Disclaimer: I disclaim.

Author's notes 1: That was the best after-final present I ever had! An inbox full of way-too-nice reviews. They made my whole night. And I totally kicked that final's butt, too (at least I hope so). I am such a math nerd, my family and friends are embarrassed for me when I start spouting off my Matrix-based theory to statistics (there is no spoon). But to those who reviewed, I wish holiday miracles for all of you! And I'm sorry about the slight delay in updating. I've been a little on the bipolar side this week with finals, recovering from finals, end-of-semester social engagements, recovering from those, etc.

Aamalie: Yes, cliffhangers are evil. But, you know what? They are less evil when you update! BTW, thanks for updating OA.

Lily Thorne: I hope I'm a good student. I've been doing it for long enough.

starfighter48: Beware of that book. It has the most disturbing scene in it that I have ever encountered and even I (who eats Stephen King books for breakfast) refused to read it. Once that part is over, it's okay. Not my favorite, but really intriguing.

lodz: Sadly, studying only cuts into my social life, never my sleep.

Aiffe: I like you. Your review made me laugh, then be concerned for you, then laugh again. 1) I took the high road? First time for everything I guess. 2) Maybe iron supplements will help (?). Please tell me you're seeing a doctor. 3) If you call ripping off an idea from a Nobel-prize winning author research, okay, I did some research. 4) I LOVE puns. The worse the better. No, wait…

Fred the Mutant Pickle: I love your screen name. And I'm glad that I'm getting some experiences of those who are blind or are friends with them right. I'm afraid of crapping over people's actual experiences by writing something I know almost nothing about.

Aprill May: Sadly, this as developed as my writing gets. Thank you for noticing that I'm trying to "write blind," so to speak. It takes like three times as long to explain things than if you could just describe them visually. And enough out of you dissing your own writing. If I could write like you, I would seriously consider quitting all this damn school and do that.

And to Serenedy, DogEars22, Holy Psychic Vulpix, Spam-chan, and Crimson Yuki, thank you so much for reviewing. It meant a lot to me that you took the time to tell me you liked the story. Thanks!

Groping

By Starzki

Chapter 3: Sango's Sunrise

I fought consciousness for reasons I couldn't remember. For a few moments, I was suspended between sleep and wakefulness where I could hear what was going on around me, but not make sense of it. Mostly, I was thinking how dark the world behind my eyelids seemed. I felt uncomfortable in my position, but still felt too exhausted to find a new one.

"He's awake. His eyes are open," Sango said from above me. I wanted to argue, No, I'm still asleep and my eyes are closed. But then I remembered my predicament and groaned softly. I made to sit up, but strong arms held me down. My head was pillowed on something soft and warm.

"Are you okay, Houshi-sama?" Sango asked me, still above me. It was her lap that was my new pillow. And she had forgiven me, thank goodness. I resisted the urge to reach out and find her, afraid I would accidentally touch something I shouldn't and make her mad again. Instead I rubbed my eyes.

"I still can't see," I said dejectedly.

"We thought that hit you took might knock the eyesight back into you," joked Inuyasha. I had almost forgotten the demon.

"How long have I been out?" I asked, sitting up to more dizziness and a revived headache that was both a product of the blindness and smacking my head on the ground.

"Couple of minutes. That demon that you slowed down was invisible. I took care of him as soon as I could see him."

"Well, you're welcome, Inuyasha," I said as I rubbed the side that had taken the impact of the charging youkai. If I wasn't blind, I would be able to see a huge purple bruise there by tomorrow.

"Hey, maybe you're being blind was a good thing for that," Kagome piped in with her usual cheeriness. "Miroku-sama was concentrating on using his other senses and picked up on what the rest of us missed by relying on our eyes too much."

Sango helped me to my feet for what seemed like the hundredth time that day and handed me my staff. I sighed and said, "Maybe. But I'd still rather be able to see."

"So, what do we do now?" asked Sango, still holding my elbow. "That was a lot of demons just to be lurking in the forest."

"Yeah," answered Inuyasha. "But I didn't smell Naraku on them anywhere. And they were too disorganized. I don't think they were sent by him."

"Then why were there so many?" asked Shippou.

"Maybe it has something to do with the village we're headed for," guessed Inuyasha. "And that probably means that we're headed in the right direction."

"If that's the case," added Sango, "it'll only get worse the closer we get."

"You're right," said Inuyasha. "Miroku, no offense, but I think you should stay behind. It's too slow waiting for you. Kagome and I can get to the village and bring the priestess back in less time than it could take for all of us to just get there. Sango can stay with you in case any more demons attack around here."

"I'm going with Kagome," shouted Shippou.

"Kirara should go with you, too," said Sango. "She can carry Kagome when she gets tired and you'll get there and back faster."

