Peter barges into the room, "Look Chris, we're sorr....." He looks at the woman in the room. "Hey I know you!....You're.........damn, who the hell are you? And what are you doing in my house!"
(camera focuses on woman)
The woman replies in a sweet voice, "You mean you don't recognize me?"
(camera focuses on Peter)
He has a smoke-screen gun in his hand that he is holding backwards. "Look pal, you have three seconds to get out of my house! One, two, three!" He pushes the trigger and a cloud of smoke explodes in his face. "Awwww shit, you bitch."
"Bitch?" The woman is astonished, "Why I've never......." The woman jumps at Peter and attacks.
Peter shields his face with his arms, and closes his eyes as he whimpers from the beating.
Only Meg hears all the commotion from her room, so she decides to come see what's going on. When she enters the room, she gets excited, "Oh my gosh! You're Lindsay Loham!"
The woman stops fighting and turns to Meg. "It's Lohan you idiot."
"Hey!" Peter has red bruises all over his face. "You don't talk to my daughter that way. You......you Mean Girl, you."
Lindsay feels exhilarated. "So you do recognize me! From my movie, you know, Mean Girls?"
Peter whispers to Meg while shielding his lips from Lindsay, "This bitch is crazy."
"I heard that!" yells Lindsay with a scorn.
Just as she is about to attack Peter again, Chris yells, "Wait!" He looks at Lindsay, "According to the rules, after I kiss the frog you were 'upposed to turn into a beautiful princess. And if I don't get my princess, I'm going to be pretty ummmm......what's the word I learned yesterday?.......oh yeah, pissed!"
Lindsay sighs, "Okay, okay you're right." She flips her hair to the back with her hands, "How about I make it up to you?"
"Uh...okay." says Chris.
"Okay, I'm inviting you and your whole family to star in my new film." says Lindsay.
"Wow!" exclaims Meg, "This is the coolest thing to ever happen to me!"
"Cool!" Chris' eyes widen.
"Now wait just a minute!" yells Peter. "What exactly is this..."
Peter is interrupted by Lois calling up the stairs, "Peter, Meg, Chris. Supper's ready."
"Just a minute my sugar plum, honey bunny, fruit cake, care bear, baby-making, sweet heart." replies Peter.
Everyone in the room is silently staring at him with blank expressions.
"What?" he inquires.
(scene ends) - (cut to commercial)
(new scene)
Setting: kitchen
The Griffins and Lindsay Lohan are sitting at the dinner table enjoying a delicious meal.
"This whole thing is so delirious." says Lois, "Who would have thought you've been transformed into a frog."
"It's a long story." says Lindsay. "All that matters is that I'm back. That's the last time I date Horny Potter."
Everyone chuckles, except Stewie who has his usual scorn.
"Now, now let me get this straight." Stewie starts, "You mean to tell me that this porky fellow (he nods in Chris' direction) kissed a frog's ass, and got you?"
"Don't mind him hun, he's just a toddler." says Lois to Lindsay.
"Wait a minute bitch. Don't cut me off." yells Stewie. He looks back to Lindsay's direction, "Now what do you suppose would happen if I were to, let's say, kiss the ass of a......hmmmmm, what's a good one....a dog, yes, a dog."
Lindsay looks uneasy.
"Answer me woman!" demands Stewie.
Lois interrupts, "It's almost time for his bedtime, I'm going bring him up now." She gets out of her seat and go to grab Stewie. Stewie bites her ear all the way up the stairs, but Lois seems as if she doesn't feel a thing.
"So." says Brian, "Tell us more about this movie."
"Oh Yeah." "Yeah" "The movie" say the rest of the Griffins.
"Well," Lindsay starts, "The movie is called 'We Be In Da Hood'...."
"Oh, so we're playing Black people!" Peter interrups, "I can act Black, watch this." Peter stands up, grabs his crouch with one hand, and waves the other in the air while saying with a deep voice, "Yo, yo, yo, homies. This is the real shizzle fo rizzle my nizz..."
Peter is cut off by Lindsay, "Please don't."
Meg says, "Dad, that is so racist."
"But I was good at it right?" Peter inquires.
"I'm gonna go take a pee." says Brian. He gets out of his chair and heads to the living room.
"I wanna go watch?" Chris hops out of his chair and follows Brian.
"Dad you're an embarrassment." Meg leaves the kitchen.
Only Peter and Lindsay are left. Lindsay feels very uncomfortable. Her facial expression shows it. "Listen," she says, "I'm gonna go head back to Hollywood. I'll leave you this cell phone (grabs it out of her pocket) and call you when I'm ready for the movie."
"Oh, okay" says Peter as he grabs the cell phone.
"I'm gonna go now, bye." She gets up and nervously walks toward the front door.
"Wait!" Peter yells, "Can you test the phone on your way out. Ya know, just to see if it works."
"Sure" says Lindsay.
Lindsay is out of the house, and Peter is alone in the kitchen. He looks around to make sure nobody is there, and then he puts the cell phone in his pants, on his crouch. A few minutes later the cell phone starts ringing and vibrating.
"Awwwww, yea." moans Peter.
(scene ends)