When Lieutenant Montgomery strode into the transporter room, the transporter chief looked up at her, startled. He watched her glance restlessly around the room before her eyes settled on him. She wasn't hard to recognize; her and her pants were famous on the ship.
"Good morning, Lieutenant," he cheerfully piped.
"Good morning," she replied, distracted, her emerald eyes staring straight through him. He shifted uncomfortably. "Do you have the captain's authorization?"
"Aye and the coordinates."
Lexxi stepped up onto the platform and the transporter chief grinned. "Little early for traveling, don't you think?"
Lexxi's smile was sad. "It's never too early to start over," she replied softly. "Energize."
As she vanished amidst a wave of gold glitter, Captain Kirk strode purposefully into the transporter room. He looked around before gazing thoughtfully at the shocked transporter chief. His face fell. "Is she…?"
The chief swallowed and nodded.
Kirk turned and walked out.
Damnit, Bones, she's gone!" Kirk slammed his glass down hard on the doctor's desk before burying his face in his hands, the song he'd memorized just for her marching mercilessly through his head. "I can't believe it. It was just 'I'm fine now, goodbye!' How stupid!"
McCoy just watched and didn't say a word. What could he say? I'm so sorry, Jim, get over it. Away, she had said. Away from what?
Spock entered the doctor's office and McCoy looked up at him, his eyes almost pleading. Spock stared straight ahead as he reported. "The Donovan is currently leaving orbit. Captain Leiker reports that Lieutenant Montgomery is in the tow." He looked down at Kirk and then back at his random point on the wall in front of him. "She loved you, Jim."
Both Kirk and McCoy looked up in surprise. "She…she told you?' Kirk asked.
"With a lot less words, yes, you could say that."
Uhura interrupted the conversation. "Bridge to sickbay."
McCoy replied, "Sickbay, this is McCoy."
"Doctor, is Captain Kirk down there?"
"Kirk here." The captain stood. "What is it, Uhura?"
Transmission coming in from the Starbase, sir."
"Put it on." All three men turned to face the small screen on the doctor's desk and watched as Commodore Wells appeared.
"Jim!" Wells exclaimed cheerfully.
"Commodore," Kirk acknowledged less enthusiastically.
"That girl of yours…did you know she just left on the Donovan?"
"Yes."
"Well, she left you a message…recorded…audio only. D'you want it?"
Kirk looked from Spock to McCoy to the screen before nodding. Uhura replaced wells.
"It's coming through now, sir," she informed him.
Kirk swallowed hard, his throat dry. "Patch it through down here." The screen went black and Lexxi's voice came from the speakers.
"Captain? I'm sorry I left…like that. I couldn't say goodbye. I don't deserve…what you have." In his mind, Kirk could see Lexxi sitting in front of a recorder, head bowed, playing with her fingers. He could hear her eyes fill with tears and feel her force them back. "I don't deserve your love." Kirk pressed his forehead against the wall, expecting Uhura's confirmation that the transmission had ended. Instead, his heart wrenched as he heard that same, slow alto that had once almost taunted him with the truth of his lostness begin to sing:
Oh, seasons change with the scenery
Weaving time in a tapestry
Won't you stop and remember me
At any convenient time
Her voice trailed off as if there were more, but it never came. The hollow emptiness that followed made the silence roar in Kirk's ears. I'm fine now, goodbye. How could he have been so blind? The despair in her voice…I don't deserve? Kirk stood, and without a word, he left.
He didn't know where he was going. It hardly mattered. He needed to walk. Needed to do. To think. To clear his mind. Of her voice. Of that song! He'd memorized it to say goodbye. But she couldn't say goodbye and now he didn't get the chance
She would never say where she came from
"High school. How long ago was that?"
"Too long."
"Where'd you go to school?"
"All over the place."
"Do not jump to conclusions, Captain."
Yesterday don't matter if it's gone
"I do not understand your preoccupation with my past. It's gone, I've let it go…let history rest in peace!"
While the sun is bright
Or in the darkest night
No one knows, she comes and goes
Goodbye Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I'm gonna miss you
Don't question why she needs to be so free
"I joined Starfleet to see the stars…to be free."
She'll tell you it's the only way to be
She just can't be chained
"Besides, I can't tie you down. We can't chain each other up."
To a life where nothing's gained
And nothing's lost, at such a cost
"You and I, Captain, we need to be free."
Goodbye Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I'm gonna miss you
"There's no time to lose", I heard her say
Catch your dreams before they slip away
"This is your dream, Captain, live it…take it for all it's worth and never let go."
Dying all the time
Lose your dreams and you will lose your mind
"When you lose your dreams, you lose everything."
Ain't life unkind?
Goodbye Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I'm gonna miss you
"Still I'm gonna miss you…" Kirk sang as the door to his quarters whooshed closed behind him. "Still I'm gonna miss you…"