Get Smart Monsters

by Thor2000

A three way crossover with Get Smart, Gilligan's Island and Dark Shadows has KAOS contacting Dr. Boris Balingkoff to rediscover Zharkoff's means of restoring life to the dead.

CHAPTER ONE

Agent 99 Susan Hilton continued along her way to Control Headquarters. The new location since the government had reinstated the old organization was behind the local post office. She entered and continued down the stairs as if she was going to the safe deposit boxes then stopped and entered the phone booth off to the side. One glance to see if the coast was clear and she dialed her pass number. The booth and wall rotated with her as she was in the hall outside the offices. Her mind waxed with nostalgia as she remembered the trap door to the old headquarters, but she was not interested in the old espionage game anymore. She had gone legit as a writer since her husband had replaced the Chief.

"Hi, Max." She passed by Larabee's empty security post. "Ready for dinner?"

"What?" Max looked wrapped in thought with the files scattered before him. "Oh, yes, dinner. Meal we eat at night and all that..........." He reacted distractedly.

"Aren't these the Chief's old dead files?" She perused the unsolved cases. "What are you doing with them?"

"I'm reopening them." Max stood and opened one. "I just sent Jason to Greece to check on this one and I'm taking the oldest."

"Max," 99 looked at him. "But you're the Chief now. You can't take cases anymore."

"I know that 99, but I'm going crazy behind this desk." Max stood with one of the files. "I don't know how the Chief handled it." He stood by her and leaned back on to the desk. "Look at this, in 1955, KAOS paid to transport electronic gear to an island in the South Pacific for reasons we were never able to determine. Why?"

"Because they like high living?" 99 wondered out loud.

"And here," Max picked up another file. "I have a report that KAOS had been collaborating with a scientist named Doctor Boris Balingkoff. Why?"

"Well," 99 tossed her hair a second. "Because they like scientists?"

"99," Max looked her deep in the eyes. "Something in my gut tells me these two are related. I just got a tip from my informant that KAOS was again talking to Balingkoff and that he was seen in Mexico chartering a boat."

"Max, you might have hit on something." 99 held the two dead files a second. "But why do you have to take this case. We don't know what KAOS could be doing. It could be dangerous."

"Dangerous is my middle name."

"No, it's not." 99 added. "It's Herschel."

"99, I have to take this case myself." Max looked into her beautiful blue eyes. "I need to prove to myself that I'm still as good as our son and all our other agents. I have to do it."

"Then I'm going with you." She added.

"You?" Max was surprised. "But you're retired. You're not an agent anymore. It could be dangerous with shootings, explosions, death traps and all that. I couldn't watch over you. You could get killed. You'd be risking your life ever minute............."

"And...." 99 hugged him and stared into his eyes. "Loving It!!"

CHAPTER TWO

Max's informant had revealed that Dr. Balingkoff had left Mexico City and chartered a boat to take him into the South Pacific. Feeling he was right on the wily doctor's footprints, he chartered a flight to arrive a head of time at Balingkoff's destination before him. The meeting point was a tiny previously uncharted island resort taken over by the late billionaire Thurston Howell III. His resort, The Castaways, was a nice little island-themed paradise where the visitors got to live like shipwrecked castaways, much like Howell had done less than five years previously.

"Excuse me," Max leaned forward in the small boat taking them from the plane landed in the lagoon. The gentleman of the couple in the seat before him looked familiar. "But, have we met before?"

"No, I don't think so." Barnabas Collins answered politely. He looked oddly out of place in his suit and tie and with his wolf's head cane posed in front of him. His wife Angelique was much more attired for the tropical setting in her flowered sleeveless dress as she beamed with the plot to shake his Old World manner from his being. She squeezed his arm lovingly as
a first mate on the covered dock reared their small boat.

"Ma'am." Willie Gilligan offered Angelique a hand as she stepped from the boat.

"Thank you." She appreciated his boyish courtesy. She moved aside as her Barnabas joined her. "You must really join the Twentieth Century, darling."

"Proper decorum is appreciated everywhere." Barnabas remained a gentleman as he turned to the boyish first mate. "Excuse me, we're guests of Adam and Ginger Collins. Where might we find their quarters on your lovely island."

"On the other side of the island…" Skipper Jonas Grumby spoke up as Gilligan helped Mr. and Mrs. Smart. "You must be the Collins."

