Detention and Veritaserum

Summary: Ron and Hermione get stuck in detention making (you guessed it) Veritaserum. Secret-spilling and madness ensues. R&R

"Eww." muttered Hermione, staring at the stringy mass that lay before her eyes.

"What is it?" asked Ron, appearing next to the cauldron where she stood.

"See, I told we did it wrong." She put her hands on her hips and glared pointedly at him. "Veritaserum isn't supposed to look like the inside of your nose, it's transparent."

He stared at her in turn. "How do you know what the inside of my nose looks like?"

"What?"

Hermione was spared having to further this conversation, as Professor Snape had just walked up behind them.

"That," he said, looking down at them, "looks like the inside of Mr. Weasley's nose."

"Will you stop making sophomoric jokes about my nose?"

"Shut up, Ron," hissed Hermione vehemently.

With a wave of his hand, Snape took away forty points away from Gryffindor for failing the assignment, and assigned both of them detention to do the potion over again.

Needless to say, Hermione wasn't happy.

"The problem with you, Ron, is that you never know when to shut up. I don't GET detentions!"

Ron rolled his eyes. "Big deal. Harry and I get detentions all the time."

"You could at least act apologetic!" she exclaimed. Oh great, groaned Ron inwardly, here she goes again.

He cut her off before she too worked up. "Hermione, you can't tell me this is my fault. You were the one stirring the bloody thing anyway."

"Don't swear, Ron."

"How many times do I have to tell you: 'bloody' isn't a swear word!"

"Besides, you were the one adding the ingredients," she spluttered indignantly.

Ron kept walking. Hermione had to jog to keep up with him. Curse him for being so tall and um…red-haired and…kinda cute, she thought. I didn't just think that, she berated herself.

They reached the Great Hall, still arguing. Harry and Ginny looked up from their seats.

"Oh, hey, you two."

"Hey, Harry,"

"Did you know Ron's an idiot?"

"Yes," said Harry and Ginny in unison.

"HEY!"

"Well, you are," said Ginny, twirling her fork around her plate. "Like the way you always pick fights with Hermione, even though you lose every single time."

Hermione nodded. "It's true, you do."

"I do not pick fights."

"Yes, you do."

"Oh please, Ginny, don't tell me you and Harry never fight."

They laughed. "Actually, we do. But we do it civilly, at least...you, however are completely different,"

"Who's 'you'?" asked Ron, frowning. "Well," said Ginny, continuing to spin her fork around and around, "Hermione and you, of course."

"Since when did Ron and I become a single unit?"

"Don't let her answer that, 'Mione. It'll earn us a three hour answer."

Ginny huffed. "Fine. Whatever. Why are you so mad at Ron anyway?"

Sitting down, she stated, "This idiot got us detention for not doing our potion right."

Both Ginny and Harry burst into a fit of laughter. "You got detention?"

"I know! And it's all thanks to him!"

"Eww, Ginny, what happened to your pie?" inquired Harry, staring at what used to be her lunch.

She continued to swish her fork in a circular motion around the plate. "I like it squished."

"Eww."

Hermione and Ron met each other outside Snape's dungeon. "Remember," she said. "Screw this up and we'll be here again tomorrow."

"I wasn't the one who started daydreaming while stirring."

"I wasn't daydreaming, Ronald." I was staring at you. She thought. Eek, I didn't just think that.

Professor Snape opened the door and led them down the stairs. His instructions were simple. "Make the flippin' potion already, I don't have all night."

They stared at him with wide eyes as he left the hollow room.

"So," said Ron, rubbing his hands together, "Let's get this over with."

"Does that look all right to you?" asked Hermione, peering over Ron's shoulder.

He scratched his chin. "Hmm. It's clear, so it must be all right."

"Well, how do we know it works?"

"That's obvious. Someone will have to try it."

Hermione shrank back. "No. We can't do that."

"We could give it to Snape. He'd never suspect a thing."

She snorted. "Oh, of course, Ron. Professor Snape suddenly starts spilling his guts for the whole world to see, right after two students prepare truth serum in his classroom. No, he'd never suspect anything."

"Well, you didn't have to be rude about it."

