Summary: Kanan's grateful for his life, really he is. But between healing wounds, misbehaving crew members, and one very big new responsibility looming, sometimes he regrets ever getting out of bed.

Note: In case it seems familiar this is a much reworked and expanded version of a story I posted and deleted about a month ago. I'm still colossally embarrassed that the other version ever saw the light of day but hopefully this one is better.

"Should you be up yet?"

The words were half stifled by a yawn prompting Kanan to lift an eyebrow at their speaker. "I could say the same to you." He retorted. "I know you hit your head jumping off the transport last night."

Sabine wasn't a blusher but he caught the embarrassed flick of her eyes over his shoulder before she straightened up. "I'm alright. I was wearing my helmet."

"Beskar doesn't protect against blunt force." Kanan told her. Alright so it probably did but near death experiences tended to put one in an overprotective mood. Stepping forward he ran a hand through her hair, checking for bumps.

"Stop that! The color is still setting!"

Pulling back Kanan noticed a very faint streak of purple on his palm. "Er sorry. Hey, where'd you even find dye here anyway?"

Sabine's eyes did the flicker again. "It's..mostly not dyed actually. The brown's as close to my natural color as I can get I think. And the purple comes from a powder one of the locals made. She was a weaver before the empire took her land so she can mix up all kinds of colors from flowers and things. It doesn't hold nearly as well as the chemical dye but I kind of like it."

Kanan studied her for a moment, marveling at the change she'd made from an angry teenager to the determined young woman in front of him. In many ways she was still the same Sabine he'd always known, but there was a maturity behind her drive now. And the fact she was willing to be seen with a more natural appearance, one that presumably resembled her birth family, filled him full of pride and relief. It was an unexpected change, but a good one.

"Are you gonna say something or just stand there staring all day?"

Ah, there was his girl. "It suits you," he offered quietly.

A shy smile playing on her lips. "Thank you. I'm…I'm glad you can see it."

"Me too."

Yes, a very good change indeed.

"Morning Jarrus."

"Morning Kallus."

Kanan let out a long breath, stretching carefully as he looked around the common room. "Are Ezra and Zeb not up yet?"

The other man avoided his gaze. "Don't know, I haven't gone looking for them."

"Whub, Whub." Chopper protested sharply.

"What do you mean he's lying?"

"I most certainly am not!"

If droids had eyebrows Kallus was certain the little orange menace that was Spectre 3 would have raised one at him. "Whub hmm, blur whub. Whub hub-"

"That's not what happened."

"He's not going to let it go. You might as well tell me."

"Fine, but just so you know, it wasn't my idea!"

Kanan sighed. "You should know by now those two don't need anyone else to give them ideas. Now, come on, out with it."

"But-"

"Alexsandr."

"Whomp!"

"Alright!" The ex-imperial rubbed a hand across his face. "We intercepted an order from Governor Price last night. She told one of her staff to get the gift she had for Grand Admiral Thrawn to her shuttle. She wanted to depart the moment they got word of his arrival in the system."

"Gift?"

"She didn't specify but she said it was the one thing that could curry some favor with the admiral after the destruction of the Tie Defender factory. The one good outcome from the whole disaster. Ezra was convinced it had something to do with you. Some proof of your death, or your supposed death seeing as, well, no one found your body."

Kanan thought hard. What could the governor possibly have found…? The answer hit him like a speeder to the gut. "My lightsaber."

"How could she have gotten her hands on that?"

"From the Noghri bodyguard Thrawn has. I fought with him during the rescue mission and he knocked it from my hand. Given the circumstances I didn't think it was worth taking the chance of getting it back." The Jedi sighed, clenching his fists to avoid punching something. "Apparently Ezra thought differently." Rounding on Chopper he ground out, "You knew all about this. Why didn't you come to Hera or I about it?"

The droid backed up rapidly, holding out his manipulators defensively. He let out a series of high pitched squawks and shrieks that both men cringed away from.

"What did he say?" Kallus asked, not having quite picked up on the droid's frenzied babble. He instantly regretted the question as Kanan's dark look turned on him.

"When did they leave?"

"The transmission came in just before midnight, you and Hera were already in bed. I thought I'd gotten them to agree not to do anything before they could talk to you but when I knocked on their door at about dawn and they'd already left." He reached out a hand to stop the Jedi from activating his commlink. "They would have reached the capital an hour ago if they left when I think they did. There is nothing we can do that won't put them in more danger."

Grinding his jaw so hard Kallus winced in sympathy, Kanan spat out. "I'm going to kill them."

"You can kill Ezra, Zeb's mine." At Chopper's curious beep he clarified. "I've been with you lot for almost a year now and some days I still think he's the only one keeping me alive."

"Whup?"

"No, not you. People on Lothal have a long memory, and I was head of the occupation force at one point."

