Disclaimer: The characters, settings, etc. of the Harry Potter series are not mine. I just play with them.

Of Love and Livelihood

Part Five

There was no dancing around the matter: Ginny Malfoy had nice breasts. Severus had first noticed this on the day of her wedding when she'd worn a virginal white wedding gown that displayed enough cleavage to ensure the people sitting at the back during the ceremony would not miss out. And he noticed, once again, how lovely her chest was as she leant forward before him in her low cut blouse to inspect his eyebrows.

"Well," she said, as Javier stood beside her and Draco sat a few feet away on a loveseat. "Take down that they could do with a bit of shaping, Javier. Nothing too womanly, but they could certainly be a bit cleaner."

"Now," said Ginny as she straightened up and took a step closer to him before tangling her hands in his hair. Severus decided this was turning out to be one of the more pleasant inspections of his appearance he'd ever undergone. Not that his appearance had been inspected that many times before, but it had happened. "About this hair, Severus…"

"Yes?" he replied, forcing his gaze to move from her chest to meet her eyes. Goodness, was the girl actually massaging his scalp? Not that he minded it very much but Draco was right bloody there. And even Javier was around, but he supposed that he was the type who wouldn't mind watching.

She ceased her movements and smiled down at him. "Something must be done. Something along the lines of a very strong shampoo, one that will leech the moisture from your hair."

"Leech?" Severus echoed.

"Yes," Ginny replied. "If you hadn't noticed, you have a slight excess of it, sir."

"Slight?" Javier said with a snort. Severus glowered at him, and the man had the good grace to look at least slightly abashed.

"And, this hair needs a trim," Ginny said, ignoring Javier's outburst. "Write that down, Javier. Just a slight one, Severus, no need to look so petrified. You have some split ends, and Hermione was never really attracted to men whose hair rivaled my father-in-law's in length."

"May he rest in peace," Draco spouted from his spot of the couch.

"Amen," Ginny said in a distracted tone as she took a step back. "Now. The robes."

Severus narrowed his eyes as he glowered up at her. "No, Miss Weasley. There will be no adjustments made on my robes."

"Severus," she sighed, rolling her eyes as she placed her hands on her hips. "There will most certainly be an adjustment. We're going to purchase something that makes you like less of a priest and like more of a bachelor."

Severus sputtered. "A priest?!"

"Yes, you know," Javier said brightly, "a Muggle religious official."

He glared at the young man. "Yes, thank you, Javier. I know exactly what they are and I do not dress like one."

"Of course you don't," said Ginny as she took another step backwards to look him over. "Navy, Javier. Maybe a nice dark green set, too."

"Oh! And let's get him a nice suit to wear for Christmas," Javier said as he scribbled down notes on his paper. "A nice, simple black one would look incredible on Severus. And Muggle suits are just so hot right now."

"I do not want to be hot," Severus said, loudly, "not right now. Not ever." They made no indication of having heard him. "Miss Weasley? Javier? Do either of you care what I think about this?"

Ginny smiled at him. "Not particularly, no. We aren't doing this for you, Severus, though you will probably find you'll benefit in the long run. This is all for Hermione; it's her opinion that we're really trying to consider."

"I am not a doll that can be dressed and altered to suit Miss Granger's whims and fancies," Severus grumbled. "The damned girl likes me for who I am and likes me as I am. That's how I ended up in this predicament to begin with."

Draco snorted. "My, you are a stupid bastard."

"Draco!" Ginny exclaimed. "Don't be rude to your godfather."

Draco rolled his eyes. "I would have thought that you'd been smarter than that, Severus. It's how they reel you in, you know. Telling you that you're perfect just the way you are and that they love you for you. And then, after a month or so into the marriage, they start with their suggestions. They start pointing out that meals would be so much more pleasant if you chewed your salad three more times before swallowing, that sex would be simply marvelous if you could stop cursing during it, and that your expenses could be cut in half if you simply bought three silk shirts instead of six, even though you need all six of the damn shirts."

Ginny glanced over her shoulder quickly at her husband before turning her attention back to Severus. "Unmoved, sir. I am very much unmoved." She reached out to brush something from Severus's shoulder. "Anyway, you didn't need the six silk shirts. Especially since you had three to begin with."

Severus could easily see how terribly miffed Draco was. "Well, I need nine shirts, Ginny! What do you know about my laundry?!"

Sighing, she turned around completely to face her husband. "I know, Draco Malfoy, that your house elves do your wash every other day and that you always have a silk shirt clean and at the ready. Which leads me to believe that, in reality, you only need two silk shirts. Not six, not nine, but two."

"Well!" exclaimed Draco. "Well!"

"Well, let's focus, shall we?" Javier interjected. "Now, about Severus."

"Yes," said Ginny. "Floo André, Javier, and we'll all apparate to London in time for Severus's appointment. Oh, and see if you can't schedule a private session with Madam Malkin, while you're at it."

