5 Second Romances
#1: AAML
One
day the water in the river was sparkling clear and the grass was bright bright
green and there were pidgeys and such flying around aimlessly in the air.
Sometimes they crashed into each other--but let's ignore that, shall we?
Ash sat on
his haunches greedily watching whatever sort of food Brock was making being
made in a pan.
"Looks
good, Brock," Ash grinned.
Brock's
face began to twitch, and he suddenly grabbed Ash around the neck.
"Cooking is
all I ever do!" he shouted, "damnit, I'm good for more than this! I'm sorry you
guys, but James and Pikachu I are going to Broadway to star in big, famous
musicals!"
And with
that Brock, James and Pikachu skipped away from Ash and Misty, conveniently
never to be seen again.
Ash wandered
over to Misty's tent to ask her to finish cooking the food, when he heard her
shouting something in her tent.
"Oh, Ash
Ketchum," she said dreamily, "how do I love thee? Let me count the ways."
Me? Ash
blinked. She loves me?
"One
one thousand! Two one thousand! Three--"
Wow,
Ash blinked. I never thought about her in that way. I guess she is pretty
hot! But how can I tell her? She'll know I was spying on her?'Twas quite the
pleasant surprise to find that the lady liketh me, but only if I could devise a
clever plan in which to tell her that I feel the same way! Oh yes, Misty, dive
into my arms! My heart flutters as I watch you bounce on that sleeping bag,
shouting out the thousands in which you adore me! Be still, my beating heart,
be still!
"Who's
there?" Misty suddenly stopped counting as the rumble of Ash's insatiable
stomach somehow superceeded the sound of her enraptured shouting. "Is it you,
Ash? Is it you? Oh Ash, how I musn't let you know that every time my heart
beats it pumps blood through my spry pre-pubescent veins soley for your
benefit!"
Ash ran
back to the pot of now-burning water and stared vapidly at its contents.
"Hey Ash,"
Misty asked as she peered out of her tent innocently, "where's Brock?"
"He ran
away to be in Broadway musicals," Ash sighed. "Now we have no slave to cook for
us."
"Be damned
the cooking slave," Misty rubbed her palms together.
"What was
that?" Ash raised an eyebrow.
"Nothing,"
Misty laughed girlishly and nervously. Now there's nothing stopping me from
having my way with Ash!
Something
was stopping you before? Ash thought.
Keep out
of my thoughts, you! Misty stamped her foot.
Sorry,
Ash cowered.
Ash
attempted to cook the food, and Misty stared at him all the while, blood
rushing to her cheeks and making them pink and rosy.
"Ouch!" Ash
shouted as he stuck his hand into the boiling vat of water, bringing back a
reddened and throbbing mass of fingers and palm.
"Oh, Ash!"
Misty shouted. "We've got to get you to a pokecenter right away!"
"Not a
hospital?" Ash blinked.
"No," Misty's
chest heaved in her worry, "I'm sure sticking you in that machine will heal you
much faster!"
Misty
leaned over to Ash, looking at his hand ever so gingerly.
"I might
not make it, Misty," Ash gulped.
"Ash,"
Misty gulped too. Damned saliva. "There's something I have to tell you. That I
need to tell you. Before you--"
But it was
too late. Ash had already gone into cardiac arrest.
"Nooooooooo!"
Misty shouted, then began making out with his cadaver furiously. "I never got
to tell you that I love you!"
However,
Ash's spirit rose from his body before her.
"Ash!"
Misty shouted, drying her tears.
"It is me,
Misty," Ash stated the obvious. "I love you too. And never, ever eat at
McDonalds. Okay?"
"All right,"
Misty perked up. "I won't."
The End
