A/N: Since I'm editing the page breaks, here's a new author's note. This is a parody I wrote years ago and it needs some serious editing or deleting, but since I've got reviews on it, I'm leaving it here for the moment.

Any intellectual damage incurred through the reading of this is not the fault of the author's. I warned you.

Chapter 1

It's hard being a Mary Sue, it really is. You wouldn't think so, but it is. I mean, look what I have to go through. Boys chasing you all the time? I mean, sure, the attention is nice, but really. I have a limit. And all these powers … they're a burden. Like that Spiderman guy … with great power comes great responsibility. Urgh. Who wants that? And all my dark secrets are hidden, what a burden. I have to let it all out on the next guy I make out with …

Oh, an application form. What's it for? Let me see … transfer student? NO … gosh only two people out of 1000 can get it? Ah, I'll apply anyway. Maybe my extra powers will sway the judges. Or that huge lump of fortune my dead parents left me, but I don't tell people about it because I don't feel comfortable with it. Ooh, or maybe my pet dragon. He's small, he can fit into the palm of your hand. Yes, he's a rare species. And I named him Fyrer. He's so loyal, too.

I have to wait a month? Oh, I'll never survive this … I need to get away, if only for a year. If I have to sit through this pain and sorrow any more I think I'll go mad … I miss Mum and Dad so much …

Have I mentioned my name? Diaranay Lightborn. And have I described myself? Bright green eyes with flecks of purple and blue in them, long auburn hair that go past my shoulders and conveniently cover my face so that boys can tuck them behind my oh-so dainty ear when I'm crying because my burdens have become too heavy, the fullest most nicest lips anyone could ask for, a voice that tinkles like the heavenly sound of a stream tinkling nearby, hands that are dainty and smooth and a walk that just makes everyone look at me, because I am the centre of everything.

Oh Merlin. I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I GOT IT!! I'm going to England! To Hogwarts! Two out of 1000 can get it, and I got it! Yay! Go me! I'll do that dance that the Persian prince taught me when I saved his palace from the demons! -dances away-

-dances back- Woot! I've got to pack … let me see … all my robes of course. My Galleons that I don't want anyone to know about are in a Gringotts account … my top-of-the-line Lightning broomstick that only the top Quidditch players have … my crystal orb … Book of Shadows. Can't forget that. My whitelighter will join me … the other sisters will get along fine. I'm the most powerful one of all, anyway. They're back-ups, really. Yeah, I revolutionized the Charmed Ones … there's only one Charmed One. Ah, the burdens of my Mary Sue-ness.

Nick will just have to get on without me. I'm sorry, Nick, but I have to go to England, to Hogwarts. It is where my destiny lies. Not here, in America. I must leave all that is precious to me. The Dark One will find me if I remain here. And my past has too many memories here. It will be better for all of us.

I am leaving with both grief, sorrow and eagerness. Yes I said both but I mentioned three things. So sue me. I have a defence lawyer in the realms of the dead. I saved him from the eternal fires and he is forever in my debt. I am leaving with grief and sorrow for I leave all that is dear to me. But eagerness, for the new life that is to come.

If only the Dark One does not find me. Oh, Legolas and Aragorn, that your sacrifice was not wasted!

I've met some nice people on the train. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are all extremely nice people, but Hermione Granger is a real know-it-all. Well, she's going to have a contender for top-of-the-year spot. My superior intellect should beat her. After all, I got 20 OWLs. No one got 20 OWLs. And I'm taking every single subject for NEWTs. And I've so far scored an 'Outstanding' in all my homework. Hah, she is no match for me.

I've seen Harry and Ron looking at me a few times. It's a strange thing. Harry is winking at me now. I wink back. Oh, he's coming over. I can see Ron's watching the whole thing. I really hope that this crush on me won't ruin their friendship. It seemed like such a strong one, too.

Ah, no, they're fighting. I hoped it wouldn't come to this. I pull them apart. Hermione is watching me beadily. I ignore that. Instead I look both of them in the eye.

"What's going on?" I ask.

Both mumble something, of course. They'd never admit they were fighting over a girl but I know that's what they were doing.

Ah, such a pity. It seemed like a strong friendship.

The burdens of being a Mary Sue …