"Oh, Madam Malkin?" Javier echoed as he wrinkled his nose in distaste. "Peterson, Peterson, and Jones' is really the men's clothing store nowadays."

"I still shop at Madam Malkin's," Draco groused.

"Excellent," Ginny said, seeming to ignore her husband. "Schedule him a private session with them, then."

"Certainly!" exclaimed Javier. "With André in half an hour's time, perhaps?"

"Perfect," Ginny replied, nodding her head.

"Half an hour?" Severus echoed. "We're doing all this today?"

"Yes, Severus. We are. And," Ginny said as she glanced down at her watch, "considering we only have a few hours to get everything done, we'd best get started straight away!"

-----

A man called André was dressed like a Muggle, running his hands through Severus's hair, and making goofy faces at him in the large mirror that stood before them. Severus could not decide which specific aspect of the situation was the most disturbing. Thus, he decided to endeavor to focus on the horror of the experience as a whole.

"So," André began, "do we want to do something hip and fashionable? Or will we be keeping this horridly outdated pureblood 'do?"

"Where on earth do you come from?" Severus asked, frowning at the hairdresser in the mirror.

"Alabama," André said wistfully, managing to make it sound almost exotic. He smiled prettily, eliciting a brilliant grin from Javier, who sat on Severus's right, in response. "But enough about me! More about you, Cerberus!"

"Oh, er," Javier said, looking quickly from André's grinning face to Severus's glowering one, "it's Severus, André. Sev-er-us."

André nodded, his eyes widening slightly. "Oh, right. Right, of course. So, what's the plan, boys?"

"Well," said Javier, still watching Severus closely. "Just a trim, really. Severus likes his hair long, but his girlfriend thinks it's getting to be a bit out of hand."

"Excellent!" André exclaimed. "I know just the thing!"

Severus sat perfectly still as André turned the chair in which he was seated quickly around so that he faced the hairdresser. Severus watched as André lifted his wand, muttered something softly before finally tapping it on his head three times. Severus heard the distant sound of his hair falling to the floor.

But something wasn't quite right. Instead of the slight lightening of weight on his head that usually came when his hair was trimmed by this method, Severus felt there was a dramatic reduction.

"All right," André said as he spun the chair back around so that Severus could look into the mirror.

And when he did, he nearly screamed. Instead, he chose to calmly run a hand over his now smooth head before turning his most frightening glare on his very pleased looking hairdresser. "Where. Is. My. Hair."

"Patience, patience," André clucked. "Now," he said placing his wand on top of Severus's head, "tell me when to stop, Javier."

Severus watched as, with two taps of the wand and another utterance, his hair began to grow back onto his head. It grew and grew until it rested just past his chin and Javier yelled for André to stop.

"Yes," said André, nodding once he pulled his wand away. "That is a flattering length. Now just a few more charms and you'll be done!"

Severus waited patiently as André waved his wand over his head a few times, muttering different charms he could barely discern. When he was done, Severus saw that his hair did look a great deal less lank and greasy, and maybe even looked rather nice.

"Perfect!" Javier and André exclaimed simultaneously.

"Now," said André as he took two bottles from the counter before them and pushed them into Severus's hands. "Use the green bottle four nights a week and the blue bottle every other night to keep your hair oil free."

Severus thanked the man as he paid him and within seconds he was being ushered by Javier out of the building and into the street.

"On to Peterson, Peterson, and Jones!" he exclaimed as he dragged Severus by the arm down the street.

-----

Standing on the step stool while little, old Mr. John Peterson took his measurements and young Mr. James Peterson and Mr. Jones held up bits of fabric and discussed them with Javier and Ginny, Severus was afforded the perfect opportunity to stare into the mirror and inspect his new hair.

It certainly hadn't been this short in a very long time. In fact, he'd kept his hair long enough to rest on his shoulders since his seventh year at Hogwarts. He turned his head slightly to look at the hair from a different angle. It wasn't a bad length, and one of the charms Andre had used apparently had given his hair some body by cutting what appeared to be layers. Severus knew what layers were because every time a stylist cut them in Hermione's hair she'd rant and rave for days.

"Oh goodness!" a feminine voice squeaked from somewhere just beyond the doorway that lead to the back room, interrupting Severus's thoughts. "Oh goodness! Sir! What an honor it is to have you in our establishment! Would you liked to be fitted for some new robes, sir? Perhaps you'd like to meet the proprietors? Just come this way, sir. Come this way!"

Severus and the other people in the room all turned their attention to the door as the stout little clerk scurried into the room. "Mr. John!" she exclaimed, her cheeks flushed and her eyes bright. "We have another customer!" She stepped aside with a flourish as if presenting something spectacular, and into the room strode a very smug-looking Potter.

