Yo. New chapter. It's like 3 in the morning when I'm uploading this so I don't have much to say.

Without further ado, and whatnot.

Chapter 20

Cinder did her very best to entirely ignore Pyrrha Nikos as the girl stood just behind her, peering worriedly at her back and just in general giving Cinder the most pitying expression that she'd ever seen from the girl.

And by the gods did she hate it.

Another few seconds went by in silence, the only sound coming from far off insects calling out to potential mates, the distant whooshing of the wind through the trees.

Finally, Cinder realized she could hide no longer.

"What are you doing here?"

"…Well, I came to check on you."

Cinder sneered. "Why did you come to check on me. Actually, better yet, how did you even know I was here?"

Pyrrha went silent for a moment then, before she cleared her throat and stepped forward.

"I was training atop the rooftops when I… well, suffice it to say I saw you… uhm… throw a bench?"

Cinder practically snarled as she turned around, taking in the sight of the girl standing there. Pyrrha was… the pitying look had dissipated, but even so, it was clear the feeling was still there in the girl's gaze, simply hidden away for her sake.

"…You were training at three in the morning?"

"I was having difficulty sleeping given it was my first night back in Beacon." The girl said, smiling a bit solemnly. "I had grown accustomed to silence in my time away, and haven't quite adjusted back to Nora's rather intense snoring. And I felt, well, it was better that I get some training in rather than simply lay in bed for hours, unable to fall asleep."

It was honestly kind of funny, in a sick, cosmic way, that Pyrrha had essentially found her, had come out here and spoken to her, all because she too hadn't been able to sleep. And just like Cinder, she'd been unwilling to lay about and do nothing.

How mirthless.

"Cinder… are you okay?"

Cinder had half a mind to scream at her, or some other way of expressing just how terribly okay she was, but in the end, she decided on simply saying. "I'm fine."

Evidently, Pyrrha did not believe her.

"Well… first, here."

Cinder wondered for a moment just what the girl was about to do, and then all of a sudden, the girl raised her hand in the air, and it glowed black.

Before Cinder's eyes, Pyrrha reached out with her semblance – that which Cinder had learned long ago was polarity – and gripped onto the decimated bench a few meters away. Using her power, and with quite a bit of exertion – sweat ran down Pyrrha's brow after thirty or so seconds – she bent the metal back into its original shape, albeit with a few outlying warps that Cinder had caused with her heat.

And then, like it had been no big deal at all, Pyrrha slotted the bench back into its place, making the screws that'd held it down turn back into place, effectively making the entire thing good as new.

"There." Pyrrha said, panting somewhat due to evidently overexerting herself. "That should do it."

Cinder wasn't really sure what the tightness in her chest was. Wasn't really sure what the emotion swimming within her breast was. It was… it was…

"I don't know what had you so upset," Pyrrha Nikos just went on. "But… damaging school property like this is only going to get you in trouble."

"Psh…" Cinder spat, feeling anger flow back into her. "What the hell do you know?"

"I can tell you're hurting." Pyrrha said. "And… well, I didn't want to just sit by and do nothing. I… did that once. It was actually your teammate who showed me how foolish I was being."

"My teammate?"

"Mercury." Pyrrha said, smiling. "He helped Jaune, and gave him the talking to he needed. A talking to we should've given him, as his teammates. Even so, I'm grateful to him for showing us that."

Cinder just sighed.

And yet… and yet, there was something hovering there in her mind that she couldn't quite explain. That same… that same thing that'd told her she hadn't been wronged, that same thing that had mocked her for throwing what was, essentially, a temper tantrum. Now, it presented a question to her, one she wanted to ask, despite everything.

And despite the nature of the question itself.

"…Why?"

"Hm?"

"Why did you… why come down here?" Cinder said, looking up at the woman standing above her, still down on the ground herself. "I… I may attempt to act cordial, and mild-mannered, and all other sorts of nonsense, but according to someone else, I'm rather terrible at lying. I'm rather terrible at faking my emotions."

Cinder looked up at Pyrrha Nikos, whose face now contorted somewhat, her lips tightening.

