"You know, I've never given a rats ass about anyone before"
Lucas sat staring out at the river. He recalled when Brooke had told him that, and how vulnerable she was when she admitted her feelings to him. He knew that it must've been hard for her to tell him those things. How he wished he could turn back time and erase all the things he did to hurt her. That way they could still be together now. But that wasn't to be. He had gotten so close to confessing his feelings to her the other night, that was until Felix had called. So deep he was in his own thoughts that he didn't notice the figure that was approaching him.
"I thought I might find you here."
Lucas turned to find Anna coming towards him. He hadn't expected to see her anytime soon, especially not after the way he had behaved towards her.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" He asked her as she took a seat next to him on the bench.
"I thought we could talk. After what happened yesterday in the parking lot, and having some time to cool off, thought maybe this was a good a time as any." She said with a shrug.
"Yeah, about that, listen Anna, I'm really sorry for bursting out the way I did. It wasn't suppose to come out that way." Lucas turned to look at her, trying to gauge her response.
"Than what did you mean by it Luke? What happened exactly?"
"Look Anna, I really like you..." He began, getting off of the bench feeling a bit restless and started to pace in front of her "and I thought it could be more, but somewhere along the line that feeling got lost."
"Is it because of her?" As Lucas started to deny the question, she interrupted him. "Before you say no to that Luke, because I know that's what you were about to do, remember that we've never lied to each other, so don't start now."
Lucas took a deep breath, hesitating to answer the question. He knew it would be best to just tell her the truth, but he didn't want to do any further damage, and in a way he wasn't ready to admit what he felt for Brooke out loud just yet. At least, not before he had a chance to tell the object of his affections himself. But Anna was right, they had prided their relationship on honesty, and it would be dumb to start lying now. "I won't deny that she had something to do with it Anna, but she's not the only reason. I just think you and I would be better off as friends. And I hope you feel the same way. I don't know what else to say." Lucas runs a hand through his hair in relief, glad that he finally got the words out to express how he felt to her.
Anna now also gets up off the bench, unable to sit there anymore, now seeing that the conversation wasn't going where she had hoped it would. She had come there hoping that her and Lucas could work something out. Hoping that they could give there relationship another shot. Hoping that she would be able to make him see that they could be good together. But now it just didn't seem to be the case. So she would settle for what was best. She would rather have him as a friend than to not have him at all. In a town where she knew few people, it would be stupid to ruin the relationships that she had been able to form, and that started with Lucas.
"I guess there's not much more to say Lucas. Apparently you have your mind made up. I had hoped to talk you into giving us another chance, but if your heart isn't there, than what's the point. But I guess I'd rather us be friends than nothing at all."
Lucas took a breath of relief, glad that she was taking this better than he had expected. The last time he had broken up with a girl, Brooke, she had left crying. He reached over and grabbed Anna in an embrace. "Thank you Anna, you don't know how much this means to me."
Anna hugs Lucas a little tighter, taking in his warmth and scent. It would be something she would miss greatly. The feeling of being in his arms! "I hope you find whatever you're looking for Luke, you deserve to." She leans back from his arms and places a kiss on his cheek, than turns to leave.
Lucas watches her retreating form, lost in thought once again. He was glad that they were able to end the relationship with a friendship at least. Anna was indeed a special girl. He was just sad that he couldn't return what she felt himself. He went and retrieved his basketball that was forgotten on the grass. As he made his way home, he couldn't help but smile. Now all he had to do was show Brooke that they were supposed to be together. All he had to do was show her once again how much they needed each other. As long as there was hope, there was a chance. He just hoped he wasn't too late. Just when he was about to take the turn towards his house, he decided to go in the opposite direction.
Brooke was in her room, trying to study for an upcoming history test the next day, but her mind just wasn't committed to the task. It kept on wandering to other things. One of the things in particular was Lucas. After he had left here yesterday in such a rush, she couldn't help but wonder what it was that he had been about to tell her. She thought he had been acting rather strange around her lately, and she couldn't put a finger on what exactly it was. Just than, a song came on her radio, one of her favorites, though she didn't like the artist, she loved the song. It was Mariah Carey's "I Still Believe."
She started singing along to the song, and tapping her pen against her notebook in rhythm to the tune. She was so lost in the song that she didn't hear the knock on her door.
"Can I have this dance?" Brooke turned to see a smiling Lucas leaning against her door with a white rose in his hands. "A beautiful rose for a beautiful girl." Lucas walked into the room and came to stand beside her at her desk, offering her his hand.
Brooke reached out and took his proffered hand, and the rose that was extended to her. She looked up at him with a confused look and a smile as they started swaying to the music. "Not that I'm not glad to see you Luke, but what are you doing here? And why the flower?"
