Their footsteps echoed through the empty corridor. Neither had spoken since their departure from sickbay. Lexxi walked a half a step behind Spock, keeping her eyes on the back of his head. She opened her mouth to speak, but heard his low, gravelly voice, "I must apologize, Lieutenant." He said this without slowing, without turning. Without waiting for her to respond, he continued. "My entering your mind was an invasion of your privacy."
Lexxi closed the gap between her and the Vulcan. Smiling, she looked into his bottomless dark eyes and asked, "Was that the most logical way to start this conversation?"
"It had to be said," Spock replied, not looking at her.
"I accept your apology," Lexxi stated, "with on of my own."
This seemed to startle Spock and he looked at her. She stopped walking and he obediently did the same, studying her face, his eyes landing on hers.
Spock's scrutiny disturbed Lexxi and she stumbled over her words. "I wanted to…uh, I apologize, Mr. Spock, for resisting your mind meld so persistently. It must have been painful for you." She smiled. "One hell of a ride, huh?"
With an impassive expression on his lean face, Spock turned and continued walking. Lexxi had no choice but to follow. He kept the pace slow, so she would not tire herself, but this was not a leisurely stroll. This one was so unpredictable. He carefully reviewed the situation in his mind. He knew what he wanted to find out, but was having difficulties easing into the subject, as he had found worked best with humans. But she was not human.
Suddenly, Spock stopped walking. Lexxi had to sidestep to avoid running into him. "This is it," he stated simply and paused. The door whooshed open and Lexxi cautiously stepped through. Turning to thank him, she noticed that he was frowning. To anyone else, it would have been indiscernible, but she'd spent enough time among his kind to know a frown.
""May I join you?" he asked, "I wish to speak with you."
Lexxi started at the request. Not as predictable as the thought, was he? "Of course, Mr. Spock, come on in. You probably know where everything is anyway" She took another step into the darkened room and allowed him to pass her. On the way, he tuned on the lights. The tension in the plain room was thick and heavy. It had to be hers, Vulcans were never tense.
Sitting gingerly on the bed, Lexxi clasped her hands casually in her alp. She sat at the foot of the bed, and waited for the brooding Vulcan to take a seat next to her. Spock, however, remained standing in the shadows. "Please sit," she requested. He sat and began to speak.
"I am sure you are aware of what I am about to address."
Lexxi sighed, "I have a pretty good idea yes." This was not going to be like her conversation with the doctor. "I cannot guarantee answers."
"Indeed."
There was a pause.
"The words," Lexxi began, "are an ancient form of Vulcan healing." She stopped, noting that the climate in the room was rather warm for her. This was a problem. It was probably rather cool for him. "Computer," she called out, "raise climate to simulate Vulcan."
"You need not do that." Spock protested.
Lexxi frowned and continued her earlier strain of conversation. "I don't know how they work, why they work, or anything about them. Hell, I didn't even know they were going to work." She carefully studied Spock's face. It revealed none of his thoughts.
"I, uh, learned them from a healer I'd become acquainted with during my stay on Vulcan. I only know they help with meditation and focus during loss of control."
"Quite correct, Lieutenant," Spock stated crisply, "You were on Vulcan?"
"Yes," Lexxi answered slowly. She was unsure of what exactly she wanted to reveal. I f she began speaking, she may not stop until it was too late. But he had the right to know. He'd revealed plenty to her already. "I arrived in 2245 and left a year after you did. I was perfecting my knowledge of the Vulcan language, learning about its culture and escaping Earth." Lexxi cursed inwardly. Already, she'd said too much.
One of the Vulcan's eyebrows shot up in puzzlement. "Escaping Earth?"
Lexxi suddenly became aware of the heat. Her feet were sweating in their boots and her hands became slippery with moisture. A part of her cried out, yearning achingly to tell this stoic figure everything, sure that within the deep abyss in his eyes there was understanding. He knew her pain, some of it, shared her isolation. She'd seen what she was sure no one had seen…emotion in the emotionless.
No, stop! Lexxi mind screamed. It will all be over soon. All be over soon.
Minutes had passed since the last word spoken. The silence weighed heavy on the room. Spock was sure Lieutenant Montgomery was not going to elaborate. He abandoned the hanging questions and instead stated bluntly, "You saw that this troubled me in the mind meld."
"Yes," Lexxi agreed. She kept her eyes on his, anticipating the next blow, the one to topple her precarious balance and send her over the edge. She was strung so tight and her mind had such a weak hold over her heart. Her heart, that knew that the end was near and wished to relieve the pain.
Spock watched as Lieutenant Montgomery's cheeks flushed gray blue and her eyes, piercing green, blazed with frustration.
"Lieutenant," he called her and she looked away, her hard expression melting to a weak smile.
"Call me Lexxi." Even though she knew he wouldn't, she tried. So many people shunned away from the informality.
Spock plunged directly into his questions. "Do the words 'And a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries' come from a song?"
Lexxi paused, momentarily confused. Then she remembered. It was in her head. The same time he was. "May I access the ship's library?"
"Of course, Lieutenant." It hadn't worked.
Lexxi rose from the bed and slid into the chair behind the desk. "Computer, access the ship's library," she commanded.
"Working…" a flat female voice replied. "Ship's library accessed."
"Look up music, middle to late twentieth century." Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Spock raise an eyebrow. "Simon and Garfunkel, 'I Am A Rock,' play audio supplement and store on disk." Lexxi turned slightly in her chair to face the now standing Vulcan as the soft guitar drifted through the room. His face remained empty as they both listened.
A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
Don't talk of love,
Well I've heard the word before;
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island
.And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.
"I'm sorry," Lexxi whispered.