"So, I'm sure you could tell that I never thought of you as anything. Not a friend. Not even an acquaintance. Just a tool for me to use to hone my strength."

Pyrrha didn't look shocked. In fact, the way her eyebrows drew down only showed pity.

Pity for her. Pity for her after what she'd just told the girl. Pity from her to the woman who'd been… what… at best a sparring partner? At best a body to bounce words off of?

"I… sort of figured that, yeah." Pyrrha said, laughing awkwardly as she rubbed at the back of her neck, clearly uncomfortable, and yet, still standing in front of her all the same. "Even just getting you to talk to me about Emerald all that time ago felt like such a huge leap. I was… I guess I thought I'd broken through, back then?"

The girl's tone seemed ponderous, as she looked away from Cinder herself, and instead stared out across all of Vale hanging off in the distance.

"And yet… it felt like the moment I chipped through your armor; you stood up and ran away."

The words probably weren't meant to be taken so literally. Just a figure of speech to the girl stood before her. And yet to Cinder they only plunged the knife further in, deeper and deeper into her flesh.

She could feel herself hemorrhaging now as she took a shaky breath.

"And, well… You uh… kind of avoided me after that." Pyrrha said with a little laugh, like she hadn't taken such personally, like it wasn't a big deal, and Cinder wanted to throttle the girl for being so endlessly, annoyingly, heinously polite. "So, I think I figured it out then that you didn't really intend to be my friend, even if I uh…"

The girl cut off, but the unsaid was still heard.

"Even if I'd wanted to be yours."

"But… back to what you were saying, uhm… why I came down…"

Pyrrha seemed to think about that for a moment, as if she hadn't really considered the why of what she'd done.

As if she'd just… done it.

"I guess…" Pyrrha let out a little laugh then, and then she finally answered. "Doing nice things for others is just… gratifying, I suppose? It makes me feel good when others feel good. And if others feel good because of me, then… I feel… more good?"

Cinder stared at the woman with an odd… an odd something hanging about her mind.

"I'm sorry, I'm probably not explaining that very well," Pyrrha said, sounding haggard, and once again, Cinder was reminded that it was three in the morning, and that was likely why neither of them was particularly articulate at the moment. "But… I guess I wanted to make you feel better. That's it."

Cinder wasn't really sure why she couldn't bear to meet the woman's eyes, why she instead gazed into the concrete beneath her. It was this tiny, roiling thing in her gut that wriggled and writhed within.

"…I have another question."

"Hm?" Pyrrha seemed surprised, though she nodded her head a moment after. "Okay. What is it?"

Cinder parted her lips, and tried to force the air out of them, and yet…

It still broiled within her. The war between who she'd had to become, and this new piece of herself. It wouldn't abate, no matter how much she tried, no matter how much she agonized. Alone, Cinder could not solve this issue.

And her normal outlet for these kinds of questions was… indisposed.

Pyrrha Nikos was… well, she wasn't who Cinder would've chosen to speak to about this. Not by a longshot.

But…

She managed to push air out of her lips.

"What does one do…" She began, and watched the woman across from her stand at rapt attention.

"What does one do when they have a choice presented to them that they have no real option in?"

"…What do you mean?"

It was a fair question by the girl before her, even if she felt that having to further elaborate on her feelings would only exacerbate the issue.

"I mean… if you were presented a choice that wasn't actually a choice… between something you had to do, and something you…" She swallowed. "And something you wanted to do… what would you choose?"

Pyrrha hummed, before she spoke again.

"Define 'have to do'."

She wanted specifics. And yet, there was no option for Cinder to tell the girl in front of her what was raging within her head. Unless Cinder wanted to have to slaughter her for knowing too much mere moments before she managed to wipe the dumbfounded expression off her face.

"…I cannot particularly define it further than that." She eventually went with.

"…So, a choice you think you have no choice but to make, but a choice you do not particularly want to make, is that… correct?"

Cinder nodded blankly.

