DISCLAIMER- I don't own the characters. I'm also uncreative about disclaimers. All I can think to say is DON'T READ THIS BECAUSE IT WILL MAKE YOU SAD AND WANT A REESE'S CUP!
HOW WOULD THE MURDEROUS CROWD EAT A REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUP?
Just then, the murderous crowd rushed into the room.
"Hey!" Cried the man with pimples on his chin. "Where're the lions? I wanted to see the lions!"
"Yes!" Agreed the woman with dyed hair. "This stupid carnival was supposed to have a lion show with violence and sloppy eating."
"I can just see the headline: CROWD GETS LOST ON THE WAY TO THE LION SHOW." The reporter exclaimed. "Wait until the readers of The Daily Punctilio see that!"
Just then, the man with pimples on his chin noticed the Reese's Cups. "I wanted violence and sloppy eating!" He cried out. "And I'm going to get it, even if I have to do it myself!" He took one of the Reese's Cups, unwrapped it, and threw it at the woman with dyed hair. "Food fight!" he cried.
"I'll get you for that!" The woman with dyed hair replied, snatching a candy from the bowl and throwing it back.
"I can just see the headline: BOWL OF REESE'S CUPS START HUGE FOOD FIGHT. Wait until the readers of The Daily Punct-" Someone threw a piece of candy at the reporter, who glared at that someone and threw a candy back.
Chaos ensued. Everyone was throwing candies this way and that. Suddenly, a woman wiped Reese's Cup off her face and stuck her finger in her mouth. "Yummy!" she cried. "This is chocolate and peanut butter!"
The man with pimples on his chin took a bite out of the candy he was about to throw. "This is good!"
"I can see the headlines: FOOD FIGHT STOPPED BY DISCOVERY OF DELICIOUS CANDY! Wait until the readers of The Daily Punctilio see that!" The reporter cried.
Then everyone began grabbing candy and stuffing their faces with it. "I haven't gotten one yet!" Cried the women with dyed hair. Within minutes, all the candy was gone, even the ones that had been squished on the floor.
"Gosh, that was fun." The man with pimples on his chin said. "I love violence and sloppy eating, especially when I'm involved."
"We still might have time to find the lion show!" Someone remarked. Then the crowd rushed out of the room, hoping to witness more violence and sloppy eating.
"I can just see the headlines," the reporters voice faded as the door closed, "CROWD GOES SEARCHING FOR...."
HOW WOULD MADAM LULU EAT A REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUP?
Madam Lulu walked into the room, her starry cloak swirling around her ankles. "Who is there, please? Are there any customers who want their fortune told by the great Madam Lulu?" There was silence in the room. Madam Lulu looked around the room and confirmed that it was empty, except for a bowl of Reese's Cups, the table, and my assistant who was in his hiding place.
Madam Lulu's knees buckled and she collapsed on the floor. Then she began to wail. "I can't keep this up anymore! I wish just once I could answer to the name Olivia! My true name! But no, I'm Madam Lulu now."
She looked up at the bowl of Reese's Cups. "Hmmmm. I think I remember a bald man and a woman without a beard coming into my tent and asking about Reese's Cups." Olivia, or Madam Lulu as most people call her, scratched her head. "They said something about wanting to know the location of a room with a bowl of Peanut Butter Cups. Something about there being 'rats in the walls' and they wanted to 'catch them and burn them' or something." Suddenly Olivia's face grew white. "They couldn't mean volunteers, could they? Are there volunteers here? In the walls?" She glanced around, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.
Then with a laugh, she shook her head. "I'm being silly. Nobody knows that I was Olivia. Olivia and who she used to be is dead, do you hear me? DEAD! No more secret handshakes or messages, no more 'I didn't know this was a sad occasion', no more keeping the world quiet and NO MORE VFD!" She yelled the last line and smiled.
"It felt so good to say that." Madam Lulu said. "Now, I'd better go tell that man and women about this room. They certainly had an aura of menace, didn't they?" Then she took another looked at the candies.
"Well, it wouldn't hurt to take one piece for myself." She decided. "I know my new goal in life is to give people what they want, but they didn't want the Reese's! I want one, and I'm going to give myself what I want and have one!"
