Disclaimer:
Nope, still not mine. Joss's and ME's. Hope they don't mind me playing
with them. I'll give them all back at the end...if I must.
Summary: Everyone has to deal with the aftermath of Spike's abduction and some decisions are made.
Chapter 5
Loss
Three people manhandled Spike's body into a waiting black van. Two of them appeared abnormally strong for their slight build. They were dressed in black, with black ski masks pulled over their faces but once they were all inside these were swiftly removed, revealing that the two with the unusual strength were mere girls. The third person, a young man, rapped sharply on the dividing panel to let the driver know they were safely stowed and the van pulled away.
"Where to now?" Fair-haired girl asked.
"We have a safe house near here, where we should be...safe." The young man tailed off slightly, aware that he'd started strong but the ending was weak.
"Do you think he'll come looking for us?"
"I don't know. But have no fear the evil vampyre cannot win. We have right on our side."
The dark haired girl pulled a face. "When has that ever helped us before?" she asked.
She'd already seen action. Not all of it successful.
"Ah yes, but we now have the vampyre hero. Our inspiration, our secret weapon."
Neither girl had anything to say to this. They had all heard Andrew's stories about 'Spike, the warrior vampyre', who took on gods and won. If even half the stories were true then he would be a formidable ally. They looked on this sleeping legend with respect.
After a short journey they pulled into a garage. Spike was on an ambulance style trestle bed, so this time they picked up the bed instead of manoeuvring Spike around bodily. They wheeled him into the house, where Giles greeted them and directed them to a specially prepared basement.
"Yes. That's fine. Just put him over there will you."
For the first time they were finally able to take a proper look at the prone figure they had rescued. He appeared pale even for a vampire and the wound in his neck stood out viciously against the pallor of his skin.
"The fiend was draining him dry. I had to drag him away or I swear he'd be dead." Said Fair-haired
"Really Erica, I don't believe vampires can be destroyed by blood loss. In fact I have the distinct memory of Spike himself saying that vampires who don't feed become living skeletons."
However, this did not seem to offer quite the reassuring note he was aiming for. The others seemed more horrified at this than at the thought of death.
Andrew's eyes began to prick with tears. He knelt next to the bed and laid his hand on the unmoving chest saying softly, "I would follow you, my brother, my captain, my king."
Giles removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. The boy meant well but he was a romantic, with an unhealthy dose of hero worship for the blonde vampire. Unfortunately, he was also infecting the slayers with it. Giles wanted to yell at them 'For Godsake, it's only Spike." In fact, he actually wished Xander were here to help give a bit of balance. Never mind. One works with the tools one is given.
***
"You've got one chance, traitor. Tell me what you've done with him."
Wesley let out a choking sound and Angel loosened his grip slightly to allow him to speak.
"I...I don't know where he is."
"Uh. Uh. Wrong answer." He allowed his face to change and let his canines trail lightly down one side of the neck, leaving a thin line of blood. This seemed to bring out some deep reserves of courage within Wesley. He was not going to plead or beg or cry. Seeing Angel like this he was more convinced than ever that he had done the right thing.
"Stop this foolishness!" Wesley rasped fiercely.
"There's only one way to stop this. Tell me where he is."
"In that case, just do it." His voice was cold and determined and he lifted his head to bare his throat. "Because I'll never tell you."
"So you have a backbone? Now's not the time to grow one...maybe, I should rip it out. What do you think?"
"It doesn't matter how you threaten me. I won't let you hurt Spike again."
"Hurt? What's that supposed to mean?"
"Don't play this game, Angel."
Suddenly a sharp voice cut through their fight.
"Move away from Wesley!"
Fred was standing there her eyes fierce and her face determined.
"Fred! Run!" Wesley urged, a note of panic entering his voice.
"Go away, Fred. It's not your concern." Angel said grimly.
"Yes. It is." She produced something from behind her back. A gun.
Angel laughed quietly.
"You should know better than that!" He thought for a second, carefully evaluating her, "You do know better than that...what's with the gun, Fred? Does it fire little wooden stakes?"
Her hand was shaking.
"Don't come any closer!"
"I don't want to hurt you, Fred. You know you don't want to hurt me. Just drop it." He moved towards her, allowing his human visage to appear. His hands were half raised, indicating that he had no weapon, which was hardly reassuring since he had more naturally inherent armament available to him.
There was a movement behind her and Gunn was at her side, backing her up, a stake-loaded crossbow in hand.
"Perhaps she can't bring herself to hurt you. How about me? Do you think I wouldn't? Vampire."
And this was pure, old Gunn, the one that lost his only sister to vampires. Angel turned his attention to Gunn. When. Whack! There was a flash of pain across his jaw. He twisted back towards Wesley in anger.
"No!" Fred shouted and fired the gun. Angel looked down in disbelief at the tiny tranquillizer dart and raised accusing eyes to her, before falling unconscious for the second time that night.
"What do we do with him now?" asked Gunn.
"Whatever it is we'd better hurry. He's not going to stay down for long." Fred replied,
"Right. Gunn, help me take him up to his room. Fred in my office you'll find some handcuffs and chains will you bring them, please. Their strength has been enhanced, I...I felt that I should be prepared. And thank you." He looked at Fred. "You were incredible. You were both incredible."
Fred gave him a hug, saying, "Thank God you're alright. For a second there I thought I was going to lose you"
She stroked a hand through his hair, then quickly disentangled herself and turned back into the building.
"What are friends for if not to turn up in the nick of time and throw themselves recklessly at crazy vamps?" Gun asked with his quirky grin.
"He's not crazy. He's grieving. And how did you manage to arrive so promptly?"
"We've been keeping an eye on you. Fred was with you the other night when Spike asked for help. She thought she'd misheard, but you acted all weirded out and secretive, so she brought me in on it. We've had someone watching you ever since. Next time do us a favour and just tell us. You trust us don't you?"
"Yes, of course I do. I also knew how Angel would react. I didn't want you or Fred getting hurt so I didn't involve you. Fat lot of good it did me. Seriously though, I am very grateful. He'd never have forgiven himself if he'd killed me."
"'Never have forgiven himself'? You are one strange guy. As for the rescue? No problem. You'd do the same for me if I was in trouble."
"Still. Thank you."
***
Giles considered the sleeping vampire with very mixed feelings. Quite simply, he didn't know how to react to this development. When Andrew had told him of the vampire's return he had been, at first, incredulous, Andrew tended to view the world in his own unique way. But the slayers had confirmed the sighting, when Spike had been carried away, sans hands. Or to be more accurate hands next to him in an ice box.
One of the problems Giles was wrestling with was that Spike had been brought back from the dead and nobody had any idea who did it or why. When he had sacrificed himself to save the world Giles had finally accepted that he was good. But one couldn't necessarily assume he was still on their side, people had a habit of coming back from the dead twisted or changed in someway. This made him an unknown quantity. Wesley said he fought for the forces of good but, in Giles opinion, the younger man's judgement was seriously lacking. He was compromised as an independent source of information...he was far too familiar and trusting of Angel and had obviously expanded this goodwill to include Spike. Besides which, he now worked for Wolfram and Hart, who could well have their own agenda in all this. Personally, Giles could not bring himself to fully trust any of them. He couldn't afford to, there were too many people who looked to him and so many ways he could get it wrong.