"That's correct." Barnabas pulled Angelique closer.

"We have a carriage to take you to meet them." The jovial white haired skipper beamed as he gestured the way. He briefly turned to his little buddy. "Gilligan, after you're done helping the other guests, bring the Collins luggage."

"Yes, skipper," The former first mate unloaded the suitcases.

"Young man," Max struck a match as he looked upon the first mate. "I'm supposed to meet another party here. Has anyone arrived under the name of Balingkoff?"

"Balingkoff?!" Gilligan reacted as he recognized that name. He started swinging the Collins's luggage to the luggage cart as its momentum started carrying him further. The inertia continued carrying him as he fell backward off the dock and into the lagoon. On the drink bar at the beach, an island employee flipped the sign that recorded one day since an accident to zero.

"Gilligan!!!" The Skipper blustered a bit annoyed standing by the Collins's carriage as they saw one of their suitcases floating in the water. The Skipper tipped his hat to them as he apologized to them.

"Here let me help you..........." Max reached to help the first mate treading water, but his equilibrium must have been off as he too got pulled into the water.

"Max!!!" 99 stood on the dock at her husband treading water. She reached for her husband as the Skipper reached for Gilligan. The first mate held on to the suitcase as he was pulled up.

"Ever get the feeling that we're God's little jokes." Max asked Gilligan.

"Constantly..." The first mate wringed out his cap.

CHAPTER THREE

Max's mind was on his mission to locate Dr. Balingkoff and learn why KAOS was so interested in him. Agent 99 was treating the trip like a vacation as they explored the Castaways museum on the island decorated from items from the days of the shipwreck. 99 leaned in as she admired a bright blue cat's eye gem labeled "The Eye of Metuzar."

"Look, Max," She read a small paper card next to it. "Natives say that tiny blue gem gave three wishes to whoever found it."

"Well," Max added his own bit. "I know what I'd wish for. I'd wish for peace in the world, an end to all the starving and.........." He blushed a bit as he remembered how much he loved his wife. "The power to show you how much I really loved you."

"Oh Max........." She kissed him as she sighted another object between the statue of Kona and the movie camera rescued from a wreck sunken in the lagoon. It was a military attaché case with a rusted broken handcuff attached.

"Look, Max..." She awed a bit. "Wouldn't it be interesting if that was the case my father lost at the end of World War Two?"

"99," Max sounded just a bit skeptical. "Wouldn't that be a bit far fetched? I mean there had to be a million of those things lost in the war. I mean, how could your father's case lost in the Atlantic get all the way over here in the Pacific. I bet it's the case my uncle lost at Pearl Harbor."

"Your uncle was killed at Pearl Harbor?" 99 asked.

"No, my aunt caught him there with another woman in 1955." Max admitted. "She hit him over the head with his briefcase." 99 sort of grinned and continued on wondering if he was kidding her again. She looked at the voodoo figures and the transmitter left behind by Charles Barkley. Toward the back was a photo of the Robot which Control had lost over the island briefly as her eyes spanned front over the gold pocket jack-knife left by a Russian agent and caught sight of seven identical rings. She read the card describing their history.

"Max, look," She distracted Max from the silver lamiae dress on the mannequin that Ginger Grant wore in her time on the island. "These rings were used to induce mental control on the castaways by a scientist who tried to use them as his guinea pigs. Do you think they mean Balingkoff?"

"Who else could it be?" Max turned to Professor Roy Hinkley in the middle of a tour on the flora and fauna of the island. He tapped his shoulder.

"Professor Huntley?"

"Hinkley."

"Whatever." Max added. "Could I get a closer look at one of those rings?"

"Sure." The Professor reached into the keys in his pocket and picked out one of them as he unlocked the case and removed one ring from its felt enclosure.

"I've never been able to explain how those work." He continued as Max handled the seemingly innocent ring. "But they seem to have some sort of tiny microchip in them which amplified by the odd crystal cancels out the part of the brain dictated to will power and leaves the wearer subject to commands over short wave."

"Fascinating." Max analyzed the ring as he innocently slipped it on. "You mean just by slipping this little ring on, you can..." The ring lit up as he fell under a trance. "Destroy the raft............right, chief."