Madam Lulu grabbed a candy, unwrapped it, and took a big bite. "Yum! This is delicious. I haven't had one since I got my tatoo." She looked down at her ankle and shivered as she saw the eye.
"I need to get that removed. Olivia may have had an eye tatoo, but Olivia was a volunteer. Madam Lulu is a fortune teller, and fortune tellers do not have freaky eye tatoos, please." And with that, she walked out of the room.
HOW WOULD THE FREAKS EAT A REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUP?
Hugo, Collete and Kevin walked into the room. "This definitely isn't the freaks' caravan." Kevin pointed his ambidextrous hand at the table and the bowl of Reese's Cups.
Collete looked around and saw the candy in the bowl. "Yum! Reese's Cups!"
Hugo walked slowly over to the table and said, "Wow. I guess Esme musta wanted to make us feel less....freakish. She must have wanted us to eat these."
Collete nodded. "Esme is so nice, and she always wants to make us feel welcome. I bet Reese's Cups are very "in" right now, and she wants us to be "in" too."
Hugo blinked. "In where?"
Collete just shook her head. "Never mind."
Kevin took a candy and said, "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going to eat these as unfreakishly as possible. Could you tie my hand behind my back?"
"Which one?" Colette asked.
Kevin shrugged, "It doesn't matter, remember?"
"Oh...right." She laughed. "But I don't have anything to tie it with."
"Hmmmmm." Kevin thought aloud. "I guess I'll just hit it against the table really, really hard. Then it will hurt too much for me to use." He slapped his fist against the table as hard as he could. "Owwwwwwww!" Kevin cried.
"Are you okay?" Hugo asked. "You should be more careful."
"I'm better then ever." Kevin said, holding up his smarting left hand. "Now I can only use my right hand." He picked up a Reese's Cup with his right hand and began unwrapping it one-handed, which was difficult.
"How can I eat my piece un....freakishly?" Hugo mumbled.
"How about lying on your stomach?" Colette suggested. "Then the hump on your back won't be very obvious."
"Okay." Hugo agreed. He took a piece of candy and laid down on his stomach.
"I'll try not to contort at all while I eat mine." Colette said, as she picked up a candy. "I'll eat it like a normal, unfreakish person." They all unwrapped their candy, Hugo on his stomach, Kevin with his right hand, and Colette very carefully with straight arms like a robot. Then the popped them in their mouth and chewed slowly.
"It feels good to eat something that's so unfreakish." Colette said.
"Too bad I can't learn how to make these." Hugo said sadly.
"I'm glad Esme was nice enough to think of us." Kevin smiled.
When they had finished, they left the room, still smiling.
THERE'S NO WRONG WAY TO EAT A REESE'S!
REVIEWERS-
KittyWillow- Now I feel really stupid. It never even occured to me that Dr. Orwell was an EYE doctor. cough VFD cough. I knew her office was eye shaped and Klaus went to her because he broke his glasses, but it never occured to me that eye had to do with the eye tatoo. I guess I'm just kinda oblivious. What's a katana? I named this chapter after what you said in your review. The CCC's. I still have plenty more characters, silly! The snow scouts, the man and women with the aura of menace, the snow gnats......actually, that's just three. Oh well. One more chapter!
RandomGal21- I like your name. It's very....random! You've never heard of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? You poor unfortunate soul! Where are you from? I live in the US. They're one of the most popular candies, and least for me. I loooooove them to death!
Leigh A. Sumpter- Gustav was Uncle Monty's assistant, but he mysteriously disappeared so Stephano (cough, cough) COUNT OLAF (cough, cough) Excuse me, I've got a cold. Anyway, so Stephano took over the job. Charles was the nice man who helped the Baudelaires at the miserable mill. I haven't decided for Ron or Hermione. That's a good idea. I'm going to start it soon, since I've only got three more Lemony Snicket characters left.
o0wallpaper0o- I'm baaaaaack! South France? Coolio. That sounds fun. No more vacations for me. Except the 2 month one to the North Pole that's next week. Just kidding!
Jen- No, I haven't tried Limited Edition Reese's Cups. I've tried Inside Out, but they're not as good because they have less chocolate and I really like the chocolate.
