Hello yes I know I have only been putting poems up on my profile for a while but look it's another real story ok no need to get to excited I'm just a bored little person praying for a snow day so I don't have to go to school and I can go shopping at borders and I own nothing even my sanity has left me
Yusuke: Wow she's finally got something right!
Shut up Yusuke do you want me to write an embarrassing fic about you possibly pairing you with Kurama?
Yusuke: (is in shock)
I didn't think so now on with the story or fic or whatever I give up and I'm in the center of pet wars between my sister's cat and dog
Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place?
Hiei sat alone in his tree it was the middle of the night and he couldn't sleep, he kept being haunted by his past all the demons he had slayed, his mother's suicide, the thousands of tears she had cried for him (a/n sorry spoiler ) He was stumped at why he was thinking of them now, when then had happened so long ago. He couldn't even close his eyes for a second 'cause the memories would flood his mind as soon as he even tried to get some sleep. He had, had no contact with anyone for weeks, in a way this scared him he didn't want to be banished again (a/n in his past he was banished from the ice world he was born in and he was shunned by the bandits he had thought of as family so in a sense he had been banished two times) But he couldn't face them. So in between his thoughts of loneliness and the memories he thought of a way out, he realized that his real only way out was suicide but he knew he couldn't do it not yet not when it would cause his sister pain.
Like somehow you just don't belong and no one understands you. Do you ever want to run away? Do you lock yourself in your room?
His thoughts were all too much for him just too much. He just wanted to run away from his own mind and lock himself in an empty space somewhere he couldn't think at all and he would be safe. He also knew he could never tell his friends about them(his thoughts) they just wouldn't understand, sometimes Hiei felt that no one understood him but overall he knew someone must.
With the radio turned up so loud that on one hears you screaming no you don't know what it's like when nothing feels alright
They had been searching desperately for him. "Him that was an interesting way of putting it." Kurama thought. They just couldn't find him anyone would think it would be easy to find a high class demon. But no, not if they did not want to be found. So the search continued looking in every tree and high place where they thought Hiei might be, but still they looked they just had to find they're friend, they were really worried if he was ok.
You don't know what it's like to be like me…..
They finally found the small apparition in a tree but when they first saw him they thought he was dead, his skin was sticking to his bones his muscles were limp and his eyes had massive bags under them. Then they realized he was awake and stunned to have them find him. He hesitantly said through his dry mouth
"Kurama? Yusuke?" They nodded and picked him up wondering "what the hell happened to him?" They brought him to Yusuke's (A/n um Kuwabaka I mean Kuwabara will not be appearing I don't know why Maybe he went on vacation) Where they knew that no one would be sane/sober enough to question his presence. So they could bring him back to the Hiei they knew.
To be hurt, to feel lost to be left out in the dark to be kicked when you're down to feel like you've be pushed around
Hiei actually slept at Yusuke's he would wake up in the middle of the night gasping for breath and grabbing for is kanta but he was slowly becoming a well more normal Hiei. He ate and he slept and within a few weeks he had retained his normal shape but he still couldn't escape. He constantly feared that he would lose his friends and he despised his nightmares. Hiei took to cutting in the middle of the night while everyone else slept, it made him feel better. For Hiei it was like a release from the pain of his life and the blood was a bit of penitence for all the blood he had spilled. And on the outside he seemed like the normal Hiei.
To be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you no you don't know what it's like welcome to my life
Days past Hiei's nightmare's became less frequent and he seemed better at least to everyone around him so they let him go not forever but so he could be by himself for a while.(A/n who knows why probably Kurama's idea annoying Shuichi) Hiei's freedom only brought more of his therapy the cuts grew larger and larger the more blood he lost the better he felt. To him the taste of his own blood was refreshing. His nightmares came less and less and he was finally sleeping semi-soundly. But still his heart believed that his friends would abandon him.
Do you wanna be somebody else? Are you sick of being so let out? Are you desperate to find something more before your life is over
Hiei in his solitude searched his mind for reasons to live still remembering his conclusion of suicide but still the reason that Yukina would cry stuck in his mind and he knew that even if he dyed he would honor there if he made her cry for to him making her cry was something no one should ever do
Are you stuck inside a world you hate? Are you sick of everyone around? With their big fake smiles and stupid lies while deep inside you're bleeding
Hiei met with his friends again a few days after his mind searching. He stared into their faces turning in his mind their looks of love and concern into hatred and betrayal, making him feel empty and abandoned with a bitter hatred toward himself until he looked at Yukina seeing that at least she really cared and he finally believed that he would not die of his own accord at least no if she still lived and cared about him
No you don't know what it's like when nothing feels alright you don't know what it's like to be like me….
As soon as he saw it he fled so they would not see his hatred for himself for loving her so much (a/n in a brother sister way) it hurt him for actually caring for the only thing that held him to this life and he knew that if she died his death would be soon to follow he had never really believed what Kurama once said "Suicide is not the answer there is no honor or redemption in that."
No one ever lied straight to your face and no one ever stabbed you in the back you might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be ok everybody always gave you what you wanted you never had to work it was always there you don't know what it's like what its like
Yes I'm sorry for all you people who red the two stories that follow this. This indeed the prequel to Hiei's Suicide and How do you get that Lonely Now review please and tell what you think.