"Max!!!!!!" His wife tried to snap him out of it as the Professor's eyebrows rose out of curious fascination. He pulled the ring off Max's finger.

".........Actually take control of a person and make them do anything." He continued where he had left off. "99, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Max," 99 lovingly took his hand. "You were under the ring's power."

"I was?"

"Yes," The Professor returned it to the others and locked up the case. "For some reason,
commands sent into the rings have stayed programmed even after all these years."

"What a screwy thing for them to do." Max retorted a bit embarrassed. "I wish you hadn't told me that, but tell me, Professor Hanley..."

"Hinkley."

"Close enough." Max continued. "This scientist, was his name Balingkoff?"

"Yes." The Professor jerked his head back. He thought he'd never hear that name again. "Yes, it was. How did you know that?"

"Would you believe it was just a wild guess?" Max tried to cover for his investigation as his wife rolled her eyes in disbelief.

CHAPTER FOUR

The sun was high in the sky and the surf was pounding hard to the beach as a lone rowboat silently and carefully floated against the tide and crept up on the deserted side of the island. At least it appeared deserted. The dark attired figure in the boat flapped his jacket and cape aside as he hopped out of it, trekked through the few inches of water pulling his boat to shore and then securing it to the reefs. As he turned to the island, he grinned a bit
sadistically as if he were plotting something.

"My dear castaways........." He chortled to himself. "It has been a very long time.......... a very long time." He talked to himself as he tied off his boat and turned to the jungle. "You seven guinea pigs have been waiting here a long time for I.................." As he secreted himself through the trees he came through a long clearing and looked down to the plain asphalt under his feet. His eyes rolled side to side confusingly as he looked at the
paved road.

"What the heck is this?!" He cried out. "Is there anything they can't make out of coconuts?!" He heard movement and music from the distance coming closer. He hurried to the other side of the road and crouched low in the bushes as he saw a native pulling a couple by in a Polynesian rickshaw. They jaunted by wrapped up in their own interests as they vanished in the distance. The crafty figure then heard more voices coming from behind him merged with
figures up above the hill. He crouched in higher and closer surrounded by the thick foliage as his eyes looked forward on an open restraunt. It was full of people and couples talking and eating as Skipper Jonas Grumby and his little buddy acknowledged their guests and greeted them with a little Laurel and Hardy-like improvisation.

"Having a good time, Mr. and Mrs. Smart?" The Skipper tilted his hat.

"Yes, commodore." Max postured with his cigarette a bit. "It's a wonderful island paradise you have here."

"Well, it came that way..." Gilligan answered innocently.

"Max," 99 turned to her husband. "Let's sit out on the veranda."

"Good idea, excuse us, commodore." Max escorted his wife over as the Skipper tilted his hat to them. 99 started to sit at a table as he pulled her chair out for her.

"I just love this place." 99 continued. "It's like a paradise and the décor is everywhere. We should come back when we're not working."

"We will." Max was perusing the menu as his continued smoking.

"Have you seen Balingkoff yet?" 99 asked.

"Not yet," Max lowered his menu as he drawled back on his cigarette. "But then it might have helped if I knew what he looked like."

"You don't know what he looks like?" 99 sighed as his whimsical side showed itself again.

"There are no pictures of the man, 99."

"Well, how can you possibly know him?"

"I'll know it in my guts." He bumped his fork next to his elbow and reached to it. As he did, his face turned to the face watching him just inches from off the veranda in the bushes. He said a brief cursory hello and then continued to his business.

"And another thing, 99, I.................." He made a strange face as if it was the devil he had just seen. Those big eyes, that thin mustache... He blinked his eyes, snuffed out his cigarette and tried to shake off the image.

"Boy, 99," He started. "Those ugly Tiki statues are everywhere. And this one is the ugliest one yet."

"What Tiki statue?" She asked.

"Why this one right over..............." He turned back over the way he just did, but the face was gone. There was just thick foliage against the restraunt. "It's gone. I guess it fell over or something."

Still connected to its owner, the face dropped back down the hill to the road and started following it and grumbling under its breath.

"This is no good!" He argued with himself with an odd accent. "How dare those castaways civilize their island and not consult me? Haven't I always treated them with kindness and respect? Haven't I always allowed them to participate in my experiments against their will?" He kicked a palm tree as a coconut bounced off his head.