However, one thing he was sure about was that Spike had been the focus of much attention. The power required to bring him back, with both soul and demon intact, left him flabbergasted. It must be an indication that, for good or bad, Spike still had an important role to play and he'd rather have Spike here, under his nose, where he could maybe exert some influence on him.
Another consideration was their lack of knowledgeable advisors and teachers since the attack on the Council's headquarters. If Spike stayed he would be invaluable in training the slayers. Weighing up the pros and cons Giles had to admit the benefits of having Spike with them were immense. The new slayers needed practical experience against a vampire of his calibre. Although, he wouldn't be up for much until he'd fed and healed. Giles wondered what on earth had caused Angel to turn on the younger vampire in such a manner. There again, he had spent some considerable time in close proximity to this irritating demon and he could almost understand Angel's action. After all, he himself had once been complicit in trying to arrange Spike's final demise. That, of course, had been under entirely different circumstances. However, Giles still felt uneasy about his part in it. But all one can do is what one believes is right at the time.
He hoped Spike would also see it that way.
Giles could recall when Spike first became 'chipped' and the vampire's dismay when he realised that he was unable to hurt living things. At that moment, Giles had a premonition that this punk vampire would turn out to be important. He'd tried to reassure Spike that it hadn't been random bad luck (good luck from the Scoobies' point of view, of course) but had purpose behind it. Spike had merely scoffed at the idea in his normal infuriating manner. Giles had given up on Spike at that point. Now he had been proven right in the most inconvenient manner. Or possibly convenient, Giles withheld judgement.
The contradictory emotions he felt when gazing on Spike's familiar form were confusing but he had the typical English person's distrust of self- analysis. He was also tired and there was too much he couldn't bring himself to think about at the moment. Even so, a traitorous thought slipped into his mind and wouldn't leave him alone, 'Buffy'.
Currently Buffy didn't know that Spike was back, but for how long? There were two teenage girls in the house and soon Spike could be training and working with other slayers. One thing these slayers had in common with every other teenage girl was their ability to gossip. Despite what he or Spike might want, he had no doubt that it would end up out of their hands.
Another thing that niggled at him - the only males the slayers currently associated with, within their elite group, were himself and Andrew. He looked at Spike's face, innocent and reposed in sleep and his slim, muscled body and had an awful feeling that Spike's appearance would hit them like a bombshell.
***
Angel found it difficult to move. He opened his eyes and found his hand and feet had been tightly shackled. Then it all came back to him as he focused on the human in front of him.
"You took him. If you've hurt him I'll..." He strained violently against his bonds and collapsed back when they refused to give.
"You'll what?" Wesley snapped back and then ran his fingers through his hair, annoyed at himself for his flash of temper. "Of course I didn't hurt him, Angel. I did it for the best."
"You always do. Did you find a prophecy? Were you waiting for the sign that I was about to destroy him?"
"Waiting? I already had the sign."
"You say that like it means something but I don't know what you're talking about."
"You were keeping him helpless, Angel."
"I was not keeping him helpless! I was keeping him...I was keeping him. I did it for the best."
"Whose best?"
"Everyone's. Mine. His. It was just getting better and then you...you had no right!"
"I had every right. He begged me to help him."
"I don't believe you." Angel muttered, "He was happy!"
"When we all came to visit, that night he asked me to help him. He was afraid of you Angel. Can you deny that?"
"We talked, we were over that!"
"You think one little chat makes everything miraculously right?"
"Yes. He trusted me. I said I'd look after him and you stole him."
"So he trusted you. And what? He asked you to take his memories away again?"
Angel said nothing.
"I take it that means Spike voiced an objection?"
Again, no answer.
"So you have nothing to say about Spike. Tell me instead about Cordelia, who gave you 'the gift of her last day' to try and set you on the right path."
"Don't bring her into this."
"When you betray her memory, she becomes part of it. What do you think she would say?"
Angel shut his eyes to escape for a few seconds, he felt so incredibly tired. It had gone from perfect to...this, in such a short space of time. Except...who was he fooling? It had not been perfect it had been something temporary and artificial that he'd forced on to his childe. If Spike had been anything close to resembling his normal self, he would never have allowed the intimacy of the blood exchange.
Wesley sighed.
"Just talk to me, Angel. If you would just talk to me, instead of leaping straight into action, things would be so much easier."
Angel was stung into answering.
"You say that too me! Why didn't you talk to me? You just assumed...you're always so quick to mistrust me."
"I wanted to trust you! The first time you did it I it put down as an accident but to do it twice...I don't think there is anything you could say to convince me that you had his best intentions at heart."
"You wouldn't understand."
"Probably not. But you could always try me."
"We're vampires."
"I'm fully aware of that."
"You know it but you don't understand it. We still have demons inside us...it makes us...different. I fight it, we both did but there are certain things we need."
"Power and violence. I'm not totally ignorant of these things."
"I was talking about family and love."
"Oh. Well, how would I know these things if you refuse to share them? It's certainly not covered in the Watchers' Diaries."
"Why should it be? All you need to know is how to kill us. But you, Wesley, are unique. You keep discovering new methods with which to destroy me." The defeated vampire said bitterly
"I'm not a mind reader, Angel. If you neglect to tell me certain things, you can hardly cast blame when misunderstandings occur. If you want me to help you, then explain to me, make me understand."
"You want to know? Then understand this, demons are possessive and protective. When everything else is stripped away, you are 'my' humans and Spike is 'my' childe and if anything of mine is threatened my instinct is to take the aggressor apart piece by piece."
Wesley didn't react to being claimed in this manner, he already suspected how Angel thought of them. However, Spike...
"Spike is your childe? I thought Drusilla..."
"She turned him but she couldn't teach him or train him or protect him. It was down to me. I became his Sire and took on all the responsibilities of Sire. I was held accountable for him therefore he was my childe. He is my childe."
"You weren't jealous that she chose another male companion?"
"No. I never considered it in that light. She brought him home and presented him to me like a gift, all shiny and new. Darla was away and I was happy to have a male companion, a sane companion. He was mine right from the start, he just never realised it."
"So what happened next? When did he start to realise he was bound to you?"
Angel wasn't sure if he really wanted to tell this story but nothing seemed to matter. Tell or not tell? Who really cared about things that happened in another world and another time?
"He didn't understand how things were. I accepted him from the beginning, told him he was my companion, my friend. William seemed grateful and Angelus...I mean, 'I', thought he understood the implication. But nothing was ever easy with Will. One night I invited him to join me on a hunt and he refused. He thought it would please Dru if he joined her, so he abandoned me. He didn't understand that his first duty should be to me."
"I ordered the carriage to turn immediately for home, he was on foot, so I arrived first. Dru was overjoyed that her Daddy had returned early, just for her. She was so happy nothing could have torn her from my arms that night. When William returned, he walked in on us, as I'd planned. He was devastated, accused me of betraying him. He tried to command Dru but she obeyed only me. He attacked me. He thought he'd lost everything that night, my friendship and Dru's affection. I beat him easily and played my master card. I offered him Dru, whilst never releasing her from my arms. He realised that if he wanted her, he had to come through me, everything would be on my terms. He couldn't walk away from us. Like all vampires, he needed his family, he thought that would be Dru, instead it became Angelus. It became me."
