Izuku mumbled intangibly, logical speech still out of his grasp at the moment, his hands hitting Spinner on the chest rhythmically. It wasn't hard enough to be considered an attack, but Izuku still felt guilt bubbling up in his stomach. He wanted to apologize for worrying everyone, wanted to ask for someone to turn the lights off, but all he could do was tighten his grasp and hide his face. He was feeling too much all of a sudden, positive emotions attempting to surface after who knows how long of being buried under piles of stress. Relief, gratitude, trust, all things that would usually serve to put his mind at ease, now threatened to drown him in doubt. It couldn't be happening to him, cloud it? He'd just watched his friend explode and get put back together, there was no reality where that could tangibly happen right after he was reunited with his family. It had to be fake, a trap of some kind. His mind simply couldn't cope with the radical shift, and couldn't keep up with the breakneck speed at which events had unfolded around him. A broken sob escaped him, his dry eyes watching specks of color appear behind his closed lids for what felt like hours. Eventually—the exact moment slipping his mind—his muscles tensed until the ache melted away into a warm nothing, and his hands held on until there was nothing within his grasp. It felt almost like his soul had drifted out of his body, leaving behind not much of anything. It was odd, though not unpleasant now that his mind was too fogged up to analyze it properly. It was fine. This was fine because finally the chaos wasn't happening to him and he could take a moment to just breathe. Things touched him, voices reaching him ever so often, but he couldn't keep them in focus for long enough to identify them. Everything felt and sounded like it would underwater, the weightlessness of his body feeling almost comforting. It was fine. Just a moment longer, nothing more. That was all he needed, really, and in this blank space, he could take all the time he could ever need. So he stayed there, enjoying the quiet for what might have been an eternity. He almost fooled himself into thinking that he could stay there, safe and unharmed.

But all things come to an end.

Through the colorless space enveloping him, a hand reached out and wrapped around his arm.

"Izuku."

He turned suddenly, being met with lilac hair and blue skin, dark scleras and neon green eyes, and a sharp, kind smile that had both carried and dragged him throughout his stay in Deika.

"How was it, then?" Curious asked sweetly, tablet in hand. "Hope, that is."

He bolted upright, an anguished moan halfway out of his mouth already. The covers wrapped around his limbs like straps and he fought against them with such might that he practically threw himself off his bed, a tangled mess of screams and sheets.

"What's happening?!" Someone yelled.

"Izuku?!" Someone else called out, a pair of hands trying to grab him. Izuku immediately pulled back, the back of his head knocking against something very solid, very hard.

There were the sounds of steps and scuffling before the lights came on, the bright whiteness sending Izuku straight into another fit. He didn't want to be there. Not again. Not restrained and alone and helpless, not when he'd believed he had a chance at freedom. Someone else grabbed at him, tore the sheets off his legs, and Izuku kicked blindly in response. He wasn't cooperating anymore, not ever again. He had nothing more to say, no tidbit of information left inside him that hadn't already been plucked out. He had nothing.

"Nothing, nothing! Do you hear me?! Nothing!" Izuku kicked and punched, fighting against the hands pulling and lifting him with the same ferocity of a cornered, rabid dog. He landed a solid punch against someone, his eyes shut tight. "No, no, no! I don't–"

And then he was let go of and crashed on the ground, a stream of freezing water hitting him like lightning. He sputtered and gasped, flailing around wildly while his eyes attempted to adapt to his surroundings. He pushed against the wall to try and escape the water, only to get firmly stopped.

"Stop! You're safe, okay?" Stain told him for the millionth time, shaking him to get the teen's attention at last. "You're safe and I'm with you! Snap out of it!"

Izuku inhaled deeply, the water invading his lungs and making him go from screaming to coughing violently. It was a long fit of hacking and gasping on the floor of the shower, and by the end of it, he had a horrible migraine. His whole body trembled but he wouldn't be able to reach the handle to shut off the water even if he tried. He saw a shape through the water blurring his view, his mind finding a name to the presence.

"W-What happened?"

"You tell me," An accusation, clear as day.

"I… I'm fine…" He muttered, unsure of what else to say. He pressed his forehead against the wall and cradled his head, groaning.

"Don't take me for an idiot, kid." Stain scoffed, sounding as exhausted as Izuku felt.