Visualpurple- I got your postcard, thanks a bunch! I'll be sending you a letter or e-mail soon. I got all your cute smiley e-mails. They're so cool! I'm sooooo excited about school. I don't like it after a week, but getting ready and going school shopping is fun, especially because we're going to HIGH SCHOOl!!! Weeeeee!
S-Drama-Queen-17- Thanks for the review!
Ash-of-Evenstar- Wow! Australia! That's so cool! A Reese's Cup is a piece of candy. It has a circular chunk of peanut butter in the middle, with really delicious chocolate around the outside. It's winter in Australia, right?
Queenofinsanity- I'm soooooooo sorry I forgot to respond to your review! I can't believe it!!! Please forgive me!!!!!!! Here, I'll make up for it by giving you two notes.
Queenofinsanity- Does that make you feel better? Thanks for not flaming and telling me I'm forgetful, because I already know that. My sister would agree. I sometimes ask her the same question three times! Once I made my bed with her in the room, then went into my closet. When I came out, I thanked her for making my bed, before I remember that I had just made it! That's what I call sad.
Dragonblade vs. Jet-sama- Sorry you didn't like my story.
luvruvsweets- I love peanut butter too! Yummy! But I don't like peanuts, for some odd reason. They're just too hard and they don't taste the same!
PrincessEilonwy- Yup. Charles skips. At least, in my stories. Ok, here's the update. Don't die on me. Thanks for reviewing!
Freppy- I actually got all Klaus's facts off the internet. They're true! Yeah, I eat Reese's Cups while I'm writing this story, usually, when I can find some. Glad you liked the story!
Freakish Muffin- Thanks for reviewing!
?????- Hey, do you have a pen name? Here's Madam Lulu. I'm trying to do them in order, but I did Quigley too soon. Oh well. Glad you like the chapter!
Violet Baudelaire- Nooooo! I'm going to miss your reviews! You're not 13 yet, huh? I thought not. When I asked your age, you said you'd tell me later. Well, I joined when I was 12 and 10 months or something. I just promised my mom I'd only read G rated stories, and she said it was ok. I still only read G stories, unless I know that author and have read other G rated stories by him/her, then I can read a PG story. Have you noticed that there are almost no boys on fanfiction? The only one I know of is Klaus Baudelaire. That's it! Kinda odd. I guess boys aren't the writing sort.
READ AND REVIEW!!! PLEASE?
HOW WOULD THE MURDEROUS CROWD EAT A REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUP?
Just then, the murderous crowd rushed into the room.
"Hey!" Cried the man with pimples on his chin. "Where're the lions? I wanted to see the lions!"
"Yes!" Agreed the woman with dyed hair. "This stupid carnival was supposed to have a lion show with violence and sloppy eating."
"I can just see the headline: CROWD GETS LOST ON THE WAY TO THE LION SHOW." The reporter exclaimed. "Wait until the readers of The Daily Punctilio see that!"
Just then, the man with pimples on his chin noticed the Reese's Cups. "I wanted violence and sloppy eating!" He cried out. "And I'm going to get it, even if I have to do it myself!" He took one of the Reese's Cups, unwrapped it, and threw it at the woman with dyed hair. "Food fight!" he cried.
"I'll get you for that!" The woman with dyed hair replied, snatching a candy from the bowl and throwing it back.
"I can just see the headline: BOWL OF REESE'S CUPS START HUGE FOOD FIGHT. Wait until the readers of The Daily Punct-" Someone threw a piece of candy at the reporter, who glared at that someone and threw a candy back.
Chaos ensued. Everyone was throwing candies this way and that. Suddenly, a woman wiped Reese's Cup off her face and stuck her finger in her mouth. "Yummy!" she cried. "This is chocolate and peanut butter!"
The man with pimples on his chin took a bite out of the candy he was about to throw. "This is good!"
"I can see the headlines: FOOD FIGHT STOPPED BY DISCOVERY OF DELICIOUS CANDY! Wait until the readers of The Daily Punctilio see that!" The reporter cried.
Then everyone began grabbing candy and stuffing their faces with it. "I haven't gotten one yet!" Cried the women with dyed hair. Within minutes, all the candy was gone, even the ones that had been squished on the floor.
"Gosh, that was fun." The man with pimples on his chin said. "I love violence and sloppy eating, especially when I'm involved."
"We still might have time to find the lion show!" Someone remarked. Then the crowd rushed out of the room, hoping to witness more violence and sloppy eating.