Wesley said nothing.
"Are you shocked?"
"Truthfully? Yes. I don't find this very reassuring, you trapped him...blackmailed him into accepting you. Is that what you're trying to do now, weaken him so much that he just accepts you?" Wes asked his eyes troubled.
"No. And I wasn't trying to reassure you, I was telling you how it was. How it still is, for both of us, because it works both ways. Yesterday Spike accused me of using him as a substitute for...someone else, accused me of thinking I owned him. But he owns me as much as I own him. I tried to tell him this but he wasn't listening. Believe me, if Spike had left then, he would have spent the rest of his life trying to fill this hole, accepting compromises and substitutes but never finding what was missing, never even knowing what was missing. So I used the spell, one last attempt to make his see what was under his nose."
"You of all people should know that it's not always a question of right and wrong, but trying to balance different shades of wrong. I knew what followed might all be for nothing once he remembered everything but at least it would give us a starting point. It seemed worth the risk, so I said the word, he lost his memory and he accepted me back"
"He didn't."
"You weren't there. I felt his contentment, his acceptance."
"You misunderstand. I meant he didn't lose his memory. I put a ward around the spell, it would alert me if you attempted to use it again but it wouldn't actually work if you did try it."
Angel had known there had been something different about Spike this time, the understanding he appeared to exhibit, which Angel had put down to wishful thinking on his part. His boy had taken him back! Spike knew the worst of him, his possessiveness, his lies, his need, and yet had accepted him, flaws and all. Had accepted him, accepted his blood and in turn bared his neck to Angel, re-opening the blood link between them. Angel would have kicked himself, if he hadn't been so tightly manacled. He should of thought of their bond earlier. He reached towards it and managed to get a shadowy impression of Spike, he focused on it and then withdrew in shock. He remembered Spike saying that if he gave into love and Angel let him down, it would destroy him.
"You have to release me. I need to go to him. You have to tell me where he is!"
"I can't. You've compromised too much of yourself for this. Your honesty. Your integrity. It reminds me of when Darla became human. You've become blinkered to everything except what you want to see. It's not good, Angel. Not for you and nor for us. It makes you unpredictable."
"You don't understand, Wes. I can feel him! He let down all his defences and let me in. Now he thinks I've abandoned him again and it's killing him."
"I...don't know what to say. You realise I don't altogether trust you?" Wesley asked.
"I've told you the truth!" In fact he'd poured out everything that was in his heart. His brows contracted in suspicion, "Why have I told you so much? Is there some other magic at work besides the cuffs? What have you done to me?"
"I haven't 'done' anything. Fred said it would be a side effect of the tranquillizer – it would loosen you up, make you talkative."
Angel thought back on everything he said and could only be grateful that at least he had managed not to reveal anything about Connor. Just Spike.
"Will you tell me where he is? Please. He needs me."
Wesley was deep in thought and then appeared to come to a decision. He nodded at Angel.
"I am not at all reconciled with what you did to Spike but I will telephone my contact. We'll ask Spike and if he wishes to return or wishes to see you then I'll help you."
"Thank you, Wes."
"I don't want your thanks. I'm doing this for Spike."
***
Spike awoke and looked around in confusion.
He could feel something at the very edge of his sensory perception. Possibly a noise like metal grating on metal at high speed, or maybe a smell, nettles and bitter herbs. Whatever it was he found it vaguely distressing.
The last he remembered was falling asleep in his Sire's arms, happy and sated. The healing properties of Sire blood working its magic on his hands as he felt his fingers tingle with returning feeling. Now, he was lying in a dark basement on a hard bed, feeling confused and disorientated. He didn't have a clue what was happening but the feeling of abandonment and loss felt too familiar. He tried to focus logically on what had happened.
One: His sire had unsuccessfully tried to put the memory whammy on him again.
Two: Angel had knocked him out cold with the blood-drinking thing and.
Three: Here he was, alone.
He began to get a cold feeling in his stomach. He remembered his instinctive not to trust Angel. This now gnawed at him. The more he dwelt on it the more convinced he became that Angel was playing some game, toying with him, gaining his trust and betraying him. These thought battered him like physical blows. He took his hurt and turned it into anger, He really felt like killing something, maybe himself or preferably something about 6' 1" in height, brown puppy dog eyes and really stupid hair.
He heard the door and could clearly see two men walking towards him...or one man and one boy.
"Spike, you're awake! How are you?" The boy asked.
"Uh. Alright." he replied noncommittally.
"Oh. You don't remember me? We're friends, almost partners...well, we've worked together. I was there the night that slayer cut off your hands." He raised his eyes as though thinking through something complicated, "Well not exactly there, in the room with you because, I was sort of unconscious at the time and you left me to chase after her, which, you know, is fine. You have to put duty before friendship, I mean it's what makes you a hero, after all. It reminds me of..."
Didn't humans have to breathe? He sent the older man a pleading look, who thankfully seemed to understand and cut the boy short.
"Ahem. I think Spike is probably wondering how he came to be here? Aren't you?"
Spike nodded.
"We rescued you." The boy said waiting from approval.
"Yeah? From what?"
"That fiend. He was trying to turn you into a living skeleton!"
The boy was obviously crazy. Spike looked again towards the older man for a slightly more sane explanation.
"Yes. Well. In essence Andrew is correct. Wesley contacted us regarding your plight and when Angel attempted the spell again we knew you were no longer safe. We came for you last night and he, apparently, was draining you whilst you slept."
His murderous intentions receded as was suffused by a familiar feeling. Yeah, he definitely recognised this one. It was called 'Spike cocks up again.' He had asked for help and he'd never got a chance to let Wesley know that he was ok after all, so the man had sent these people to 'rescue' him. Then he wondered why Angel hadn't stopped them.
"Is Angel ok?"
Giles had talked with Wesley earlier. Angel was upset but not physically hurt.
"He's fine."
"Oh."
Spike was frowning.
"So you came for me and he just let me go."
"Umm, more or less." Andrew replied, thinking of Angel knocked out by the first blow.
"He certainly didn't put up any significant objections." He grinned in what he thought was a cold and deadly Tarantino-esque manner. Spike wondered if he was troubled by wind.
"Uh huh. So he didn't try to persuade you to let me stay?"
"Not a word of protest." Andrew replied. He sensed Spike's concern for the older vampire and was reluctant to admit outright how they had dealt with him. Thus his answers were carefully considered and, like a politician, he ensured he answered honestly, whist remaining economical with the truth.
"And you're sure he's ok?"
Giles attempted to reassure him.
"I spoke to Wesley only this morning and Angel is fine."
Spike didn't look reassured, he looked a little sad.
"Oh." What a surprise. All that talk about looking after him and never letting him go was just that. Talk.
"So you rescued me. Thanks. Yeah. And let that be a lesson, never trust a fat vampire with foofy hair."
Andrew was looking confused at the twists and turns of this conversation. Giles appeared to understand more than he was admitting. From the look on Spike's face the 'rescue' had been an unwanted intrusion, which could work out in their favour. He wrestled with his conscience and found he couldn't deceive this miserable vampire.
"He wants to speak to you."
"No."
"It's entirely up to you but he would like you to return."
"What am I? A sodding boomerang? He throws me away and then waits for me to come racing back? What is it with him?"