"...I'm sorry," Izuku whispered after a while. There was no response. Izuku sighed shakily, miserably sitting under the cold water as his consciousness returned to him bit by bit. He wasn't entirely sure how much time passed—ten minutes, maybe—before Stain reached over and turned the water off, leaving them both in a hellish silence only broken by the few droplets still falling from the showerhead. Izuku sat with his back to the wall and ran his hand through his hair, it coming back bloodied from his tumble out of bed. Green eyes shyly looked up, far too ashamed to keep proper eye contact.

"I'm sorry," Izuku sighed, trying to come up with a reason for his behavior even though everyone surely knew the root of the problem. "I just, um… To be honest, what happened to Hara earlier was just… I didn't… It was just too much, you know?"

Stain watched him as he spoke, his brows arched downwards.

"Earlier?" His mentor sounded almost hurt.

"Is… Did that…"

"Izuku, that was two days ago."

Oh. Izuku just blinked in an almost confused haze, a panic that didn't belong to him growing in his chest.

"You have no idea, do you?" It wasn't an indictment but it still put Izuku in a spotlight that he was not comfortable under. The teen shook his head sadly, pulling his knees up to his chest despite his wet clothes.

"How bad is it?" Izuku asked, like a person too afraid to look down and see the knife sticking out of their stomach.

"This is the most you've said since we got here." Came the flat response.

Izuku blinked away the water dripping into his eyes and hid his face as he thought correctly for what felt—and had been—a long time. There was an odd, almost ominous feeling settling in his stomach and he half believed that he was going to pass out, but he pushed through it and dived into the mist in his brain. He had images, sounds, and words that bled into one another like colored smoke; it might have started clear and single-colored, but now it was all just a gray mess. Questions got stuck in his throat, threatening to block his airways, and he started drumming his fingers on the top of his skull to stay on track. He couldn't afford to slip away now, not with Stain looking at him that way. He needed to untangle the knots, if only for the sake of survival; he was of no use like this. A part of him didn't believe that it mattered, didn't think that there was even a point in him asking about it, but he pushed that away with a shiver of the spine.

"...Stain?" It was but a meek whisper.

"What?"

"How… Uh." Izuku swallowed thickly, afraid of the answer to the question he was about to ask. "How long was I gone?"

It was Stain's turn to look away, the muscles by his ear twitching as his jaw tightened. Izuku waited with bated breath, his body trembling from both anticipation and his soaked clothes.

"Kid…" Stain gave him a look, something flashing in his eyes almost painfully before he finally conceded. "A bit over three weeks. 24 days, if you want to be exact."

A tiny sound escaped Izuku's lips, a hybrid of a laugh and a whimper, and he ran a hand through his hair, upsetting his wound. It made sense, he guessed, though it didn't make it any less painful. He'd been away from his mentor and his friends for almost an entire month. A month he could have spent training, laughing, learning, doing something of value. 24 days he could have spent living, instead spent in a hole underground.

No, focus. Stay here.

"And what h-happened? I mean, how did you…?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does, though. To me, it does." Izuku swallowed. Stain looked away again and Izuku leaned forward. "Please. I don't want more lost time, more… More not knowing."

That was a lie if you looked at it from the right—or wrong—angle. The biggest part of him just wanted to sink back into the void he'd been floating in just moments prior, but he knew he couldn't do that to his mentor. Stain looked reluctant, barely looking at him from the corner of his eyes, and Izuku did his very best to straighten his back. He felt as if all the pride in his being had evaporated away, but he could at least try and pretend like he was strong and centered. His mentor closed his eyes and sighed.

"Fine. I'll tell you."

And he did. Quite reluctantly at first, and probably skimming on some of the more personal introspection of the whole thing, but he told him everything; Eraser Head's survival and shaky alliance with them, their contact with All Might, the van crashing, Overhaul's anonymous initial contact—knowing there were pictures of him in Deika almost made Izuku sick—, Eraser Head's attempt at taking Shoto, how Overhaul had met them and how, for two weeks, they had to wait for the perfect chance to infiltrate a convoy heading for Deika even though they'd had Izuku's location the entire time thanks to Hara.

"Hara didn't have contact with anyone, did he?" Izuku asked dumbly, unsure of how the man had been responsible for even a fraction of their rescue.

