Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or the characters.
Jasper's words repeat in my head on a constant loop for another forty-eight hours before I find myself pacing restlessly through the trees. For a human, the night would appear pitch black, especially with the new moon. For my vampire eyes however, everything is bathed in deep blues, purples, and greens. The stars and planets are brighter, more colorful.
Edward loved me. He loved me. I was his mate. Leaving me hurt him too. I've only ever felt that kind of pain once before, when my old coven made a vampire watch as we destroyed her mate. It's an excruciating pain. I think I can faintly remember Edward once telling me that he would hurt himself in order to keep me safe- or something to that effect.
I don't realize where my feet are carrying me until I am at the edge of a clearing- and I am faced with a sight similar to one of my foggy human memories.
As I stand on the edge of the meadow, now full of bright new grass and the still closed buds of wildflowers, Edward stands in the middle, his back to me with his head tilted up at the sky. I quietly breathe in the cool night air around me, relaxing when I smell his unique blend of honey and lilac.
It is seconds later when he senses my presence. He draws in a sudden breath and his whole frame seems to get smaller. Slowly, he turns to face me, and I stifle a gasp at the haunted, defeated look in his eyes. "Are you alright?" His words are soft, and I have to strain to hear him. I nod my head. "I'll let you be, then."
"When was the last time you hunted?" I blurt, my voice almost painfully loud in the quiet of the night. His eyes are impossibly darker, as are the shadows beneath them, making him look more like a vampire than I'd ever seen him.
He thinks about it for a short while before replying. "About four months," he admits finally.
"Four… months?" I repeat, bewildered. "Why on earth would you do that to yourself?"
Edward shrugs, and I notice he's wearing the same clothes I saw on him that day in my cave, wrinkled as if he never changed out of them. "Wait right here," I order softly, darting back into the trees. I don't have to go far before I track down a herd of deer. I bring two down, snapping their necks quickly, before hoisting them over my shoulders and begin backtracking, maneuvering carefully through the trees.
When I reach Edward, I gracelessly plop the two deer on the ground in front of him, kneeling down by the smaller of the two. "Eat," I practically demand, before softening my voice. "Please."
He swallows hard before nodding, falling to his knees and hesitatingly brining the neck of the deer to his lips. Finally, he sinks his teeth into the flesh, a quiet moan breaking free as he begins to greedily suck the blood from the animal. I keep my eyes on him as I bite into my own meal, drinking much slower than him. His stifled moans eventually fade into a quiet purr. He drains his deer quickly and gently sets it aside.
I lift my head and try to get a good look at his eyes, but he refuses to look at me. I lift my deer slightly, silently offering it to him. He tries to refuse, but eventually gives in. Our fingers graze briefly as he lifts the deer from my hands. "Sorry," he mouths but I merely shrug, my fingertips tingling, curling into a fist by my side.
He stares at my bite mark on the hide before he lowers his head, his mouth fastening over the wound and begins to feed. While he finished off the second deer, I take the body of the first and walk a few hundred feet into the woods and find a good place to bury both of them. I've just finished digging the grave when Edward walks over. He scoops up both bodies, placing them in the bottom.
"Thank you," he murmurs as we both work to replace the dirt I had displaced. "You didn't have to do that."
"Yes, I did," I say softly, looking at him. "I wanted to."
Edward's eyes, now a chestnut brown color, jump to mine, wide with astonishment. I think I see a glimmer of hope, but he's quick to conceal it. His hands find his hair and he runs his fingers through the strands.
"I'm sorry," he gasps. "Bella, I'm so sorry." His hands tug sharply on his hair before moving down to cover his face, his shoulders shaking. I have never seen Edward so vulnerable before. "I was horrible to you while you were human, and I didn't even realize it until you pointed it out. I treated you like a child who was incapable of making their own choices- especially when it came to what you wanted."
Venom tears fill my eyes as I watch him break down, feeling my heart break with his sobs. "I'm sorry as well."
He stares at me with terrified, heartbroken eyes. Realizing he's probably jumped to worst case scenario, I hurry to finish. "I never respected the boundaries you set on our physical relationship. I always tried to push past them any chance I got, getting angry at you when you would back off. I didn't care if it was for your comfort or my safety, I didn't care if I put you in pain by being so close, or if you were scared of losing control. And I really didn't care if your restraint was from your human life."
"Oh, Bella," Edward breathes, sounding relieved, "please don't apologize for that."
Noticing a smear of dirt on his cheek, I raise my hand to his face, watching as trepidation crosses his features. The emotion melts from his face as my thumb strokes over his smooth skin; he leans into my touch, his eyes falling shut. I find myself unable to pull away long after the smudge of dirt is gone.
The world slowly grows lighter around us and I find myself pleased to discover a thick overcast sky developing. "I ran into Jasper a few days ago," I state randomly, making Edward startle slightly with the suddenness of my voice. "Did he tell you about it?"
"I don't spend much time with them," he confesses. "It's… hard to be around them."
It's hard to be around couples is what he doesn't have to say. I can only imagine what it's like hearing their thoughts as well.
"After you left," Edward flinches but I carry on, "I tried to act normal for Charlie. I wasn't as convincing as I thought because he threatened to make me move to Florida with my mother- I threw a fit and refused to leave. After that I started spending time with a few friends, going to movies; I refused to watch any romantic ones, it hurt seeing the happily ever after."
I watch his eyes cloud with guilt. "Bella," he breathes, and his hands begin to tremble, he begins to tremble. His bottom lip wobbles as his eyes fill with venom. "I am so, so incredibly sorry. For everything."
"I didn't tell you to make you apologize," I quickly reach for one of his hands with my free one, linking his fingers tightly with mine. "I wanted to tell you that I understand why you don't want to be around your family. You not only have to see it, but you're surrounded by their thoughts as well." He turns his face into my palm, giving it the lightest of kisses before deeply inhaling my scent, it seems to help ground him.
"What did you and Jasper talk about?" He asks after a few minutes of silence. I would have had to scramble to keep up with the change in conversation a few weeks ago as a human, but I have no problem now.
I laugh softly. "He apologized for what happened at my birthday, though I never held him responsible. And he talked about what he felt from you that day." I didn't have to specify what day I was talking about. "I will never agree with the decision that you made for us that day, Edward, we both went through unnecessary pain, and we are still suffering for it now," I remove my hand from his face to gesture between us.
Edward nods in agreement, guilt clouding his eyes. "I will spend every day of my existence trying to make it up to you, if you'll allow me," he vows seriously.
At my nod, both of his hands reach out for me, grasping at the tips of my fingers before working their way over the backs of my hands and up my arms. They ghost over my shoulders and the sensitive skin on my neck before they are cradling my face.
His brown eyes bore into my scarlet ones as he steps closer. He pauses with his mouth centimeters from mine when he sighs my name, and I stand on my toes to press my lips to his. He's not as careful as he usually is, and I realize with a jolt that he doesn't have to be careful anymore.
I pull back, making Edward look at me with concern. "I just realized that we will never fight over my mortality ever again."
He barks out a surprised laugh. "No, I guess we won't."
A/N: Thank you so much for reading, hope you're enjoying!