A/N: This story is a work of fanfiction. I do not own Farscape, or it's many wonderful characters, nor do I make any money off them. Enjoy!
Rygel's right. I am obsessed with her. Obsessed and devoted to and completely in love with Aeryn Sun. God. I love just writing her name. Sounds sort of earth-like but at the same time its totally and utterly alien.
She's all I can think about now. Earth can't hold my like she did. Wormholes can't talk to me and kick my ass and kiss me like she did. Oh… I miss everything about her. She was all I had.
But it's over between us. Because I died. Or he died. Whatever. It doesn't matter anymore. I remind her of the man she loved. The man she broke her self-inflicted vow on.
I can remember when she made that vow. The moment she said that she could not act on her emotions. I can hear her saying those words. Telling me that soldier having emotional attachments distorts thinking in battle, her face flushed, her hair disarrayed, and her lips a memory of our interrupted passion.
What makes me so different from the other John anyways? Different enough to break her vow for? Different enough to make her act on the long suppressed passion? Or was it simply the time they had? If I had spent that time with her, instead of him, would I have ended up in her bed? And then dieing in her arms?
But how, HOW could the frell could he have forgotten birth control! Honestly. John Crichton and Aeryn Sun are compatible. They both knew that. How could he forget our escapades in the Breakaway Colonies?
It's hard to believe. If the child Aeryn is carrying is John Crichton's, then this will be my second kid fathered with out ever having sex with the mother! I will never be a part of Katralla's child's life. Tyno will be her father. I've accepted that. I don't like it, but it's the way things are and compared to what could have happened, I think it all turned out for the best. But Aeryn's child? Even if I'm never able to be for her what he was, I will still be a father to that child. Even if Aeryn never kisses me again, never holds me, never tells me she loves me, seeing her, and seeing her child… that is all I want now.
It's looking more and more likely that going back to earth, even if I could do it, would to be too dangerous to my fellow humans to risk. All I have is Aeryn. Not anymore though. With her gone everything is just so…. different. And I don't like it. I hate to admit it, but Noranti is right. I need those drugs more then she can know. Without them all I can do is remember, and regret. She was all I had. My constant, through death and destruction. Through everything. There was never anything we couldn't overcome together. Except each other. I remember telling D'argo that hope is all that keeps me going. I have hope or I have nothing. She was all I had, and I wish I could have her back.