"Overhaul has him tagged and tracked, like a dog. Kinda useful."

"A tracker."

"Amongst other things."

"...What's that supposed to mean?"

"How do you think they got the pictures?" Even without the repulsion in Stain's voice, the very concept shook Izuku to his very core. His hand flew to his eye, his breathing quickening. He started to ask how that was even possible, but he'd seen firsthand what Overhaul's quirk was capable of. Tearing a person apart to just as simply put them back together was simply another cruel example of a quirk far beyond Izuku's league.

He knows everything we do, everything we see, Hara had told him once. He now knew the true weight of those words.

"Don't spiral, kid." Stain warned, clearly ready to get the shower back running, but Izuku shook his head.

"Is he alive?"

"Your yakuza friend? He doesn't matter, Izuku–"

"Is he?!" It was an anguished whisper, augmented by large, desperate green eyes. Stain looked surprised, upset, and regretful all at once.

"...He is, as far as I know."

Izuku leaned back, not even feeling the way his wound banged on the wall. He was suddenly so tired that he thought he might pass out right then and there. He caught Stain's eye and opened his mouth to apologize for his outburst, but the only thing that left him was a sigh. He shifted in place, desperate for the conversation to carry on but not knowing what to say. Thankfully, Stain caught on.

"I don't know what that man told you, but–"

"I know," Izuku rubbed his face, hiding his nose. "He didn't say much, but I know."

"Why care about him, then?"

"...Because he helped. He… He and Morse made the whole thing bearable, I guess. No, that's not the word, but, yeah. Having someone to talk to, someone asking about me, and helping me keep track of time. I think it kept me… sane."

Stain's expression twitched with something like grief and Izuku hid his entire face from view. He didn't want to feel as small as he did, not with Stain. There was a long moment of silence, the last falling droplets of water keeping a slow, steady tap, tap, tap, which made Izuku feel a little better.

"Was that the only thing that helped?"

Stain was opening that door that only unlocked when they were alone. It was rare and incredibly valuable and Izuku couldn't help but smile brokenly at the moment of sincere, gentle worry. Did anyone else in the world right at that moment know what that side of Akaguro Chizome looked like?

"I… Why? I'm already out."

He got a look of worry, clouded by stubborn frustration.

"Because you can't blank out like this anymore, Izuku. We're in enemy territory, not to mention weakened and wounded. I need you to come back, and not just physically."

The idea that anyone needed him in any sense of the word struck him, a shaky sigh slipping past his lips.

"...I read. A lot."

"Read what?"

Izuku struggled with the words. He knew that there was no way of explaining it without it sounding odd, not even when skipping over some of the more bizarre aspects of his stay in Deika, but he also couldn't deny this man any sort of genuine response. It was always better when he just talked, right?

"Curi… They gave me a book about the Meta Liberation Army's founder. His autobiography. That and a little light so I could… I read it like seven times, I don't even know, it was enough for me to memorize some of it."

The metaphorical door slammed shut, Stain's face darkening.

"They forced you to read their propaganda as well?"

"What?"

"Did that viper not have enough by taking away your freedom?"

"Stain, no, I–"

"She wanted to take your beliefs as well?!"

"I wanted to read it!" He bit his tongue in his haste to talk, all strength draining from his body as he spoke. "Not at first but, it was something to do, and then…"

"And then?" A glacier whisper that Izuku was too tired to react to.

"And then I started hearing you in it."

"That's a deep insult, coming from you." Chin jutting out in defiance, Stain glared at his student. Izuku just wanted to get back in the shower.

"There was nothing about that book that matched the MLA's actions currently. They didn't even know what the thing said. It was about injustice and standing up for what's right even if that makes you an enemy of the people in power and I just liked reading it and thinking how with some tweaking, some updating, and a more specific enemy in mind, it could have been you talking to me." Izuku shrugged with a humorless chuckle. "I don't know. It made me feel less alone."

Stain swallowed, not looking at Izuku anymore. Something stirred in the teen's chest and he let out another dry chuckle followed by the loud chattering of teeth. Right, he was on the floor wearing wet, freezing clothes. He swallowed to try and speak again, but Stain was on his feet and out the door before Izuku could say a word, a clean change of clothes unceremoniously thrown at his face.

Well, that had gone as well as it could have, right? Yeah. Sure.

