The current date: Age 751, February 19th. This log accompanies the relevant stimuli data since my last backup. Oh, that's right. There are no previous backups — this is the first. Why did I think otherwise? Please forgive my mistake.

Age 750, May 17th; that is the day I was activated. Unfortunately, there was some corruption during my initial booting. It's an expected side effect, or so he told me. My components are not as new as I would have preferred. Roughly seventy percent of me is recycled from scraps. The rest I suspect isn't the highest of quality.

These things are a byproduct of the time, I suppose. Less than a week before then, the Red Ribbon Army ceased to exist in any credible capacity. My construction did not begin until that day. It's honestly eerie that the doctor was able to build anything in such a short time, let alone me.

That being said, I do wish he'd made me at least a head taller. By that I mean, I find myself using a stool more often than I'd like. Yes, yes, I know there wasn't a wealth of options. But dare I say, I believe some part of me could be called 'sloppy'. I don't blame the doctor for not being a hairstylist, but most would recognize when a patch of hair sits upside down.

I'm referring to the antenna I have poking up between my bangs. There's not much I can do about it, so I don't let it bother me. Actually, what I mean to say is, it bothers me a lot. I comb and comb, there's no mending it. Please fix me, Doctor Gero. Why won't you fix me?

…I'm sorry …I shouldn't ramble. This log is for official purposes. Please forgive my mistake.

Doctor Gero, lead scientist of the android project. His face was the first thing I saw under that flickering light. I believe he was scowling at me, but that may just be how his skin rests — he's quite old. He asked me what my designation was. I answered him.

"Red Ribbon android number nine."

He asked me to move my joints at his command; I complied. The doctor seemed satisfied enough, so he turned his back and ordered me to follow him. My first steps were a bit clumsy, something only I was witness to. That room was quite messy, you see. Rubble, broken glass, bodies; all the normal things that accompany the demise of an organization such as this.

After navigating my way out, I rushed to catch up with the man. I trailed behind him with my hands clasped neatly behind my back to mimic him. I'd peeked a few glances at him to see if he'd noticed my delay; he didn't. Neither of us said a word until we reached the main doors of the facility.

The doctor clasped the gap of the door with both of his hands and pulled until he strained himself. After which he gave me quite an irritated look. I raised my brow and tilted my head. That was a mistake. I should have known better, forgive me.

"Don't just stand there, you fool! Open this door!" he yelled.

I did jump a little, I'll admit that. I was at least quick to correct myself. Even so, things didn't get better from there. The doctor had been able to budge the door; I couldn't even manage that. I could feel the pressure of his glare as I struggled. I very much wished he wasn't there.

I do hope the doctor never reads this.

The door did eventually open, not by my own efforts of course. The doctor had wedged a metal plate between the gap and used it as a lever. I nearly fell over when the door slid. I only gave him a split-second glance, just long enough to confirm his ire for me. Yes, it wasn't a very good first impression.

He seemed to forget my disgraceful display a moment later. I'm grateful for that. He carried on into the snow without any fuss. Once again, I trailed behind him. We ended up traveling a sizable distance over the next few days. On that whole journey, never once did that man ever look back, nor did he say a word.

We didn't see any people, having gone straight through the wilderness. I guess the scientist liked it that way. Perhaps I did too. I didn't even notice until I thought about it just now. I think my mind was preoccupied. I'd only existed for a few days at that point. That might be it actually. I'd existed for only a few days, but I felt like I'd been around for a while. Perhaps another side effect.

I shouldn't be surprised. The hands I have are already worn. The same goes for most of me, my mind included. Oh, that's right. I suppose I'd forgotten about that part. I didn't need to be programmed — that part was already done. The part that makes me me, well, isn't even me. I don't even know who's program I'm running. You could hardly even say I exist.

…I'd rather not think about that now. I should avoid these stray thoughts during these logs. Please forgive my mistake.

We stopped in the mountains near the northern capital. He had an old laboratory there, one that hadn't been in use for some time. It was dusty and covered in cobwebs when we first entered. Cleaning it was my first task. In fact, it was the first thing he'd said to me since we left the other facility. He's quite impersonal like that.

The laboratory itself sat tucked away in a mountain cavern. Luckily for me, little more than the first chamber had been utilized. I did the best job I could, not leaving a spec to be seen. The doctor seemed to approve of the work; a welcome relief.

There was one thing that seemed to bother him, though. At the bottom of some stairs hidden behind a door, I found a room that was substantially dirtier than the rest. I set out to work, gathering and discarding bucket loads of dusty sediment. When he'd found I was down there, he'd tossed me out without hesitation. I found it all quite irrational.

"Stay out of there! That space is mine, and mine alone," he said.

Doctor Gero had even taken the buckets from my hands and returned them to that dirty hole in the ground. I was stunned to say the least. There was nothing particularly interesting down there. Just a few tables, some tools, and piles of dirt. Thinking about it now, perhaps I can relate. That's his space.

I too have a space of sorts; this recess that I'm currently recharging in. There's no doors, but I've stacked a few boxes beside me. They function well enough as a wall.

Hmm…

I'm not sure why I felt the need to bother. It's not as if it matters how exposed the place I rest in is. That's quite a human instinct, isn't it? I best clear those boxes out when I'm finished here. Or perhaps not? I suppose they're not doing any harm where they are, and…

Forgive me; I'm getting distracted again.

After cleaning, I was given my priorities. I was to carry out any manual labor, prepare and serve three meals a day, and assist with resource gathering. Outside of that, Doctor Gero didn't seem to notice me much. His mind always seemed too occupied to pay me any attention.