"You could always talk to him and find out." Giles said reasonably.
"Giles, I don't think you should pressurise him. Why should he talk? Angel is nothing to him. Well, I suppose he is a sort of a relative, like a grandfather or should that be 'grandsire' or something...and they do go way back and..."
"Andrew, do be quiet. Spike, we would like you to stay here, to be frank, we need you. We could give you back a purpose, perhaps even a reason for continuing."
"So you're offering me...what? What do you do here? What would you expect from me? Because I don't make tea and I don't do phones."
"I assure you we have a suitable job for someone of your talents. But it's rather complicated to explain."
"People seem to be saying that to me quite a lot recently."
"Yes. Well. This would be so much easier if you could remember. However, I shall give you the potted version, if you don't mind?"
Spike nodded.
"Recently, to help save the world, we empowered many young women with above human strength and endurance. Previously, there was one in each generation with the power, whose duty it was to fight the vampires and demons. Now there are many. These girls are called slayers. They don't just inherit increased strength, speed and agility. They also have some psychic ability. Many are afflicted with violent images of past slayers. Others have premonitions, slight visionary powers. It's all very disturbing for them."
"We are attempting to trace all these slayers and train them, guide them and, where they are willing, set them against the evil demons and monsters of the world. We need someone who can teach them but also has the strength to control them, where necessary. Occasionally these slayers go bad. Your hands...that atrocity was committed by a mentally unstable slayer, so I can understand if you would rather not deal with them. However, you are already regarded as something of a hero, so you have an advantage. They already respect you and fear you."
"Fear?"
"You have been evil for many years. In the past you killed two slayers. Many of these modern day slayers have had your image seared in their brain by these slayer memories that come to them."
"Oh. Don't you think this might be a slight problem?"
"I have to admit, I really don't know. William the Bloody reformed? On the whole I think they regard you in the light of a miracle."
"Is that who I am?"
"No, not really. I don't think you've been him for years. Maybe you haven't quite found out who you are yet and maybe this is the place to find out. Will you stay? You're very much needed. What have you got if you go back?"
"I don't know." Spike replied quietly.
"Well perhaps you should talk to him and find out."
Spike looked at him in suspicion.
"Why do you want me to talk to him?"
"I know you probably find this strange coming from me, but this time I am doing my best to play fair with you, Spike. Even if it is to the detriment of my own work."
"I see. We didn't part the best of friends, I take it?"
"I met you when you were one of the most feared vampires in the annals of history. Things happened and I found trust doesn't come easily to me."
"Huh. Did I have any friends at all?"
Andrew stepped forward clearing his throat.
"I would like to think that we became, if not friends then certainly comrades, brothers-in-arm with mutual respect of each other's abilities. We learnt from one another. For instance, although you're not tall, you're kind of menacing and did you notice I now have a really cool coat just like yours?"
Spike regarded him with incomprehension and then sent Giles a bewildered look, clearly begging for some sort of translation.
"What did he say?"
But Giles had already turned away, shaking his head and muttering, "Good grief."
Spike knew the feeling.
"I was just saying. I'm your friend...if you want?"
"Oh. Cheers. " Spike replied trying to keep the shades of doubt out of his voice and when the boy began to grin inanely he guessed he'd succeeded.
Giles determinedly brought the conversation back on track.
"Anyway Spike you don't have to make an immediate decision about anything but if you do with to talk to Angel just say the word. Meanwhile, have you got any more questions we can help with?"
"Yeah. What is that noise? And can you make it stop?"
"Noise? I can't hear anything." Andrew said and looked to Giles to back him up.
"No. I'm afraid I can't hear it either. But it's not surprising. Your hearing is much more sensitive than ours."
They retreated to give him time to consider his next action. However, he could hear their conversation. Andrew was saying that they needed him and mustn't let him go. Giles replied that if Spike were to work with them it would be, knowing all the facts and of his own free will. He pointed out to Andrew that they were not evil.
Spike gave it some careful thought. He recalled all he could about Angel, Connor, Wolfram and Hart, Wesley, Gunn and Fred until he had it clear in his mind.
He called to the two humans, "Ok I'll speak to him."
***
After Wesley's assurance that he would contact Spike, Angel became calmer and was finally able to convince them that he was no longer out for their blood. Even so, they each had crosses and holy water hidden discreetly, and not so discreetly, about their person, as they nervously unlocked the shackles.
Wesley was as good as his word. Later that morning he had some good news.
"Angel. The phone. It's him."
Angel took it, trying to hide his apprehension.
"Hi."
Spike sounded muted, contained.
"Hello? Spike? Thank God it's you! Are you alright?"
"Yeah. You?"
"What do you think? Look. Tell me where you are and I'll come and pick you up."
"Uh huh. Why?"
"Because this is where you belong, of course!"
"Yesterday you let them take me away and today you want me back. You always this indecisive, mate?"
"I didn't exactly 'let them'."
"Didn't object much, I hear."
"Object? They knocked me out cold. When I came around you were gone. I think I went a little insane."
"Oh. You didn't hurt any of them, did you?"
Silence.
"Angel? They're ok? Wesley is ok, yeah?"
"Yes. Fred and Gunn managed to stop me. Spike? Let me bring you home."
"Tell me, what would I do there?"
"Do?"
"Uh huh."
"You'd do the same as before - save people. You have...oh."
"What?"
"You used to have a seer, you know a contact with higher powers and they would direct you whoever needed rescuing. But..."
"For Chrissake! Will you just tell me?"
Angel sighed and continued.
"It wasn't real. It was all an intricate conspiracy to get to me."
"So, I ask again what would I do there?"
"You could work for Wolfram and Hart."
"Aren't they the evil law firm that suckered you in, using Connor as bait?"
"Well, yeah."
"And you want me trapped there too? You make tasty bait, Sire. But I'm not biting."
"I...you don't have to do anything."
"So. I can return and I could hang around the apartment each day. Doing what? Waiting for you to come home?"
Spike took a breath and continued.
"Or I could stay here.
"Stay there? Where are you?"
"Where I'm wanted and needed. Where I have a reason for existence."
Angel remembered Lawson, going insane from his lack of a mission and knew he had no argument against this. Spike needed a purpose to his life and would need it even more once he fully regained his memories. He could feel his childe slipping away from him again.
"I love you, Spike."
This was the only argument he had left.
"Maybe that's part of the problem."
"How can it be? It's the only thing that's right!"
"Don't you see, Angel? You're trying so hard to do what's right. I don't believe you sold your soul when you joined Satan & Partners, but you've mortgaged it and they're going to try to whittle away at it until you've got none of it left to cling to. You're selling it in dribs and drabs with a lie, a broken promise, with magic to manipulate people, with an attempt to murder Wesley. The tragic thing is that it's never about purely personal gain and it's going to be your downfall. You give away too much for the people you love. I refuse to be part of that, Angel. I won't watch you destroy yourself cus you think you can make things right for me."
Angel remembered Cordy saying almost the exact same thing to him. These were both people he trusted, each with a clear sense of morality. Whereas his view tended to be skewed, with the people he loved first, the people who hurt those he loved undergoing every torture of hell and somewhere in the middle was the rest of the world.
He was defeated on all counts. Whichever way he turned the answer was always the same.
"Spike?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't disappear. Keep in touch. Please?"
