Hi, I'm Elmer.
And this is my BOIL.
He's very smart. If I try to talk to Timmy or AJ, they'll just walk away for some reason But my boil knows he's supposed to listen.
Boils make good friends.
Boils don't know how to laugh. Sometimes laughing is good, but the thing is, people who laugh are silly, of course. Laughing's what happens when you stop thinking right and just sort of forget all the other stuff. Like when the principal comes up right behind Chester when Chester just made a mean joke about her. He can't stop laughing. He hasn't started thinking about getting in trouble yet. Or when someone does that to Mr. Crocker.
They only laugh because they don't know what happens later.
I know.
One time, I followed him. AJ was calling Mr. Crocker stupid and mean and Mr. Crocker was behind him, and he didn't even try to give AJ a detention. He just walked back to his room, because it was before school, and he crawled under his desk in what my granny calls the 'feedal position', and sat there shaking until his class came in. That's something about Mr. Crocker that Chester and AJ and Timmy don't know. So, of course, they laugh. It's what you do before you find out.
They laugh at my BOIL, too. They're stupid. A boil is a friend, not a curse, like they think. Mr. Crocker knows. Because that time he was under his desk, I went over and put my hand on his shoulder like my granny does when I'm shaking something awful, and I told him. "That's something they don't know," I said, "Because they're stupid. Only you and I know. Don't listen to them. They don't know enough not to laugh."
He just looked at me, mean-like, but his eye was shiny. That's when I knew his mean-like looks were fake. I told him maybe he'd be lucky and grow his own boil.
Sometimes boils are the only friends that work.
I know.