Chopper extended his shock probe in what Kanan assumed was going to be a demonstration of his twisted sense of loyalty, but then Kallus' wrist com beeped, displaying his old Fulcrum insignia. The blond man gave a sigh of relief.

"They're on their way back. Mission success, no injuries." He glanced up at the still glowering Jedi. "Yet."

"Yet." Kanan agreed. "I'm going to go check on Hera. Let me know the moment they're back."

"Should you be up?" The melodious voice that had captured his heart all those years ago queried as he entered the room.

"You're the second person to say that to me this morning."

Hera cocked her head at his exasperated tone. "Your body did just go through a traumatic experience Love."

"So did yours," he countered softly leaning over to brush a kiss to her cheek.

She smiled tentatively, pulling him down to sit beside her. "I'm alright. I had a follow up with . what we have that passes for a med droid yesterday. It said my bio scans match up to my pre-capture ones in every respect. Well," she frowned slightly, "every respect but one."

Kanan swallowed hard. Without a word he hesitantly reached out a hand which she took and carefully pressed against her abdomen. His eyes shut of their own accord and the Force essence in the room instantly brightened. A tiny spark of life, more brilliant than even the light of the holocron, bloomed beneath his palm. The person it would become fully formed if impossibly small.

"I…I thought I sensed something before but I couldn't be sure…" he opened his eyes to see hers swimming with emotion. "I'm so sorry."

"Why?"

"That day when," He gestured vaguely between them. "I just wanted…I never intended to push you into showing more than you were ready to. What happened was selfish and now you're paying the price."

Hera shook her head sharply, turning to take his face in her hands. "Kanan Jarrus, you listen and you listen good. Have you ever been allowed to so much as put your arm around me without my consent?"

"No, but-"

"So please do not insult me by implying that I was in any way coerced into helping you make a person, or that I was ignorant of the possibility. That I've ever been ignorant of the possibility. We haven't exactly been careful all these years you know. This could have happened at any time. No sense beating ourselves up over it now."

"Sorry. I- You're right. Sorry."

She glared a moment longer before continuing in a softer tone. "This child's life is a result of a decision we both made. A slightly irresponsible one perhaps, but the same could be said about all our other kids. I don't regret them and I don't regret this one. I'm no Jedi, but I'm also not jaded enough not to acknowledge that some things might be meant to happen."

"You really mean that?" His breath caught and he stared at her with so much love and hope in his eyes she nearly teared up. "You want this for your future? You want to have a family with me?"

"I already have a family with you, Love," she said, kissing him playfully on the nose.

He wasn't going to be distracted though. "You know what I mean. The other kids could have their own lives at any point. This one requires a minimum 18 year commitment. That would be a lot easier if we were committed to each other. I need to know if that is something you're willing to do. Even with…with the war?"

She sighed but nodded firmly. "Yes. It won't be easy, there are risks and sacrifices we're both going to have to make to give this life its best chance of survival. And I admit some of them I am not looking forward to and will curse when the day comes they get here, but the good days will outweigh the bad."

"You can't actually know that."

She fixed him with her trademark 'the galaxy will bend to my will or else' stare and Kanan found himself smiling. "Okay. If you're sure?"

"Yes. I know it's not what I've led you to believe I wanted. I never allowed myself to want it. But now that I've been given the chance? Yes. I want this baby. And I want it with you."

"With me. For forever or as long as we have? Officially?"

She smiled back, resting her head on his chest. "For forever or as long as we have. Officially." Her brow wrinkled slightly. "Though I…I don't know if we can be official, before Lothol is free. I mean it's one thing to say a vow in front of our family but for there to be any kind of registration…"

Kanan tightened his grip on her gently. "We'll figure it out. Ryder or Rex might be able to help. But if it has to wait until after, it has to wait. The important thing is it will happen."

She squeezed him back. "It will. You have my word."

They held each other in silence for a long time before she tilted her head up, kissing him soundly.

"What was that for?"

"Payment in advance for making me caf."

"Should you be drinking that?"

"It was the first question I asked the med droid. It hemmed and hawed a bit but finally said one cup per day is acceptable. Two on occasion."

Kanan decided against mentioning that Hera had been known to consume two or three entire pots of caf semi-regularly. Presumably that was one of those sacrifices she mentioned she was going to hate before long. Sensing her irritability at the thought, he beat a hasty retreat to the galley, cutting through the common room where a very sheepish looking Zeb was getting thoroughly berated by a very angry Kallus while Chopper looked on with glee.

"Mine's here, yours in there." Was the comment thrown Kanan direction along with a stiff point in the direction he was already heading.

Letting out a quiet groan the Jedi entered the galley. Why couldn't the galaxy just send him one disaster at a time?