Mr. John looked up slowly from where he was measuring Severus's inseam, and Severus was very pleased to see that he, at least, looked very unimpressed by the sudden appearance of the Savior of the Wizarding World. He grunted once to acknowledge Potter's presence before turning back to his work.

Mr. James and Mr. Jones were not quite as unenthusiastic. "Mr. Potter!" they exclaimed simultaneously. "What can we do for you, sir?" Mr. James continued, his excitement, in Severus's opinion, quite excessive.

"Oh," said Potter, grinning at the man, "I've just come to see how Professor Snape was getting along and to visit with my friends."

"Oh," said Mr. James, his disappointment obvious in both his expression and his voice. "Oh, I see."

"Yes," said Potter, as he turned his attention to where Severus stood being measured. "I like the hair, Snape. You look a great deal less greasy."

"But still a git!" Javier said in a sing-song voice, and merely grinned impertinently at Severus when he turned a death glower on the young man.

"Of course," said Mr. James distractedly, continuing to look rather put out at the loss of Potter as a customer, "Are you quite done yet, father?"

Mr. John grunted and stepped away from Severus, handing his son the piece of parchment on which Severus's measurements had been recorded. "Fantastic," said Mr. James, as he took the paper from his father and looked down at it. "Well, Jones and I will go make these clothes for you. We'll be just a minute."

The group watched as Jones and James flounced out of the back room, discussing their work. Severus heard Mr. John give a great sigh before beginning to amble slowly towards the door.

"Thank you very much for your assistance, Mr. Peterson," Severus called after him. "I appreciate it."

The tiny old man lifted one hand in response, giving another grunt, but not bothering to look at Severus as he continued his trek to the doorway and through it to the front of the store.

Turning back to his companions, Severus smiled a little. "I like him."

Javier seated himself in one of the room's chairs, and Potter and Ginny took the seats beside Javier's. Leaning back in his seat, Javier grinned up at Severus and said, "You would."

Severus raised an eyebrow as he gazed, but said nothing. It was then that Potter began to chuckle, causing Snape to raise his other eyebrow in response. "Something amusing you, Potter?"

"Well," he said, "I was just thinking that clothes truly don't make the man."

"Oh come on, Harry!" Javier exclaimed. "Snape is looking fabulous and he is going to be fabulous and when he proposes it will all be fabulous!"

"Right," said Potter, "fabulous. But no matter how fabulous he is, he'll still be Snape."

"You say it like it's a bad thing," Ginny said smiling at Severus who made no effort to hide the menacing scowl he directed towards Potter.

Potter merely shrugged, but was prevented from vocalizing a response by the return of Messrs. James Peterson and Jones who came bearing navy robes, green robes, and one very sharp looking black Muggle suit.

-----

Severus wore the Muggle suit to tea the following afternoon. He had prepared himself for various reactions to his change in dress, but he certainly had not expected Minerva to laugh at him.

"What?" Severus said after three minutes of listening to Minerva cackle. "What is it?"

"Nothing," she replied, shaking her head and wiping at the tears in her eyes. "Oh, nothing, Severus. It's just you look so much like a Muggle!"

Severus narrowed his eyes. "And?"

"And it suits you!" Minerva replied, giggling. "The pun was unintended, of course. But you do look quite dashing, Severus. I think Hermione will be quite pleased with the change."

Severus couldn't help but glow a little at this. "Do you really think so?"

Minerva peered over the top of her glasses at him. "Would I say it if I didn't mean it?"

"No," he replied, shaking his head. "You wouldn't."

"Well then," said Minerva, "there you are." She paused to top off his tea cup and offer him another biscuit. "So when do you plan on actually proposing? This evening?"

"Oh," Severus said, "erm, I was considering asking around Valentine's day."

Minerva raised her eyes to meet his and blinked twice. "Pardon?"

"Er," said Severus, suddenly very interested in his tea. "Valentine's day."

"February? You plan on proposing in February?" Minerva replied, sounding almost outraged.

Severus shrugged and kept his eyes on his beverage. "I thought it would be nice with the holiday and all that."

Minerva made a bewildered sounding noise. "You detest Valentine's day!"

He shrugged again and still did not dare to look at her. "I thought it might make it a bit more palatable."

"No," said Minerva. "It will not."

Severus sighed and finally lifted his head so that he could look her in the eye. "Then what, my dear Professor McGonagall, do you suggest I do?"

Minerva glanced at her watch. "Christmas is in three days. After you have Christmas dinner, you will propose to Hermione. There should be plenty of champagne around so it shouldn't be that difficult to fill up a flute and drop her engagement ring into it."

Severus frowned. "What if she chokes on it? I would never forgive myself."

Minerva tsked loudly and rolled her eyes. "Then I suppose you'd best come up with something, Severus, because I've officially given you a deadline."

Severus sighed and finished off his tea, realizing once he'd swallowed that he still needed to purchase a ring.

----

Note: Yes, that was a blatant rip off of a joke from the film Zoolander. Thanks for reading!