"Shh B, let's just enjoy the song for now okay? I'll explain everything later. Right now I just want to dance with you, okay?" Lucas pulled her closer to his body, relishing the feel of her in his arms again. He knew it was wrong, and he knew she had a boyfriend, but he just wanted to feel her in his arms again, even if it was just for a moment. He placed his chin atop her head, and inhaled her scent.
You look in my eyes
And I get emotional inside
I know it's crazy but
You still can touch my heart
And after all this time
You think that I wouldn't feel the same
But time has done nothing
Nothing's change
I still believe
Someday you and me
Will find ourselves in love again
I had a dream
Someday you and me
Will find ourselves in love again
Each day of my life
I'm filled with all the joys I can find
You know that I
I'm not the desperate type
If there's one spark of hope
Left in my grasp
I'll hold it with both hands
It's worth the burning
To have a second chance
I still believe that we can be together
If we believe that true love
Never has to end
Than we mush know that we will love again
I still believe
Someday you and me
Will find ourselves
In love again
As the song came to an end, Lucas leaned back and looked into her eyes. "Do you still believe Brooke?"
Brooke wasn't sure what he meant by the question. Heck, she was confused by the whole situation. She had no idea what was going on in his head. "Believe what Luke? What's going on?"
"Do you still believe that people who are meant to be together will find their way in the end?" He asked her seriously. It was something that she had once said to him while they were dating. The day before his mom was due back from Italy. They had been walking back from getting coffee when she had told him that.
"Why are you asking me this all of a sudden Luke? Where are you going with this?" Brooke asked, still not understanding the situation.
Lucas took a deep breath and let it out again. He knew he was confusing her, but he didn't want to tell her the reason until she answered the question. "Please Brooke, just answer my question, and than I'll answer yours. I just need to know if you still believe that."
"Yeah, I still do believe it."
"Do you still give a rats ass about me?" He went on to ask.
"What are you getting at Lucas?"
"Please, just answer the question." He encouraged.
"Yeah, I still care about you. But why are you asking me this now?"
Lucas released her from his arms and reached up to cup her face in his hands. "Because, Brooke Davis, I am still very much in love with you!" There, he said it. Now he just had to brace himself for her reaction.
"You're what?" She asked, shocked by his admission.
"I love you!" He repeated.
"That's what I thought you said," she pulled out of his arms, running a hand through her hair "I just don't know how to respond to that. I just... how is this happening all of a sudden?"
"It's not all of a sudden. I've just finally built up the nerves to tell you." Lucas told her as he stuffed his hand in his pockets, unsure of what to do next. He hadn't expected this kind of a response from her. Heck, he wasn't sure what kind of a response he expected.
"Wow...wow! I don't know what to say Luke. I mean, what am I suppose to say? I have a boyfriend." She started to rambling and pacing the room.
"You don't have to say anything, I just wanted you to know. I needed you to know Brooke. I couldn't go on just pretending to be friends anymore, not when I wanted more."
"Dammit Lucas, this is not fair, you can't do this to me. You can't keep yanking me back and forth like this." She started yelling.
"I know, I'm sorry. Look, I know you have a boyfriend and I know this isn't exactly perfect timing." He tried to reach for her and calm her down, but she evaded his touch.
"Damn right this isn't the time for this. You know what? I can't do this right now, you have to go. I have to think. And I can't do that with you here." She said as she started pushing him towards the door.
Lucas was surprised that she was actually kicking him out. He hadn't expected this. When they got to the door, he grabbed the edges of it and stopped her from pushing him all the way out. He turned around to look at her once more, and could see the pained look on her face. "Brooke, I'm sorry. Will you just listen for a minute?" He yelled when she wouldn't cease her attempts to push him out. Finally she stopped and crossed her arms over her chest.
"Look, I had to tell you. I had to stop pretending everything was okay between us. I couldn't go on watching you with Felix and acting like I was okay with it. Not when the jealousy was eating at me where it got to the point where all I wanted to do was smash his face in everytime he had his arms around you." This brought a reluctant smile to her face and jumped on that smile. "Not when I wanted it to be me that had his arms around you. I want it to be us Brooke, not me and Anna, not you and Felix, but Broody and Cheery, the way it use to be." He stopped to gauge what her reaction was thus far and he could see that she was starting to let his words seep in.
"I want it to be us again B. That's all! Just think about it okay?" He reached over and attempted to touch her, but let his arms fall back to his side when she took a defiant step back. "Just think about it." With that, he turned and left the house with his hands in his pockets and his head hung low.
Brooke watched his retreating back disappear out of sight before she closed her door. As she leaned her head against the hard wood, she felt a tear fall as she took a shuddering breath. And she whispered to the empty room "I love you too Lucas, I just don't know what to do about it."