Buffy looked on with an expression of disgust as the new and not-so-improved 'NSYNC made their way into center stage. Jonathan and Larry were in the back row, because neither of them had very good dancing skills, and they were both background characters who I merely used to fill space. Xander and Angel made up the second row, and Buffy nearly fell over when she saw the huge grin on Angel's face. And the front man of the band was, of course, none other than Spike. The intro to "Tearin' Up My Heart" began to play, and they all burst into a perfectly choreographed dance routine that seemed to involve much air-humping and rump-shaking. Again with the disturbing. As the beginning of the actual singing segment of the song approached, Xander gyrated his way to the front of the formation and began to sing.
XANDER
It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you
And when we are apart I feel it too
And no matter what I do I feel the pain
With or without you
ANGEL (dances to the front, begins singing)
Buffy…
Baby, don't you understand
Why we can't be lovers?
I'm a boring brooding man
Don't talk to me, I'm much too dark for you
Let me go
I'm so troubled with my soul
You're too happy for me
I can't take it any more
XANDER, ANGEL, SPIKE, JONATHAN, AND LARRY
It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you
And when we are apart I feel it too
And no matter what I do I feel the pain
With or without you
SPIKE (dances his way back to the front)
Hooooooh, Drusilla!
Baby I can't understand
XANDER, ANGEL, JONATHAN, AND LARRY
I can't understand!
SPIKE
What you're trying to tell me
In the corner of my eye
XANDER, ANGEL, JONATHAN, AND LARRY
Corner of my eye!
SPIKE
Baby I see that you're out of your mind
But don't go
XANDER, ANGEL, JONATHAN, AND LARRY
Go!
SPIKE
I still love you so
But you're leaving me
For some demon, fo sho!
Ohhhhhhhh!
XANDER, ANGEL, SPIKE, JONATHAN, AND LARRY
It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you
And when we are apart I feel it too
And no matter what I do I feel the pain
With or without you
XANDER, SPIKE, JONATHAN, AND LARRY
Tearin' up my heart and-
ANGEL (interrupts)
SOUL!
XANDER, SPIKE, JONATHAN, AND LARRY
When we're apart I feel it too
And no matter what I do I feel the pain, with or without you
XANDER, SPIKE, JONATHAN, AND LARRY
Tearin' up my heart and-
ANGEL (interrupts again, screaming)
SOUL! Let's not forget that I have one, people! Fear my seething angst!
Not appreciating Angel's improvisational skills, Spike bounded across the stage and punched him in the mouth. Angel covered his freshly bleeding nose with one hand, while throwing a punch at Spike with the other. Spike easily dodged the punch. Seeing the return blow as an invitation to continue the fight, Spike tackled Angel. He pinned him to the stage and proceeded to beat the snot out of him, in every sense of the term. Jonathan gasped. Larry, being gay, smiled as he stared at Spike's butt. Xander tried to break up the fight, but Spike threw him off of the stage and into the audience. More specifically, into Giles' arms, who began shrieking inanely again.
Now having overcome the initial shock of it all, Buffy jumped in between the two of them, now both in vampire face. She pulled them apart with ease, you know, Slayer Strength and all. Angel immediately de-vamped.
"Hey, Buff," Angel greeted, looking her up and down. She noticed that his eyes lingered just a bit too long on her chest. She smacked him upside the head.
"Hey, you, face is up here," she said, glaring. Angel rubbed his head. She suddenly remembered that she was in front of an enormous audience in her lovely hooker-wear, so she scuffled offstage, gesturing for them to follow her.
"So, babe, what's shakin'?" Angel asked once they were safely behind the curtain. He moved next to her and put an arm around her waist. She jumped out of his grasp.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!"
"Huh? What do you mean, sweetcheeks?" Angel said, looking confused and moving closer to her.
"Ugh, get away from me!" she screamed, pushing him away.
"Ooh, a fight, fun!" Spike chuckled, grinning and rubbing his hands together. Buffy giving him a venomous look, and he quickly skittered away. She looked back at Angel.
