Title: Auction
Author: snowyplains
Disclaimer: CSI was never mine, and it never will be.
Note: This really isn't a serious story. I tried to keep it in character, but I could never imagine anything remotely resembling a date auction occuring on CSI, so who knows? In this alternate universe, Catherine has an office before the night shift breakup. And according to IMDB, Archie's last name on the show really is Johnson.

"So, are you going to do it?"

He turned around to see Catherine standing behind him looking slightly predatory. "I don't know, Cath. A date auction? Isn't that kind of...well...demeaning?"

She stepped closer. "It's for a good cause."

"I'll bet." Nick shot back. "Whose idea was it?"

"Jacqui's. She's on the social committee, and it was her turn to plan our annual charity fundraiser. She needed a couple more people, so she asked Grissom if anyone from the night shift would be interested."

Nick nodded knowingly. "And he asked you to recruit?"

"Yeah. So how about it?" She was not about to be deterred from her mission.

"Cath, I really don't want to know how much a woman would pay to go out with me."

She grinned. "You're going to have to come up with a better one. Read the rest of the memo."

"A silent auction?" Nick groaned. He had seen something like it on TV. Only they were selling antiques, not people.

"Yup. All bids are private, starting at a minimum of $25." She smirked. "Your ego is safe."

He started, "I really don't want to be the onl-"

"I've already got Warrick and Greg signed up."

He tried again. "It's a formal, I don't ha-"

"Complimentary tux and gown rentals for all participants."

"Aren't we going to be work-"

"The marrieds from days and swing are covering."

He sighed. "Are you doing it?"

Catherine knew when she had won. "Yes. And I'm working on Sara and I think she'll come around."

"Everyone being auctioned will be from the night shift."

"Not quite. They wanted 5 guys and 5 girls. I'm not sure who else is doing it though."

Nick questioned, "Is Grissom?" He couldn't quite imagine it.

"He said he would when he asked me to recruit."

Nick raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

Doubt flickered across Catherine's face for a moment before she marched down the hall to his office.

"Oh. Did I forget to mention I'll be out of town that weekend?"

"Gil!"

Nick winced. Catherine was using his first name and everything. It was like watching his parents fight.

"I told everyone on night shift that you were participating. You said, and I quote: 'Yeah, I think they'll do it. I mean, I would.'"

Grissom looked confused. He had no idea why Catherine was so upset. "Well, I would. If the entomology conference wasn't that weekend."

Catherine was only getting started. "Oh please. Those conferences are a dime a dozen. Why didn't you tell me this before?"

Grissom was beginning to look a little flustered. "I didn't think it was important."

Catherine rolled her eyes. "You told me Jacqui was looking for 5 men."

"She has 5. Warrick, Nick, Greg, Andrew from Trace in the dayshift, and Edward something, a cop from the 16th division." Seeing Catherine's expression, he continued, "Well, I was planning on donating..."

Catherine huffed. "That's not good enough. You owe me, Gil."

At the second use of Grissom's first name, Nick groaned and tried to back out of the open door. A warning glare from Catherine halted his escape.

She was still talking. "You're going to match the highest bid any one of us gets."

Grissom paused, pondering the logistics of her demand. "But you won't know. It's a silent auction."

She glowered at him. "I'll find out from Jacqui. I'll ask her for the highest dollar bid among the night shift CSI personnel. Including Greg. I won't ask who got it."

Grissom nodded. That was a suitable arrangement for him. "Okay then." He returned to his forensics journal.

"That's it?!" Infuriated by his calm reaction, Catherine stalked out.

Nick was still standing in the office.

"Oh, hi Nick. I didn't see you standing there. What can I do for you?"

Nick sighed.

"So she got to you too?"

Nick stopped. "Catherine? How did you know?"

Warrick laughed. "The look on your face. Dead giveaway. That's how Greg knew when he bumped into me."

He walked into Sara.

"Hey Sara, you know Catherin-"

"Can we not talk about her right now? I'm a little pissed." she stated, walking past him at a breakneck pace.