Izuku hung his wet clothes on the shower railing and, after hesitating and backtracking three times, walked outside sheepishly. Dabi was snoring as if nothing had happened, but everyone else had their eyes focused on him. Toga took him by the shoulders and led him to bed as if there was a chance he'd get lost in the way. He made a pathetic little noise, his eyes cast low.

"It's okay," Toga shushed him, her smile only warped by the new scars on her lips.

Izuku sighed and shivered as he settled in bed, too exhausted to even try and escape Toga's deadly cuddles, not to mention too cold to refuse the warmth she provided. He felt a gentle poke on his ribs and turned to find Morse's outstretched hand, which he took after a long moment of hesitation. She tapped the back of his knuckles with a finger and Izuku existed in deep thought for the next couple of hours. He didn't sleep at all, trying desperately to find even a sliver of memory that could show him what had happened in those two missing days. He wanted something, anything, that could prove that it had actually happened, but his mind was just a blank that kept switching on and off in the dark. He only knew that time had passed because Toga would suddenly be in a different position by his side without him ever feeling her move. His lack of self-control left him with nothing but despair, and a wave of anxiety hit him when his peers started stirring around him. He didn't know what to say or think, still floating in dark waters threatening to pull him under at any given second. When the lights came on, Izuku stared at his hands, sure that he would see his soul sticking out on the side like an incorrectly overlaid image. There was no such bizarre spectacle but it still felt odd to be inside his skin, so Izuku jumped in the shower again. He didn't know if anyone had managed—let alone bothered—to help him wash up these past few days, and he was not counting last night's splash as a proper bath. He did everything slowly, hesitating for a good five minutes when he realized that the fingers that Re-Destro had broken were now taped together in a little metal sling, but thankfully feeling a little bit more like a functional human being by the time he stepped out of the bathroom. Stain was nowhere to be seen, but Toga beamed at him.

"Morning~"

"...Hey," His voice was but a whisper.

"Come on, I'll walk you to the infirmary." Toga said, offering him a hand. Morse was by her side, hair pulled back in a thick braid and eyes covered by a bandage.

Toga walked the maze of hallways with ease, Izuku staying by her side in fear of getting lost. The space intimidated him greatly and he couldn't help but stare at the walls in distrust. It wasn't just the edge of being in a new place or being underground, but also the discomfort of knowing he'd been there for days and he just couldn't remember it. It was like reaching through a haze, terrifying and uncertain. They stopped in front of a door, Izuku realizing that he hadn't paid any attention to which direction they'd walked or which corners they'd turned before Toga opened it without knocking. He only knew that something was off when she frowned.

"Geez, it's packed. Did someone die?" Izuku flinched at the uncaring tone in her voice, panic flaring up in his chest. Stain said that Hara was fine, but did he really know? Could he be sure that any of what he remembered had happened at all?

He leaned to the side to get a better look inside the room. There were four, maybe five people inside, all gathered around two beds in the back of the room. A plastic curtain was drawn back just enough for him to see pair of tiny, bare legs hanging from the edge of a bed swinging back and forth slowly, almost mechanically.

"Wait a few minutes and I'll be right with you," A man told them calmly, walking over and shushing them out. The door closed and a shiver ran up his spine.

"These guys are starting to get on my nerves," Toga sneered, sticking her tongue out for good measure. She gave Izuku a look and sighed. "Are you okay waiting for breakfast?"

"Uh, yeah…" he replied absentmindedly, anxious thoughts taking over. Images swam in and out of focus, and he desperately tried to tie together some of the threads flying around in his mind. The last things he remembered of Hara were far too painful to visualize, but he did know that he'd been alive when he'd last seen him. He also recalled Overhaul ordering his other man to take Hara to the infirmary, which had to be this room unless there was more than one. But that meant nothing when you took into consideration the over 48 hours that Izuku had been in an emotional coma. Anything at all could have happened in that time, not to mention that this might not even be the morning after his conversation with Stain. What if he'd gone right back to his cathartic state during the night? Had the moment of honesty between student and mentor even happened? He saw that smile again, framed by lilac hair, and he pressed his palms into his eyes, glad that Toga rubbed his back. He had to actively fight the urge to curl up on the floor and give into the void once more, the promise of not having to deal with anything luring him like perfume. Was it even up to him at that point? His mind had slipped all on its own, to begin with, so there was no guarantee that Izuku would be able to fight off the darkness even if he wanted to. He felt so vulnerable, so lost and confused. He couldn't trust himself. Hell, he didn't even know if what he'd seen just now was real, much less if Hara was even in there at all. He suddenly didn't want that door to open ever again.