"Even the island is against me!!!" He screamed. He picked up the coconut and tossed it as hard as he could out of angry disgust. It sailed hard and fast and landed with a splash in a private swimming pool.

"What was that?" Angelique Collins looked up as she waded water in her violet bathing suit.

"Monkeys." Adam was grilling pork chops and stakes on his grill as Ginger and Angelique continued swimming. Barnabas was hopelessly distant sitting in the shade of the table umbrella in his suit and tie and his wolf head cane propped up before him. His wife wafted to pool side and playfully looked up at him.

"Darling," She beamed concerned for him. "You would be so much more comfortable if you'd let Adam loan you some trunks and came swimming with me. You've hidden in darkness for so long that..."

"And whose fault is that?" He responded cryptically as Ginger pretended not to listen.

"Am I going to be forever reminded of one little transgression?" She answered as Ginger wafted to the side of the pool with her.

"I don't understand." Ginger stroked her wet hair out of her face. "Is he blaming you for something?"

"Oh..." Angelique thought for a minute. "Just a private joke. He doesn't do swimming."

"Barnabas is still stuck in the past." Adam commented as he closed the grill and sat down in his shorts. Obvious old scars on his legs appeared where the hair never grew back. He had told Ginger it was from an old car accident.

"Yes..." Angelique giggled as she did a backstroke. "The Eighteenth Century." She had made another warm-hearted reference to something Ginger didn't understand. The former witch turned on her side in the water as she caught a spying glimpse of a face watching from the bushes. It wasn't a monkey as Adam had claimed and she was quite sure it was something human. She
continued looking back that someone was interested in one of them.

CHAPTER FIVE

Angelique was speaking long distance to her son in Boston as they all relaxed after dinner. Ginger leaned contently into Adam as the talk from dinner turned from her several odd years as a castaway, to their marriage and then to idea of children. Adam grinned a bit taken back as Ginger chuckled a bit.

"I'd like to be a mom..." She told Barnabas. "But... I'm just too frightened of the whole prospect." She looked up as Angelique hung up the phone. Still clad in her bathing suit, the lovely blonde Maine native had an impromptu floral skirt tied round her waist as she slid next to her Barnabas.

"I just finished talking to William." She started.

"That's their son." Adam told his wife. "He's married and has children himself now."

"He and Ally left their kids with Sara so they could take a trip." Angelique continued. "He hasn't told Ally, but he's going to try and bring her out here to the island."

"That sounds great." Adam cocked his head to rapping noises at the door. "Ginger, you'll like him, but I'm afraid as soon as he meets the Professor, no one will understand a thing they're talking about." He chuckled as he turned to answer the door. "Yes?"

"Adam Collins, I presume?" The figure in black outside was almost invisible in the dark shadows of the island.

"Yes," Adam answered as he stood in his shorts and floral shirt. "Can I help you?"

"My name is..........." He strided in past Adam and looked to the side and recognized Ginger. Barnabas And Angelique looked up. "Doctor Boris Balingkoff. I knew your father."

"My father?" Adam knew that was not really possible as Barnabas and Angelique exchanged knowingly glances.

"Excuse me.........." Ginger stood and looked at the doctor. She gazed down on his long black coat, thin beard and mustache and had a faint memory return to her. "Have we met before?"

"I don't know..." Balingkoff responded as his eyes perused her. "It could be........... possible."

"Ginger.........." Angelique rose, as she knew facts that she was reticent to answer. "You never showed me your old mementos from the island. Let's let these men talk........."

"Sure." The titian former movie star looked back at the shadowy doctor as Angelique escorted her away. Barnabas stood worriedly too as he acknowledged his wife escorting Ginger away and then realized something was very wrong.

"My father?" Adam escorted Balingkoff into the sunken living room as the wives departed for upstairs.

"Well..." Balingkoff sat without removing his cape. Adam and Barnabas sat down near him. "Your guardian, at least, Dr. Eric Lang?"

"You know about Adam?" Barnabas asked.

"Yes," Balingkoff lifted Adam's strong right arm. "You see, Lang collaborated with me on the re-animation of dead tissue and we both talked extensively on the subject. We both felt that the story of Frankenstein had to have been based on a true story and I helped him to begin constructing a body. Unfortunately, other parties hired me for other projects and he moved to Maine to do his work in secret. I recognize his work anywhere.........."

