Shady A/N: NOOOOOOOOO! I DON'T WANNA DO THE AUTHORESSES NOTES! -Chucks a spazz like a 5-year-old child- This is your fault! -Points at the accused and pushes Ekobean in to the never-ending chasm-thing in 'The Dark Menace'-
Ok, this is the part where Ekobean emails me and ask for an explanation as to why I did this to him and I say, "K'sani told me to!" and I laugh and I squirt baby/talcum powder in the air and throw a handful confetti in the air and blow a party whistle and roll around on the floor and start singing 'Holy Grail.'
Despite the fact that I wrote one third of this chapter I have no knowledge of what is going on and stuff. Seriously. Or maybe I'm just being mean coz I hate doing author's notes so much. AH! Logic! Psychology! AAHHHH!
Disclaimer: I am stupid and I do not know if we own anything or not. Ok, ok, I'll be serious. We don't own anything related to Jak and Daxter, Jak II or Jak 3. We do own Jak and Daxter and Jak II and we will own Jak 3, but not the real one. We own the game which is ours but not OURS. The game belongs to Naughty Dog but we still have the game, which we own. Well, not really, coz we don't own it we just. Uh. Crap. Never mind. We own what we own. If you can't accept that fact then you have some issues. One of them may be that you don't believe what Internet peoples say coz they might be lying. Actually, I thing you people are smart enough to work out what we do and do not own. Use your brains, dammit! It doesn't hurt. Much.
K'sani's POV
Ow. The pain is incredible as I wake up on the cot. It feels as though an evil force of some kind is shredding my insides to ribbons. Owchie!
I turn over on the cot, groaning the whole time, my right shin burning, and my spine cracking. Oho, the pain.
I look out at the hut. There are two teens; the very two I talked to earlier in fact, on the floor. One of them, the boy, is sleeping, and the girl is sitting on the mat, drawing something. I peer over her shoulder to see-it is a sketch of the hut. It is wonderful. I wish I could draw like that. But I guess my true talent lays in words and academics, not in the arts.
I slowly and quietly disembark off the cot onto the floor, watching the girl working quietly. I don't know why, but I feel as though it is necessary to be quiet, and to not disturb the girl. I sit down quietly next to her-apparently she hasn't noticed me yet, because she is still working hard on her sketch.
I look around in the hut, and I see a basin of water-WATER! I pounce for the bowl before I even realize that I've knocked the girl down. She yells out and wakes up the boy. Crap, I am such an idiot. Stupid natural instincts. They made me do that. I can't tell the others that, though. They'd just look at me weird. I hate these moments. I feel like such an idiot.
"BLOODY FUCKING HELL! OW-STUPID HIP!" screams the girl. She is sprawled out on the floor, clutching her hip. She must've hurt it. Oops...
The boy reacts much more calmly. He jumps up straight away and notices the girl cringing in pain and then me, standing by the water basin. He just stares... What should I do? I didn't do anything!
"Um, hi," I say nervously.
"Yeah," he replies, snapping out of the starring mode. I guess he thought I didn't speak English or something. He looks at the girl on the floor, and I smile guiltily to cover up for my mistake. STUPID ME, STUPID ME!
The girl speaks to me as I hoist her up and after I apologize yet again. "Oh, don't worry about it, it's just that I'm going to be a bloody cripple before I'm a legal adult!" she shouts. I cringe. She continues to scream.
"Oh don't mind her," says the boy. Um hello, I'm trying not to, but she's kinda screaming out curses to the entire continent if you didn't notice! "You should've seen how she greeted me," the boy says as he gestured to a giant bruise on his shins. Suddenly I felt scared for my physical being.
The girl continues cursing until the boy dunks her head into the water basin. When she emerges, she takes a gasp of air and calms down a bit.
"Thanks, I needed that," she comments. The boy nods. Then the girl looks over to me. "What the hell were you doing?"
"I'm really sorry. I'm, uh-"
"Never mind, what's your name?" The truth is I'm not sure if I can trust them, so I don't want to tell them my name. So I blurt out the first name that comes to mind- my penname from FF dot Net.
"I'm K'sani, or Hawk, if you will."
"That's an odd name," observes the boy.
"Oh, and Ekobean isn't, contrary to the fact that I like beans?" exclaims the girl. Ekobean? Where have I heard that before?
The boy, or Eko, should I say, glares at the girl and then goes on to speak to me. "I'm Eko, and this is Shadowsister, or rather Shady," says Eko. Hmm... Shadowsister and Ekobean.. Shady and Eko... Why do they sound so familiar?
