Purple vs Teal 3: Play it on safe!

Disclaimer: I don't own starcraft, starcraft characters, or red versus blue. I do own this storyline and my characters. I also own this disclaimer, cause I made it up. Kablaah, now that this disclaimer has a personnel touch, its surely mine. Anyone who puts kablaah in his/her disclaimer will be sued.

Tim and Jake were lying on some higher ground, looking at Janes breast trough the sniper rifle. 'Wasn't the rookie going to arrive today?' said Tim. 'Quiet, she's bending over to pick up something from the floor,' said Jake, whose turn it was to look through the rifle, 'I'm getting a really good look into her cleavage, see for yourself,' Jake handed Tim the rifle. 'OMG!! You need to see this!' Tim handed Jake the rifle back. 'I don't see anything,' said Jake, 'she's just reading something.'

'Do you know what she's reading?'

'No. What is she reading?'

'It's the Playgirl.'

'So? Wait a minute...' Tim interrupted: 'She's not lesbian'

BANG!!! The rifle had fired. Jake had accidentally fired the rifle.

'YOU KILLED JANE YOU TEAM-KILLING FUCKER, YOU KILLED HER. Just when we found out she's not a lesbian you head to kill her. The only woman in miles, and you killed her. She owed me a blowjob, AND YOU KILLED HER!!!' Tim yelled. 'Shit.' Said Jake.

'You killed our girl and all you have to say is shit? What the fucks wrong with you? You're high, aren't you? Fucktard!' said Tim. 'Maybe she's alive,' Jake said, I mean, it wasn't completely my fault.' 'You're right,' said Tim, 'it's my fault too. I should never have handed you that sniper rifle. And what are you talking about. You shot her in her left breast. That's near or in her hart. But we should still check. Fast.'

They ran to the command centre where they found her body. 'Holy crap. She's heavily wounded, but still alive.' Said Jake. 'Impossible,' said Tim, 'You shot her in the hart. How can she still be alive?' 'Apparently her breast implants are made out of Kevlar. These are military-designed. Although she's alive, she's mortally wounded and in a coma. We have to get some medicines and stuff.' 'Wait. How do you know al this stuff. She's the medic here.' Said Tim. 'She taught me some things in exchange for pot.' Said Jake.

'This is pvt. Hallway rep- what the hell are you guys doing?'

Private Dean Hallway.

His grandfather must have been a hells angel because Dean just looks like a stereotype biker, but a lot younger. He's a rookie and not very smart either.

'Nothing at all, rookie,' said Tim, 'well. As you first assignment we need you to take that vulture and race back to command in order to get a lot of medical supplies. The teal team stole ours. Now just get going, that's an order!' 'Ok sir, on my way. What way to the purple command?' said Hallway. 'Don't make me laugh, private no-way, this is urgent.' Hallway left. 'What if he slept in the dropship and really doesn't know the way.' Said Jake. 'He can't miss command; its huge!' said Tim. 'Yeah, but if you were new here, what would you think command looks like. And he slept, so he thinks its near.' They stared at each other. 'I'll go to the Teal base and save him. You stay here and make sure Jane doesn't die.' Said Tim.

'Ok. By the way, what was that thing about Jane owing you a blowjob?' asked Jake.

'She lost the bet that I wouldn't dare climbing on top of the teal command centre only wearing one of her pink thongs,' Tim said, 'If you ever tell that to the rookie you will suffer like no one has suffered before.'