"Ok… well…" Pyrrha hesitated there, and for a moment, Cinder felt the larger part of her laugh. Guffaw as Cinder made a terribly idiotic decision yet again. As she tried to rely on someone other than herself.

It's only ever been us. It seemed to say. That's all we've ever needed.

Yes. Perhaps needed was the word to use. Perhaps she could simply carry on without hearing an answer here, and be fine.

But…

"I confess, I once found myself in a similar situation, believe it or not."

That had Cinder looking up, breaking away from the question hanging about her mind.

"I suppose you've gathered that I was a bit of a bigshot fighter back in Mistral?"

"You won the Mistral Regional Tournament four years in a row." Cinder nodded, and the girl across from her cringed slightly.

"Y-yes, I did. Well… suffice it to say that while I was unhappy with my lot in life, pretty much everyone around me was happy. Perfectly so. Perfectly content. Not wanting for anything. And so… I felt I had no choice but to go along with it when I won my second. I'd fight again. I already wasn't happy then. It was all too much for me, but I thought… I'd lose someday. Someone would come along who was stronger than me. Something would get in my way and stop me. I think… looking back now, I was looking for any way out of having to make that choice myself. From having to be the one to face them all. And… well, suffice it to say that that opportunity did not come. I won twice more, and at that point, was among the most decorated fighters in Mistral's history."

Cinder didn't interrupt as Pyrrha carried on.

"My parents… no, the entirety of Mistral itself, wanted me to continue on in my career as a fighter. I was a prodigy, never before seen in terms of skill. They thought that I could set records in many, many areas of prize fighting. But… I never truly wanted to be a tournament fighter. I wanted to be a huntress."

Cinder leaned forward absent-mindedly "And so you became one?"

"…Hmm, if only it had been that simple. You see, when I finally worked up the courage to tell my parents I wanted to retire, they were initially for my decision." Pyrrha said, laughing solemnly. "That was up until I said that I didn't want to stay in Mistral. Suddenly, I was 'disgracing the efforts they'd put in' and 'making a mockery of headmaster Lionheart's generosity.'

Cinder felt a small chill there as she realized what the man must've seemed like to the average person. A kindly old man who'd been a hero in his day.

Cinder only knew him as he really was. A sniveling coward willing to do anything to survive another day.

"I figured out fairly quickly that the reason they'd been so willing to let me retire if I stayed in Mistral was that they believed they could convince me to fight tournaments on the side while taking on classes at Haven. After all, the city was large, but I had sponsors willing to fly me to and from Haven's grounds to stadiums all over the kingdom. But… that workload would've been immense. I trained far harder as a tournament fighter than I do now, which is saying something, given I still spend on average two or three hours a day keeping myself in form here at Beacon."

Cinder nodded to show she was listening, finding herself genuinely curious how the story resolved, which was an oddity in and of itself.

"I think… I think I was going to accept it, too. I was going to agree to what my parents had set out for me… accept the proposal of headmaster Lionheart and go and become some household name."

Cinder didn't comment that the girl was already a household name.

"And then… then I sort of had a realization. It was almost entirely unlike me. I'll admit that I'm normally not the type to stand my ground and speak my case, but… at that time, I think there was a lot of pressure building up around me. I just… couldn't sit idly by and not speak up. So… I went to my parents. And I told them in no uncertain terms what I would be doing. They refused. And then I… went and did it anyways."

"…What?"

"My parents told me I couldn't go to Vale, couldn't go to Beacon. They forbade me from thinking about it. And then… I just did it anyways." Pyrrha said, smiling with a bit of pride hanging about her features. "I realized that no one could stop me from doing what it was I wanted to do. I used some of my sponsorship money to chart a flight, was accepted into Beacon before I'd even left the city, and was gone before anyone realized. I eh…" The girl laughed a bit awkwardly. "Let's just say I had quite a few rather angry voicemails on my scroll once I landed."

Cinder found herself snorting, despite everything that'd happened in the dead of night.

"But… eventually, my parents accepted what happened. My sponsors dropped me left and right, and in the end, I was seen as the rebel fighter who'd run away from glory. They called me a coward, a quitter. Someone with no drive to be the best. And I… let them."