'He-LLO? Are you ok, self? What the heck are you thinking? You know who these people are!' yells that annoying little voice in my head that criticizes everything I do.
I do?
'Well, Duh, I just said you did, stupid.'
I don't like you. Go away.
'And who do you think they are, smart one?'
Um...
'Let me give you a hint: FanFiction.'
Huh?
'You met them on a website...'
Wha?
'They're Ekobean and Shadowsister...'
OH! I KNOW! EKOBEAN AND SHADOWSISTER! I am so good!
'Ding ding ding and we have a winner, folks!'
Thanks.
'You're quite welcome, dimwitted.'
Humph. I still don't like you. Evil... thingy.
'Your insults are horrendous, self.'
Yeah, whatever.
"OH MY GOD YOU ARE SHADOWSISTER AND EKOBEAN! AHHH! You know, from the website, and we review each other's stories and OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I can't believe it's you... Can I have an autograph?" I shout. STUPID SELF!
"Uh, wait, you're Red Hawk K'sani, right?" Eko asks me. Well, duh! I just nod. Smile and nod, smile and nod. Repeat whenever caught in a tense situation that you don't know what to do in. That little voice rules.
'Why thank you.'
Shoot! Did I just think that? CRAP!
'Tut tut, such language!'
That little voice sucks.
"You didn't know who we were before?" asks Shady. What? You knew who I was?
"What? You knew who I was?"
"Obviously," she retorts. She was a lot friendlier over the Internet...
'Or maybe it's just that you caused her to flip and hurt her hip.'
Yeah, that's probably won't leave a good first impression... AH! Did I just agree with that little super-critical voice?
"Well, er, it's nice to meet you, then," comments Eko. Poor him. Just trying not to be physically harmed by Shady or I. What a surprise he's in for.
'You're violent.'
Yes, I know. I am also sensitive and rather evil toward my enemies. So far he hasn't been on my bad side.
"Um, are you ok? Your shirt is torn..."
Oho, there goes the good side for Eko. I wham his head with the water basin, giving him a minor concussion. Ok, maybe I shouldn't have done that, but harsh times call for harsh actions. And I didn't know that my shirt is torn... Hey, it so is not... It's not nice to toy with people like that. Heh, it was pretty funny, now that I think about it. I guess this guy isn't so bad...
Eko groans. Dude, I am sooo sorry... Thank gosh he's still conscious. He better get some medical attention for that...
"You need some medical attention," I say, and together Shady and I drag him off the ground and help him out the front door to get some help for Eko.
While I am practically dragging both of them to the Medical building, Shady apologizes to me. Ok, so it isn't that bad. Hey, did she just say something about a swirling green vortex of light? We three really are all in the same boat then. Figuratively speaking, that is.
"Is that really how you hurt yourself? You know, your hip?" I ask after a bit. She told me before that she landed on a rock on her hip when she came out of the "Nauseating Swirling Green Vortex of Nauseasion." Snort. Ha.
Shady responds by saying I don't look too good myself and where did I get all my cuts. I tell her about my lovely rendezvous with the glowing yellow things. Ugh, those things were ugly...
A young child with long ears runs past Shady, who says, "Hey, I just realized, those things sort of look like those elf-things from the Jak series.."
Yeah, I know what you mean. OH MY GOD I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! Holy crap! But it's physically impossible to... But there's no other explanation! It makes sense!
'Arguing with yourself again, dearest roommate? Humph. I should be the dominant personality!'
Shut up, I just had a breakthrough!
I drop Eko and Shady falls over with him as I gasp in shock.
"A little old to be worrying about boy germs, are we?" sneers Shady. Um, hello! I just had a breakthrough if you don't mind! And what's up with the 'boy germs' thing? That is SO second grade! And what if I don't FEEL like carrying a temporarily brain dead guy and a swearing maniac? What would you do THEN, huh? MWAHAHAHA!
"We're in Jak 3!" I say excitedly. I continue to explain to her how all the evidence points to it, and how it must be possible because of all the elves and the desert and all that crap.
"It must be possible! There must be a way! The elf-ears! The glowing things-" Hey, they aren't listening!
"I'm going to disprove K'sani's theory," states Shady. She pulls out a little pentacle thing that is dangling around her neck. She's, like, a Pagan, isn't she? I wonder what religion Eko is... Hey, Eko's awake!
