Disclaimer: I own nothing in the Smallville universe except the twisted elements I infuse it with.

Dear Readers,

This takes place early season 3. I've tried to stay as close to the series as possible, but please forgive any details I've misremembered. If something is really out of line let me know. Let me know if you have any comments, or suggestions, or if you just want to abuse me. I kind of like flames. My skin's as thick as Superman's so don't spare me the truth. If you feel the need to make me cry, I understand. I'm not really sure how long this will stay in serious, realistic characterization. I'm newly returned to fanfic and am a bit rusty–I need a feel for the reader's expectations. I'm more prone to humor/parodies, so I'm not sure how long I'll maintain the angst mode without the mockery (It's been really difficult so far). Let me know what you want.

With Sincerity,

FunktasticMe

CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION TO ANGST

Clark Kent stared at his clock. It was 3:35 a.m. Although the room was plenty dark and the bed still plenty warm, he couldn't sleep. In fact, he hadn't slept at all that night. Having recently returned from this red cryptonic excursion to Metropolis the young man had a lot on his mind. So much pent up angst and unanswered questions about himself and the world around him. He smiled to himself, thinking of his parents. They had done their bests to ensure that he did not have to grow up too quickly and yet he knew that that summer he had done just that. The smile faded as he recalled the evil he had seen and taken part in. He recoiled at the remembrance of Morgan Edge and the corruption he stood for.

The worst part was knowing that his own reckless actions had had serious consequences on the people he loved most. For what seemed like the millionth time his eyes welled up with sorrow for the baby brother, or sister, he would never know. He knew it pained his parents. No one spoke of the child since that day in the hospital. His parents had apparently forgiven him and perhaps they even gave up on blaming him, but they still would not speak of the event. But Clark needed to. He glanced at the clock again. 3:47 a.m. So much for a peaceful sleep, he thought sarcastically as he gave his pillow a frustrated fluff.

"Clark!" Martha Kent's motherly voice called up to her son's room. "Clark, hurry up or you'll be late for school again!" Jonathan Kent gave a knowing smirk and shook his head as he skimmed the morning news. Martha poured him another cup of coffee and put on her familiar show of mock exasperation.

It was the scene Clark always loved to come down to and despite his lack of beauty sleep he didn't want to spoil it. He plastered on a smile and gathered what he hoped was a good show of spirited Clark energy. But the more he tried to smile the more sickly he felt inside. Martha was the first to notice the phony smile and the look of sadness that burned his usually cheery eyes. Damn. He thought he had hidden it well. Mothers.

"What is it Clark? Didn't you sleep well?" Clark hesitated, but answered, "I'm fine Mom. Just had a lot on my mind. Martha pondered, assessing the mentality of her son. Was this a 'something's bothering me but I don't want to talk about it,' or a 'something's bothering me and I need to talk about it'? Her instinct told her it was the latter.

Clark seemed to grasp that she understood his need, but he didn't think this was the best time. As if on queue the school bus arrived at the Kent farm. "I should go," Clark decided. Seeing the concerned look of his parents he added, "But I'd like it if we could talk later...as a family."

"Of course, Son," his father stated in that strong and reassuring way. Clark had always hoped he had inherited that strength. He nodded to them and gave a lopsided smile as he left for the bus. He truly believed he had the best parents in the world.

Chloe Sullivan stared at here monitor, her gaze intently focused on the newest bit of information she had come across. Although she had been struggling with the guilt involved with investigating your best friend, those thoughts were quickly replaced with the shock and utter disbelief at the secret she had uncovered. She offhandedly wondered how much Lionel Luther would be interested in this. Although she was staring right at the facts she found them hard to believe. How to comprehend a secret of this magnitude was beyond her. Was this what Clark had been hiding? Why he didn't want her investigating his family? If this was true, she knew she would never look at the Kents the same way again.

Chloe was startled out of her reverie when the farmboy himself entered her office. "Clark, I wasn't expecting to see you here so early," she said with nervous cheerfulness as she quickly removed the contents from her screen.