"But-but you said you loved me!" Angel cried. "We're engaged, remember?" He pointed to her whopping diamond engagement ring.
"What about what you sang about me?" Buffy demanded, shrugging off the whole engagement thing to properly be shocked by later, once everything was sorted out. "I'm too happy for you? Look at this face! This is Buffy being angry. Is this too happy for you, because I'm not feeling too damn happy right now!"
"Oh, come on, princess, you know I didn't mean that. The nice people at the record company write all my lyrics. I have no artistic input in the making of any of the songs. I just sing what they write, and they give me cookies!" Angel put on another extremely uncharacteristic smile and cheerfully withdrew a cookie from his pocket. As he took a bite, his forehead went all wrinkly and his eyes turned yellow and his eyebrows disappeared and his fangs showed themselves. A trickle of blood escaped the corner of his mouth as he chewed, swallowed, then smiled again. "Mmm, blood flavored! Want a bite?"
Buffy scrunched up her nose in repulsion and declined. Deciding that she couldn't take any more of Angel at the moment, she turned 12-inch-heel and fled in the opposite direction. Suddenly, a hand shot out from a janitor's closet, pulled her in, and shut the door behind her. The owner of the hand began to snog her passionately. Buffy shoved the mystery man away and heard a resounding crash as he collapsed into some of the equipment in the closet. She fumbled around on the wall for a while before finding a light switch. Why she didn't just run away again, I do not know. She's Buffy, and she does whatever the crap she wants. Don't ask me to fathom the way a Slayer's mind works. So anyway, blahblahblah, she turned on the light.
"Spike?! HOLY SHI-"
Before Buffy could complete her profanity, Spike had jumped up from the pile of assorted cleaning devices and covered her mouth with his hand.
"What do you think you're doing? Someone'll hear us!"
Buffy pushed him down again, this time into a large bucket of mop water. Spike cursed as he pulled his soaking wet buttocks out of the bucket and stood back up.
"What's going on here?! I'm getting married! Why the hell are you kissing me?!"
Spike patiently took her by the shoulders. "Uh… Buffy? Have you been doing drugs again? I told you to quit buying from that damned dealer down on Faith's corner. It's unhealthy. And not to mention, you keep interfering with Faith's – er – business."
"NO! I'm ma-marrying Angel! But you were making out you! And… OH GOD! I'm having an affair!"
And with that, Buffy ran screaming out of the broom closet. She had gotten about ten feet when she toppled off of her shoes and smacked to the ground. She ripped her shoes off and continued running barefoot. She ran and ran and didn't stop until she saw Willow behind the soundboard, nuzzling the roadie.
"Willow! Oh thank God!"
Willow and the roadie looked up. Buffy discovered that the roadie was, of course, Oz. Willow smiled, gave Oz a quick kiss on the lips, and joined her best friend.
"Willow, I need some help," Buffy said desperately. She then proceeded to explain in great detail the exact events of the last few chapters. Hopefully, you haven't forgotten them yet. If so, go back and read it because I don't feel like typing it all out. Heehee.
"…so," Buffy continued, "do you think you can help me find this wormhole thingy?"
"Oh, you mean the swirly thing looming sinisterly above the stadium?" Willow asked, pointing up.
"That's it!" Buffy yelled. "But how do I get up there?"
"I can help," Oz said from behind them. Buffy turned to face him. "I can rig up some explosives and launch you up there."
"E-explosives?" Buffy inquired warily. "Sounds dangerous."
Just then, Angel and Spike emerged from two different sides. Each was bearing a bouquet of flowers.
"Buffy!" they both shouted. The saw each other and immediately began to beat each other severely about the head and neck with their flowers. Buffy spun back around.
"Okay, let's do it."
Five minutes later, Angel and Spike were still going at it. In the meantime, Oz had arranged a number of large rockets at the front of the stage, all of which aimed at the wormhole entrance. Buffy sat down on the biggest one, and Oz signaled that he was about to set them off. He pressed the button, and she shot up in the air, leaving a trail of multicolored sparks in her wake. She flew directly into the mouth of the wormhole, safe and sound and just a little bit singed.