Brooke opened her door to find Lucas standing on the other side. His hand raised in motion to knock. As she looked upon his face she couldn't help but feel overwhelm with sadness.
Lucas saw the sadness on her face and quickly reached out to her, concern clearly etched on his solemn face. Only to grasp at nothing but air as she pulled away from his touch.
"Brooke, what's wrong?" He was alarmed by her withdrawal.
"What are you doing here Lucas?" She crossed her arms over her body, as if to ward off any potential harm.
"Don't you remember? It's Friday night, our movie night?" He stood there, hands in his pocket as he watched the emotions play out on her expressive face. But furrowed his forehead when it went from surprise back to withdrawn again.
"You shouldn't be here Lucas. Movie nights aren't a good idea anymore." Brooke reached for her door, ready to close it in his face, only to be stopped by his hands.
"What? Why? What's going on Brooke? You can't just cancel our movie night without at least giving me an explanation." Lucas laid his palm flat against the closing door. He could feel the alarm coursing through his body again as he saw her retreat further into herself.
Brooke closed her eyes, to summon an inner strength she hoped she possessed. As she opened them again, she could see his face staring back at her. She could see the determination in them, but at the same time, she could tell his was afraid. Afraid of the way she was acting. Even she knew she wasn't making any sense right now. Not when her emotions were all over the place.
"I spoke with Peyton today. She told me what happened between you two, and why she was drawing what she was. She told me she still loves you Lucas." She willed the tears that threatened to fall not to as she inhaled deeply, trying to calm herself.
Understanding finally dawned on Lucas as he breathed a sigh of relief. He thought it was something worse, but was glad Peyton finally told her the truth, because he knew it was bothering her. "Oh, is that it? Well I'm happy you two finally talked. I know it was bothering you that she was keeping this from you." Glad they had finally gotten that out in the opening, Lucas took a step forward, but was stopped by her raised hand.
"Yeah, we talked, that's why I think you should leave." Brooke tried her best to remain firm in her decision to have him leave.
"Brooke, I don't understand. If she told you everything, than she must've told you that I only wanted to be friends with her too. Right?"
"I know that too, but that doesn't change the fact that I still don't think you should be here." Brooke raised her hand helplessly as she felt a tear start to slide down her cheek. "Lucas, I can't do this with you anymore. I can't pretend I only want us to be friends, because then I would only be lying to myself and to you." She furiously wiped away the traitorous tear that had fallen.
Lucas reached out to gather her into his arms, and was glad that she didn't pull away this time. "Than don't lie to yourself anymore Brooke. Because I want to be more than friends too. We can have this. Nothing's stopping us from having what we want anymore." He ran his hand up and down her hair in a soothing motion.
Brooke allowed herself to be comforted by him as she soaked in his warmth, knowing this could be the last time she would be held like this again. Regretfully, she pulled herself out of his arms as she shook her head.
"No Lucas, that can't happen. I'm sorry." She wrapped her arms around her body, as if to make up for the lost of warmth that came from his when she was in his arms.
"Why? Why not?" Lucas ran a frustrated hand through his hair.
"Because I don't want to be involved in this sordid love triangle with you and Peyton anymore. The last time that happened, it broke my heart. And I swore to myself I wouldn't let that happen again." Brooke yelled.
"But it's not going to happen again Brooke. I don't have any feelings for Peyton anymore. Can't you see that? You're the one I want to be with." Lucas pleaded, afraid that she was slipping away from him right before his eyes.
"That's what you said the last time Lucas. That's what you said when we first got together, and look what happened." She whispered as memories of the past flooded back to her. The hurt, the betrayal, the pain! She shook her head as if to rid herself of them. "I can't risk getting hurt like that again. What happens if we get back together, and you all of a sudden realize you made the wrong choice again? I can't let that happen."
Lucas grabbed her arms in his as he brought his body closer to hers. "Brooke," he used his finger to tilt her chin up to his and could see the tears clouding her eyes. "I've never been more sure of what I want than I am right now. Peyton and I are the past. You and I are the future. Please, just give us a chance." He begged her as tears of his own welled up in his eyes.
Brooke reached her hand up to cup the side of his face. "Do you remember that night you found me waiting on your doorsteps? The night you were over Peyton's house?" She waited for his nod. "Remember how scared I was about my feelings for you. But you reassured me that the fact we were different was one of the things you loved about me?" He nodded his head again. "I believed you then Lucas. I believed you when you told me you cared about me. I believed you when you told me I had nothing to worry about when it came to Peyton, but then look what happened. I ended up hurt anyway." She watched as regret shown in his eyes and pulled his face back when he attempted to move it away. "Lucas, you're telling me all the same things right now, and although I believe you when you say things are different this time around, I still can't bring myself to open my heart to you like that again."
Lucas watched her as the tears flowed from his eyes. Just when he thought they could finally be together, the past came back to bite him in the a$$. "What can I do to convince you to open your heart again?" He asked his voice thick with tears.
Brooke used her thumb to wipe away his fallen tears as her own flowed freely down her cheeks. "There's nothing you can do Lucas. My heart will open when it's ready, not when I tell it to." She watched as he nodded his head in acceptance. She leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed him gently on his forehead. "I'm sorry!" She said, pulling out of his arms.
He watched as she retreated back into her house and closed the door. He stood there staring at the wall that separated her from him. He raised a hand to the wooden panel and laid a palm against it as he placed his forehead atop his hand. "I'm sorry too Brooke." He whispered brokenly.
Brooke was on the other side of the door with her forehead also leaned against the hard wood as her shoulders shook in sobs. Little did she know, Lucas was still on the other side doing the same.
Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe
Broken in two
And I know you're on to me
That I only come home
When I'm so all alone
But I believe
That not everything is gonna be the way you think it ought to be
It seems like every time
I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won't give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe
Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it's true
No one heals me like you
You hold the key
Never again
Would I turn away from you
I'm so happy tonight
When your love is alright
I do believe
That not everything is gonna be the way you think it ought to be
It seems like every time
I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe
Please say honestly
You won't give up on me
I shall believe
"I Shall Believe" by Sheryl Crow
(Taken from the episode "I Shall Believe" in Season One of OTH)
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A/N: Sorry it's taken me so long to update, and I'm sorry if this chapter isn't good. I've been watching some of Season 1's episodes, specifically the one during Brooke and Lucas' relationship and saw the way him and Peyton hurt her, and I just couldn't bring myself to write anything worthy for this relationship.
I saw how Leyton had total disregard for Brooke in "Crash Course in Polite Conversation," and how that continued up until "I Shall Believe." And you know what? I just really didn't like Lucas all that much after re-watching the first season. It sucked the way he treated her and used her. So I ask, how could I possibly write a fic about something that he never felt. And although he's redeemed himself this season, it's still not all there for me. He's going to have to work a whole lot harder.
In the final episode of the first half of this season "Don't Take Me For Granted" as much as I wanted to believe it was Brooke he was talking about, and even though he showed up at her house, it just doesn't make sense to me that it was her he was talking about. Honestly, I'm at a lost and don't know what to think anymore. Once again, sorry if this chapter sucked, but I just wanted to venture into Brooke's feelings a bit. She was hurt pretty badly last season, and it's unrealistic that they would get back together so quickly after the stunt he pulled.
The song at the end of this chapter is from the episode "I Shall Believe" when Brooke was by him night and day in the hospital. I just had to give major props to Brooke for standing by her man even though he was a lying scoundrel. Right now, I'm not so much a "Brucas" fan, but I am a major "Brooke" fan. Go Brooke!
So, what do you guys think?