"Just thought I'd drop by and see a friend. If that's OK with the busy editor?" Chloe's smile appeared more genuine.

"You're always welcome here Clark." Chloe winced at the emotion her voice betrayed. Clark shifted and smiled a bit uncomfortable.

"Chloe, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Clark, what is it?"

"I was wondering if you'd be able to get a hold of my mother's medical records." Chloe's eyes went wide and she looked like she was about to fall over in her chair. She self-consciously glanced at her computer, but was met only with her Johnny Depp screensaver. She sighed in relief and tried to laugh. It was a weak attempt.

"Why the sudden urge to go covert on your mom, Clark? You didn't hear something did you?" Her voice couldn't help faltering a bit at the last part. Clark gave her an odd look noticing her discomfort. He gave her the benefit of a doubt.

"I was just wondering about when she lost the baby. My family doesn't really talk about it." Chloe's eyes softened sympathetically.

"I guess I'm just looking for some closure...or...or"

"...Or some way to fix it?" Chloe finished. "Clark, you can't save everyone. Sometimes these things just happen. There are no explanations." Seeing the hurt look and the need in his eyes, Chloe couldn't resist. "But if it helps you cope, I'll see what I can get a hold of." Clark's face brightened and he smiled, "Thank's Chloe. I owe you one."

"You owe me several Clark Kent," she replied as he exited from her sight. The moment he did her smile disappeared and as she pulled up the file she had been working on her look of disbelief returned full force. "It just can't be," she breathed in the silence.

In an effort to delay the inevitable uncomfortable discussion Clark was anticipating, he somehow ended up at the Luthor mansion. While his billionaire friend's advice was usually rather cold and heartless in its tact, meaning very un-Clark like, Lex was usually able to offer a clear perspective on a situation. Clark valued that. And with things kind of weirded out between him and Lana, Lex would have to do.

It was one of those not-enough-security days, so Clark managed to sneak up on the man for once. "Clark!" Lex turned around in surprise from where he was watching television. Clark looked at him curiously. Somehow seeing him watching Seinfeld wasn't a very Lex-like scene. Lex, noticing the confused stare just shrugged and clicked off the TV, "What? I was taking a break."

Clark blinked, regaining his composure. "I was on my way home. I just thought I'd stop in and say 'hi'." Lex, however knew better, but calmly waited for his queue to play the Godfather.

"This visit wouldn't have anything to do with Lana would it, or some evil my Father's been up to?" He smiled slightly when Clark looked taken aback. "Relax, I'm kidding. What's on your mind, Clark? You look troubled." Clark returned the smile looking a bit bashful.

"Actually, it's about my family and how talking about the loss of the baby has become, well, taboo." Lex frowned.

"I can certainly with what you're going through. When my brother died, my father required us to act like he never existed. We had to relinquish our feelings and move on." Never missing a beat, he continued, "But that's my family. I would have thought yours would be more open." Clark sat down beside Lex.

"My family usually talks about everything. Communication's always been our strong point. But this issue of losing the baby's been different. Whenever I've tried to bring it up they immediately change the subject or find something more urgent that needs to be done. I've never seen them so nervous about a subject."

"It's never easy to broach an uncomfortable situation, but trust me, you'll be much better off once you do. I know your family and avoiding the issue doesn't make it go away. It just makes it more bitter." Clark looked at the floor, reflecting on his friend's words.

"You would have made a great brother, Clark. I'm sorry things didn't work out." Clark smiled, still staring at the floor.

"Yeah, me too. It was such a miracle—the way her body was healed allowing her to conceive."

"Clark?" Lex questioned. "This may sound incredibly simple, but if your mom's body was healed, shouldn't she still be able to conceive? I mean losing the baby in a car accident didn't do anything to alter that did it?" Clark's brow furrowed. Why hadn't he thought of that?

"I don't know, Lex. I guess I never really considered that aspect." Lex had a peculiar look about him–like he was hiding something that he found amusing. Before Clark could say anything else, Lex stood, ending the conversation. "Talk to your parents, Clark."

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