Author: Cyclone
Feedback: Please be gentle.
Distribution: Gimme credit and a link.
Rating: I'm gonna go say PG-13.
Spoilers: For Ranma, anything goes, pun intended. For Buffy, starts at Halloween and continues on after.
Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong to the almighty Joss. I'm just borrowing them for a while.
Summary: Xander wears an anime-inspired costume on that fateful Halloween.
Author's Note: Let's see if I can continue this one, hmm? Oh, by the way, it may get confusing, as I will use female pronouns when talking about female Xander.
Amy crouched on the couch next to Xander. She peered at him curiously, shaking her head in what he guessed was disbelief.
"It's amazing," she murmured. "So, you really have all of Ranma's memories?"
"Yeah," he nodded. "Cool, huh?"
She ignored Buffy and Willow's glares as she ran her hand across his arm, surprised at the lean strength she felt there. Xander was never a slob and always had "hunk" potential, but at the moment, her mind had just upgraded him to "prime beefcake" status. It didn't hurt that he now was, for all intents and purposes, Ranma, a character she'd had a crush on for some time.
Had Xander been telepathic, he would have passed Oxnard about five minutes ago.
"So, just how strong are you?" she asked.
He shrugged absent-mindedly, sending a ripple through his muscles that in turn sent a shiver down her spine. "Ehh, pretty strong, I guess. I'm still way out of shape, though."
A single thought ran through the three young women's minds.
'Out of shape'?
Xander blinked.
"Amy? What are you doing here?"
"Um, well..."
Now, why was she blushing?
"...you're training them, right? I-I want you train me too."
"Oh. Okay, sure."
Willow suddenly felt her foot literally pulled out from under her.
"OW!"
"Willow, you okay?" Xander asked, at her side in an instant.
"Yeah," she said, glaring at her opponent and taking some small satisfaction in Amy's irritated expression. "She cheated, Xander. She used magic to trip me."
Xander gave her a lop-sided grin and looked at Amy, "Smart move." He looked back at Willow, "There's a reason it's called 'Anything Goes,' Will."
Willow's glare intensified.
"Wha- hey!" Amy blinked in surprise as she tumbled over. She stared at Willow in disbelief, "Since when did you know magic?!"
Applause came from the sidelines, and they turned to look.
"Good job, Will," Xander smiled. "You've just learned one of the fundamental concepts of Anything Goes. If it works, learn it and use it, no matter where it comes from." A thoughtful look crossed his face, "I guess you'll be joining me and Aims in our meditation sessions now, huh?"
Willow grinned.
"You two get cleaned up," he said. "I gotta go check on Buffy."
Xander turned and walked over to Buffy. He examined the tank that had been full of piranha (the piranha now swimming around in individual bowls). Buffy carefully toweled her arms off. They were covered by countless bite marks, many of which were still fresh. She wasn't anywhere near that fast yet.
"Good work, Buff," he nodded approvingly. "Now, I think you're ready for the next level in your training."
"This won't involve boulders or fires or bees, will it?" Buffy asked warily. She'd seen enough of the show to know about that, and what she had had to endure so far -- piranhas aside -- was just short of humiliating, coupled with a healthy dose of terrifying and painful.
Xander shook his head vigorously, a big grin on his face, "No, no, you're not ready for that yet."
He crouched by the disheveled Slayer, who watched with a detached numbness... until she heard the clicks. She blinked and realized he'd manacled a ball and chain to each of her ankles.
"Now, follow me!" he cried, leaping to the rooftop.
She stared.
"You've got to be kidding me."
Buffy pulled Xander into a full nelson, then blinked in surprise as he slipped to the ground out of her grasp. She barely registered Amy's fist coming at where the young man's head used to be before it hit, snapping her head back and causing her to stumble.
Amy tried to stop the haymaker, but it connected with Buffy's face anyway, and a sharp pain across her calf was her only warning before she hit the ground.
