DISCLAIMER- I don't own Reese's Peanut Butter cups, or any of the characters. I do own the room with the bowl full of Reese's cups, however.
AUTHOR'S NOTE- Please, do not read this fanfiction! I have solemnly sworn to research and record how each Snicket character would eat a reese's. But you have not made any oath saying you must read this story. If you do, you will find yourself craving chocolate or some kind of sugar. Spare yourself the horror and find another story.
HOW WOULD SIR EAT A REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUP?
Opening the door, Sir surveyed the room. It was impossible to tell where he was looking, because his cloud of smoke covered his eyes. He was smoking a cigar thoughtfully, and he might have been smiling, but my sources could not confirm that.
He walked over to the table and reached into the bowl, drawing out a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.
"I'll leave the chewing gum and coupons to my stupid employees." he laughed. "A man with an impronouncible name such as myself deserves candy."
He unwrapped it and pushed the Reese's Cup into the cloud of smoke. I have researched for a long time, and I believe I can be fairly certain that Sir ate the candy.
I am sorry to say the nobody witnessed what happened next. I have not been able to find a single video camera, spy glass, innocent bystander, guilty bystander, or snake of any kind that was in the room and happened to glance at Sir when suddenly a gust of wind from the door swept into the room and blew some of the smoke from the man's face. It took forever for my research to even prove that their was such a gust, and that his face was uncovered for at least five
seconds. Those five seconds would have been all I would have needed to prove my suspicions. But my years of research has been unsuccessful. I know Sir laughed faintly as his face was uncovered, then quickly inhaled more snoke from his cigar, covering his face once more. I know that he then quickly left the room, leaving only the candy wrapper. If this horror and misery is causing you grief, please pick a different fanfiction story.
HOW WOULD PHIL EAT A REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUP?
Phil walked into the room and looked over at the table. He also saw the bowl with the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. "Why look," he said, "Isn't that lucky? Someone must have wanted to give us workers a break from gum." he walked over and looked in the bowl. "Oh, there's only one left." he smiled, "But that's okay. I'm lucky to get one. It sure was nice of Sir to give us this."
Phil picked up the Reese's cup and realized it was just a wrapper. "I guess the other employees were really hungry." he said. Then he noticed one that was lying on the ground. "How lucky!" he exclaimed.
Bending down he picked up the candy. It was flattened and looked like it had been stepped on. He unwrapped it, then looked at the ingredients "Cocoa Butter? I can't eat that without getting horrible rashes. I think they're only in Reese's Cups." he sighed. "Oh well."
He walked out of the room saying, "Maybe since all the other employees ate them, they'll be full and they'll give me their gum."
HOW WOULD COUNT OLAF'S EVIL THEATER TROUPE EAT A REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUP?
The hook handed man surveyed the room. It had only a table with a bowl on top. The bald man with the long nose ran his hands through his non-existant hair and frowned when his fingers met with air. One of the powdery-faced women was swiftly applying powder to the other women's face.
"You should have done it as soon as you got up." she scolded.
"I was just a little bit tired!" the women with her face half covered in power protested.
I'm sorry to say that no one was there to record what the woman looked like without the powder on her face. Then I may have been able to recognize her and give her a name other then 'the powder faced woman'. K was supposed to be dressed as a dragonfly and hiding in the room, but for some reason she was late. I can only hope something did not happen to her. She is so horribly flammible.
The person who looked like neither a man nor a women grunted, but couldn't squeeze through the door. Instead, he or she just stood out in the hallway, blocking the doorway.
"Ha!" the hook-handed man laughed."You can't even fit in the door!"
The associate outside the door made a grab for the hook-handed man, but missed. "Hey!" exclaimed the hookhanded man. "What are you trying to do? We're on the same side, remember?"
"Yeah." chimed in the woman who now had powder all over her face. "So no fighting."
"We're all in this together." the other woman agreed. "We're friends."
They all smiled wide, fake grins at each other and nodded.
"Of course." the bald man said nodded, "We always share with each other."
Then he spotted the Reese's Cups in the bowl. "Hey guys." he said. "It's obvious that Olaf's not here. You can just go to the next room."
"Okay," the hook-handed man agreed. "Maybe it'll have a bigger doorway." he snickered.
