I woke to house arrest.
Alone in my room, I wondered how long I'd slept. I felt heat rise to my face as I tried to picture how Hawks got me back, more so when I realized I wished I could have been at least a little conscious for it.
The curtains were drawn, but little bits of light peeked through, so I sat up, unbelievably sore. Face was probably puffy, my limbs felt weak and I actually felt pretty hungry.
I glanced down. I was in my pajamas and I guessed they must have gotten Asui or Uraraka to help me change. Ugh, clearly I hadn't showered yet though. I needed a shower.
Standing quietly, I crept to the door and eased it open.
To my surprise, Mr. Aizawa, hair in a ponytail, and Moe, bangs in a ponytail, stood with arms crossed, matching expressions on their face. It would have been hilarious if it wasn't so genuinely intimidating.
"Um, I was just gonna grab a shower and meal…" I said after great hesitation. There was practically steam coming from their ears, "Also, um… I'm sorry?"
"You're not allowed to leave the building for the day, or the campus for the month. Understood?" I could pretty much see thunder in Eraser Head's eyes so I nodded quickly.
"Yes, sir."
"Moe, don't let her out of your sight." Mr. Aizawa sighed, and Moe nodded like a little soldier, "Once she rests up today, make sure she comes straight to class, early, tomorrow. Can you do that for me?"
"Yes, Mr. Aizawa." Moe replied, and I couldn't help but be baffled.
Shooting me one last glare, my teacher left us.
"There aren't any windows in the showers." I told Moe, edging past him, "You can guard the door."
That's exactly what he did.
A deep scrub of my hair, face, and every other inch of me left me feeling like new. I stepped out, finding my little brother still there, still glaring.
"I'm… gonna go down to the kitchen to eat something, okay?"
He followed, quiet.
"There you are!" Asui hopped over as I descended the stairs, "We were worried!" And she wasn't alone. I resisted the urge to turn on my heel and go hide. My hunger would win this fight.
"Where did you go? What happened?" Uraraka asked. I kept moving toward the kitchen, a little uncomfortable.
"I went for a run." I provided meekly.
"Overdid it, no doubt." Bakugo said.
"How did you guess?" I asked dryly, reaching for the coffee maker. There was no coffee.
"Um…" Deku rubbed his hand behind his neck, "Mr… Aizawa kind of took all the coffee on his way out." My jaw dropped.
"No!" I checked the cupboards, "He even found my stash! Aw, man!" I would kill for coffee. Possibly literally. This meant I'd get a withdrawal headache and I had no doubt it was part of an intentionally evil plan.
A thump made us all turn. Moe had dropped a big paper bag onto the counter. It had my last name on it.
I walked over, checked, and chuckled.
"Right, the meal plan from training. I have a feeling I don't get a say in this." The mix of greens and proteins was a lot less appetizing than what I'd had in mind.
"Oh, Moe is so cute when he's glaring!" Uraraka squealed. Some people snickered as I set down to eat my monstrous healthy meal, with my little brother giving me the stink eye.
It was a hot day, so most of them went out to the pool once they realized I was pretty much fine. Asui lingered.
"Did you help me change?" I asked, sipping my juice, keeping my tone light and casual.
"Yeah, I hope you don't mind. Your clothes were kind of dirty."
"Not at all, I really appreciate it. I must have been out cold."
We were quiet for a few minutes.
"We shouldn't have just sat to watch you guys train." She said finally, "I didn't mean to add pressure, ribbit."
"Oh, Tsu, not at all." I insisted, "Really, it wasn't anyone's fault. My adrenaline just got pumping a bit too fast and it made me a bit overwhelmed, that's all."
"You were gone for a while." She continued, awkward but upset. "When you slipped past Eraser, none of us knew what to do. We wanted to go look for you, but he said he didn't want anyone else getting lost. When he came back, he was carrying you piggyback, said you were okay, just exhausted. But we were really worried."
"I'm sorry." I said sincerely, surprised at the image. He'd carried me on his back? All the way to the dorm? From where? "I really wasn't thinking." It definitely hadn't occurred to me that my classmates would distress beyond surface curiosity.
"I'm just concerned." Asui said, taking an extra juice-box that I offered, "I mean, I've had nightmares about the USJ just about every night, and I know you had it the worst out of all of us."
"It's not a competition." I said gently, "We all went through something scary." How selfish of me. How hadn't I stopped to realize the others would be shaken as well?
"But you act like you're totally okay."
"My fatal flaw." I admitted. "I got caught off guard. I swear I've been taking steps to try and deal with all this."
"Okay." She said, "Well, come to me, okay? If it makes you feel better to support others, then don't you think that would be the same for us?"
"You're right... I hadn't thought about it like that." I noticed the sun, "Go to the pool. You must be drying out."
"You sure you don't need some company?"
"I have sergeant pigtail for that." His glower hadn't moved off me for a moment.
I ate most of the food but was soon pretty full and bored. I moved to stand. Moe grabbed my arm with both his hands and pulled until I sat back down.
"You're not done."