"Are you a mad scientist or something?" Adam asked nervously. It had been decades since he'd talked of his true past. Ginger didn't even know it.

"Scientist, yes.........." Balingkoff answered. "Mad, no...." He chuckled a bit under breath.

"And what do you want of me?" Adam asked the fearful question.

"I have an island nearby." Balingkoff responded. "I want you to come with me so I can study you and discover how Lang finally brought you to life. That was the one thing we could never figure out, yet here you are.......... Alive and before me! Are you interested?"

"So you can duplicate it and make more like me?" Adam was disgusted. "No, doctor, I am not."

"You don't understand..." Barnabas spoke up. "When he was revived, Adam was a child with incredible strength and brutal savagery. He was dangerous. It took years to condition him so he could live like a normal man and even then it was his desire to be so. To create another such being could be disastrous. No more monsters, doctor. Lang's secrets must die with him."

"Is this a no?" Balingkoff looked at the both of them. He seemed to accept it as he stood with a flourish and turned for the door. "I'll give you time to think about it. Till we meet again..." He looked them both over with a sinister smile and departed. Adam nervously ran his fingers through his hair.

"Barnabas.........." He looked for help.

"You will be safe." Barnabas looked oddly out of place in the tropical décor of the bungalow. "Even as a normal man, I can protect you."

CHAPTER SIX

Gilligan was sometimes feeling like the character in the Tom Hanks movie. He wasn't spending his life sitting on a bus bench and telling people that life was like a box of chocolates, but he was equally content. Mr. Howell had remembered him very well in his will and had left the former First Mate well financed for the rest of his life, but instead of doing as little as possible, he continued to work and help out in the island in order to keep busy. Another part was the pleasure he had in helping others and then another part was that the Skipper made sure he wasn't dawdling off.

"Gilligan." The Skipper called to him. "Help our next guests as I show the Huxtables to their bungalow. I'll be back in twenty minutes."

"Right, Skipper." Gilligan turned as he was left in charge of the guests arriving through the lagoon. He saluted into the direction of the Skipper a minute as he turned to watch the next couple arrive, but as they were taken from the water plane and rowed to shore, he noticed it was two men for a change. The fatter one of the two saluted the thinner one with the scar as
Gilligan began to realize their bumbling camaraderie looked oddly familiar.

"Dumkopf!" The one with the scar yelled at his partner. "We are verblatz in as incognito. Do not salute me!"

"Sorry, Siegfried..." The fat one tried not to look stupid as they were rowed a shore. "I just have one question. If we cannot recruit Balingkoff to work for KAOS, what will happen to us?"

"Let me put it like this," Siegfried looked at him as their boat bumped the dock. "You do not want to know."

"Gentlemen," Gilligan tied off their boat. "Welcome to the Castaways. Can I help you with your luggage?"

"That won't be necessary." Siegfried told him. "Schtarker!! Grab the luggage!"

"All of it?!!" Schtarker made a weird face as he looked at the ten bags. Only one of them was his own.

"I am Konrad Von Siegfried." Siegfried introduced himself and his partner with a faint German accent as Schtarker huffed and puffed with their luggage. "This is my partner, Schtarker. We are here as guests on your beautiful little island."

"Oh," Gilligan watched as Schtarker looked up like an overwrought puppy dog as he fought to carry all the suitcases at once. "Are you on a business or pleasure trip?"

"Both." Siegfried inhaled proudly as he stood on the dock and admired the tropical setting full of palm trees, vines and hut-like little bungalows. "You really have such a wonderful island here. It reminds me of my homeland."

"Germany??" Gilligan wondered.

"Argentina." Siegfried dissuaded the confusion as Schtarker set one foot on the dock and felt the weight of all the suitcases pulling him sideways. The water in the lagoon splashed up into Siegfried's face as Schtarker tumbled off the dock.

"Schtarker, you versnatz einen von dumkopf !!!!" Siegfried started yelling. "Can't you do anything right?"

"I'll help him." Gilligan kneeled and reached out to help him as instead of pulling him out of the water, he got pulled in. Another splash of water doused Siegfried as he watched. At the drink bar on shore, the bartender flipped the sign reading one day since an accident back to zero.

"It is so hard to find decent help these days." Siegfried started drying his monocle again.

