Chapter 3: Clouseau vs. Cato and Q.

Cato leapt from the crate, going for the throat.

Clouseau ducked and Cato went flying back. The inspector ran for the cabinet and grabbed the nearest and biggest beating stick he could find.

Cato pulled a pair of numchucks from his belt and twirled them about. One hit him square in the fore head and he fell back.

Clouseau charged and aimed the stick high. He never noticed the lanyard loop on the top, which caught on the twirling fan up on the ceiling and swung him around a lot before the loop broke, sending him smashing into the wall, while the fan coming down and hitting the recovering Cato on the head.

The two battled their way to the front door, where an old lady opened it just when Clouseau ducked from Cato's attack. The Chinaman raised his new weapon and was just about to bring the new stick he found down on Clouseau when he and the old lady saw him. They both screamed and ran in opposite directions.

Clouseau came up, closed the door and went back after Cato. He swung at him, but Clouseau missed and his stick went right out the window.

He ran for the cabinet again and pulled out the only thing he could find. A tennis racket.

He brought it down on Cato's head, the netting breaking and Cato slumping into a nearby armchair.

Clouseau stretched, yawned and made himself some dinner.

Clouseau arrived at MI-6 early the next day, getting some odd glances from Moneypenny as she passed him in the hall. He entered Q branch.

"Ah, good morning, Inspector." Major Boothroyd, or Q, as he was better known.

"Good meurning." Clouseau said. "I am Chief Inspector Clouseau and I am here to rah-cieve my equipment."

"Right this way." Q showed him the way.

A prototype harpoon gun shot out and landed in the target across the room. The rope attached to it stayed tight. Clouseau was looking around at the time and didn't see it. He walked right into it and gave himself a killer clothesline.

"Right," Q said as Clouseau picked himself up. "First we have an umbrella. Unfolds like any other, but press the button on the side and it encompasses any enemy. It's made of Teflon and is next to impenetrable by the enemy within. Now, we have a can of mace disguised as shaving cream. Also, we have your new personal side arm. Walther PPK, 7.65 mm. I trust you know how to use it?"

"Yes." Clouseau said. "Thank you. Well, I am off to solve the meuhrder of your agent. I may already have a clehuw."

"Clehuw?" Q asked. "You said a clehuw."

"Yes, I kneuw that." Clouseau said. He dug in his pocket. "This clehuw."

He showed Q a brochure for a dating service in the city.

"Well?"

"The person that killed him may have had ties with this sehrvice." Clouseau said. "I shall investigate this fehrthehr. Good day."

He went out the door and into a phone booth. An air bag inside inflated, pressing Clouseau against the glass. He managed to get out and gave the bag a few vicious karate chops.

"Most ingenious." Clouseau said. "The feuune booth ploy. That is vahrry well done. This might even beat the old closet ploy. Well, until we meet again and the case is solv-ed."

Clouseau left in a rush.

Clouseau arrived back at his place and prepared himself for Cato's attacks. He armed himself with the umbrella, forgetting what it did.

Cato cam again, but Clouseau swung the umbrella. The umbrella unfolded and got them both fighting inside of it. Clouseau managed to get mace, but it went off, engulfing both of them.

End of chapter.

Maybe a little disappointing, but no one's ever done a Pink Panther fan fic (That I know of.) So I'm just making this up as I go. Which I do in everything. Review please!