The next morning when I got up, my mom had already left for work.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I had really expected her to stay home
from work today. I had planned on staying home from school today, but now
that wasn't an option. It occurred to me that I could skip school, but I
decided against it. I'd have to face the kids at school eventually.
Putting it off might just make it worse.
Once I got to school, I discovered that Toby had the biggest mouth on the planet. Every time I walked passed anyone in the hallway, they got really quiet. After I passed them, I could hear them whispering behind me, something about, "Did you hear?" I think everyone had heard.
I walked past Spinner, Jimmy, and Craig in the hallway. Three guys I thought I was cool with. But the looks they gave me as I passed by were just... I never felt like this before. It's like I was lower than dirt. That's when I pretty much figured that everyone believed that it was somehow my fault. It struck me as being really unfair.
My mind went back to the Degrassi vs. Bardell basketball game where I pathetically attempted to beat up Dean. Nobody said anything to Paige about it being her fault. Everyone went out of their way to do something for her. I remembered my reaction. I was surprised that no one thought of it as too over the top. But when she told me what he did to her...it was like I had the chance to retaliate against my dad. My attempt at vigil ante justice may have been pathetic, but I'll be damned if I didn't give it everything I had.
I snapped back to reality at the sound of the warning bell for classes. When I got to homeroom, I suddenly found my notes really fascinating, and I avoided everyone's looks.
On my way out of homeroom, Emma, queen of sensitivity, tried to talk to me. She put her hand on my shoulder and muttered something about how she understood that I was upset. I got so close to whipping around and hitting her that I really scared myself. If she hadn't been a girl, I would have started a fight. I don't care if it was Mr. Raditch. But the command to never hit a girl was pretty well engrained in me. I turned around real fast though, and there must have been fire in my eyes, because Emma scurried away pretty quickly. Thank God for small favors. If she had continued with the "understanding" crap, I don't know what I would have done.
No one approached me for the rest of the morning. Word spread pretty quickly that I was a psycho. I must have looked pretty nuts in the hallway with Emma, because I know she would never have said something like that about me. I figured that someone saw the scene, and came up with the corresponding story. Hey, it didn't much matter to me. I was grateful in fact, because it kept people away from me.
I wasn't going to go to the lunchroom for lunch however. Even though people weren't talking to me now, there was no space in the caf to eat alone, and I knew that if I sat with someone I didn't have a chance of being ignored. So I headed to the MI lab. I was just keeping my fingers crossed that Mr. Simpson would ignore me, as unlikely as I knew that would be.
Amazingly, he didn't say a word to me. He looked at me though. Not in a bad way, but in the few seconds he made eye contact, it was like he looked inside me and knew he should leave me alone. Or maybe I'm just reading too much into the whole situation. Anyways, I spent the entire lunch period playing violent games on the internet, a practice strictly forbidden by Mr. Simpson. This time, he ignored it. It was nice of him to do that for me.
The last period of the day I had a study hall, and to no one's surprise three quarters of the way through it, I was summoned to Ms Suave's office. I don't know what she wanted from me. But I heard that Ellie Nash, some girl who cut, got away with not saying anything for an entire hour. I made a few adjustments. Once I got in there, and she said, "You know you can talk to me if you need to, JT." I responded with, "I just don't think I'm ready to talk yet."
She bought it, and let me leave, reassuring me that whenever I was ready to talk she was here for me. She really thought I'd eventually come talk to her. And she thought I needed help. Please, like I would ever tell any of my problems to someone that condescending. She felt so high and mighty because kids came to her with problems. I wouldn't even come to her with a hang nail, let alone anything bigger.
Luckily, the visit did serve a purpose. By the time I got out of there, the halls were cleared because school was out. I headed to my locker with no one staring at me for a change.
Well, at least that was what I was thinking until I turned the corner to my locker. Paige was standing at my locker, looking at her watch, clearly waiting for me since there was nothing else in that hall that could possibly interest her. During that second, I decided I didn't really need to go to my locker, and I turned around. Unfortunately, Paige decided at that second to look up and she saw me.
"JT! Wait a second!" she called to me. This was a tough one. A girl that I've had a crush on for forever wanted to talk to me. But she wanted to talk to me about something I didn't want to talk about. It figures.
I spun around slowly, and faced her.
"Where have you been?" she asked, once she caught up to me. "I've been waiting forever."
"I didn't ask you to wait for me," I said. Yeah, great job JT. Real smooth. The girl you've had a crush on for forever wants to talk to you, and you snap back at her.
"I deserved that," she said. Secretly I cheered to myself. At least she didn't hate me for that one. "You didn't know I was waiting, and you had no reason to hurry to your locker."
I walked to my locker without saying anything else, got my books out, and started to leave. Paige didn't say anything, but she kept walking with me. I couldn't take it anymore.
"What do you want anyway?" I asked her, knowing I sounded like a jerk. I couldn't help it. I mean, come on. She barely talks to me, and then all of a sudden, what? She wants to bond with me? I don't get it.
