Delta Warrior Heroes, or: Goddamnit Kris where the FUCK are we

Class 1-A gasped when they saw the sight in front of them. Beyond the archway leading in to the massive facility they had been taken to, huge set pieces resembling disasters loomed. A city burned in the distance next to a massive mountainous area and a swirling whirlpool. A fountain in the middle had pathways branching from it, leading to each area.

"Is this Universal Studios Japan or something?!" Kaminari cried. Jirou looked at him with an odd look.

Stepping up to meet them was a familiar Hero in a space suit. "Conflagaration, flooding, landslides... every kind of disaster imaginable is here!"

Thirteen made an expansive gesture, taking in the entire facility. "I like to think of it as 'The Ultimate Space for Jams,' but this is the Unforseen Simulation Joint! No relation to the actual USJ," she appended.

Izuku beamed. "It's the Space Hero Thirteen!"

"EEH I love her! She's an amazing Rescue Hero!" Uraraka fangirled with Midoriya. Mina stared at them, already updating the Shipping Chart in her head.

While the students were excitedly pointing at various areas, Eraserhead went over to Thirteen. "Where's All Might?"

"Used up all his time today fighting Villains," Thirteen deadpanned.

Eraserhead nearly facepalmed. Of course All Might did something irrational like that. "Well, we're just going to have to deal without him."

Thirteen coughed into their fist. "Well, students, before we begin I have a point to make. Or two... maybe three..."

She snapped her head up to look at each of them. "Still! As I'm sure you are aware, my Quirk is called Black Hole. With it, I can suck anything in and destroy it."

"Yeah! You've used it to save countless people from natural disasters!" Izuku exclaimed, Uraraka nodding next to him.

"Indeed... But my power could easily kill as well as help. I'm sure that there are students among you with similar abilities."

!-A's mood was brought down by that sobering thought. Thirteen continued, tone serious. "In this superhuman society, Quirk use is monitored and restricted. But all it takes is one out of control Quirk for people to die. In your past lessons you have started to learn how to use your Quirks to aid your physical prowess, and All Might taught you battle."

Thirteen spread her arms wide. "Here, I will show you a different perspective - I want to help you realise that your abilities are meant to help others, not harm them! If you leave here with a sound understanding of how to save others with your Quirks, then my job is done. Thank you!"

Iida led the class in applauding Thirteen. "Bravo!"

Eraserhead sighed. "Okay, first of all..."

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a swirling black dot near the fountain. A bad feeling building in his gut, Eraserhead whipped around to see it more clearly. What he saw made his eyes widen.

A tall, skinny Villain stepped through, a palpable air of menace surrounding him even from this distance. The dark mist spread, and more figures stepped out, chuckling to themselves. "Students! Huddle up and don't move!"

Izuku stared at what was coming dumbly. "Huh?"

"Thirteen, protect the students!"

He strapped his goggles on, watching the Villains as they fanned out. Behind him, Kirishima stared at them, confused. "Wait, are these more battle robots? Like the exam?"

"Don't move Kirishima! These are actual Villains!"

Behind him, Eraserhead could hear his students break out into panicked whispers, but at least they weren't moving closer.

A figure made of the same purple-black mist then spoke in a deep baritone. "Eraserhead and Thirteen...? How curious. According to the staff schedule we received, All Might should be here, and yet he isn't."

Eraserhead growled under his breath. He had tried to persuade Nedzu to move the dates around, but the Principal had been surprisingly unconcerned. Then again, this class should have had All Might in it...

The man covered in hands stretched. "All Might isn't here?" he whined in a raspy voice. "Where is he? I brought so many teammates-"

Another portal opened, this one black with an almost rainbow effect. Eraserhead blinked, Binding Cloth at the ready. Below, the Villains paused. The Hand Villain stared at his companion. "Kurogiri, we already got everybody here. What the hell are you doing?"

The misty Villain shrugged, yellow eyes open. "I-I assure you, Shigaraki, this is not my doing-"

A pair of figures were spat out, landing on the ground. Eraserhead's eyes were wide as he took them in.

One of them was a relatively short and androgynous teenager with blue skin and an anachronistic suit of armour. A pink sash wrapped around their left cpuldron, and their eyes were hidden beneath messy dark blue hair. The other one clearly had some sort of reptile heteromorph Quirk, a magenta dinosaur girl with plum-coloured hair. She was dressed like a gangster with a torn jacket showing off her rippling biceps, a pair of similarly plum pants and a purple shirt underneath, paired with black boots.

A couple of other figures were deposited as well - a blue bird heteromorph in armour that blended high tech and medieval imagery, and a reindeer girl with pale blonde hair in a white robe.

The Villains stared at the arrivals as they pushed themselves up off the ground, groaning. Eraserhead looked at Kaminari. "Try to use your Quirk to get a distress signal out," he grit out.

Shigaraki scratched his head in confusion. "The fuck?"

The purple lizard girl looked around, blinking. Then she whipped around to her companion, an expression somewhere between anger and confusion on her face.

"GOD FUCKING DAMNIT, KRIS! WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE?!" She roared.

A meme post that has been living in my head rent free for a while. Now it can live in your heads as well. And I even made some crude art for this meme!

I am aware I'm not 'hip with the kids' and I do not care, this meme is funny.

Other stuff I have for this idea:

* Berdly and Noelle got dragged through too and have to deal with the fact that this is all real
* Kris might get free, but in exchange for Izuku being taken by the SOUL
* Bakugou befriends Susie, and Izuku friends Noelle. Both commiserate over their bullies not getting their crushes.
* Berdly fun
* Spamton makes an appearance.

EDIT: Kris' pronouns changed to they/them.