"I can just see the headlines," the reporters voice faded as the door closed, "CROWD GOES SEARCHING FOR...."
HOW WOULD MADAM LULU EAT A REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUP?
Madam Lulu walked into the room, her starry cloak swirling around her ankles. "Who is there, please? Are there any customers who want their fortune told by the great Madam Lulu?" There was silence in the room. Madam Lulu looked around the room and confirmed that it was empty, except for a bowl of Reese's Cups, the table, and my assistant who was in his hiding place.
Madam Lulu's knees buckled and she collapsed on the floor. Then she began to wail. "I can't keep this up anymore! I wish just once I could answer to the name Olivia! My true name! But no, I'm Madam Lulu now."
She looked up at the bowl of Reese's Cups. "Hmmmm. I think I remember a bald man and a woman without a beard coming into my tent and asking about Reese's Cups." Olivia, or Madam Lulu as most people call her, scratched her head. "They said something about wanting to know the location of a room with a bowl of Peanut Butter Cups. Something about there being 'rats in the walls' and they wanted to 'catch them and burn them' or something." Suddenly Olivia's face grew white. "They couldn't mean volunteers, could they? Are there volunteers here? In the walls?" She glanced around, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.
Then with a laugh, she shook her head. "I'm being silly. Nobody knows that I was Olivia. Olivia and who she used to be is dead, do you hear me? DEAD! No more secret handshakes or messages, no more 'I didn't know this was a sad occasion', no more keeping the world quiet and NO MORE VFD!" She yelled the last line and smiled.
"It felt so good to say that." Madam Lulu said. "Now, I'd better go tell that man and women about this room. They certainly had an aura of menace, didn't they?" Then she took another looked at the candies.
"Well, it wouldn't hurt to take one piece for myself." She decided. "I know my new goal in life is to give people what they want, but they didn't want the Reese's! I want one, and I'm going to give myself what I want and have one!"
Madam Lulu grabbed a candy, unwrapped it, and took a big bite. "Yum! This is delicious. I haven't had one since I got my tatoo." She looked down at her ankle and shivered as she saw the eye.
"I need to get that removed. Olivia may have had an eye tatoo, but Olivia was a volunteer. Madam Lulu is a fortune teller, and fortune tellers do not have freaky eye tatoos, please." And with that, she walked out of the room.
HOW WOULD THE FREAKS EAT A REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUP?
Hugo, Collete and Kevin walked into the room. "This definitely isn't the freaks' caravan." Kevin pointed his ambidextrous hand at the table and the bowl of Reese's Cups.
Collete looked around and saw the candy in the bowl. "Yum! Reese's Cups!"
Hugo walked slowly over to the table and said, "Wow. I guess Esme musta wanted to make us feel less....freakish. She must have wanted us to eat these."
Collete nodded. "Esme is so nice, and she always wants to make us feel welcome. I bet Reese's Cups are very "in" right now, and she wants us to be "in" too."
Hugo blinked. "In where?"
Collete just shook her head. "Never mind."
Kevin took a candy and said, "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going to eat these as unfreakishly as possible. Could you tie my hand behind my back?"
"Which one?" Colette asked.
Kevin shrugged, "It doesn't matter, remember?"
"Oh...right." She laughed. "But I don't have anything to tie it with."
"Hmmmmm." Kevin thought aloud. "I guess I'll just hit it against the table really, really hard. Then it will hurt too much for me to use." He slapped his fist against the table as hard as he could. "Owwwwwwww!" Kevin cried.
"Are you okay?" Hugo asked. "You should be more careful."
"I'm better then ever." Kevin said, holding up his smarting left hand. "Now I can only use my right hand." He picked up a Reese's Cup with his right hand and began unwrapping it one-handed, which was difficult.
"How can I eat my piece un....freakishly?" Hugo mumbled.
"How about lying on your stomach?" Colette suggested. "Then the hump on your back won't be very obvious."
"Okay." Hugo agreed. He took a piece of candy and laid down on his stomach.
"I'll try not to contort at all while I eat mine." Colette said, as she picked up a candy. "I'll eat it like a normal, unfreakish person." They all unwrapped their candy, Hugo on his stomach, Kevin with his right hand, and Colette very carefully with straight arms like a robot. Then the popped them in their mouth and chewed slowly.