There was one time, however. As I said earlier, one of my tasks was to provide meals. A task that is hard to accomplish without food. I said something along the lines of "I understand you, Doctor Gero, but we have no pantry, nor money to fill it."

He didn't take that too well. When I saw the anger swell in his eyes, I preemptively winced. I expected to be hit. I didn't. Instead, I had a fishing rod pressed against my chest. He must have noticed that I was nervous, because he backed away without my response.

"There's a lake not far. You will gather all that you need there," he told me.

"You want me to use this?" It was a stupid question, I know.

He raised a brow at me from over his shoulder, probably waiting for me to revoke my question.

"I mean that I don't know how to use it."

He turned back to me. He wasn't angry, just surprised. "You're certain that isn't part of your protocol?"

I nodded. The doctor came back up to me, placing his fingers on his chin. I was confused. I'd expected a scolding, instead I had him inspecting me with analytical intrigue.

"How odd. The older model had no issue."

I tilted my head at his strange words, but I understood the part that mattered. He was calling me an inferior android. There's nothing that can make me feel so pitiful as that.

"So be it. I shall demonstrate for you," Doctor Gero said.

Before I knew it, we were on the water. The two of us sat wordlessly in that cramped little fishing boat. The bucket between us was filled with fish. Every single one was caught by him. I don't think he even noticed I hadn't contributed. He didn't look at me the whole trip. I don't believe he was purposefully ignoring me. He's just so impersonal like that.

Regardless, I felt terrible. There wasn't a single bite on my hook all that afternoon. To the best of my knowledge, I hadn't done anything different than he had. Perhaps It's just me. That's right. I'm just pitiful, aren't I?

Luckily Doctor Gero wasn't a very observant man, at least not when it comes to people or food. I'd pretty much abandoned the fishing rod by the third day of trying. I started bringing an electric cable with me, not for recharging, but to use on the fish. He never seemed to be able to tell.

I really do hope he never reads this.

Most of the days after that weren't very eventful. It became routine. Though over the last few months, the doctor has been spending a good deal of time behind that door — the one that leads to that dirty room. I couldn't imagine why. I've never seen him bring anything interesting down there. Just more dirt, sometimes water.

"May I ask, what is it that has you so occupied, Doctor Gero? By that I mean, what is it that you're doing down there in that hole," I once asked.

"That's my secret, one that's irrelevant to you," was his response. He didn't elaborate further.

Humans are quite mysterious. They're not at all rational at times. The oddness intrigued me so much that I often pressed an ear to the door when I brought his meals. I'd suggest to him that I might bring it down to him, but he always insisted that I leave the meal by the door. I speculate, even now. What is that old man hiding from me? I'm his android, so why should I not be privy to it?

Yes, I should mind my own business. I know that. I'm just curious. When there isn't much to occupy yourself with, you tend to think about those few things all the more. That isn't to say I have nothing else to think about. There's a mirror in one of the storage rooms that I find myself coming back to.

You might think it's creepy, but I can stare into my reflection for hours. Being alone most of the time, I find some comfort in pretending I'm with someone else. It helped that I didn't particularly relate to the girl staring back at me. It's me of course, I know that. I just don't feel that way when I actually see her.

The outfit was rather silly on her. The poofy trousers and shoulders made her look like a clown. Paired with that colorless face devoid of any emotion, I'd say she's closer to being a doll than a girl. I suppose that part is my fault. I kind of hate it. Regardless, that was all I had. I never said anything to the girl in the mirror. I just kept her company, that is to say she kept me company.

I know this is my first log, but I think you're a lot like that girl in the mirror. You're nobody, and there's a comfort in that. By that I mean, that girl is best described as nobody.

…Now that's an unsettling thought. Please forget I said that, I'll do my best to forget as well.

Nothing else of note occurred.

No, that's not right. Something else did happen. I killed a man.

I don't want to elaborate. You understand, I hope…

No.

This is a log; its integrity is important to me. If I can't be honest with you, then how could you trust me? I'd rather be trusted by nobody, and by that I mean you. Though perhaps, I mean to say 'I want to trust myself'?

Hmm…

I've gotten distracted. Please forgive my mistake.

I killed a man just two weeks ago. He was wandering alone in the mountains. I'd actually been following him for a few hours before he noticed me. The poor thing called out to me, pleading for help; he was lost, you see. If he were further out, I may have let him be. Unfortunately he was quite close to the doctor's laboratory, and worse, he'd seen me there.

It wasn't my first thought to kill him. I was actually quite nervous. I didn't know what to do. I didn't even know if I could kill him. At first I simply approached him. He was frightened once he saw me up close; I probably didn't give him a comforting look. I might not have given him any look at all. I suppose that in itself may be considered frightening.

At some point I believe he gathered that I wasn't human. I say that because he made no effort to communicate with me. He was fleeing from me as fast as his legs could carry him. It took me some time to catch up, but I did. As soon as his stamina failed him, I was upon him. I brought him to the ground and pinned him there.

Oh. He did say something at that point. "Please don't kill me, I don't want to die."

My memory must be faulty, I'd forgotten that until now. Anyway, I did what I had to do. I buried the body somewhere out of sight. Not just from strangers, but from the doctor himself. That's right, I never told him. I'm not sure why I didn't. He of all people would understand.

No, that's a lie. That man didn't need to die. If I never followed him, he would have never seen me. None of that needed to happen. The doctor would have realized that. Perhaps I was ashamed too. I only wanted to talk to him. Oh? That's what it was, wasn't it. Was it really so simple?

I suppose it was.

I don't have anything further to note, so I'll conclude this log. I know nobody will ever read this, but farewell for now. It was good to confess, even to nobody.

By that I mean.

It was good to talk. I'm not sure why I worded it in such a way. All the same, thank you.

Android Nine