Spike felt tears prick his eyelids as he whispered, "Yeah."
And hung up.
Summary: Everyone has to deal with the aftermath of Spike's abduction and some decisions are made.
Chapter 5
Loss
Three people manhandled Spike's body into a waiting black van. Two of them appeared abnormally strong for their slight build. They were dressed in black, with black ski masks pulled over their faces but once they were all inside these were swiftly removed, revealing that the two with the unusual strength were mere girls. The third person, a young man, rapped sharply on the dividing panel to let the driver know they were safely stowed and the van pulled away.
"Where to now?" Fair-haired girl asked.
"We have a safe house near here, where we should be...safe." The young man tailed off slightly, aware that he'd started strong but the ending was weak.
"Do you think he'll come looking for us?"
"I don't know. But have no fear the evil vampyre cannot win. We have right on our side."
The dark haired girl pulled a face. "When has that ever helped us before?" she asked.
She'd already seen action. Not all of it successful.
"Ah yes, but we now have the vampyre hero. Our inspiration, our secret weapon."
Neither girl had anything to say to this. They had all heard Andrew's stories about 'Spike, the warrior vampyre', who took on gods and won. If even half the stories were true then he would be a formidable ally. They looked on this sleeping legend with respect.
After a short journey they pulled into a garage. Spike was on an ambulance style trestle bed, so this time they picked up the bed instead of manoeuvring Spike around bodily. They wheeled him into the house, where Giles greeted them and directed them to a specially prepared basement.
"Yes. That's fine. Just put him over there will you."
For the first time they were finally able to take a proper look at the prone figure they had rescued. He appeared pale even for a vampire and the wound in his neck stood out viciously against the pallor of his skin.
"The fiend was draining him dry. I had to drag him away or I swear he'd be dead." Said Fair-haired
"Really Erica, I don't believe vampires can be destroyed by blood loss. In fact I have the distinct memory of Spike himself saying that vampires who don't feed become living skeletons."
However, this did not seem to offer quite the reassuring note he was aiming for. The others seemed more horrified at this than at the thought of death.
Andrew's eyes began to prick with tears. He knelt next to the bed and laid his hand on the unmoving chest saying softly, "I would follow you, my brother, my captain, my king."
Giles removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. The boy meant well but he was a romantic, with an unhealthy dose of hero worship for the blonde vampire. Unfortunately, he was also infecting the slayers with it. Giles wanted to yell at them 'For Godsake, it's only Spike." In fact, he actually wished Xander were here to help give a bit of balance. Never mind. One works with the tools one is given.
***
"You've got one chance, traitor. Tell me what you've done with him."
Wesley let out a choking sound and Angel loosened his grip slightly to allow him to speak.
"I...I don't know where he is."
"Uh. Uh. Wrong answer." He allowed his face to change and let his canines trail lightly down one side of the neck, leaving a thin line of blood. This seemed to bring out some deep reserves of courage within Wesley. He was not going to plead or beg or cry. Seeing Angel like this he was more convinced than ever that he had done the right thing.
"Stop this foolishness!" Wesley rasped fiercely.
"There's only one way to stop this. Tell me where he is."
"In that case, just do it." His voice was cold and determined and he lifted his head to bare his throat. "Because I'll never tell you."
"So you have a backbone? Now's not the time to grow one...maybe, I should rip it out. What do you think?"
"It doesn't matter how you threaten me. I won't let you hurt Spike again."
"Hurt? What's that supposed to mean?"
"Don't play this game, Angel."
Suddenly a sharp voice cut through their fight.
"Move away from Wesley!"
Fred was standing there her eyes fierce and her face determined.
"Fred! Run!" Wesley urged, a note of panic entering his voice.
"Go away, Fred. It's not your concern." Angel said grimly.
"Yes. It is." She produced something from behind her back. A gun.
Angel laughed quietly.
"You should know better than that!" He thought for a second, carefully evaluating her, "You do know better than that...what's with the gun, Fred? Does it fire little wooden stakes?"
Her hand was shaking.
"Don't come any closer!"
"I don't want to hurt you, Fred. You know you don't want to hurt me. Just drop it." He moved towards her, allowing his human visage to appear. His hands were half raised, indicating that he had no weapon, which was hardly reassuring since he had more naturally inherent armament available to him.
There was a movement behind her and Gunn was at her side, backing her up, a stake-loaded crossbow in hand.
"Perhaps she can't bring herself to hurt you. How about me? Do you think I wouldn't? Vampire."
And this was pure, old Gunn, the one that lost his only sister to vampires. Angel turned his attention to Gunn. When. Whack! There was a flash of pain across his jaw. He twisted back towards Wesley in anger.
"No!" Fred shouted and fired the gun. Angel looked down in disbelief at the tiny tranquillizer dart and raised accusing eyes to her, before falling unconscious for the second time that night.
"What do we do with him now?" asked Gunn.
"Whatever it is we'd better hurry. He's not going to stay down for long." Fred replied,
"Right. Gunn, help me take him up to his room. Fred in my office you'll find some handcuffs and chains will you bring them, please. Their strength has been enhanced, I...I felt that I should be prepared. And thank you." He looked at Fred. "You were incredible. You were both incredible."
Fred gave him a hug, saying, "Thank God you're alright. For a second there I thought I was going to lose you"
She stroked a hand through his hair, then quickly disentangled herself and turned back into the building.
"What are friends for if not to turn up in the nick of time and throw themselves recklessly at crazy vamps?" Gun asked with his quirky grin.
"He's not crazy. He's grieving. And how did you manage to arrive so promptly?"
"We've been keeping an eye on you. Fred was with you the other night when Spike asked for help. She thought she'd misheard, but you acted all weirded out and secretive, so she brought me in on it. We've had someone watching you ever since. Next time do us a favour and just tell us. You trust us don't you?"
"Yes, of course I do. I also knew how Angel would react. I didn't want you or Fred getting hurt so I didn't involve you. Fat lot of good it did me. Seriously though, I am very grateful. He'd never have forgiven himself if he'd killed me."
"'Never have forgiven himself'? You are one strange guy. As for the rescue? No problem. You'd do the same for me if I was in trouble."
"Still. Thank you."
***
Giles considered the sleeping vampire with very mixed feelings. Quite simply, he didn't know how to react to this development. When Andrew had told him of the vampire's return he had been, at first, incredulous, Andrew tended to view the world in his own unique way. But the slayers had confirmed the sighting, when Spike had been carried away, sans hands. Or to be more accurate hands next to him in an ice box.
One of the problems Giles was wrestling with was that Spike had been brought back from the dead and nobody had any idea who did it or why. When he had sacrificed himself to save the world Giles had finally accepted that he was good. But one couldn't necessarily assume he was still on their side, people had a habit of coming back from the dead twisted or changed in someway. This made him an unknown quantity. Wesley said he fought for the forces of good but, in Giles opinion, the younger man's judgement was seriously lacking. He was compromised as an independent source of information...he was far too familiar and trusting of Angel and had obviously expanded this goodwill to include Spike. Besides which, he now worked for Wolfram and Hart, who could well have their own agenda in all this. Personally, Giles could not bring himself to fully trust any of them. He couldn't afford to, there were too many people who looked to him and so many ways he could get it wrong.