"What theory? It makes perfect sense!" I blurt out. The two appear not to be listening to me. FINE! Don't listen! Get eaten by Metal Heads for all that I care! Then maybe she'll realize that I was right and she was wrong. And if she survives the Metal Heads, then I'll make her say that I was right in Arabic, but I'll teach her the wrong words so that she'll say, "I am a poophead," in Arabic. MWAHAHAA!
Hey, she just said I was bonkers. DIE SHADY DIE!
"Hey!" I protest. Shady appears not to have heard me.
"Step two: Commandeer a Dune Buggy," she says. Eko says something about stealing and how it is wrong.. Ooh! We get to ride in a dune buggy. YAY DUNE BUGGIES! I heard that some the models in Jak 3 have like turbo and rocket launchers. This is gonna be fun!
"Well, Private Beans, we're taking that to see if we can find out where exactly we are," says Shady. HA! Beans. Snort. That's good. From now on I'm so calling Eko Beans! MWAHAHAHA!
I have the strangest feeling that Beans really doesn't like me that much. Well, I guess giving him a concussion didn't help, but still, I don't think he liked me that much to begin with. I remember Shady and Beans and I had a 3-way email system starting back during the summer because we were co-authoring a fic together and he always seemed so distant. I feel a lot closer to Shadowsister, because she actually reviewed my pieces, where as Beans never really did, though he's a really good writer.
Eh, whatever. I can't wait to drive the dune buggy! And if Beans or Shady want to drive... Well, we don't want another scenario like Eko's, do we?
Shady's POV
Oh glory! Ok, first of all I must thank my art teachers throughout my years and whoever carried the artistic gene in my family. I think that was dad. The other two people are still asleep, K'sani and Eko, them people from FF dot Net. I am so bored. Stupid time difference type-thing.
I have an odd feeling, as if someone was watching me. Or maybe it is hunger.
Next thing I know, I'm lying on my side, clutching 'the hip' and yelling obscenities. Honestly, my swearing would make an Australian ANZAC proud, lest we forget. It was probably a bad idea to yell, as my throat was hurting again.
Apparently K'sani had wanted to go to the water basin and in her haste accidentally knocked me over. She apologizes over and over. I don't blame her. She didn't know I had a bad hip that hurt a lot.
I must have had a small bout of Schizophrenia or something coz the next thing I know I was gasping for air and my head is soaked in water and dripping down my back.
"Thanks, I needed that," I say to Eko. Sally, what just happened?
'Ommigod! You named me! I feel so special!'
I felt I needed to name my sub-conscious. Calling by what it is just a bit unappreciative.
'Why thank you.'
No worries. Now, recap please.
'Okies. K'sani accidentally knocked you over trying to get to the water basin. You start screaming and swearing for a full two minutes or something and then Beans dunks your head in the water.'
(Snort) Beans. You're mad.
'Thank you, I take that as a compliment.'
You should.
'I will. Um the people are talking.'
We went through the name exchange thing again, not that I needed it. It took K'sani a while to figure out that Eko and I were the authors she had befriended.
'I like this girl! She reminds me of me!'
By that I assume you mean 'us?'
'But of course!'
Hey, Eko said something. Oh this is hilarious. It's like he's trying to say the right thing or else he'll get hurt.
'Congratulations, you have now officially become a phobia!'
Really? Cool!
"Um, are you ok? Your shirt is torn..." says Eko.
Was he perving? Hey wait, no it's not. Tattered maybe, but not torn. K'sani doesn't look too happy. She grabs the water basin. Hmm, what is she gonna do with that?
Nice shot! K'sani whacks Eko in the head with said water basin. I wonder if he's dead. No, he's not.
'Beans lives!'
Ok, maybe whacking Eko was a bit over the top, but it was kinda funny.
"You need some medical attention," says K'sani.
She helps Eko to his feet and I go to help. My attempt is a failure as I end up leaning on Eko for support and K'sani is left practically carrying both of us to the med hut. Evil thing.
"Hey, look, I'm sorry for yelling and stuff. I didn't mean to go off at you. I just have really bad coping skills," I apologize to K'sani.
K'sani shakes her head. "No, it was my fault."
"You shouldn't blame yourself. You did knock me over, I'll give you that." I saw her take a look of guilt. "But it wasn't your fault I got sucked into a swirly green vortex and bumped in the middle of some random desert where I landed awkwardly on my hip, whose bone is bruised and I should really be staying off it, or so the pointy eared doctor said," I tell her.
