"JT? JT!" my dad called to me from downstairs. "It's time to get up.
You'll be late for school if you don't get up now!"
I just sort of laid there for a minute. I didn't want to get up. I didn't really want to ever move again. But then I started to convince myself of how good a shower would feel, and I managed to get myself up, and haul myself to the shower.
"JT!" my dad called to me a bit later through the shower door, which I had locked. "You've been in the shower for over an hour! You've got fifteen minutes until you need to leave, so you better get moving." The handle jiggled a bit, like he was trying to open it, but when he didn't get any results, he retreated.
Reluctantly, I turned off the shower. I just didn't feel clean yet. I scrubbed and scrubbed, but I still didn't feel clean. I dried myself off, and looked at my arms and legs. They were red and raw from all the scrubbing I did in the shower.
"Long sleeves today," I told myself silently. "Serves you right, you baby."
I headed downstairs, hoping to avoid my dad. My mom was on a business trip, but my dad was always home, it seemed.
No luck though. My dad was downstairs, eating his breakfast.
"Oops, gotta get going dad. I'm going to be late for school." I grabbed a granola bar, figuring I'd eat it on the way to school.
"Hold on, JT, how about a hug for your old man," he said.
I cringed. He noticed.
"JT, you wouldn't want everyone to know..." he trailed off. He knew his threat always worked, even though I didn't really believe that he would tell anyone anything.
I walked up to him, hoping the hug would be quick, but he grabbed me and gave me a bear hug. The kind where you feel like you might be suffocated. I almost did suffocate.
"Was that so hard?" he asked me. He scooted me out the door with a light pat on my backside, and I headed off to school, wishing that I was back in that shower, even though I knew it wouldn't do me any good at all.
School was unbearably long. It always was; I didn't like school much, but today it seemed especially long.
When I got home, there were police cars outside of our home, and a cop was leading my dad out into the car. My mom was in the living room, crying. She was due to get home from her trip that morning, so I knew why she was home, but I couldn't figure out why she was crying.
I made eye contact with my dad. He gave me the worst look I had ever seen an adult give anyone.
It dawned on me then, what everyone was doing here.
"How could you, JT? How could you do this to your own father?" he asked me, shouting.
"I didn't, I swear. I didn't tell anyone anything. I wouldn't dad!" I shouted back to him, so upset I was crying. "I don't know what happened, I swear."
My mom rushed outside. She grabbed me and hugged me.
"It'll all be okay now, you don't have to worry anymore," she tried to reassure me.
I pushed her away. "Where are they taking dad? Why?" I asked.
"They arrested him. You don't have to pretend to me anymore JT, I know what's been going on."
"What are you talking about?"
"I know what's been going on when I've been away. You don't have to worry anymore, because I'll never let him do that to you again."
"Do what?" I asked.
"JT, I know your father's been...been..." she trailed off, tears in her eyes.
"What, just spit it out mom!"
"I know he's been...molesting you."
That was the moment when my precariously held together world fell to pieces.
I just sort of laid there for a minute. I didn't want to get up. I didn't really want to ever move again. But then I started to convince myself of how good a shower would feel, and I managed to get myself up, and haul myself to the shower.
"JT!" my dad called to me a bit later through the shower door, which I had locked. "You've been in the shower for over an hour! You've got fifteen minutes until you need to leave, so you better get moving." The handle jiggled a bit, like he was trying to open it, but when he didn't get any results, he retreated.
Reluctantly, I turned off the shower. I just didn't feel clean yet. I scrubbed and scrubbed, but I still didn't feel clean. I dried myself off, and looked at my arms and legs. They were red and raw from all the scrubbing I did in the shower.
"Long sleeves today," I told myself silently. "Serves you right, you baby."
I headed downstairs, hoping to avoid my dad. My mom was on a business trip, but my dad was always home, it seemed.
No luck though. My dad was downstairs, eating his breakfast.
"Oops, gotta get going dad. I'm going to be late for school." I grabbed a granola bar, figuring I'd eat it on the way to school.
"Hold on, JT, how about a hug for your old man," he said.
I cringed. He noticed.
"JT, you wouldn't want everyone to know..." he trailed off. He knew his threat always worked, even though I didn't really believe that he would tell anyone anything.
I walked up to him, hoping the hug would be quick, but he grabbed me and gave me a bear hug. The kind where you feel like you might be suffocated. I almost did suffocate.
"Was that so hard?" he asked me. He scooted me out the door with a light pat on my backside, and I headed off to school, wishing that I was back in that shower, even though I knew it wouldn't do me any good at all.
School was unbearably long. It always was; I didn't like school much, but today it seemed especially long.
When I got home, there were police cars outside of our home, and a cop was leading my dad out into the car. My mom was in the living room, crying. She was due to get home from her trip that morning, so I knew why she was home, but I couldn't figure out why she was crying.
I made eye contact with my dad. He gave me the worst look I had ever seen an adult give anyone.
It dawned on me then, what everyone was doing here.
"How could you, JT? How could you do this to your own father?" he asked me, shouting.
"I didn't, I swear. I didn't tell anyone anything. I wouldn't dad!" I shouted back to him, so upset I was crying. "I don't know what happened, I swear."
My mom rushed outside. She grabbed me and hugged me.
"It'll all be okay now, you don't have to worry anymore," she tried to reassure me.
I pushed her away. "Where are they taking dad? Why?" I asked.
"They arrested him. You don't have to pretend to me anymore JT, I know what's been going on."
"What are you talking about?"
"I know what's been going on when I've been away. You don't have to worry anymore, because I'll never let him do that to you again."
"Do what?" I asked.
"JT, I know your father's been...been..." she trailed off, tears in her eyes.
"What, just spit it out mom!"
"I know he's been...molesting you."
That was the moment when my precariously held together world fell to pieces.