Cinder's brow tightened. "Why?"

"Because why did it matter?" Pyrrha said, laughing in a sing-song manner. "I was here. I had what I wanted."

"…You just acted as you wanted to, and damn the consequences?"

"Well, not entirely. I did my best to patch things up with my parents, which was part of the reason I visited them over break. I simply felt it was… I suppose the common phrase is that 'it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission'."

Cinder just stared.

She wasn't quite sure how long she looked at the woman in front of her, just sort of… what even was she doing? Contemplating? Marveling? Some odd mixture of about a thousand little things? Honestly, that seemed the most likely.

Eventually, she settled on a simple chuckle.

"Hm?"

"Nothing." Cinder answered, shaking her head. "Just… an odd thing to hear from your lips, of all people."

"Ah, well… I'm not normally so courageous. I think I was just at the end of my rope, all things considered. I… I felt like, if I didn't make that choice, if I didn't choose to come here, then I'd have regretted it the rest of my life. And the thought of living with that regret… it was more terrifying than facing the consequences of doing what I thought was right."

Those words, more than anything else Cinder had heard that night, rooted her to the spot. It was all she could do to clack her teeth together as she shut her lips, trying to avoid letting out some sort of foolish gasp.

She would not react. Not after she'd made such a fool of herself already.

"So uhm… did that help at all, or?"

"…Yes."

Pyrrha smiled. "I'm glad."

Cinder pushed herself up off of the ground slowly, still lethargic after she'd expended so much energy during both her panic attack and subsequent freak out. Even still, she managed to turn towards Pyrrha, with something on the tip of her tongue.

"…I am…"

Pyrrha turned to her, still smiling, although there was the smallest twinge of something there that Cinder could not identify.

"…I am grateful for your assistance."

The woman across form her just beamed.

"It's no trouble, Cinder. I'm just happy I could help. Now, I do believe the both of us probably need to sleep."

Cinder's body most assuredly agreed with that assessment.

"Mm. I will…"

Pyrrha looked at her a bit confusedly at that, as if she hadn't expected any further words from her. And to be honest, Cinder hadn't expected any words from herself, either. They'd simply poured from her lips, the start of… something.

She was lucky Pyrrha was so polite. So endlessly unwilling to risk even the slightest twinge of annoyance of distress. She would wait there for an hour for Cinder to find energy to add to her voice.

It only ended up taking more around ten seconds.

"…I will… see you again."

Pyrrha's eyes widened briefly, before she gave this expression that Cinder had never seen on her face before. Like she was almost… proud, perhaps?

"Mm. And… if you don't mind me saying… I think it takes a lot of courage to do what you think is right, in the face of everything else. You should be proud of yourself for it."

And she left Cinder with that as she turned away.

"Goodnight, Cinder."

And then Pyrrha was gone, moving back across the stone path towards Beacon, making good time as she headed towards the first-year dormitories.

Cinder herself still stood there, feeling just…

She shook her head, managing to put one foot in front of the other more out of exhaustion than anything else. Her body wanted to sleep. It needed to sleep.

By everything, she hadn't been this tired since…

…

The thought of that dingy supply closet, of the vomit-covered blankets she'd procured from out of the garbage to keep herself warm, of the spiders and roaches that crawled all over her…

…

As she opened the door to the CMME dormroom, and looked at those within, she found herself comparing the two almost absent-mindedly.

And…

"Cinder?" Emerald said blearily, sitting up in her bed, leaning forward ever so slightly.

"Did I wake you?"

"N-No… I was uhm… awake already."

"…Why?"

"Well, I just…" Emerald turned away. "I wanted to wait for you to get back."

It was odd, really, for Cinder to think about what their relationship had been like some months ago, when they'd first come here. Emerald had been no different. She'd still clung to her, dogged her every step. And yet…

Now Cinder found herself looking back, turning towards her, actually… wanting to see the girl there.