However, one thing he was sure about was that Spike had been the focus of much attention. The power required to bring him back, with both soul and demon intact, left him flabbergasted. It must be an indication that, for good or bad, Spike still had an important role to play and he'd rather have Spike here, under his nose, where he could maybe exert some influence on him.
Another consideration was their lack of knowledgeable advisors and teachers since the attack on the Council's headquarters. If Spike stayed he would be invaluable in training the slayers. Weighing up the pros and cons Giles had to admit the benefits of having Spike with them were immense. The new slayers needed practical experience against a vampire of his calibre. Although, he wouldn't be up for much until he'd fed and healed. Giles wondered what on earth had caused Angel to turn on the younger vampire in such a manner. There again, he had spent some considerable time in close proximity to this irritating demon and he could almost understand Angel's action. After all, he himself had once been complicit in trying to arrange Spike's final demise. That, of course, had been under entirely different circumstances. However, Giles still felt uneasy about his part in it. But all one can do is what one believes is right at the time.
He hoped Spike would also see it that way.
Giles could recall when Spike first became 'chipped' and the vampire's dismay when he realised that he was unable to hurt living things. At that moment, Giles had a premonition that this punk vampire would turn out to be important. He'd tried to reassure Spike that it hadn't been random bad luck (good luck from the Scoobies' point of view, of course) but had purpose behind it. Spike had merely scoffed at the idea in his normal infuriating manner. Giles had given up on Spike at that point. Now he had been proven right in the most inconvenient manner. Or possibly convenient, Giles withheld judgement.
The contradictory emotions he felt when gazing on Spike's familiar form were confusing but he had the typical English person's distrust of self- analysis. He was also tired and there was too much he couldn't bring himself to think about at the moment. Even so, a traitorous thought slipped into his mind and wouldn't leave him alone, 'Buffy'.
Currently Buffy didn't know that Spike was back, but for how long? There were two teenage girls in the house and soon Spike could be training and working with other slayers. One thing these slayers had in common with every other teenage girl was their ability to gossip. Despite what he or Spike might want, he had no doubt that it would end up out of their hands.
Another thing that niggled at him - the only males the slayers currently associated with, within their elite group, were himself and Andrew. He looked at Spike's face, innocent and reposed in sleep and his slim, muscled body and had an awful feeling that Spike's appearance would hit them like a bombshell.
***
Angel found it difficult to move. He opened his eyes and found his hand and feet had been tightly shackled. Then it all came back to him as he focused on the human in front of him.
"You took him. If you've hurt him I'll..." He strained violently against his bonds and collapsed back when they refused to give.
"You'll what?" Wesley snapped back and then ran his fingers through his hair, annoyed at himself for his flash of temper. "Of course I didn't hurt him, Angel. I did it for the best."
"You always do. Did you find a prophecy? Were you waiting for the sign that I was about to destroy him?"
"Waiting? I already had the sign."
"You say that like it means something but I don't know what you're talking about."
"You were keeping him helpless, Angel."
"I was not keeping him helpless! I was keeping him...I was keeping him. I did it for the best."
"Whose best?"
"Everyone's. Mine. His. It was just getting better and then you...you had no right!"
"I had every right. He begged me to help him."
"I don't believe you." Angel muttered, "He was happy!"
"When we all came to visit, that night he asked me to help him. He was afraid of you Angel. Can you deny that?"
"We talked, we were over that!"
"You think one little chat makes everything miraculously right?"
"Yes. He trusted me. I said I'd look after him and you stole him."
"So he trusted you. And what? He asked you to take his memories away again?"
Angel said nothing.
"I take it that means Spike voiced an objection?"
Again, no answer.
"So you have nothing to say about Spike. Tell me instead about Cordelia, who gave you 'the gift of her last day' to try and set you on the right path."
"Don't bring her into this."
"When you betray her memory, she becomes part of it. What do you think she would say?"
Angel shut his eyes to escape for a few seconds, he felt so incredibly tired. It had gone from perfect to...this, in such a short space of time. Except...who was he fooling? It had not been perfect it had been something temporary and artificial that he'd forced on to his childe. If Spike had been anything close to resembling his normal self, he would never have allowed the intimacy of the blood exchange.
Wesley sighed.
"Just talk to me, Angel. If you would just talk to me, instead of leaping straight into action, things would be so much easier."
Angel was stung into answering.
"You say that too me! Why didn't you talk to me? You just assumed...you're always so quick to mistrust me."
"I wanted to trust you! The first time you did it I it put down as an accident but to do it twice...I don't think there is anything you could say to convince me that you had his best intentions at heart."
"You wouldn't understand."
"Probably not. But you could always try me."
"We're vampires."
"I'm fully aware of that."
"You know it but you don't understand it. We still have demons inside us...it makes us...different. I fight it, we both did but there are certain things we need."
"Power and violence. I'm not totally ignorant of these things."
"I was talking about family and love."
"Oh. Well, how would I know these things if you refuse to share them? It's certainly not covered in the Watchers' Diaries."
"Why should it be? All you need to know is how to kill us. But you, Wesley, are unique. You keep discovering new methods with which to destroy me." The defeated vampire said bitterly
"I'm not a mind reader, Angel. If you neglect to tell me certain things, you can hardly cast blame when misunderstandings occur. If you want me to help you, then explain to me, make me understand."
"You want to know? Then understand this, demons are possessive and protective. When everything else is stripped away, you are 'my' humans and Spike is 'my' childe and if anything of mine is threatened my instinct is to take the aggressor apart piece by piece."
Wesley didn't react to being claimed in this manner, he already suspected how Angel thought of them. However, Spike...
"Spike is your childe? I thought Drusilla..."
"She turned him but she couldn't teach him or train him or protect him. It was down to me. I became his Sire and took on all the responsibilities of Sire. I was held accountable for him therefore he was my childe. He is my childe."
"You weren't jealous that she chose another male companion?"
"No. I never considered it in that light. She brought him home and presented him to me like a gift, all shiny and new. Darla was away and I was happy to have a male companion, a sane companion. He was mine right from the start, he just never realised it."
"So what happened next? When did he start to realise he was bound to you?"
Angel wasn't sure if he really wanted to tell this story but nothing seemed to matter. Tell or not tell? Who really cared about things that happened in another world and another time?
"He didn't understand how things were. I accepted him from the beginning, told him he was my companion, my friend. William seemed grateful and Angelus...I mean, 'I', thought he understood the implication. But nothing was ever easy with Will. One night I invited him to join me on a hunt and he refused. He thought it would please Dru if he joined her, so he abandoned me. He didn't understand that his first duty should be to me."
"I ordered the carriage to turn immediately for home, he was on foot, so I arrived first. Dru was overjoyed that her Daddy had returned early, just for her. She was so happy nothing could have torn her from my arms that night. When William returned, he walked in on us, as I'd planned. He was devastated, accused me of betraying him. He tried to command Dru but she obeyed only me. He attacked me. He thought he'd lost everything that night, my friendship and Dru's affection. I beat him easily and played my master card. I offered him Dru, whilst never releasing her from my arms. He realised that if he wanted her, he had to come through me, everything would be on my terms. He couldn't walk away from us. Like all vampires, he needed his family, he thought that would be Dru, instead it became Angelus. It became me."
Wesley said nothing.
"Are you shocked?"
