"Are you ready?"asked Emily peeking her head round the door. Courtney had gone to stay with Randy's parents until after the funeral, she was going to move back to L.A, she couldn't face being in that house, not now.

"Yeah"she said not looking round as she tied her hair back into a pony tail. She got up slowly and walked out of the door. Courtney had barely said a word to anyone since Randy had died. She just sat in her room all day everyday only coming down to eat but that wasn't very often.

"Are you going to eat somthing?"asked Emily.

"I'm not hungry"she said

"Courtney i know your not but think about your baby"Emily told her.

Courtney thought for a moment, she had only been thinking about herself recently she hadn't been taking good care of herself and her baby would suffer. I'm going to be a terrible mother she thought to herself, i needed Randy to help me i can't do it alone.

"Emily i can't do this"she cried
"do what dear?"asked Emily looking at her with concern in her eyes.

"I can't look after this baby alone and i'm dreading this funeral"se told her.

"I know honey none of us want this to be happening but it's happend"Emily cried.

"Look at us both here in tears"she said"let's go i need to say goodbye i don't want to go but i'll regret it if i don't"

They arrived at the funeral and were greeted by so many people Courtney could hardly take in all the faces. Everyone was saying how sorry they were and talking about how great Randy was. Courtney felt like she couldn't breath she needed to walk by herself but she couldn't. Randy's family were here, her family, Randy's friends. She had never seen so many people all talking together but then Randy had been a great guy so she shouldn't have been surprised that all of these people cared.

Had been a great guy she thought sadly.

She sat through the service in silence, not looking at anyone there. She walked up and placed a single white rose on the coffin before running off. She couldn't stay there. It just wasn't fair, she knew it wasn't fair on anyone else who was there and she knew she should be thinking about them too but she couldn't. She sat down by a tree and cried. It seemed like all she had been doing latly was cry. She wanted to stop but she couldn't. There were so many things she should do or wanted to do but she couldn't get anything right. Everything in her life had gone wrong. She should have listend more to her mother. She remembered the thing she use to say. Just you remember while you're floating up and up in your bubble that bubbles have a habit of bursting, the higher you climb the furthur you have to fall. She knew how true that was, she had definatly fallen as far as she could fall. She looked up from where she was sitting to find Trish standing there.

"Hey i guess you're kind of surprised to see me here"Trish said softly sitting down next to her"I hope you don't mind"

"To be honest i don't really care anymore"she said simply.

"I just wanted to say sorry"Trish told her.

"yes everyone's sorry for my loss i can't count the number of times i've heard that today"Courtney said.

"not just sorry for your loss though i'm sorry for everything that happend between us"Trish explained."You and Randy were the perfect couple, you were great together you loved each other so much"

"then why am i so mad at him?"she asked softly.

"what?"asked Trish

"Trish i'm angry at him, i feel so guilty about it, i love him and i always will but i hate him for leaving me"she replied"I know i'm a bad person because of it but i can't help it"

"Your not a bad person Courtney, your human and you have a right to be angry, he left you it's ok to hate him"Trish told her

"thanks"she said with a small smile.

"Well i geuss i won't be seeing you for a while untill after you have the baby so maybe we can keep in touch"Trish said getting up.

"yeah i'd like that"she said getting ready to rejoin everyone.

"So maybe i'll come by your place soon and visit you, the WWE is going to be in St Louis pretty soon"Trish told her.

"I'm going back to L.A i can't stay here"she said softly"well i better go bye Trish"

"bye Courtney"Trish said before hugging her and walking back to everyone else.

Courtney said goodbye to everyone and started to act like nothing had happend. She had well and truly lost it. It was like she was living in a fantasy world but it wasn't a bad thing. She was back in L.A living with Joyce and she didn't have to be reminded of what had gone on.

"Courtney you need to snap out of this!"Joyce exclaimed.

"I can't believe how late Randy is"she sighed

"Courtney honey listen Randy is gone, stop acting like none of it happend because it did, i'm sorry sweetie but he's gone and he's not coming back"Joyce cried

"no mom you're wrong he can't be gone"she told her.

"Courtney you've got a baby coming you need to get through this going crazy isn't helping"Christy told her

They were all worried it had been a month since the funeral and Courtney had a serious problem. She had blocked the day of Randy's death out of her memory and no one could get through to her.

Courtney just stood and looked at the two of them.

"You two are crazy, i'm going to bed night"she said before walking up the stairs.

"mom let her rest"Christy said stopping Joyce who was about to follow her upstairs"she needs to get through this in her own time.

Courtney couldn't sleep properly that night her dreams were interupted by flash backs of that day. Courtney went down stairs and got a drink of water. She went and sat in the living room where she found Christy sitting on the sofa.

"I remember"she said softly as she sat down."i had flash backs, i've been getting them the last few nights but i tried to pretend that it wasn't happening, i'm sorry"

"You don't have to be"Christy told her"aslong as you get better"

"what keeps you going in life Christy?"she asked

"I want a great life, i want everything i ever dreamed of so i keep working to get it"Christy replied"what about you?"

"I couldn't keep going Christy, the only thing that kept me going now was being insane"she told her looking away.

"honey you weren't insane you were going through a tough time"Christy reassured her.

"Christy you and mom have been telling me for a month that i'm crazy"she laughed"but seriously when i was acting like nothing had happend everything was fine i was living in my own world but now i'm back with reality and nothing good happens, it just all seems pointless"

"Things will get better you just need time"Christy told her.

"Do you really believe that?"she asked

"I'm engaged and you're having a little baby girl, just you remember that, your own baby a brand new life"Christy replied"and she'll need you Court"

"I know"she said softly"but i'm scared, i'm scared of being alone and i'm scared of having this baby who will depend on me for everything, my responsabilty, what if i can't do it?"she asked

"you can do it Court, you're alot stronger than you think"Christy told her.

"I can't be, not alone, i'm not strong"she said

"Your not alone you've got me and mom and Randy's family, we won't leave you to go through all this alone"Christy reassured her.

"You've all got plenty of other things to do honey, i don't want to do this alone but maybe it's somthing i've got to do"she told her.