Xander rolled away and rose to face his remaining opponents. Giles held his quarterstaff defensively, and Willow...
Where did Willow go?
He snapped around and narrowly caught the bokuto the redhead wielded, then flipped her over and swung her around, using her as a shield as he maneuvered her bokuto to parry Giles's staff.
Dropping his childhood friend to the ground, Xander approached the older man cautiously. Giles lashed out, striking with both ends, and was surprised to hear the sound of wood cracking.
The Watcher immediately began to shift to a paired tonfa stance, but it was too late. Xander had followed his fist in and struck at Giles's wrists, causing him to drop the remains of his quarterstaff.
Xander grabbed Giles's shirt, turned, and threw him at the charging Slayer who had sought to sneak up on him.
"Okay," he called. "Time out."
The others picked themselves up, groaning at the abuse their bodies had taken. The exercise's purpose was twofold: It allowed Xander to practice fighting against multiple opponents, and it also let the others practice the teamwork skills they'd need for the next apocalypse.
Xander nodded approvingly, "Good job, all of you."
He frowned as they approached. Something was up...
"Awk!" he awked as they dogpiled him.
"That... was uncalled for," Xander said sourly. "I called a time out."
"Well," Willow said, "a wise man once told me: There's a reason it's called 'Anything Goes.'"
"If I knew who he was, I'd shoot him," Xander deadpanned.
Willy shrank back, "Who... who are you?"
"I am da vampire Slayer."
"ANOTHER ONE?!? Wasn't two enough for this town?!"
Blink. Blink.
Author's Postscript:
As has been said by many before, chaos needs no recipe. But it does have an ingredients list.
And for those of you who are wondering where the Tarakans are, many of them are busy following a certain lost boy.
Omake:
A while ago, I gave you the Half Knight opening sequence. Now, I present to you the Half Knight closing sequence. Original lyrics and performance by DoCo USA in the Ranma 1/2 OAV dubs, with slight alterations on my part (some deliberate, probably a few due to mis-hearing them).
(Fade in: interior, Bronze; Buffy and Xander are standing facing each other)
BUFFY
You may touch me in dreams,
(strokes Xander's cheek)
But they don't stay.
(Xander turns away)
CHORUS
Today, you don't have much to say.
BUFFY
How am I gonna face the light of day?
(stares at imagined blood on her hands as the transparent image of Angelus's demon face superimposes over the scene)
CHORUS
What have I done now?
(Cut to: interior, library; Willow's hugging Xander)
WILLOW
Things that we leave unspoken,
Thinking it's for the best,
(looks up at Xander and freezes)
Then I look into your eyes,
It gets tight in my chest.
(Cut to: interior, night, moving bus as it drives parallel to a river; Faith is seated and looking out the window)
FAITH
Hear the river, tales of our goodbye.
(turns to look at a battered picture of the Scooby Gang, with her and Xander in the center)
CHORUS
It's late, and they don't wait for me.
(the bus shakes, swerves, and rolls on its side)
FAITH
Sayonara, whispers on the breeze.
(throws herself clear of the bus and faces off against a large demon)
CHORUS
I'll get in trouble!
(Faith leaps at the demon)
(Cut to: interior, Madison house; Amy is holding a framed picture of her and a grinning Xander with the rest of the Scooby Gang in the background)
AMY
Let me know what's in your heart.
That's a good place to start.
(kisses the picture and holds it to her chest)
All I need is a small sign,
And I'll give my heart to you.
(Cut to: split-screen of all four singing)
ALL
You and me have still got
So much we need to say.
Friendship's not enough;
Why can't we sieze the day?
(Cut to: exterior, street; Xander is present in female form as rain comes down)
XANDER (FEMALE)
Don't you know?
(belatedly raises and opens an umbrella)
I got no idea
From this point on.
(Montage sequence)
ALL
So far to go
Until we both are free.
You and me.