"Truthfully? Yes. I don't find this very reassuring, you trapped him...blackmailed him into accepting you. Is that what you're trying to do now, weaken him so much that he just accepts you?" Wes asked his eyes troubled.
"No. And I wasn't trying to reassure you, I was telling you how it was. How it still is, for both of us, because it works both ways. Yesterday Spike accused me of using him as a substitute for...someone else, accused me of thinking I owned him. But he owns me as much as I own him. I tried to tell him this but he wasn't listening. Believe me, if Spike had left then, he would have spent the rest of his life trying to fill this hole, accepting compromises and substitutes but never finding what was missing, never even knowing what was missing. So I used the spell, one last attempt to make his see what was under his nose."
"You of all people should know that it's not always a question of right and wrong, but trying to balance different shades of wrong. I knew what followed might all be for nothing once he remembered everything but at least it would give us a starting point. It seemed worth the risk, so I said the word, he lost his memory and he accepted me back"
"He didn't."
"You weren't there. I felt his contentment, his acceptance."
"You misunderstand. I meant he didn't lose his memory. I put a ward around the spell, it would alert me if you attempted to use it again but it wouldn't actually work if you did try it."
Angel had known there had been something different about Spike this time, the understanding he appeared to exhibit, which Angel had put down to wishful thinking on his part. His boy had taken him back! Spike knew the worst of him, his possessiveness, his lies, his need, and yet had accepted him, flaws and all. Had accepted him, accepted his blood and in turn bared his neck to Angel, re-opening the blood link between them. Angel would have kicked himself, if he hadn't been so tightly manacled. He should of thought of their bond earlier. He reached towards it and managed to get a shadowy impression of Spike, he focused on it and then withdrew in shock. He remembered Spike saying that if he gave into love and Angel let him down, it would destroy him.
"You have to release me. I need to go to him. You have to tell me where he is!"
"I can't. You've compromised too much of yourself for this. Your honesty. Your integrity. It reminds me of when Darla became human. You've become blinkered to everything except what you want to see. It's not good, Angel. Not for you and nor for us. It makes you unpredictable."
"You don't understand, Wes. I can feel him! He let down all his defences and let me in. Now he thinks I've abandoned him again and it's killing him."
"I...don't know what to say. You realise I don't altogether trust you?" Wesley asked.
"I've told you the truth!" In fact he'd poured out everything that was in his heart. His brows contracted in suspicion, "Why have I told you so much? Is there some other magic at work besides the cuffs? What have you done to me?"
"I haven't 'done' anything. Fred said it would be a side effect of the tranquillizer – it would loosen you up, make you talkative."
Angel thought back on everything he said and could only be grateful that at least he had managed not to reveal anything about Connor. Just Spike.
"Will you tell me where he is? Please. He needs me."
Wesley was deep in thought and then appeared to come to a decision. He nodded at Angel.
"I am not at all reconciled with what you did to Spike but I will telephone my contact. We'll ask Spike and if he wishes to return or wishes to see you then I'll help you."
"Thank you, Wes."
"I don't want your thanks. I'm doing this for Spike."
***
Spike awoke and looked around in confusion.
He could feel something at the very edge of his sensory perception. Possibly a noise like metal grating on metal at high speed, or maybe a smell, nettles and bitter herbs. Whatever it was he found it vaguely distressing.
The last he remembered was falling asleep in his Sire's arms, happy and sated. The healing properties of Sire blood working its magic on his hands as he felt his fingers tingle with returning feeling. Now, he was lying in a dark basement on a hard bed, feeling confused and disorientated. He didn't have a clue what was happening but the feeling of abandonment and loss felt too familiar. He tried to focus logically on what had happened.
One: His sire had unsuccessfully tried to put the memory whammy on him again.
Two: Angel had knocked him out cold with the blood-drinking thing and.
Three: Here he was, alone.
He began to get a cold feeling in his stomach. He remembered his instinctive not to trust Angel. This now gnawed at him. The more he dwelt on it the more convinced he became that Angel was playing some game, toying with him, gaining his trust and betraying him. These thought battered him like physical blows. He took his hurt and turned it into anger, He really felt like killing something, maybe himself or preferably something about 6' 1" in height, brown puppy dog eyes and really stupid hair.
He heard the door and could clearly see two men walking towards him...or one man and one boy.
"Spike, you're awake! How are you?" The boy asked.
"Uh. Alright." he replied noncommittally.
"Oh. You don't remember me? We're friends, almost partners...well, we've worked together. I was there the night that slayer cut off your hands." He raised his eyes as though thinking through something complicated, "Well not exactly there, in the room with you because, I was sort of unconscious at the time and you left me to chase after her, which, you know, is fine. You have to put duty before friendship, I mean it's what makes you a hero, after all. It reminds me of..."
Didn't humans have to breathe? He sent the older man a pleading look, who thankfully seemed to understand and cut the boy short.
"Ahem. I think Spike is probably wondering how he came to be here? Aren't you?"
Spike nodded.
"We rescued you." The boy said waiting from approval.
"Yeah? From what?"
"That fiend. He was trying to turn you into a living skeleton!"
The boy was obviously crazy. Spike looked again towards the older man for a slightly more sane explanation.
"Yes. Well. In essence Andrew is correct. Wesley contacted us regarding your plight and when Angel attempted the spell again we knew you were no longer safe. We came for you last night and he, apparently, was draining you whilst you slept."
His murderous intentions receded as was suffused by a familiar feeling. Yeah, he definitely recognised this one. It was called 'Spike cocks up again.' He had asked for help and he'd never got a chance to let Wesley know that he was ok after all, so the man had sent these people to 'rescue' him. Then he wondered why Angel hadn't stopped them.
"Is Angel ok?"
Giles had talked with Wesley earlier. Angel was upset but not physically hurt.
"He's fine."
"Oh."
Spike was frowning.
"So you came for me and he just let me go."
"Umm, more or less." Andrew replied, thinking of Angel knocked out by the first blow.
"He certainly didn't put up any significant objections." He grinned in what he thought was a cold and deadly Tarantino-esque manner. Spike wondered if he was troubled by wind.
"Uh huh. So he didn't try to persuade you to let me stay?"
"Not a word of protest." Andrew replied. He sensed Spike's concern for the older vampire and was reluctant to admit outright how they had dealt with him. Thus his answers were carefully considered and, like a politician, he ensured he answered honestly, whist remaining economical with the truth.
"And you're sure he's ok?"
Giles attempted to reassure him.
"I spoke to Wesley only this morning and Angel is fine."
Spike didn't look reassured, he looked a little sad.
"Oh." What a surprise. All that talk about looking after him and never letting him go was just that. Talk.
"So you rescued me. Thanks. Yeah. And let that be a lesson, never trust a fat vampire with foofy hair."
Andrew was looking confused at the twists and turns of this conversation. Giles appeared to understand more than he was admitting. From the look on Spike's face the 'rescue' had been an unwanted intrusion, which could work out in their favour. He wrestled with his conscience and found he couldn't deceive this miserable vampire.
"He wants to speak to you."
"No."
"It's entirely up to you but he would like you to return."
"What am I? A sodding boomerang? He throws me away and then waits for me to come racing back? What is it with him?"
"You could always talk to him and find out." Giles said reasonably.
