing your best friend….
Her heart leaped when she saw the blonde was alive. But no, she had to go, how long. No, can't be forever. 'Who else can I confide in, who else will bicker with me when I know she is right we don't have enough. I went to the funeral. It hurt more knowing my friend was alive then believing she was dead.'
She was 13 years old. Her mother was out again… the sounds of fighting on the street woke her up. Her mother came into the apartment. Knocking over things as she staggered through the house. 'Maybe if I wasn't me she wouldn't be like this.' The mantra that flowed through her head every time her mom home. Feeling the rage inside herself she tossed and turned around in her bed. In the morning as soon as it was light she would go. Again trying to runaway, but never succeeding. Even though her mother never blamed Olivia for it, she knew, she just knew if she was not a rapists daughter her mother would stop drinking. When she drank her eyes never said love. They looked at her with sadness and fear. Tomorrow Olivia would run, but she wouldn't get far, because tomorrow mom would be okay and pancakes would be for breakfast, it was Sunday, mom was okay on Sundays.
The young child looked at Olivia with fear in his eyes. He wanted so much for help. He reached out for her. She gathered him in her arms and brought him out of the warehouse, removing the tape from his hands.
The victims flashed before her eyes. It was all a blur the motion making her nauseous.
It ended abruptly then herself walked toward her. 'Like father, like daughter.' She spit out.
Another flash flew before her. A club. The music pounding. It was college.
The sounds were too much. Memories ran together. She saw herself more, why couldn't she stop herself. She remembered the night crashing down on her. She approached the girl in her dreams, she was drunk, the girl was not. Olivia grabbed her waist and whispered in her ear. The girl turned around and pushed Olivia away. Something inside Olivia snapped. She stared at the girl, then quickly exited and threw up on the lawn outside. She WOULD NOT BE HER FATHER. NO. She never told anyone about that night, she had tried to forget. No one knew what went through her head that night. Nothing, emotions never came that out of control since then either.
XXXXXXXShe was crying now curled up in a ball sobbing in the crash room she thrashed around for a while and fell out of bed, never waking just continued crying.
&&&
Captain Cragen opened the door to the SVU. He noticed Olivia's jacket and knew that she must be in the crash room. He was glad that she was getting some rest. She had been looking worse for wear lately. He started coffee and was walking back toward his office when he heard a thump from the crash room.
He ran up to the room and hesitated momentarily at the sight he saw.
Olivia, sweats clad, curled up in the fetal position on the floor. Sobbing. She appeared to still be asleep. He approached her carefully and placed a fatherly hand on her back trying to wake her gently. She awoke with a start. The hardness of the floor brought her to a seated position. She pulled her knees to her chest and relaxed her forehead on them. Never making eye contact with her captain.
"Do we have a case Captain?" Olivia asked, her face still hidden, the sobs still apparent in her voice.
"No, no I was just making sure you were alright. I heard a noise. We whouldn't need you for a few more hours. Why don't you try to get some more sleep Olivia if we really need you we will come up and get you."
"Okay Cap.' Olivia said into her knees. Slightly relieved that she didn't have to go downstairs and face her fellow detectives.
Cragen turned to leave giving a worried yet sympathetic glance to his detective. He should have seen it coming. She is his best detective, he will do anything to help her and keep her. The victims of the SVU needed her. She was so passionate. He exited then leaving Olivia in the crash room. He flipped the sign on the handle to 'don't disturb' so that she could get some rest with out any of the other detectives in the unit barging in.
Elliot had entered with Fin and Munch while the Captain was in the crash room with Olivia. He told them that she would be resting for the morning and only to disturb her if necessary. They all nodded each glancing worriedly at the door. Elliot pondered checking on her but decided that it would be best to let her sleep uninterrupted.
Cragen came out of his office a few minutes later.
"Okay guys, Munch Fin we need you two down at this address we have a possible rape. Elliot the FBI called and they want to talk to you about a case from a few years back. They sad something about running details by you. They wanted Olivia too but I told them I could only spare you. They said fine, they want to see you now.
The bullpen was vacant of detectives. Cragen started toward his office again when another person entered the room. It was Dr. George Huang.
"Hello Don. I was just coming by to see how that last case we worked on came out." He said as he set his bag and coat on Olivia's desk.
"Everything worked out great. The guy got 5 years at Rikers. How were the conferences in DC?"
"They were okay but I'm glad to be back though. Everyone out working a case/" He surveyed the quiet room.
"Yeah, except olivia she is up in the crash room. I told her to get some more rest. I found her up there this morning quite a wrek."
"Is everything okay?"
"I don't know. I'm worried about her. She has been distant since the assult case in her building."
"How about I go up and check on her?"
"Alright."
Huang walked up to the crash room and gently opened the door. Olivia was still seated on the floor. The cot had been tousled, sheet, blanket, and pillows all on the floor.
"Olivia." He softly spoke her name.
She lifted her head to confirm who it was. She dropped her head back to her knees and groaned.
"Did Cragen send you?"
"No I stopped by and he said you were up here. How's it going?"
"Okay I guess."
"How about you sit at the table with me and have a cup of coffee with me, you look like you could use it."
"I'm not falling for it George."
"I just wanted to have coffee with a friend Olivia."
"Fine." She started to rise from the floor.
George disappeared and returned a moment later with two hot mugs of coffee and his bag. He placed one in front of Olivia who was seated on one side of the table and sat down across from her with his own mug.
They sat for a few minutes in silence.
"So, what happened to your hand?" He nodded toward the bandaged right hand of the tired detective.