CHAPTER SEVEN

"Skipper," Professor Hinkley called ahead as he noticed him and Gilligan a few feet from him on the path from the main compound to the guest bungalows. He jaunted the few extra steps to catch up with them as they turned around to see him.

"How are you doing, Professor?" The Skipper barely saw him as the former teacher was usually taking the kids on camping trips into the jungle.

"Just fine," Hinkley looked up. "Do you remember that crazy scientist from that nearby island who was always trying to experiment on us?"

"Well, I sure do." The Skipper tugged on his cap. "Last time we encountered him, he tried to de-evolve my little buddy into a monkey."

"And that wouldn't have taken much effort." Gilligan chimed in a second.

"Well," The Professor continued. "I have a reason to believe he's back on the island. I met a couple who mentioned his name and a few of the guests have reported a man with his description prowling around on the island."

"And those two men who arrived asked for him too!" Gilligan remarked.

"Well, that's just great..." The Skipper pounded his fist into his hand. "Of all the people in the world we'd have to run into again, it would have to be him. I still remember when he stuck me in Mrs. Howell's body."

"And me in Mr. Howell's body, and the Professor in Mary Ann's body, and Ginger in..........." Gilligan started rambling on.

"Gilligan!" The Skipper hit him with his cap. "We don't need to rehash all that now!"

"Gentleman, please........." The Professor seemed he was getting bored with their Laurel-And-Hardy antics after all these years. "If we can find him, we can finally report him to the authorities for all those tortures he put his through. We have to find him."

"Well, we know the island better than anyone else." The Skipper spoke as Gilligan straightened his hat and listened. "I'll tell Mary Ann, Mrs. Howell and her son; Gilligan, you go tell Ginger and her husband."

"Right." Gilligan saluted zealously and started to turn as the Skipper held on to him.

"You might also want to tell Adam and Ginger that we'll be late for the luau they're throwing for the Collinses."

"Right." Gilligan remarked as the three of them collided head on and then started simultaneously stepped forward on their individual destinations. The Professor fought his way free as the Skipper headed for the Howell's chalet on the island and Gilligan headed toward the bungalows. As the crossroads in the footpaths was once was more left empty, the bushes stirred and the low tree limbs moved as Balingkoff emerged and stroked his short beard as they left him behind. He peered with intrigue at them as his eyes narrowed
connivingly.

"They think they can capture me." He mumbled as they left unaware that he had been so close. "I the greatest scientist the world has never seen! Soon my latest experiment to resurrect the dead will make me the most brilliant scientist in all the world! This I vow or else my name is not Dr. Boris............" Two hands grabbed him and dragged him back into the
bushes.

"Ah, Balingkoff........." Siegfried looked him over as Schtarker held the mad scientist. "So we meet again."

"Mr. Siegfried," The mad scientist shrugged off Schtarker's hold. "We meet again. How's that little scar of yours?"

"Longer and more crooked, like myself," The madman beamed and postured arrogantly.

"Oh," Balingkoff looked as if he was planning something even as he grinned. "I was just looking for you."

"Doctor," Siegfried continued. "KAOS has been paying you a lot of money to finish Dr. Zharkov's research in the re-animation of our dead agents. Now, either you show us something, or you will be the first one we will have to bring back."

"That won't be necessary." Balingkoff looked at Schtarker looking at him. "You shaved a gorilla and taught it to speak English, correct?"

"That's what we keep telling him." Siegfried answered while Schtarker didn't get the insult.

"I don't need to finish Zharkov's work." Balingkoff answered. "It has all been done before by a Dr. Eric Lang. His creation has been living on this island for the last five years or so while married to one of my castaways. You capture him so I can study him, and I can bring back any agent you wish."

"Wunderbar!!" Siegfried and Schtarker cheered as they realized this would bring them back into KAOS's good graces after countless defeats. Schtarker suddenly stopped cheering.

"I was not really shaved ape from Africa, was I?" He asked.

"No, Schtarker," Siegfried answered. "You were left on the front steps of KAOS in a baby basket." He leaned over and whispered to Balingkoff. "He was twenty-two at the time."

CHAPTER EIGHT

Adam looked at Ginger for the moment and fell in love with her all over again. He paused for the moment as the sunlight reflected in her eyes and made her sparkle as if she were some goddess from a far away realm.