"Giles, I don't think you should pressurise him. Why should he talk? Angel is nothing to him. Well, I suppose he is a sort of a relative, like a grandfather or should that be 'grandsire' or something...and they do go way back and..."
"Andrew, do be quiet. Spike, we would like you to stay here, to be frank, we need you. We could give you back a purpose, perhaps even a reason for continuing."
"So you're offering me...what? What do you do here? What would you expect from me? Because I don't make tea and I don't do phones."
"I assure you we have a suitable job for someone of your talents. But it's rather complicated to explain."
"People seem to be saying that to me quite a lot recently."
"Yes. Well. This would be so much easier if you could remember. However, I shall give you the potted version, if you don't mind?"
Spike nodded.
"Recently, to help save the world, we empowered many young women with above human strength and endurance. Previously, there was one in each generation with the power, whose duty it was to fight the vampires and demons. Now there are many. These girls are called slayers. They don't just inherit increased strength, speed and agility. They also have some psychic ability. Many are afflicted with violent images of past slayers. Others have premonitions, slight visionary powers. It's all very disturbing for them."
"We are attempting to trace all these slayers and train them, guide them and, where they are willing, set them against the evil demons and monsters of the world. We need someone who can teach them but also has the strength to control them, where necessary. Occasionally these slayers go bad. Your hands...that atrocity was committed by a mentally unstable slayer, so I can understand if you would rather not deal with them. However, you are already regarded as something of a hero, so you have an advantage. They already respect you and fear you."
"Fear?"
"You have been evil for many years. In the past you killed two slayers. Many of these modern day slayers have had your image seared in their brain by these slayer memories that come to them."
"Oh. Don't you think this might be a slight problem?"
"I have to admit, I really don't know. William the Bloody reformed? On the whole I think they regard you in the light of a miracle."
"Is that who I am?"
"No, not really. I don't think you've been him for years. Maybe you haven't quite found out who you are yet and maybe this is the place to find out. Will you stay? You're very much needed. What have you got if you go back?"
"I don't know." Spike replied quietly.
"Well perhaps you should talk to him and find out."
Spike looked at him in suspicion.
"Why do you want me to talk to him?"
"I know you probably find this strange coming from me, but this time I am doing my best to play fair with you, Spike. Even if it is to the detriment of my own work."
"I see. We didn't part the best of friends, I take it?"
"I met you when you were one of the most feared vampires in the annals of history. Things happened and I found trust doesn't come easily to me."
"Huh. Did I have any friends at all?"
Andrew stepped forward clearing his throat.
"I would like to think that we became, if not friends then certainly comrades, brothers-in-arm with mutual respect of each other's abilities. We learnt from one another. For instance, although you're not tall, you're kind of menacing and did you notice I now have a really cool coat just like yours?"
Spike regarded him with incomprehension and then sent Giles a bewildered look, clearly begging for some sort of translation.
"What did he say?"
But Giles had already turned away, shaking his head and muttering, "Good grief."
Spike knew the feeling.
"I was just saying. I'm your friend...if you want?"
"Oh. Cheers. " Spike replied trying to keep the shades of doubt out of his voice and when the boy began to grin inanely he guessed he'd succeeded.
Giles determinedly brought the conversation back on track.
"Anyway Spike you don't have to make an immediate decision about anything but if you do with to talk to Angel just say the word. Meanwhile, have you got any more questions we can help with?"
"Yeah. What is that noise? And can you make it stop?"
"Noise? I can't hear anything." Andrew said and looked to Giles to back him up.
"No. I'm afraid I can't hear it either. But it's not surprising. Your hearing is much more sensitive than ours."
They retreated to give him time to consider his next action. However, he could hear their conversation. Andrew was saying that they needed him and mustn't let him go. Giles replied that if Spike were to work with them it would be, knowing all the facts and of his own free will. He pointed out to Andrew that they were not evil.
Spike gave it some careful thought. He recalled all he could about Angel, Connor, Wolfram and Hart, Wesley, Gunn and Fred until he had it clear in his mind.
He called to the two humans, "Ok I'll speak to him."
***
After Wesley's assurance that he would contact Spike, Angel became calmer and was finally able to convince them that he was no longer out for their blood. Even so, they each had crosses and holy water hidden discreetly, and not so discreetly, about their person, as they nervously unlocked the shackles.
Wesley was as good as his word. Later that morning he had some good news.
"Angel. The phone. It's him."
Angel took it, trying to hide his apprehension.
"Hi."
Spike sounded muted, contained.
"Hello? Spike? Thank God it's you! Are you alright?"
"Yeah. You?"
"What do you think? Look. Tell me where you are and I'll come and pick you up."
"Uh huh. Why?"
"Because this is where you belong, of course!"
"Yesterday you let them take me away and today you want me back. You always this indecisive, mate?"
"I didn't exactly 'let them'."
"Didn't object much, I hear."
"Object? They knocked me out cold. When I came around you were gone. I think I went a little insane."
"Oh. You didn't hurt any of them, did you?"
Silence.
"Angel? They're ok? Wesley is ok, yeah?"
"Yes. Fred and Gunn managed to stop me. Spike? Let me bring you home."
"Tell me, what would I do there?"
"Do?"
"Uh huh."
"You'd do the same as before - save people. You have...oh."
"What?"
"You used to have a seer, you know a contact with higher powers and they would direct you whoever needed rescuing. But..."
"For Chrissake! Will you just tell me?"
Angel sighed and continued.
"It wasn't real. It was all an intricate conspiracy to get to me."
"So, I ask again what would I do there?"
"You could work for Wolfram and Hart."
"Aren't they the evil law firm that suckered you in, using Connor as bait?"
"Well, yeah."
"And you want me trapped there too? You make tasty bait, Sire. But I'm not biting."
"I...you don't have to do anything."
"So. I can return and I could hang around the apartment each day. Doing what? Waiting for you to come home?"
Spike took a breath and continued.
"Or I could stay here.
"Stay there? Where are you?"
"Where I'm wanted and needed. Where I have a reason for existence."
Angel remembered Lawson, going insane from his lack of a mission and knew he had no argument against this. Spike needed a purpose to his life and would need it even more once he fully regained his memories. He could feel his childe slipping away from him again.
"I love you, Spike."
This was the only argument he had left.
"Maybe that's part of the problem."
"How can it be? It's the only thing that's right!"
"Don't you see, Angel? You're trying so hard to do what's right. I don't believe you sold your soul when you joined Satan & Partners, but you've mortgaged it and they're going to try to whittle away at it until you've got none of it left to cling to. You're selling it in dribs and drabs with a lie, a broken promise, with magic to manipulate people, with an attempt to murder Wesley. The tragic thing is that it's never about purely personal gain and it's going to be your downfall. You give away too much for the people you love. I refuse to be part of that, Angel. I won't watch you destroy yourself cus you think you can make things right for me."
Angel remembered Cordy saying almost the exact same thing to him. These were both people he trusted, each with a clear sense of morality. Whereas his view tended to be skewed, with the people he loved first, the people who hurt those he loved undergoing every torture of hell and somewhere in the middle was the rest of the world.
He was defeated on all counts. Whichever way he turned the answer was always the same.
"Spike?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't disappear. Keep in touch. Please?"
Spike felt tears prick his eyelids as he whispered, "Yeah."
And hung up.