She smacked him. "Ow!"

"One of us has to try it."

"Who?"

"You."

"Me?"

"You."

"Why?"

"Because…" she started, "Because I said so."

"Gee. That's a good reason."

"Hmm. Well, both of us could try it." Suggested Ron with a shrug. "No way. I'm not going to pour out my secrets to you." Expounded Hermione. "I'd be doing it too," Ron pointed out.

"Fine." Snapped Hermione. "Fine." She grabbed two flasks off the shelf and put a little of the potion in each. "Drink up, Ron."

Instantly Ron started whining. "Why do I have to go first? Why can't you?"

"Fine," she said again. "We'll do it at the same time." She handed one of the flasks to him.

"Ready? 1…2…3."

They both drank the entire quantity of the vial in one gulp. Which, actually, wasn't very hard because the "entire quantity" consisted of less than one teaspoon.

Apparently, they were successful in completing their potions assignment, because instantly, secrets came tumbling out.

Ron cuffed his foot on the ground. "I actually think Divination is fun sometimes."

"I think Astronomy's a waste of time." She returned. "Hermione!" he said.

"Well, it's true."

"Um," started Ron, "I actually really like my paisley pajamas."

"What?!?"

"Did you know," continued Hermione, "that I kept a hair of Lockhart's in an envelope and put it under my pillow for six months after he left Hogwarts?"

He shuddered. "Well, I used to think Lavender was cute."

"Used to, right?"

"Yeah."

Ron took a deep breath. "Malfoy used to like you."

"Yeah, right."

"I'm serious!"

"Used to, right?"

"Yeah."

"I'm scared of cats."

This comment drew a long stare from Ron. "Then what the bloody 'ell do you have Crookshanks for?"

"He's part Kneazle, not all cat, that's why."

"I hate your 'Kneazle' with the burning passion of a thousand suns."

"Yeah, well, everyone knows that."

Hermione scratched her head. "One time, I sleepwalked to the boy's dormitory."

"I used to think shepherd's pie was made out of shepherds."

Pacing around the room, Ron said, "Harry thinks you complain too much." Hermione snorted. "Well, he yells too much."

"And I whine too much, right?"

"Yes. And you're too tall. And red-haired. And…kinda cute."

"What was that?"

Hermione blushed to the roots of her hair. "Nothing,"

"Tell me, Hermione,"

"I just said, 'you're too tall. And read haired. And…kinda cute.'"

Ron stared. Could she possibly have meant it? Oh, wait. Of course she did. She had Veritaserum in her system. Still, though, better to make sure. "You think I'm…cute?"

"Uhm. Yeah."

"Wicked!"

"And Ron?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm not in love with Viktor."

Yet another useful revelation, thought Ron.

"You're not?"

"I love…someone else,"

"Who?"

"You."

Once again, Ron's first reaction was doubt. But then, he remembered Oh, right. Veritaserum. He pumped his fist. "Yes!! I love this stuff." He gestured to the cauldron on his left.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I like – wait, no, love -- you too."

"Really?"

"I have, for a long time now."

Now it was Hermione's turn. She crowded her hands to her face and shrieked,"Yes!! I love this stuff!"

When Professor Snape returned to the dungeons to check on the potion, he found Ron and Hermione in each other's arms, still babbling nonsensical once-secrets. Veritaserum does take a while to wear off.

"Am I interrupting something?"

And he knew he was. How else do you think couples got together at Hogwarts? Not by their own accord, obviously. For Snape, was, secretly, a sucker for anything romantic.

El Fin

(A/N) When you watch Napoleon Dynamite twice in a row, combined with much sugar eating and listening to Gwen Stefani, this is the result. I know its not really in canon with how Veritaserum works in the books, but I liked it better this way.

And I thought it would be interesting for Snape to be a romantic. Tell me if you think its stupid, but if you flame me, I will be mad.

Oh, big thanks to Pallavi, my beta and catchphrase-giver. She was the one who came up with the "tall dark and handsome" spoof.

Yeah, so review PLEASE. it's only my second. so...be nice. (i could use that as an excuse for every fanfic i write. "It's only my forty-fifth!!!)