Chapter Six: One Year, 1 month
"Zoe, this is your daddy," said Michelle, valiantly attempting to hold Zoe with one hand while putting the phone against their daughter's ear with the other.
Zoe flinched away from the cold plastic phone at first, but listened curiously when she heard Tony's voice coming from it.
"Hello, sweetheart," said Tony, grinning from ear to ear as his daughter gazed up at him.
"Ga!" said Zoe, returning the grin and banging on the glass barrier between them.
Tony glanced at Michelle to see that she too was smiling. He gestured for her to take the phone back from Zoe, who objected loudly at first but soon quieted when Tony began to make faces at her.
Michelle laughed.
"Michelle, thank you so much for doing this," Tony said, the sincerity in his voice slightly undercut by the funny expressions he was pulling.
She nodded, acknowledging his gratitude. "You deserve to see her."
"Thank you," Tony said again, ending his face-pulling so that he could look at his wife. "She's beautiful," he said, glancing again at their daughter.
"Yeah." Michelle smiled and kissed the top of Zoe's head. Tony felt a pang of jealousy that Michelle could touch her and he could not. He suppressed it as soon as it surfaced, but he could tell by the way Michelle was looking at him that she knew what he was thinking.
And then he didn't just want to touch Zoe, he wanted to touch Michelle, he wanted to touch her so badly... it had been almost a year and a half since he had last felt her lips against his, felt the softness of her skin as he brushed his fingers against it, and it would be nineteen years until he got to feel those things again if he got to feel them at all...
Michelle could still tell what he was thinking, he knew. She was probably thinking the same thing; there were tears in her eyes and he forced himself to shrug it off and think about something else because he couldn't bear to see her cry yet again, not on what was supposed to be a happy occasion...
"So, uh, how's Danny?" he asked abruptly.
Michelle blinked and opened her mouth, searching for words. She looked away for a moment and looked back again, new determination in her eyes. "He's okay. He had the kids over for New Year's."
Tony nodded, as if he was really interested, as if he really cared...
Zoe began to fuss and Michelle bounced her up and down, murmuring nonsense words to her, as Tony sat there helplessly, watching them.
Zoe's quiet protestation grew into full-blown howling. Michelle looked at Tony apologetically. "I think I'm gonna have to take her home."
He nodded again -- what else could he do? "Yeah, alright."
"I'll bring her again when she's older," she promised.
More nodding. He understood, but he had just met his daughter for the first time, and now she was going to go away and get older and he would just be waiting, him with his routine so ingrained into his system by now that he might as well be repeating the same day over and over again, while outside things and people changed and grew without him.
"Yeah," he said again.
His casual attitude hadn't fooled her, of course -- he would've known that even if she hadn't looked at him with that melancholy expression again before she too nodded. But somehow things were easier to ignore if they were left unsaid. If he didn't have to see her heart breaking for him the way it had already done so many times, before she picked up the pieces and somehow put it back together for a while.
"I'll see you next month," she said.
"Uh-huh. Take care of her for me."
"I will." Her turn to nod. "I love you."
She got up and left before he had a chance to reply.