He jogged until he caught up with her. She didn't slow down. "It's not the date auction, is it?"

She stopped. "Were you in on this?"

Nick shook his head vigorously. Why were all the women in the lab out to get him today?
"I'm not even entirely sure I know what you're talking about."

"She signed me up for it without waiting for my answer. I told her I'd let her know by today. Instead, I find out when Jacqui gives me this." She rummaged through her pocket and handed Nick a brightly coloured flier.

"Free gown rental?"

Sara gave him a look that would freeze water. He noticed they were walking towards Catherine's office, and he figured he'd try to do what he could to save her. Both Catherine and Sara were formidable presences around the lab. When they were working together, Nick pitied the poor fools that got in their way. He wasn't sure he was ready to see the earth split open if the two were pitted against each other. "Well, I'm sure she only thought you'd say yes."

Sara snorted. "Is that what she told you? I was humoring her."

"Maybe she didn-"

"Oh, she knew."

Nick briefly wondered where Sara and Catherine had learned to read minds. "Look Sara, I know you're mad right now...and you're right, Cath did pull a fast one on you, and it wasn't fair, but you're already signed up. It won't be so bad. Both me and Warrick are going to be there. The three of us haven't been out together for at least a good month, so we'll hang out and Greg will be there..." She was starting to look slightly less miffed, and he pressed on. "Besides, Catherine's just as mad as you are right now. Grissom told her he'd participate in the auction too, but now he says he's going away for the weekend."

She allowed herself a small smile. "Really?"

"Yes, really. And I bet you'd look great in a dress."

She laughed. "Just great?"

He mentally breathed a sigh of relief. Crisis averted. "Breathtaking." he grinned, steering Sara in the opposite direction, away from Catherine's office.

"Catherine?"

"Sara...hi." Catherine had the grace to look a bit embarrased. She knew why Sara was there.

"I got the gown rental ticket from Jacqui."

"Yeah, about that...you know, Jacqui was pressuring me to give her a confirmation, and she really needed someone..."

"You're lucky, you know." Sara interrupted.

"How so?"

"That Nick talked me out of killing you."

"Hey. Where's Catherine and Sara?" It was the night of the date auction, and Nick had been in no hurry to get there early.

"Women get introduced first. They're probably on stage somewhere. And you're late. The dinner party starts at 7:30 sharp." Warrick motioned for him to sit down. One of the nicer banquet halls in the area had been rented out.

Nick looked over at Greg. "Uh, nice tie, Greggo." It looked like it was fashioned out of one of his old Hawaiian shirts. And it probably was.

"Thanks. I wanted to stand out, you know. Not look like the rest of the mindless drones here." He gestured to the rest of the room, and then to Nick and Warrick.

"Well uh, you'll definitely be eye-catching." Nick and Warrick exchanged a look.

"You really think so?" Greg beamed.

The booming voice of the MC saved both of them from having to answer. "First up. This is Melinda Wilson of the HR department of the LVPD. A natural blond, she's 5'5 and ..."

"Ooh, nice." Greg mumbled appreciatively of the thin woman standing on stage.

"I'm going to reserve my judgement until I see our girls." Warrick grinned.

"Shh. They're up."

"Members of the Las Vegas Crime Scene Investigation unit," the MC began, "Catherine Willows and Sara Sidle. Forensic specialists and..."

The night shift table was stunned into silence for a few seconds.

Greg broke the silence. "They clean up nice."

Catherine was wearing an ankle length white halter gown with sparse black embroidery running down the dress. Sara was in a flirty, flippy cranberry dress that hit her knees.

"I'll say." Warrick was still staring at them.

"Is Sara wearing stilettos?" Nick asked incredulously. He had a big thing for them, and they made her legs look like they went on forever.

"Gentlemen. Are we placing bids?" Warrick looked around the table.

"Yes. Sara." He couldn't stop looking at her. She was absolutely gorgeous.

"Figures." Greg snickered. "You were always a leg man."

"I'm bidding on Catherine." Warrick whistled appreciatively.