I opened my mouth to make a flirty remark about Sango wanting to be alone with me, but shut it immediately when I realized that she was just trying to keep the others from having to stay behind and be as useless as I was, assigned to watch over the blind man. She and I would be treading water, in a way, prevented from going forward or retreating to safety. The fewer people (and demons) wasting time with us, the better.

We said our goodbyes. Inuyasha guessed they would be back by the next morning or early afternoon. Sango wished them luck. "Bring back someone to help Houshi-sama. I don't know if time will be a factor in restoring his sight, but I don't want to take any chances. Come back soon."

I reached out, fanning my fingers to touch one of them to assure myself they were more than disembodied voices. I wanted them to know I was here like they were here because I kept forgetting that I was real, not a part of the darkness. I wanted to thank them and beg them to find the way to fix me. But I felt nothing.

"They've gone," explained Sango. "Are you alright to walk? You took a pretty nasty hit back there. I was almost impressed." I nodded at her question, but was too disappointed by my own situation to pick up on the compliment.

Sango moved my free hand to her elbow. "I'm going to move us off the path and, hopefully, out of the forest, okay?"

"Why?"

"I'm trying to avoid more attacks by these forest demons. We'll stand a better chance if they have less places to hide. And they probably watch the path. So hold on tight, to my elbow," she stressed preemptively, "and we'll find a place to camp for the night."

"Is it dark?" I asked.

"No, but it will be in about an hour. I want us settled by then."

Then, we slowly wended our way through the trees. We avoided fallen logs and navigated ditches and streams. My side ached and I still felt so tired and cold, but with Sango there, I didn't once stumble. I didn't mind the pain at all.

In fact, I was slightly disappointed that I wasn't more injured. It would have given me an actual excuse for being left behind. Broken bones and torn ligaments were real, could be traced to a wound. There was a cause for their effect, unlike my blindness. And injuries healed with time. My darkness was so complete that it seemed permanent and I wasn't sure if I would ever see again.

I wasn't about to let it show, but I was terrified that my vision might be gone forever. Most of me cringed and rebelled against the idea of being blind. This part of me railed against the sightlessness and made vague declarations that I would find a way, no matter what, to restore my vision and continue on my quest for revenge and salvation. But another part of me relaxed, was calmed by the darkness. I could just give up on everything. I would have no other choice. I could settle in a village, find a nice girl who didn't mind leading around a blind man, and hand over the responsibility of vengeance to the next generation. Recognizing that even a tiny part of me felt this way was terrifying.

I had never shirked the responsibility thrust upon my by my forefathers. I had never really doubted that I would succeed. I knew I lived on borrowed time. I had squeezed every succulent drop of joy that life had to offer (and had the bruises to show for it). But that also necessarily meant I never considered that I might be defeated. I planned for my future. I could see myself as an old man. These thoughts brought me happiness when the alternative only scared me. So why dwell on something that I couldn't consider?

But it would be so easy to just give up. It tempted me, lulled me with promises of rest and peace. Had this happened only a year before, at a time when I had not joined with Inuyasha, I might have done it. But the thought of my friends going on to fight without me was devastating.

And then there was Sango.

I had never depended on anybody as I had her. She had fought beside me in battle. She worried over me when I was hurt. She had saved me in a thousand little ways. She saved me from injury, from depression, and from myself. I liked who I became when she was around. I would feel wrong, empty, without her near.

What was happening now was just an example of the ways that Sango was there for me unlike any other person. So while a part of me almost welcomed the excuse to stop, rest, pass the torch, and find a way to be happy with the rest of my life, the rest of me knew absolutely that I would never find anywhere near the same happiness as fighting, or even just standing, next to Sango.

As we neared the edge of the forest, Sango's instructions for the placement of my feet became fewer with longer stretches of just walking. If I closed my eyes, I could pretend we were just sharing a pleasant walk together. But at the same time, I knew that was silly because there was no way that Sango was going to let me hang onto her as I was if I could still see.

We had been walking slightly downhill through what felt like the tall grass of a meadow before the ground leveled out and we stopped. "This looks like a good place to spend the night," announced Sango.

"If you say so," I replied soberly.

"Maybe you'll see tomorrow," said Sango hopefully.

"I won't hold my breath," I responded softly, unable to shake free of my foul mood. I did need to rest.

Sango set up our entire camp without complaint. She built the fire and prepared a light supper and even helped me when I needed to relieve my bladder. In a way, it was nice to have her to take care of me. In another way, it was completely humiliating.

I fell asleep to the crackle of the fire, the comforting smell of smoke, and the sound of Sango's stillness. Sadly, I was so worn out that I didn't dream. I would have even welcomed nightmares if it meant that I could see.

