Authors Note: Knowing that most people dread the authors note, I am going to explain a few things about the last chapter. You might be wondering why Remus was spacing out about two times during the chapter, but I am not going to tell you anything about that except it does have to do with his past. He deals more with his past in this chapter but I am still going to try and keep parts a secret until later on.

b Azkaban Must Be A Nice Place To Visit /b

b Chapter Two: Drowning /b

In the silence that filled the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, students could not have welcomed the ringing of the bell even more. Head Girl Lily Evans collected her essay on identifying werewolves, consisting of no less than six rolls of parchment, and placed it on the growing pile on Professor Fitzgerald's desk. Peter replaced the cap on his bottle of ink, frowning slightly at the half finished essay on his desk. Sirius, rising slowly from his seat, exchanged a worried glance with James who had not bothered doing his essay. Remus, who had regained his calm composure, remained seated in his two person desk waiting for the other Marauders to file out.

"Wouldn't have expected Albus Dumbledore to allow a werewolf to continue learning at Hogwarts, especially after what had happened between you and a Slytherin student by the name of Severus Snape. Dumbledore, however, has been known to take pity on half-breeds while the rest of us in the Wizarding world wouldn't even give your kind a chance. Do you know what would happen to a werewolf if he were to bite a fellow student?" Professor Fitzgerald tossed her dirty blonde hair behind her shoulders, a sly grin creeping across her bony face. Something around her pointed nose reminded Remus of the rat that his friend Peter Pettigrew transformed into around the time of the full moon.

"I suppose that werewolf would have to be sent to Azkaban prison." Remus' throat started to close up while his eyes began to water, but not wanting her to realize the changes he manages to whisper his words. Professor Fitzgerald leaned her face close to Remus', their eyes met and an instant pain jabbed at Remus.

"Azkaban must be a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't know seeing how I know nobody who would be foolish enough to do something worthy of being sent there. Do you know somebody who would be stupid enough to willingly trade places with a guilty person? I suppose it would torture that guilty person knowing that they had sent somebody they loved to a place as bad as Azkaban, with nothing but bars on their cells and dementors to pass by them every night. Having somebody decide their fate about whether they would spend a few years, a lifetime, or have to go through having the dementors kiss preformed on them." Professor Fitzgerald chose her words carefully, selecting what she felt best to cause guilty emotions in Remus. Natasha saw the weakness flicker in his eyes, saw the lack of barrier between the two of them, and moved her face even closer so that their noses were no more than an inch apart, talking directly to his face so that he wouldn't have time to think.

"Do you know what they do to people in Azkaban, Lupin? Being in Azkaban must be worse than receiving a beating from somebody because at least you have a chance of surviving when you are hit. When you are in Azkaban prison, all you want is to become more depressed with each passing day. You have nothing while you are in Azkaban. There is no hope at ever seeing your loved ones again. When you get out, if you get out that is, it would be as if you are a stranger to the people you once knew. Remember that, Lupin, for if you keep heading the way you are going after the encounter with Severus than Azkaban would be your fate. You may leave, Lupin." Remus wondered if the lights had dimmed while Professor Fitzgerald had been speaking, their had seemed to be more eerie shadows on the walls. Natasha Fitzgerald raised her hand inches from the side of the students' face and then slammed it across the side of his face. "You'll survive." she said before walking to her desk to finish gathering her belongings before she headed out of the classroom door towards the Great Hall for lunch.

Out of habit Remus rubbed the spot of his face where he felt the familiar warmth spreading from a wound. He examined his hand and saw spots of blood covering the tips of his fingers, but that had not been what had sent his heart pounding.

Streaming water descended from his rounded shoulders, running down the front of his chest, before splashing into the bottom of the shower. Remus had no idea whether he had been in the shower for minutes or hours, but he was at the point where it didn't really matter to him. Strands of light brown hair, some of gray, flopped in front of his eyes and he had no choice but to push it away. At that moment he wanted to almost drown, after all in a sense he was already drowning. After the conversation with Fitzgerald he felt himself slip into the old methods of survival he had learned growing up, and also the familiar emotions that went along with it. Remus knew that he was slipping, being dragged down by something that would not bother to let him go, perhaps a part of him that regretted everything that he had done in the past. Had he been the cause of his parents misery?

i "Do you know what they do to people in Azkaban, Lupin?"