"Do what you want, boys." Greg scribbled down his offers on a pad of paper provided. "I'm bidding on both. You know, to increase my chances."

They called over one of the pacing officials and handed him their bids.

A harried looking Jacqui approached them from the other side. "Hey guys, I've been looking all over for you. You have to be on stage in 5 minutes."

"You ready?" Warrick looked questioningly at his two companions.

Nick groaned and knocked back a shot of wine from his glass. "I am now."

"Come on, Nick. It'll be fun." Greg smiled confidently and made his way towards the back of the stage.

"This is so degrading." Nick groused. "Catherine definitely owes me one."

"Shut up, man. It's your turn."

"How's my fake smile?"

"Great. Now get out there." Warrick unceremoniously pushed him out from behind the curtain.

"And a date with the ravishing Catherine Willows goes to...Archie Johnson!"

"Archie?!" Warrick and Greg asked in unison, shocked.

"A/V Archie?" Greg continued in disbelief.

"'fraid so, boys." Nick chuckled at his friends' misfortune and watched as Archie ran to the stage to get his picture taken with Catherine, who laughed and threw her arms around him.

"The date with the stunning..." Nick wondered how many synonyms for "beautiful" the MC had to look up. "...Sara Sidle goes to Matt Carrey!"

"That jerk from QD?"

"Looks like you were outbid too, bud." Greg grinned evilly. "Anyway, it's my turn. Wish me luck."

"A date with the quirky..." Nick and Warrick snorted simultaneously at the look on Greg's face upon hearing his description. He had probably been expecting 'suave and handsome.' "...Greg Saunders goes to Lana Pearson!"

A tiny, but very attractive brunette ran up to hug Greg for the picture. Nick rolled his eyes at Greg's self satisfied smirk.

"A date with the tall..." Warrick raised his eyebrows. Was that the best word they could come up with to describe him? "...and intelligent..." Warrick looked at Nick. Nice save. "...Warrick Brown goes to Angela March!" The dayshift secretary.

"And finally, a date with the able-bodied..." Able-bodied? The MC was apparently looking for someone to operate the emergency door of an airplane. He looked over and Greg and Warrick, both holding their dates' hands and trying to restrain their laughter. "...Nick Stokes goes to...oh my...another contestant. Sara Sidle!"

Sara left her date's side and put her arms around him posessively for the picture. With her heels, she was almost the same height as he was.

"Able-bodied, huh?" she smirked.

"You bid on me?"

She smiled for the camera before she answered. "Eh. It was a spur of the moment thing. Besides, I kinda felt bad for you. You looked like you were wishing the earth would just open up and swallow you whole. And while you may have fooled the rest of the room, Nick Stokes, I could tell that you were tipsy on stage."

"What, really? How?" He thought he had been subtle.

"Sober, you have no problem smiling. You looked like you had to try real hard to keep that grin from falling off your face."

At this point, he was convinced that she was probably a bit drunk herself. "You bid on me because you felt bad for me?"

She released him, and smoothed down her skirt. "Well, you were looking pretty good."

"And you, ma'am, look breathtaking. Just as I had predicted." he told her honestly. "If I had known you owned silettos, I would have made you wear them to work everyday."

"They're that good, hm? Maybe I should thank Catherine. She got them." she said, swaying slightly. She wasn't used to being this much higher off the ground.

"Really?" Although Catherine and Sara got mostly got along, he didn't really see the two of them sharing clothes and shopping together.

Sara laughed. "Her sister got them for her, but they were too small. I think she felt bad for signing me up...she gave them to me."

"And I'm glad she did." He paused. "How much did you bid on me?"

"I'm not telling. But I will tell you that you'd better be worth it."

"You know, you could have just asked." he said, relishing the feeling of being able to hold her. "I would have gone out with you for free."

Catherine walked into Grissom's office the Monday after.

"Hello Catherine. I take it you had fun this weekend? I heard the stories from Greg...and Archie."

"A little." she admitted. "But now it's time for you to pay up. I asked Jacqui."

"How much?" he asked, taking out his wallet.

"By a landslide," she smiled demonically, "$950."