"Got into a fight with an empty coffee pot." She added a laugh for effect.
"You have to be careful of those things they like to jump at you," he saw right through it.
"Yup." She took a sip of hot coffee it burned its way down.
"Did you sleep well last night?"
"No."
"How come?"
"Too much on my mind."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No" another sip, a larger one, more burn.
"Any interesting cases while I was gone?"
"No" She brought the cup to her mouth, but didn't drink. The acid churned in her stomach. She set the cup down a different kind of burn filled her esophagus. She suppressed it with a few hard swallows.
"Are you okay Olivia?" He noticed the action.
"Yeah just my lifestyle catching up to me." She glanced into the mug.
"So how have you been feeling lately, I haven't gotten to talk to you in a while."
She bit, she gave in. Tears sprung to her eyes as she looked up to the compassionate yet professional eyes of her friend. She looked into the mug , for strength perhaps. She looked up again a single tear ran down her cheek, she didn't bother to wipe it away.
"Not so good George." She finally spoke and placed her head down on the table and cried.
He took a moment to gather his words and let Olivia relax. HE got up and walked to the corner of the room and took out his phone to call his office.
"Hi, its George could you clear the rest of my morning. I've got an emergency at SVU…. Thanks."
He shut his phone and sat back at the table.
"What's been going on Olivia?"
She told him about the dream she had last night, best to start at the most recent event, if she was going to do this. She left out the part about Alex actually being alive, even though that held most of her agony.
"We will always find times when we grieve for our lost friends even years later, It's natural. You don't have to worry." He looked at Olivia in the eye before continuing.
"You are NOT your father."
"But, I felt it. Like I could have hurt her if I didn't' leave. My emotions get out of check sometimes. It has never been that bad though."
"But you were intoxicated, and you were able to walk away, I commend you for that, it takes strength. You're not your father. And your mother loved you. She would not have kept one day special for you. She would not have let you grow into the intelligent, beautiful, compassionate woman you are today if she didn't. She drank. Yes. Because of the rape. Maybe. But I am sure you were the one think that made her life okay. Maybe the fear in her eyes was not a case of who you are but because of who you thought she was. Also about the victims, if you ever stop caring then you have stopped living because that is who Olivia Benson is. You care so much about the victims. Justice has been given to them and peace shown them because of your passion for the job. SVU is lucky to have a detective like you." George smiled at her.
She took a deep breath and fidgeted with her bandage. She couldn't wait to get it off; a few days more.
"Do you want to tell me what really happened with your hand?"
"I…I punched my bathroom mirror." Olivia said sheepishly a blush rising in her cheeks.
"Why?"
"I couldn't look at myself in it I was disgusted with the rage coursing through me."
"So you really were attacking yourself?"
"I guess so."
"What happened after you punched the mirror?"
"I went to the hospital because I knew I would need stitches. I felt sick, because of what I had done and because I had just worked out and took a hot shower with out drinking anything. The doctor told me her name and I threw up and kept getting sick."
"What was the doctor's name?"
Olivia looked George in the eyes before continuing.
"Vikey Velez, no relation to Alex's Velez."
"Hmm, well I guess I know how that made you feel." George smiled a little.
"Yeah" Olivia smiled for the first time in weeks a real smile it was short lived though she was tired still.
"Thank you George, I'm glad I talked."
"Any time Olivia, look here are some sleeping pills, enough for one sleep if you want them. Get a good rest and maybe take some time off. You're stressed. If you need to talk again just find me."
'Thank you." She took the pills from George and put them into her pocket. And followed him out of the crash room.
The bullpen was a flurry of activity. Elliot had returned and was talking to Cragen in hushed tones…until
"What, You Knew? That's what they wanted?"
"I couldn't say anything Cap."
"Did Olivia know too?"
"Did I know what?"
"Liv maybe you should sit down. How are you feeling?"
"Don't change the subject El. Did I know what?"
George waited unsure of what the exchange would do for the fragile detective.
"Liv I was over at the FBI today, they called for us but only Cap would let me go."
"Okay what about it. Did they find that missing girl or something," she asked with a laugh. Referring to a case from her first year, it came back to haunt her every now and then. The case was closed basically. The parents had backed off a couple years ago.
"No Liv. It's Alex… she is coming home, they finally got everything cleaned up and put away. The threat is gone."
She couldn't speak.
"When?" she found her voice.
"Day after tomorrow. She actually knew a few days ago. They wouldn't let her contact anyone until they were 110 sure that it was taken care of."
"Have you talked with her?"
"No, but the agents said she wanted to see us as soon as she returned. You especially."
"Jesus, I can't believe it."
George stood there in shock for a moment. He couldn't believe that Cabot was still alive. He looked to see how Olivia was doing. This explained so much of the pain that was lingering in her account of her dreams, she knew. The pain wasn't because she was dead, it was because she was taken from us and still alive, but she couldn't talk about it.
"Olivia…" Cragen started.
"Cap," Olivia interrupted him, "I'm gonna need a few days off," she glanced at Huang, "Doc's orders."
George nodded his agreement.
"Of course" Cragen nodded. "We got you covered, You're all set for a few days. And your paper work is caught up to boot so don't worry about anything. I want my best detective back inaction happy and healthy." He smiled at her.
"Elliot could have a ride I'm not in the mood for a cab." She put on her coat.
"Sure," Elliot glanced at the Cap. who gave him a nod.
"Why don't you bring back lunch we have to fill in Novak," Cragen winked.
"Sure thing"
Elliot and Olivia left the precinct and headed out into the afternoon sun.