Remus stepped out of the shower cubicle with a towel tied around him. He stood in front of the bathroom mirror and examined his face in the reflective glass. Under his right eye had been a puffy area where he had been slapped, but he supposed that nobody except the Marauders would notice something like that. After all, the students of Hogwarts had been used to see Remus walk down the corridors with unexplainable scratches on his body. Pressing his fingertips to his cheek, he felt the roundness of the puffy area and a sting of pain shoot through him. Remus knew that he wouldn't be able to attend his next class, Potions, with the Marauders. He could tell Headmaster Dumbledore? No, he didn't want to appear weak.

"Do you have any idea about what might have happened to, Remus? The royal Professor Fitzgerald has been sitting at the staff table for the nearly fifteen minutes, and still there has been no sign of Remus. You don't think that something might have happened to him, do you?" James held onto his fork that had a piece of steak hanging from it, but he made no move to try and eat it. Sirius, who had been staring at his bowl of mashed potatoes, nodded his agreement while Peter Pettigrew ate noisily.

"We should go search for him." Sirius stood up from his seat, pushing the bowls of food aside, and throwing Peter a disgusted look. James had been the only other Marauder to follow Sirius out of the Great Hall and down the twisting corridors. Sirius led the way towards the Hospital Wing, hoping that Remus had not ended up being sent there.

"There has been nobody in the Hospital Wing today. Now, will you please leave."

James wanted to search around the West Tower, in case Remus went to send to a letter by school owl. There had been no luck there either. Sirius went off towards the moving staircases that led towards the Library, where Remus had been known to spend hours while losing track of time. James went down the corridors leading towards the Kitchens. Sirius darted down the passageways that led towards the Charms classroom while James headed into the area by the Quidditch Pitch. Still, there had been no sighting of Remus and they were running out of time before classes. Finally, James decided that the only place they haven't looked was the Gryffindor Commonroom.

Remus was sitting on the edge of a chair beside the fire place when James and Sirius stumbled in. He was wearing a black T-shirt with a band slogan across it and a pair of tan pants, his school robes tossed onto another chair. Remus Lupin skiving off a class?

"What happened to your face?" James said, advancing towards his friend with a pleading look in his hazel eyes. Sirius didn't know what he wanted to say, but he also didn't want to stand there looking like a prat.

"The full moon is in a couple of days, and without thinking of anything else I went straight into a wall and hit my face. You know, I'm not feeling that well to attend classes today." Remus muttered his answer under his breath, his eyes staring blankly into the fireplace.

"When you feel better we will help you with your make up lessons." James said, knowing that they had to go to class so that Remus could copy their notes. James knew that school work was important to Remus, and he didn't want his friend to fail because he wanted to skip class to. Sirius remained in his spot, noticing how the fire light created lines on Remus' premature face and the amount of gray reflecting his hair.

"We will actually try and take as much notes as possible, if you are willing to believe that." Sirius joked, hoping to get Remus to crack a smile but his friend still sat sadly in his chair.

"Do you want us to stay with you?" James Potter asked, fixing his glasses that were sliding down the bridge of his nose.

"No, you better head off to class before you get in trouble." Remus breathed, leaning back in his chair in the same way that he did whenever he felt too weak to move. He closed his eyes before James and Sirius left the commonroom.

i "Do you care to tell me how you got that nasty cut on your neck?" a sweet sounding voice floated from the back of his mind, as calm as a running trail of honey. /I Remus stirred in his seat but would not allow himself to wake up.

i "You should tell the nice nurse what happened to you. There is no need for you to be worried." /i Remus could hear the voice of the man as if he was standing right next to him all over again.

i " I was playing in my bedroom with one of my toys and I fell on a piece of glass from something I was trying to fix." his own child like voice answered. /i

i "I promise you that nobody is going to hurt you ever again if you please answer the question with the truth." the voice of the nurse said, pleading with the same calmness. /i

i "I'm not lying. It was an accident." his voice answered back. He must not have been more than seven years old at the time /i Remus opened his eyes and stared at the fireplace once more.

"I'm just going to go on drowning in these memories." he whispered in case somebody might have come up to the commonroom