Heya, everybody, finally we got our power back on, so I can rejoin the land of the technologically advanced. Good news (for a given value of "good" anyway) I've written the first three chapters of "OVB: Road Trip" and the first one will be appearing any day now. So watch out for that.... meanwhile, please read and review! As always! It's not like anyone ever says anything different! 'Cause we like reviews! Yes we do! Yessss, preciousssss! Sorry.

(Does Faramir voice) To entah the Forbidden Pool bears the penalty of death. That's, uh, why its called the Forbidden Pool. Heh heh.

Chapter Five: The Real Journey

Leaving the Vatican behind, after several hours in inner-city traffic Van Helsing finally got fed up with it all.

Poking his head out the window, he proclaimed, "As the man said to the other man when he was getting fed up, I'm getting fed up." With this as his only warning, he leapt from the carriage, leaving Carl to stare dumbfoundedly at the space where he had just been.

"Did he just— leap out of— a moving carriage—"

Future filmmakers took note and this rather nifty trick was used over and over again in their movies, although Van Helsing himself was never given credit.

Finally Carl got over his dumbfoundedness and leapt from the carriage after Van Helsing. Unfortunately he wasn't so strong, or fast, or tall, or lucky, or dark-haired as Van Helsing. He hit the ground running and, subsequently, falling.

Just as the hooves of a horse began to come down on him, the Writer decided to take a break and let everyone sweat it out.

Then she reconsidered.

After all, everyone's seen the movie... its not like they actually think Carl dies... and, as was pointed out in "Van Helsing and the Village People" its not like anyone believes the Writer would kill Carl off, because, lets face it, what fun would the world be without him?

The horse's hooves swerved aside at the last minute. Carl took a second to admire it, as he'd never seen a waltzing horse before.

Van Helsing grasped his collar and pulled him to safety.

"Carl, you idiot!"

"Van Helsing, have you ever seen a horse that flexible?"

"Where?" Carl pointed it out and the two equally hot men stared at the horse for a second. "That's amazing, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"So can we go now?"

"Why not?"

Walking, they moved faster than the traffic, which was at a standstill. It took them all of three days to get to the harbor, however, because, as a Random Passing Woman commented,

"What is it with men and never asking for directions?"

However, they made it eventually, just in time to hop on a ship. An officer tried to get them to pay for tickets but Van Helsing beat him up and quietly hid the body in a closet.

Then he relaxed on deck. "Ah, this is the life, isn't it, Carl?"

"No," said Carl, being violently sick over the side. Van Helsing watched him.

"You do realize, don't you, monk, that we haven't even left the harbor yet. The ship hasn't even started moving yet."

"Yes, I realize. Just wait till we get onto open water, see what I'm like then."

Van Helsing shook his head and went off to see if there was anything he could steal from the kitchens. Left by himself, Carl stared at the heavens above him and wished it was nighttime. Staring at the heavens above you is always more dramatic in the nighttime. Plus it was kind of foggy, so he couldn't actually see more than a few feet in front of him anyway.

Dramatics were being thwarted.

Oh no.