Lister let Holly pilot the shuttle to the space station so that he could sit back and relax. He wondered if he would eventually get too big to reach the shuttle controls comfortably. How do women stand this?
"Do you think there might be lady cats on board?" Cat asked, breaking the silence.
"Holly couldn't find any life forms," Rimmer said.
"You think a cat can be found just like that? Give us a little credit," Cat said.
"What are you actually gonna do if you ever find a lady cat?" Lister asked.
Cat looked at Lister with scorn. "When, not if, I find a lady cat, we'll both know exactly what to do."
"Docking now," Holly said as the shuttle shuddered to a stop. "Okay. You're safe to board."
The space station was small and cramped, without any signs that people had lived there. A few live wires hung from the ceiling, shooting the occasional spark, but they didn't look too dangerous as long as you didn't grab hold of the end.
"Do you think people actually lived here, or just service robots for ships that went by?" Lister asked.
Rimmer looked thoughtful. "I don't know. There was talk about creating a space station populated solely by robots."
"What happened?" Lister asked. "Did they do it?"
"I died before I found out," Rimmer said.
Lister nodded. "Yeah, I guess death stands in the way of keeping up with the news."
Cat looked around, his lip curled in distaste. "I'll stay here."
Rimmer was immediately wary. "Why? Do you sense danger?"
"Who do you think I am, Lassie?" Cat asked. "Some of these wires are sending off sparks, and I don't want to burn a hole in my suit jacket."
Lister took a few steps forward, looking at the hall markings. "I think there's a central console room up ahead."
"Well, go ahead, Lister," Rimmer said cheerily.
Lister looked at Rimmer, and Rimmer gestured for Lister to walk first. Lister shook his head and proceeded down the corridor as Rimmer followed behind.
There was a central console room at the end of the corridor, and the workstations were built for humans, not robots. Lister tried to imagine the crew of the space station at their posts and felt the same slight pang of nostalgia he felt when he tried to imagine a fully populated Red Dwarf. It was sad to be somewhere that used to be crowded with people and now had no trace of them…except, of course, him.
"Looks like people did work here," Lister said, trying not to think too much more about it.
"I wonder what happened to them," Rimmer said.
"In a couple million years, I bet you'd lose enough height so you couldn't push the buttons anymore," Lister said.
Rimmer gave Lister a withering look. "Don't be stupid."
A spherical device in the middle of the room caught Lister's eye, and he crossed to it. "I wonder what this is."
"Don't touch it! We don't know what it does!" Rimmer said.
Lister picked it up and examined it, turning it round to see if there was any writing on it. There wasn't.
Rimmer heaved an exasperated sigh. "What is the point of my outranking you if you never listen to me?"
Lister shrugged. "What's the point of listening to you?"
"I asked my question first," Rimmer said.
Lister noticed a red panel on the sphere. "Hey, there's a button on the side."
Rimmer crossed his arms and turned away. "Go ahead. Push the button too. Fry yourself into oblivion. I'm not going to advise you."
"Come on, Rimmer. Why would you keep a death ball in such an obvious place dead center of the control room?" Lister asked.
"Death ball? Is that the technical term for it?" Rimmer asked.
"I don't know. You speak dead. What's it called?" Lister said.
"Giggle giggle chuckle guffaw. Look, let's just take it back to the ship and analyze it there," Rimmer said.
"Yeah, and what if it blows us up?" Lister asked.
"It could do that while we're here, so you might as well press the button now and have it over with," Rimmer said.
Lister shrugged. "Okay."
Rimmer wheeled around. "I wasn't serious!"
Too late. Lister pushed the button. The sphere began to rotate, and it zapped him with blue bolts of electricity. Strong tingles raced through Lister's body, and in his surprise, he dropped the sphere. Once it hit the floor, it went cold and returned to normal. Lister blinked.
"What happened?" Rimmer asked.
Lister shook his head. "I don't know. It tingled a little, but I feel fine." He looked down at his watch. "Holly, can you get some scans of the sphere and figure out what it does?"
"I can scan it. I don't know about the rest," Holly said.
"Well, could you try?" Lister asked.
"Sure, Dave," Holly said with a nod.
Rimmer clapped his hands together. "All right. That's enough exploring. Back to the Blue Midget."
"We just got here," Lister said.
"Yes, and you've been zapped by some fantastic electrical device for which we have yet to determine a function. If your hair starts falling out or you mutate into some deranged sea creature, I'd at least like to be back on Red Dwarf when it happens," Rimmer said.
"You really know how to make a guy feel good," Lister said.
Rimmer looked smug. "One of my greatest gifts is my sensitivity."
"You should've given it back," Lister said.
Rimmer gave Lister a dirty look and they left the control room.