"Is it happening again?" Spinner asked, the wince audible in his voice. When had he caught up to them? Or had he been there all along?

"Just give him time!" Toga scolded.

"Is this gonna be a thing now? 'Cause it's gonna get old real fast," said Dabi, not an ounce of empathy in his voice. For some twisted reason, that made him seem the most real out of all of them. The safety of nothingness called him over, but he bit his lip to stay present. Stain wasn't there to hold him together, a reality that stung him deeply as Izuku struggled with himself.

"Sorry about that," The door opened a little and a man with blue eyes and a white coat poked his head out, "You'll have to come by later."

"Fine by me," Dabi rolled his eyes, already turning to go somewhere else.

"We need our wounds treated," Shoto argued, his pointed look aimed at no one other than his brother. The eldest Todoroki just glared back at him and Izuku chewed the inside of his cheek. "How long is this going to take?" Spinner asked.

"A few hours, I'm afraid." The man sounded genuinely apologetic. "We're dealing with a sensitive situation."

Someone spoke inside the room and when the man moved his head to respond, Izuku caught a glimpse of a metal table with a container on top, the thing overflowing with bloody bandages. It was more than he could take and he stepped away as Shoto continued to bicker with the medic and then with Dabi, the sound a jumbled mess that seemed far away all of a sudden. His right ear started ringing wildly, eyes staring at a spot on the wall without seeing anything. A geyser of blood smeared the wall for an instant and his hands started to go numb. He didn't want to turn around, much less go in there when he didn't know what could be waiting for him past the door. A 'sensitive situation' could be a wide array of different things, but his mind got stuck on the single idea that they were dealing with a dying person. Disposing of a body would probably take time, right? Would they even take the body to a cemetery, or deliver it to his younger brothers? Or was there a ditch out in a field where all yakuza members were destined to lie at the end of their lines? Was that concept too cruel, or not cruel enough? He didn't know anything about these people, or about their circumstances. There was so much he didn't know.

"How is it possible for you to look even worse now, huh?" The voice to his left was almost like a gunshot to him, his eyes opening a little too wide, a little too fast.

A pair of bright brown eyes looked back at him with amusement, hair framing the once gaunt face rather handsomely. The color on Izuku's face drained, his stomach lurching up towards his throat.

"No." Izuku shook his head, no sound escaping his lips.

Toga's eyes shone, moving to stand by Izuku but not attacking someone that she recognized from their rescue mission.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," Came the cynically playful remark. Izuku wanted to faint.

"Are you real?" Izuku whispered, the ruckus behind him dying down. "You're not…Your eyes, your…! No, you… He tore you apart, you can't be… Am I…?"

"You're not in there," Hara said, turmoil flashing in his eyes. "Neither of us is in that chair."

"Please tell me you are real. I can't do this again." His eyes were so dry that it hurt to look. Hara sighed, empathy and sadness twisting his expression.

"I am."

"Prove it," He shook his head, terrified as he took in all the small new bits attached to his once incomplete friend—one finger, in particular, was two skin tones lighter than the rest of his hand.

Hara swallowed and knocked on Izuku's forehead like a door. Alive was silently said to him in the one form of comforting communication he'd had for over 20 days, and Izuku's heart swelled in relief. His eyes fogged over, but no tears fell. He threw himself at Hara without a thought, making the other man groan.

"You're way too soft to be hanging out with a serial killer." Hara accused as he pushed the teen away, the irony of him holding Morse close not quite hitting Izuku in his emotional state.

"I thought you…" The final word got stuck in his throat, the idea far too painful now that Hara was standing right in front of him. The yakuza smiled tightly, understanding perfectly.

"I think I did, for a little while."

Izuku opened his mouth, questions threatening to drown him unless he spits them out, but Hara shook his head.

"Not now. I'm just here to get you two."

"What?"

"Boss wants you in his office." And then, as an afterthought. "Well, actually, the Hero Killer does."