"So," she starts, "You know where the Medical Building is?"
"Its that-a-way," I point.
We walk in silence for a while, Eko in between us still slightly dazed. That must have been some whack!
"Is that what happened?" K'sani asks suddenly.
"Hmm?"
"That, with you hip?"
"Oh! Yeah, pretty much. Musta landed on a rock or something. Actually, you don't look too good yourself."
She looks to see what I mean and sees her various cuts and scratches. Poor girl must have had a run in with something. Or someone... (Ominous music).
'Freak!'
Thank you.
"Where did you get them?" I ask, for I was ever so curious.
"This yellow thing came and attacked me! I thought I was gonna die!"
"Yellow thing, ey?" I use my 'is-that-so' tone of voice and stroke my chin with my free hand.
'We have found your sense of humor!'
A little elf-thing runs past us. I have to use my bad leg to stop myself or I would've trampled the toddler, if that is what the thing are called. A thought hits me. I don't think K'sani would understand what I was talking about. Wait, yes she would! We did meet in the Jak and Daxter section of FF dot Net after all.
"Hey, I just realized that these people look a lot like the elf-thing from the Jak series," I blurt out.
K'sani's reaction was not what I expected. She gasps in shock and realization. She lets go of Eko, who falls to the ground. I also fall to the ground hitting my head on his shoulder. This is Karma at work isn't it? This is payback for all those things that I made happen to him in my stories. Oh well, comedy has its price.
"Aren't you a little old to be worrying about boy's germs?"
"No, no, no! Don't you see? We must be in Jak 3. The green light! The game we got! The people! The yellow thing! It makes sense!"
K'sani goes on rambling, as I am left completely ignored. Ekobean, who is temporarily forgotten, stirs beside me and clutches his head.
"Good morning," I say cheerfully.
"I feeling like I was just whacked on the head with a water basin," he moans.
"Uh, yeah, that would probably be coz you were whacked on the head with a water basin."
He looks at me. " Did you...?"
"Oh, God no! That was all her!" I point to K'sani. "All I did was kick you in the shins!" I say in my defense.
We sit looking at K'sani; she is now pacing up and down, rambling to herself about things.
Us? In Jak 3? And I thought I was crazy. It's scientifically impossible to get sucked into a game and meet all the people and have them interact with you. If it were virtual reality (which I seriously doubt it is) then I would understand.
Well I guess there is a way to find out.
'Huzzah for the pentacle.'
Ok, ok! Lemme just get it off my neck. Now Sally, make yourself useful. Who should I call on?
'Eros!'
Eros?
'Yes!'
You are so perverted!
'How'd you know that is what I was thinking?'
Coz I'm your sub-conscious
'But I'm supposed to be the sub-conscious!'
Shut up and gimme a deity!
'Fine! Um. Ariadne!'
Perfection. Technically Ariadne was not a goddess but she was seen as a guide.
"Um, what are you doing?" Eko interrupted my train of thoughts.
"I'm gonna hex K'sani," I answer.
"You can do that?"
"Yes, but I'm not going to."
"But you just said."
"You shouldn't believe everything I tell you."
Silence.
"What are you doing?"
"Ommigod! De ja vus!"
"Come on, I'm truly curious," he begs. I love it when people beg.
"I'm going to test K'sani's theory," I explain.
"What theory? It's not a theory, and it makes sense! There is no other explanation for all this!" K'sani invites herself into the conversation.
"Well I'm feeling rather skeptical today and I want to make sure."
I dangle the pentacle in front of me like I did before and ask Ariadne for guidance. If we truly were in Jak3 then Jak should be here somewhere, shouldn't he? Well, that is what I intend to find out.
And there he is. In that direction which was either east, west, north, or south. Hey, I don't know directions ok! Cut me some slack!
"Now for phase two of 'Operation: Prove K'sani is Bonkers'," I say out loud.
"Hey!" K'sani is obviously offended, but seriously, she sounds like a person who escaped from a mental hospital without her pills.
"Um, excuse me Commander," I smile at the name Eko gave me. "But what is phase two of 'Operation: Prove K'sani is Bonkers?'"
"Well, Private Beans, phase two is 'Commandeer a Dune Buggy.'" (Snort) Beans.
"You mean 'steal?'"
"No. Commandeer." Stealing is wrong.
'So you are going to take something for military purposes?'
