Chapter Four: Six Months
He had gotten a letter with more photographs and more baby stats and the always implied but never expressed message that he should have been there. He had read it at least twice a day for the last month, feeling both euphoric and heart-wrenchingly guilty. He was feeling the same way now, as he made his way towards the large pane of glass he could already see Michelle on the other side of. Michelle whom he hadn't seen in two months. Michelle the mom.
She met his eyes as soon as she saw him, and he could tell by her expression that she was wondering whether to smile or not. He solved this dilemma for her by grinning widely as he sat down, a grin that she returned with relief.
"Hey," she said softly.
"Hey." He smiled and wished he could take her hand and squeeze it. "How are you?"
"I'm... good." She hesitated. "I've never left Zoe with someone else before, so..."
"Who did you leave her with?"
"Your sister," she replied, seemingly anxious to reassure both him and herself. "She says Joanna is thrilled to have yet another new cousin to play with."
Tony chuckled, and Michelle smiled.
"But I guess I'll have to get used to leaving her. I have a new job."
"Michelle, that's great! Where? Doing what?"
"It's a desk job at a computer company. Nothing too exciting."
"That's good," Tony said sincerely.
"Yeah." She nodded.
There was a slightly awkward silence while they both tried to think of something else to say about work without bringing up CTU before Tony decided to drop the subject altogether.
"So," he said, leaning forward eagerly. "Tell me about our daughter."
A large smile spread over Michelle's face. "Well... she wakes me up at all hours of the night, for whatever reason she can think of. She has your mouth and my hair and she likes it when you hold her above your head and make funny noises at her. She drools like there's no tomorrow and throws up on my favorite clothes on a regular basis... Tony, she's just perfect."
Tony nodded and smiled. "I never expected any different."
Michelle smiled too, but Tony could see tears welling up in her eyes. "Tony," she said, her voice breaking, "It's not fair, you should be there with us! You don't deserve to just--"
"Hey..." Tony said softly, cutting her off. "Michelle, please don't cry... I know it hurts, but it'll get better, I promise you it will."
She shook her head. "How can it possibly get better when you're stuck in here? I need you, Tony, I don't think I can do this without you..."
"Sweetheart, listen to me." Tony leaned forward, mentally cursing the glass barrier that kept him from taking her in his arms. "You can do it. You're strong, Michelle... you're one of the strongest people I've ever met. You're stronger than I could ever hope to be. Not only can you do it, but you can do it better than anyone else. Trust me on this."
"Tony..." she said, and he hurt to hear the pain in her voice.
"Trust me," he repeated.
She opened her mouth to protest, but he looked into her eyes and she paused. Finally she nodded.
"Okay?" Tony asked, wanting some verbal confirmation from her.
"Okay." She nodded again, more distinctly, and sniffed.
"Good," he said, and prayed that she really could cope.