- - -

I awoke hours later, confused, forgetting that I was blind. I sat up quickly, my heart hammering against my ribs. As the events of the previous day slowly came back to me, the strange vertigo that had been plaguing me returned. I felt as ethereal and weightless as vapor. It made my stomach churn and my head pound. I waved my arms around me, not recognizing where I was, needing to grasp something real and familiar.

"Houshi-sama?" murmured a sleepy-sounding Sango. I heard her rustle in her makeshift bed next to me. "Are you okay?"

"I still can't see," I whispered back. "I'm sorry to have woken you. I had just forgotten where I was."

Sango did not make to lie back down. Instead, she scooted closer and caught one of my hands. She must have seen the mild panic on my face, in the beads of perspiration on my brow. While I was glad she was there, comforted by her attention and thoughtfulness, I was again ashamed of my own fear.

"You look so sad," Sango said softly. I felt mild surprise. Her voice sounded disappointed. "You haven't smiled once since you've gone blind. Did you know that?"

"No," I replied. I hadn't noticed, but I was touched that Sango had.

"Isn't it funny how sometimes you only notice how much you've grown to depend on something until it's gone?" Sango observed. I remained speechless. I was torn between bawling over the truth of the statement and laughing myself into hysterics that she was telling this to me. So I took the middle ground of thoughtful silence as she continued, "It's just that you're usually so light-hearted and I count on you to be cheerful. You always smile."

"I had a lot to smile about."

"Not any more?"

I sighed. I felt like I was sinking, even with the prettiest girl I had ever met sitting with me, holding my hand, and telling me she was concerned for me. I was depressed by the expanse of blackness before me. It was foreboding and intimidating and I found it hard to keep up my usual easy-going demeanor. "I can't even tell if the sun is up yet," I complained softly. "I'm having trouble adapting."

Sango was silent for a few seconds. Then she said, "The sun is coming up just now, Houshi-sama."

I longed to see the sunrise. "Describe it to me, please," I asked.

Sango shifted and squeezed my hand. Then she was still and silent for a long time. I waited as she gathered her thoughts, her words. And then she began to speak in a low, intimate tone with a singsong cadence.

"Last night, I chose to camp on a plateau on the side of a hill overlooking a valley to the east. Right now, the sun is still hidden, but its rays are shooting over the hills on the other side of the valley. The valley is still hidden in shadow, dark greens and blues and purples. A small, oval pond in the middle of the valley is glinting at the new light. It looks like there are stars twinkling in it, stars on the ground." She took a deep breath and pressed on. "The wind is rustling and making dark and silver patterns in the long grass of the meadow. The eastward hills are almost black in the silhouette of the rising sun, but gilded in a brilliant yellow where the sun is beginning to strike them. The hills are…" Sango began to make a gesture with her hands, realized the futility of that, then finished her thought with words. "The hills look dark and hard, but gentle, too. Like smooth rocks from the ocean just lying on the horizon. The morning mist is obscuring everything, making the lines soft and the landscape look unfinished."

My heart began to beat faster and I felt a lump in my throat. No longer was I seeing darkness but the images that Sango described. I began to make slow circles against the back of her hand with my thumb as I sighed, "And the sky?"

"Oh, Houshi-sama," she said plaintively. "I don't have the words to describe it. I wish you could see it, but then you would know how bad I am at such descriptions."

"Please try."

Sango was quiet for a time, then began again. "The sky above us is still dark, but the stars have all disappeared. Toward the east, the sky lightens from a midnight blue to a deep violet. Nearer to the horizon, the sky is lavender and pink. There are low clouds that are still in shadow, a deep indigo. They're the same color as your eyes, Houshi-sama. But with the light, they are lined in silver. They'll probably pink with the rising sun, but I like them as they are now. It's like something out of one of my dreams. Oh!" she exclaimed suddenly. "The sun just peeked over the hills. It's a deep orange, almost crimson."

I could feel the light on my face. My breath grew shaky and I turned to face Sango imagining her in front of me, surrounded by the sunrise. "Beautiful," I whispered, feeling warmer, more solid, and happier than I had since I had lost my sight. "Thank you."

"There it is," said Sango, sounding happy.

"What?"

"Your smile. I found it." I raised my hand to my face and discovered that I was, indeed, smiling. Realizing this, I smiled wider.

I brought up the hand still holding hers and pressed it to my cheek so that she could feel my grin, as well. "Lady Sango," I said, "I never doubt that you'll be able to make me smile."

A.N. 2: This chapter is just all over the place. I'm having a hard time figuring out where to make my chapter breaks and am probably making the whole story worse. Hopefully, the next chapter will be better.

My parents insist that I go home for the holidays (groan). But I'm brining this with. So I'll either get a lot of writing done to avoid the drama of my family or I'll wrangled into the midst of it get very little done.