"It feels good to eat something that's so unfreakish." Colette said.
"Too bad I can't learn how to make these." Hugo said sadly.
"I'm glad Esme was nice enough to think of us." Kevin smiled.
When they had finished, they left the room, still smiling.
THERE'S NO WRONG WAY TO EAT A REESE'S!
REVIEWERS-
KittyWillow- Now I feel really stupid. It never even occured to me that Dr. Orwell was an EYE doctor. cough VFD cough. I knew her office was eye shaped and Klaus went to her because he broke his glasses, but it never occured to me that eye had to do with the eye tatoo. I guess I'm just kinda oblivious. What's a katana? I named this chapter after what you said in your review. The CCC's. I still have plenty more characters, silly! The snow scouts, the man and women with the aura of menace, the snow gnats......actually, that's just three. Oh well. One more chapter!
RandomGal21- I like your name. It's very....random! You've never heard of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? You poor unfortunate soul! Where are you from? I live in the US. They're one of the most popular candies, and least for me. I loooooove them to death!
Leigh A. Sumpter- Gustav was Uncle Monty's assistant, but he mysteriously disappeared so Stephano (cough, cough) COUNT OLAF (cough, cough) Excuse me, I've got a cold. Anyway, so Stephano took over the job. Charles was the nice man who helped the Baudelaires at the miserable mill. I haven't decided for Ron or Hermione. That's a good idea. I'm going to start it soon, since I've only got three more Lemony Snicket characters left.
o0wallpaper0o- I'm baaaaaack! South France? Coolio. That sounds fun. No more vacations for me. Except the 2 month one to the North Pole that's next week. Just kidding!
Jen- No, I haven't tried Limited Edition Reese's Cups. I've tried Inside Out, but they're not as good because they have less chocolate and I really like the chocolate.
Visualpurple- I got your postcard, thanks a bunch! I'll be sending you a letter or e-mail soon. I got all your cute smiley e-mails. They're so cool! I'm sooooo excited about school. I don't like it after a week, but getting ready and going school shopping is fun, especially because we're going to HIGH SCHOOl!!! Weeeeee!
S-Drama-Queen-17- Thanks for the review!
Ash-of-Evenstar- Wow! Australia! That's so cool! A Reese's Cup is a piece of candy. It has a circular chunk of peanut butter in the middle, with really delicious chocolate around the outside. It's winter in Australia, right?
Queenofinsanity- I'm soooooooo sorry I forgot to respond to your review! I can't believe it!!! Please forgive me!!!!!!! Here, I'll make up for it by giving you two notes.
Queenofinsanity- Does that make you feel better? Thanks for not flaming and telling me I'm forgetful, because I already know that. My sister would agree. I sometimes ask her the same question three times! Once I made my bed with her in the room, then went into my closet. When I came out, I thanked her for making my bed, before I remember that I had just made it! That's what I call sad.
Dragonblade vs. Jet-sama- Sorry you didn't like my story.
luvruvsweets- I love peanut butter too! Yummy! But I don't like peanuts, for some odd reason. They're just too hard and they don't taste the same!
PrincessEilonwy- Yup. Charles skips. At least, in my stories. Ok, here's the update. Don't die on me. Thanks for reviewing!
Freppy- I actually got all Klaus's facts off the internet. They're true! Yeah, I eat Reese's Cups while I'm writing this story, usually, when I can find some. Glad you liked the story!
Freakish Muffin- Thanks for reviewing!
?????- Hey, do you have a pen name? Here's Madam Lulu. I'm trying to do them in order, but I did Quigley too soon. Oh well. Glad you like the chapter!
Violet Baudelaire- Nooooo! I'm going to miss your reviews! You're not 13 yet, huh? I thought not. When I asked your age, you said you'd tell me later. Well, I joined when I was 12 and 10 months or something. I just promised my mom I'd only read G rated stories, and she said it was ok. I still only read G stories, unless I know that author and have read other G rated stories by him/her, then I can read a PG story. Have you noticed that there are almost no boys on fanfiction? The only one I know of is Klaus Baudelaire. That's it! Kinda odd. I guess boys aren't the writing sort.
READ AND REVIEW!!! PLEASE?