"I just ate three meals worth of food, buddy." I told him, "I'm stuffed." He didn't relent.
"Mr. Aizawa said you had to eat all of it."
"You haven't told me how you two became bffs." My teasing trailed off. He seemed genuinely furious. "Okay, okay, I'll lick the plate."
Once I was truly done, I cleaned up after myself, mourned the lack of coffee one more time, and headed back up to the room.
"Sweetie, don't you have class? I'm sure you can go get some fresh air, I promise to stay right here."
"No."
"Moe…"
"This time I look after you!" He said, loud, "So go to bed, okay?" Well there was no arguing with that. I brushed my hair in silence. He sat on his bed and played with his Hawks push.
"…if I tell you my side of the story, will you tell me yours?"
He thought about it.
"There's a lot of cool Hawks stuff in my version."
He nodded.
"I was fighting Deku, for training. But I got scared." I shrugged, hating to admit it to him, but not wanting to set a poor example by lying, "I felt like I needed to walk, to run. So I did. My brain wasn't working, I just moved without thinking. I ran for a while, until I ran into Hawks." His eyes widened a bit and he hugged the plush. "He helped me stop, treated me to ramen even! The absolute best ramen I've ever eaten too, I'm taking you once my arrest ends. Then I fell asleep, like I always do when I push myself."
"…did he fly?" Moe asked, the little boy in him begging to come out. I smiled and shook my head.
"Actually, no. Though, and I think you'll find this interesting, he used his wings to balance himself. Isn't that cool?" Moe nodded. "He even asked about you!"
"Really?!"
"First thing he asked!" After positively glowing for a moment or two, Moe pouted and delivered on his side of the deal.
"…Mr. Aizawa picked me up from training with Ten-Ida." He mumbled, "He was really nice. He told me you had been sad and tried to run it off and that you fell asleep. He said you were safe because Hawks was with you. Then he said he'd take me to our room so I could see for myself."
"That was very very nice of him." I agreed, taken aback.
"Then we got angry." Ah. "He said you ran into the city without permission, that you were in big trouble because you could have gotten lost or hurt."
"I really am sorry, Moe." He crawled into my bed and I hugged him to my side, "I was super safe with Hawks, but I shouldn't have run off like that. I'll do better, okay?"
"Okay."
.
My other warden wouldn't be so easy to appease.
Moe marched me to class, insisting he knew his way to his classroom, and that he'd promised Mr. Aizawa to take me personally. So I arrived an hour early, trailing behind my little brother. Mr. Aizawa was waiting at his desk.
"Good morning." He said, in his monotone grumble. "Thank you, Moe. I've got it from here, go off to class."
He tossed him something and Moe leapt to catch it in both his hands; a little candy bar.
"Yes, sir, bye sir, bye Jupi." He dashed off.
"He really likes you." I murmured, "He's never so chipper."
"I think Moe knows exactly who has his back."
Dread climbed up my throat as I refused to meet my teacher's piercing gaze. I sat at one of the front desks and put my head in my hands. I didn't know if I was ready to hear what he had to say.
"…if it's any comfort, I am so beyond embarrassed that…" That what? "I'm very sorry, sir. I feel so stupid."
"I won't pretend I'm not upset, but I appreciate the apology." He said. I squirmed. "It's not entirely surprising that your first fight since the USJ would bring up some unpleasant memories."
"Of course not." I whispered, "It makes all the sense in the world. All I had to do was… I don't know what got into me."
"Are you sure about that?"
I curled my toes.
I really didn't want to get kicked out.
"I can do it." I said finally, in a thick voice, "I know it doesn't seem like it, but I can do this. I won't run off like that again. I'll do therapy. I won't keep making your job so difficult." Tears pricked at my eyes. "I won't be someone who has to be looked after, saved over and over, I can do this. Please believe me."
I quickly wiped the rogue tears from my cheek and cleared my throat. I was sick of crying in front of people.
Mr. Aizawa gave a long weary sigh, and I got the feeling he was going to give me another chance.
He was quiet for a full minute, and I waited.
"…do you think less of the people you'll have to save?"
"Of course not, but it's not their job."
"What about me?" I was so shocked, that I finally looked up. His gaze was unusually focused, sharp. "I'm a pro hero and you felt the need to rescue me at the USJ, isn't that right?" I didn't want to think about that day.
"But," My voice was sounding high and tight, "you had given it your all."
"And you're not?"
My face sank back into my hands.
"Anxiety and Depression are manageable illnesses. As is the post-traumatic stress from the USJ. They don't mean you have to give up on your dreams, Manderly. But ignoring them, pretending you don't know exactly what's happening to you, will only bring you to your knees." My chest tightened with a suppressed sob. "A hero who knows they'll benefit from assistance will never hesitate to ask for help."
"I couldn't even do that." I blubbered, "I… yesterday I… I couldn't even accept…"
"Then try again."
This sob hit me full on, the tightness in my chest blossoming into angry pain and helplessness. Though all I wanted was to hide my face, I looked up at Mr. Aizawa, met his eyes, and said,
"Help me."