"I hope you like the luau, Barnabas." He remembered himself and locked the door to the bungalow. "I arranged it just for you and Angelique."

"I'm sure I'll enjoy myself." It was sunny and bright with a moderate breeze and Barnabas still wore a full suit and carried his cane. Angelique wore a nice floral print dress she had purchased in the island store as Ginger pulled on her sunglasses to protect from the sun. Adam started leading the way to the main compound as he stepped on the rock path toward the lane in front of his home.

"Most of our dinners here are arranged by Ginger's friend, Marry Ann." Adam continued. "She supervises all the cooking and health regimes here on the island and even.........." A large club knocked Adam up the head as Barnabas looked up. Ginger's head turned at the sound of wood hitting the back of her husband's head and screamed as she watched her husband being kidnapped right in front of her.

"Schtarker!" A voice yelled with a German accent. "Bring him!!!"

"Ja... boy, is he heavy!!!"

"My boat is this way!!!!" Dr. Balingkoff called and led the way as Barnabas stormed after them with his cane up as a weapon. The two Germans before him were struggling with Adam's unconscious form as Balingkoff made his way down the weaving and rocky path to the beach. Ginger was stunned and shocked as she was losing her husband. As she looked at the wily doctor in black, she suddenly remembered him from five to seven trips to the island back from the time while she was shipwrecked here.

"I know who he is now!!" She told Angelique. "He did experiments on me, Gilligan and the others."

"He did?" The former witch heard gunshots being fired by Siegfried as Barnabas waved his cane. The former vampire was grazed across the shoulder as Skipper Jonas Grumby heard the shots and stood on the hill as he looked down to the beach.

"Gilligan, Professor..." He called the others. "There he is!!!" He pointed to Balingkoff trying to start his outboard motor as Siegfried and Schtarker heaved Adam into it. They were getting away with it unless someone stopped them!

"Fires that burn and winds that blow.........." Angelique stood on another hill looking down on Balingkoff. "May you engine never go............"

"What is with my boat?" Balingkoff continued trying to start his hexed engine.

"Schtarker!" Siegfried yelled. "Start rowing!!!!"

"I'm rowing!! I'm rowing!!!!" His partner hit the oars as Professor Hinkley stopped and helped Barnabas. Rushing down another path, Maxwell Smart pulled out his revolver as his wife opened her compact transmitter to call the Coast Guard. The Skipper stormed the beach as he started to catch up with the escaping boat.

"Gilligan!!!" He yelled again.

"I'm coming, Skipper!!!"The skinny first mate charged down to the beach, slid on the wet path and tumbled off his own feet. 99 watched as he landed on a short palm tree bending under his weight.

"Uh - 0h." He mumbled as it bent back and launched him into the air. Angelique's eyes locked on him as he flailed and screamed through the air over her head and landed dead target through the bottom of Balingkoff's boat. Without a bottom, it started sinking twenty yards out.

"My boat!!" Balingkoff yelled. "My precious boat!!!!"

"We got to get out of this business." Siegfried mumbled to Schtarker as their boat vanished under the water. Inhaling water for a minute, Adam Collins came to out of unconsciousness and noticed Gilligan drowning under him. He grabbed him and started swimming for shore as the Professor helped them up.

"You........." Gilligan coughed on seawater as Barnabas supported him back to his feet. The skinny first mate turned to Adam. "You almost drowned. I saved you." He told him.

"Yeah," Adam couldn't hurt his feelings. "You sure did."

"Commodore," Max pulled out his badge and Government I.D. as Ginger rushed to her husband and Barnabas was rejoined by Angelique. "Maxwell Smart, government agent. I am hereby claiming these three men as enemies to the U.S. Government."

"Yes, sir!!" The Skipper saluted him and hoisted up Siegfried and Schtarker. "I've got a good place to put them too."

"Why?" Siegfried yelled as Max lead Balingkoff with his gun. "Foiled by a skinny sailor flying through the air!! Why does this always happen to me? Haven't I always been a good little terrorist???"

"The best!" Schtarker answered. The Skipper was dragging the hefty spy away with him.

"Why don't you two gentlemen just stow it?" He conked their heads together to knock the fight out of them. Behind them, Gilligan shook hands with Max and Ginger hugged Adam. Angelique kissed her Barnabas as they realized that they had something to celebrate at the luau tonight.

END