No, I'm going to take something so that maybe we can find out where we are.
'What if K'sani is right?'
I can live with the fact that she was right and I was wrong. Now, to the dune buggies!
Eko's POV
The cot wasn't exactly the most comfortable thing I've ever slept on. It felt like it was stuffed with rat bones and with sour apples. And there was a constant scratching noise in the background...wait, didn't Shadowsister have a pencil before I fell asleep?
Stupid Shadowsister.
The cot wasn't made any better with the fact that the bruises on my shins were at their worst.
Stupid Shadowsister.
Nevertheless, this sleep was probably the best and deepest I've ever had. I was dreaming that I was driving this dune buggy with the horned elf guy across the night sky, looking down on Haven City. Why the hell was Haven City in my dream? I really have to stop playing Jak II. Wait, that's why I bought Jak 3, Ah well...AH! Stupid Krew!
An ear-splitting shriek dragged me roughly from my bea-utiful dream. I sat up with a start to find Shadowsister lying screaming on her fucked-up hip and the other girl kneeling by the old water basin. It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened.
"Uh, hi," she says.
Well, at least she can talk. I then look casually over to the still-twitching Shadowsister and touch her slightly with my foot.
"Come on, get up," I mutter. The girl leaps up and helps Shadowsister to her feet, even as Shadowsister continues to scream insults.
"Don't mind her," I say reassuringly to her, "you should have seen what she did to me." I pull up my pants to show her the ugly black bruises forming on my shins. I can plainly see her eyes widen.
Shadowsister still hasn't stopped screaming. "Shady, come on," I say, "Please stop? PLEASE?"
She hasn't even heard a word I've said. I groan and grab her by her black hair and dunk her face in the water basin for about ten seconds. "Thanks," she splutters, "I needed that."
"No problem."
So as time goes on, Shadowsister, K'sani (As we discover her name is), and I introduce us to each other. Really, what were the chances that three friends from FF dot Net would end up together in this weird place?
"Well, it's nice to meet you then," I say. I don't know how, but there is some strange voice in the back of my head telling me that my physical being is going to be damaged very soon. I shouldn't be surprised. Both these people have killed me via the Internet so many times, who knows how evil they could be in the real world?
I have noticed throughout our conversation that she is cut in several places, shirt torn up and fringed. She obviously has gone through a lot. Maybe it was those weird yellow things that attacked me.
"Are you alright?" I ask concernedly, "your shirt is all torn up and - "
Obviously she takes it the wrong way. I wasn't trying to be a pervert or anything; I was just making it clear that she did look worse for the wear. But by the looks on both of their faces they've taken it wrong. I look just in time to see K'sani's hand sneaking to the bronze water basin.
Aw crap.
The water basin hits me in the head with considerable force, and everything goes black. I can remember being dragged from the tent. I know I gained somewhere between Shadowsister and K'sani realizing that we are INSIDE Jak 3. But at that point there was only one thought, one SERIOUS thought going through my mind: "AAAAAAAAH! I SWEAR THAT IF I GET HURT ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO BASH THEIR HEADS IN!"
At that point I got up, trying to ignore the blood streaming from the side of my head. Shadowsister was standing next to me. "What're you doing?"
"I'm gonna hex K'sani," she replies.
"Really?" I ask a bit to eagerly.
"No."
"But you just said -"
"Don't believe everything I tell you."
Stupid Shadowsister.
"So...what ARE you doing?"
"Ommigod! De ja vus!"
Ga-roan.
"For real, what ARE you doing?"
"Testing K'sani's theory."
"What theory? There's no other explanation, and it makes sense."
"I want to make sure."
Her eyes close and she becomes silent. God, I can't take this. What else could have happened?
"Now for 'Phase 2: Prove K'sani's Bonkers."
"Hey!" yells K'sani.
"'Scuse me, Commander," I say sarcastically, "but what is phase two?"
"Well, Private Beans," she says, smiling. I cringe. I-am-not-named-after-BEANS! Why does everyone say that? "Phase two is commandeering a dune buggy."
I gasp. "You mean steal?" Damus is NOT going to be happy about this.
"No, commandeer."
Steal.
"So you're going to...ahem...take it for military purposes?"
"No I'm taking it so we can find out where we are."
"And...If K'sani is right?"
Shadowsister just shakes her head and points her finger forward and marches on, and we follow like stupid little ducklings.
Ok, I can live with this, I think, but if they hurt me one more time...(Snarl)...Grrr...