They started to leave, except the bald man, who stayed behind. "Aren't you coming, Baldie?" asked the hook-handed man.
The bald man glared at him. "You go ahead, Hookie. I'll be there in a minute."
Then one of the powdery-faced women spotted the candy. "Look what's in the bowl!" she exclaimed. They all turned and raced to the bowl. The two white-faced women got there first and began tugging at the bowl, each holding one side.
"I saw it first!" one exclaimed.
"I saw it second, and I deserve it more!" the other argued.
The one who looked like neither a man or a women was struggling to get through the door.
The hookhanded man was trying unsecccessfully to snag a candy from the bowl with his hooks. The bald man reached into the bowl and grabbed five or six, then started to run toward the door with them.
The one who looked like neither a man nor a women rammed him or herself against the doorway and it broke. He or she then rushed in, grabbed the bowl, and held it above his or her head.
"No fair!" the powder-faced women cried. "You're taller then us!"
Just then Count Olaf's voice was heard from somewhere outside the room. "Are you numbskulls ready yet? You'd better not be fighting!"
The bald man sighed and handed one of his candies to the hook handed man, who stuck his hook through it. "Only one!" he grumbled.
"If it wasn't for Olaf, you wouldn't get any." The bald man retored.
The person who looked like neither a man nor a women tossed two candies to the powder-faced women, then dumped the contents of the bowl into his or her mouth, wrappers and all.
"Gross." one woman muttered.
"That's not nice." the other women said. "After all, we're friends and we share."
"Of course," they all nodded and agreed. "We just hate those orphans."
Then they walked slowly out of the room, leaving the bowl behind them.
REVIEWERS-
ERMonkey, Queen of Insanity- Yeah, this isn't really ASAP, but I've got a math final. I know, fanfiction is more important, but for some reason my Mom doesn't understand that known fact. Oh well. Here's the chapter.
Leigh A. Sumpter- Glad you liked it. I hope someday they make fake peanut butter out of tofu or something so you can enjoy a Reese's Cup.
o0wallpaper0o- Believe me, England is much more interesting then the US. Except for the fact that we have better candy!! I went to Camebridge for half a year when I was in kindgergarden, but that's it. All I remember is losing my favorite necklace there and getting confused because everyone called cookies 'crackers'.
Smilies- No I will not break you off a piece of MY Reese's Cup! Muahahahaha! It's all mine!
KittyWillow- I was just going to do Sir and Phil this chapter, but you asked for important people, so I decided to take an extra day and do the theather troupe. A BUNNY!! You're soooooo luckey! Bunnies are sooooo CUTSIE! They hop around! And they don't make noise (unlike hamsters, who just love waking you up at night excercising on that stupid, squeaky wheel) Wow, I ramble, don't I? Hee hee. Why Carson? I named my hamster Artemis after the greek goddess, and Artemis Fowl.
PrincessEilonwy- Sorry it took so long to update but I have this stupid portfolio thingy due in Language Arts. We have to reflect on everything we've done this year! It's soooo stupid. And write how we should improve our writing and reading and blah, blah, blah. I'll definitly do the freaks. Probably all together would be easiest.
Coffee Luv and MORT- Yeah! You figured out the code! It took me sooooo long to write that so it would make sense, and really say something in code. I have no idea how Lemony Snicket does it. He must have waaay too much time on his hands.
S-Drama-Queen-17- Thanks. I like writing like Lemony Snicket, but it's not easy.
Lilana JoHannah Estel Nocakovich- Wow, five middle names! Chinese people don't have middle names. I just have a boring, normal first, middle and last name. Snooooore. So people just give me nicknames. On of them is M&M, even though I like Reese's Cups a lot better then boring 'ol M&M's. I'm a fourth German, or something like that.
Visualpurple- Hello! Our church's power went out becuase of the storm. We also had to have a Severe Storm Watch in school. That's were you're supposed to sit in the hall with your head between your knees. But everyone got tired of sitting like that so we just sat normally. The sky was all blacky and greeny. Pretty scarey.
Muskrat- That's ok, I cheated to make this code. I had to looked through the autobiography and remember how the code worked. It took forever!
Lilly Parkinson- Glad you liked my story. Thanks for reviewing!
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