"You want to go for a walk with me?"
"Sure. I've got nowhere better to be."
Once I got to school, I discovered that Toby had the biggest mouth on the planet. Every time I walked passed anyone in the hallway, they got really quiet. After I passed them, I could hear them whispering behind me, something about, "Did you hear?" I think everyone had heard.
I walked past Spinner, Jimmy, and Craig in the hallway. Three guys I thought I was cool with. But the looks they gave me as I passed by were just... I never felt like this before. It's like I was lower than dirt. That's when I pretty much figured that everyone believed that it was somehow my fault. It struck me as being really unfair.
My mind went back to the Degrassi vs. Bardell basketball game where I pathetically attempted to beat up Dean. Nobody said anything to Paige about it being her fault. Everyone went out of their way to do something for her. I remembered my reaction. I was surprised that no one thought of it as too over the top. But when she told me what he did to her...it was like I had the chance to retaliate against my dad. My attempt at vigil ante justice may have been pathetic, but I'll be damned if I didn't give it everything I had.
I snapped back to reality at the sound of the warning bell for classes. When I got to homeroom, I suddenly found my notes really fascinating, and I avoided everyone's looks.
On my way out of homeroom, Emma, queen of sensitivity, tried to talk to me. She put her hand on my shoulder and muttered something about how she understood that I was upset. I got so close to whipping around and hitting her that I really scared myself. If she hadn't been a girl, I would have started a fight. I don't care if it was Mr. Raditch. But the command to never hit a girl was pretty well engrained in me. I turned around real fast though, and there must have been fire in my eyes, because Emma scurried away pretty quickly. Thank God for small favors. If she had continued with the "understanding" crap, I don't know what I would have done.
No one approached me for the rest of the morning. Word spread pretty quickly that I was a psycho. I must have looked pretty nuts in the hallway with Emma, because I know she would never have said something like that about me. I figured that someone saw the scene, and came up with the corresponding story. Hey, it didn't much matter to me. I was grateful in fact, because it kept people away from me.
I wasn't going to go to the lunchroom for lunch however. Even though people weren't talking to me now, there was no space in the caf to eat alone, and I knew that if I sat with someone I didn't have a chance of being ignored. So I headed to the MI lab. I was just keeping my fingers crossed that Mr. Simpson would ignore me, as unlikely as I knew that would be.
Amazingly, he didn't say a word to me. He looked at me though. Not in a bad way, but in the few seconds he made eye contact, it was like he looked inside me and knew he should leave me alone. Or maybe I'm just reading too much into the whole situation. Anyways, I spent the entire lunch period playing violent games on the internet, a practice strictly forbidden by Mr. Simpson. This time, he ignored it. It was nice of him to do that for me.
The last period of the day I had a study hall, and to no one's surprise three quarters of the way through it, I was summoned to Ms Suave's office. I don't know what she wanted from me. But I heard that Ellie Nash, some girl who cut, got away with not saying anything for an entire hour. I made a few adjustments. Once I got in there, and she said, "You know you can talk to me if you need to, JT." I responded with, "I just don't think I'm ready to talk yet."
She bought it, and let me leave, reassuring me that whenever I was ready to talk she was here for me. She really thought I'd eventually come talk to her. And she thought I needed help. Please, like I would ever tell any of my problems to someone that condescending. She felt so high and mighty because kids came to her with problems. I wouldn't even come to her with a hang nail, let alone anything bigger.
Luckily, the visit did serve a purpose. By the time I got out of there, the halls were cleared because school was out. I headed to my locker with no one staring at me for a change.
Well, at least that was what I was thinking until I turned the corner to my locker. Paige was standing at my locker, looking at her watch, clearly waiting for me since there was nothing else in that hall that could possibly interest her. During that second, I decided I didn't really need to go to my locker, and I turned around. Unfortunately, Paige decided at that second to look up and she saw me.
"JT! Wait a second!" she called to me. This was a tough one. A girl that I've had a crush on for forever wanted to talk to me. But she wanted to talk to me about something I didn't want to talk about. It figures.
I spun around slowly, and faced her.
"Where have you been?" she asked, once she caught up to me. "I've been waiting forever."
"I didn't ask you to wait for me," I said. Yeah, great job JT. Real smooth. The girl you've had a crush on for forever wants to talk to you, and you snap back at her.
"I deserved that," she said. Secretly I cheered to myself. At least she didn't hate me for that one. "You didn't know I was waiting, and you had no reason to hurry to your locker."
I walked to my locker without saying anything else, got my books out, and started to leave. Paige didn't say anything, but she kept walking with me. I couldn't take it anymore.
"What do you want anyway?" I asked her, knowing I sounded like a jerk. I couldn't help it. I mean, come on. She barely talks to me, and then all of a sudden, what? She wants to bond with me? I don't get it.
"You want to go for a walk with me?"
"Sure. I've got nowhere better to be."