His apprentice was clearly oblivious to the inner turmoil he'd caused his mentor, standing by their small counter whistling contentedly to himself while he sorted through a bowl of fruit. He turned at the sound of the door opening.

"Kanan! Have I got a surprise for you!"

All at once Kanan's brain nopped out on him. Cutting the kid off with a gesture, he ground out, "Go to your room."

Ezra shrank back. "But I-"

"I know exactly what you did and rest assured we will be having a very thorough discussion about it. But I am not ready for that yet. So you are going to go to your room, sit on your bunk, and do nothing until I get there."

His padawan, who was a blusher, flushed hotly. "I was only trying-"

"I said we're not talking about it yet. Now go."

"But I haven't showered. And I'm hungry!"

"You've smelled worse," Kanan muttered. Reaching over to the bowl on the counter, he plucked the smallest Jogan from the pile. "Here."

"I'll eat this in two bites."

"You can have more after we've talked. Now do I have to tell you again?"

Defiant attitude tempered if not completely deflated, Ezra gave a small head shake and left the room. His apprehension over the coming lecture, and convection that he was in the right, were broadcasting through the force.

Doing his best to ignore his son's distress, which always pricked at him no matter how angry he was, the Jedi finished making his lover's beverage of choice, taking care to brew it just the way she liked, and headed to the cockpit.

"Ymm," Hera sighed, taking a long sip of the drink. "Care to let me know what all the commotion is about?"

"Ezra and Zeb decided to go off on an entirely foolhardy and unnecessary mission that I will probably be eternally grateful for in a few days but right now I want to strangle them both for."

"Were they successful?" Hera's force signature flared with concern but not yet distress. Wanting to keep it that way, he chose his words with care.

"It would appear so. They got what they were after, and even managed to get away without detection if what Zeb was sputtering is true. Kallus and Chopper have him handled so I don't think there'll be any lessons left to teach there."

His other half looked torn between a cringe and a laugh but she merely asked, "What about Ezra?"

"I haven't talked to him yet, but he knows I'm not happy. Might have scared him a little actually."

"Which you'll apologize for I hope?" The 'I won't stay with a man who won't apologize to his children' went unsaid but Kanan heard it loud and clear.

He nodded. "I will. But he's not getting away with this. That stubborn, caring heart of his is going to get him killed one day."

"Like father, like son."

Kanan glared at her smirk but she didn't relent. "You know I'm right. And it's going to be true two times over before long, so you'd better get used to it now."

A flash of warmth hit Kanan's heart at the thought. He shook his head. "I'm going to be a father. That's going to take a while to sink in."

Hera put her cup down and shifted over onto his lap. "Whatever is going through your head about not being good enough needs to stop right now."

"It's not just me. We're not ready for this. We have nothing a baby needs and we have no experience in raising one. I'm not trying to be difficult, it's just facts."

Hera nodded slowly, bringing one hand up to rest on his cheek. "True. But it's also a fact that we have several months to get everything a baby needs. Shara's due soon so I'm sure she'll be willing to give us whatever her baby's outgrown by the time we'll need it. And when it comes to raising a baby may I point out that we already know how to raise teenagers which is arguably more difficult."

Kanan chuckled. "Well at least infants can't run away when you're not looking and then backtalk you when you catch them."

"See? You're already thinking of the positives. There will be a lot of mistakes I'm sure, but we'll manage."

"Yeah, I guess we will."

"And we won't be alone. You remember that old saying that children aren't raised by their parents, they're raised by their village?" He nodded. "I don't know how much of that is true but I know I couldn't ask for a better village then the one we have. Our child has siblings, uncles and aunts, friends, all people that will be there for him or her even if the worst should happen to one of us. We can do this Love. I know we can."

Kanan didn't speak for a moment - he couldn't. The outpouring of determination and hope and trust that underlay every word she said…Force he loved this woman!

Leaning in for another long kiss he felt all his apprehension slowly begin to fade away. With Hera in his life he could do anything.

"Thank you," he whispered when they parted.

"You're welcome, dear. Now if you're through worrying for the moment there's one very important thing I'd like you to do for me."

"Oh yeah?" Kanan's heart picked up speed again at her secretive smile. "What is it?" He asked, putting on his most charming persona.

A large mug was promptly shoved in his face.

"Refill."

Better? Worse? Either way there will be more.

Everyone probably knows this but Shara Bey is the name of Poe Dameron's mother. He and Jacen are approximately the same age so I thought it would make sense for Kanan and Hera to make use of hand-me-downs. There couldn't have been many sources for new baby clothes/supplies in the Rebellion.

Medical fact in case you're curious: Drinking caffeine in moderation during pregnancy is not quite as dangerous as was once thought. Key word being moderation. One to two small cups per day at the most. Definitely not Hera's average intake. As with all things this can vary from person to person so be sure to consult with your OB/GYN about what is safe for you.