It was an odd thing, something she didn't know entirely what to do with. But…

But there was something that'd been hanging about her for a very long time. Ever since Emerald had so easily accepted her apology in the gardens that day. After she'd accepted a single utterance of 'sorry' to cover for Cinder telling her she wished they hadn't even met.

It hadn't been an even trade. Not even remotely.

And Cinder had been too weak to do anything about it.

Now, though… perhaps it was the general atmosphere of the evening, but…

"…Thank you, Emerald."

Cinder watched as the girl almost staggered backwards, leaning more on her arms as she briefly lost control of herself. For a moment, Cinder wasn't entirely sure what the girl would do.

But then, Emerald's face lit up ever so briefly, the tiniest of happy sparks flaring across it. She looked…

"Of course." Emerald said, laughing a bit under her breath, still being quiet so as to not wake the other two inhabitants of their room. "Uhm… let me know if I can do anything for you, okay?"

And now it was Cinder's turn to be surprised.

"Why?"

"Well, just…" Emerald seemed nervous at that. She twiddled with her thumbs for a moment, before she seemed to find some determination within her, and she looked back up. "You looked like you weren't feeling well earlier. If you need anyone to talk to, then… y'know…"

What an offer that was. Someone to confide within. Someone to trust with her secrets, with her feelings, emotions.

She'd have not even humored the thought four months ago. Emerald had been a tool. Someone to be used until her usage was complete, and then…

Cinder's lips pursed somewhat.

And yet she'd learned some small things in her time here at Beacon. She'd learned that sometimes, actually saying what one felt could be… gratifying. Could lead to her actually finding some small resolution.

That had only yet happened with Glynda Goodwitch. With the woman she… she had regrettably found herself attracted to. The woman who could never see her the same way.

But even so… she didn't think she was going to be able to approach the woman in the coming days – or perhaps even weeks – given what'd occurred the previous day. So…

…So, wouldn't it be better to have another outlet? Someone else to talk to just in case?

Yes. Cinder's brain concluded. That is the most logical decision to make.

And that new, tiny part of her humored the rest, allowed her to believe that she was doing this purely because it would benefit herself.

"I… I'll consider it." She managed to say.

And Emerald looked like Cinder had given her some gift, for she showed teeth as she grinned at her.

And so, Cinder laid down in the bed next to Emerald's – her own – and faced away from the girl. Unable to look her way.

…Unable to admit to herself that there was something else she wanted to say.

It was stupid. It was dumb, and idiotic, and not at all someone like her should utter.

But…

She forced herself to turn around, to look Emerald in the eye, to see the way that the girl briefly stumbled, evidently not expecting to be caught staring at her.

And Cinder spoke.

"…The same to you. If you ever need someone to talk to… I…"

Emerald looked well and truly shocked this time, but her cheeks lit up red as she curled into herself, giving this tiny little laugh that fluttered in the air between them.

"I'd love that. Thank you."

Cinder just nodded, a weak, fragile thing.

"Goodnight, Cinder." Emerald let out as she pulled her blanket up and over herself.

And again, Cinder found herself surprised.

…It had been ma'am for so long. In fact, even though Cinder had specifically told her to not call her that, thinking the wording too similar to… to the woman she'd once been forced to serve, she didn't think Emerald had ever managed to completely kick the habit entirely.

But for the first time, she'd not hesitated. Not started with ma'am and changed it at the last moment.

No. Just that once, she'd called her Cinder. Felt truly comfortable to do so. Hadn't hesitated at all.

And she did so with a smile on her face that seemed like it could melt away the darkness of the world.

Cinder laid on her back as she stared up at the ceiling above her. It was… it was similar in scope to what she'd done earlier, she supposed, but this time, it was an entirely new feeling she thought about. Not… not the blazing indecision within her, but…

But the tiniest of warmth within her breast. This little thing that had grown ever-so-slightly bigger when Emerald had laughed so freely, so openly.

It was… it was a nice thing to think about as she laid her head on her pillow, and shut her eyes.

She was asleep a minute later.

End Chapter 20

An entire chapter from one POV and without a single scene change. Huh. I don't think I've ever managed that before. I didn't even do it on purpose, it just sort of happened.