New Teachers At Hogwarts! Chapter 4: Jamie's Sortof Training Session but Not Really, a harry potter fanfic

(A/N: I haven't updated in a really, really, really, really, really, really long time! Since May 28th!

This chapter is about Jamie's (my) training session thingy. Or not really. Er. Right. Siân's on holiday and I have no idea where Tanya is. Home, I guess. But she's probably on holiday too.

I'm only updating since I have nothing better to do, you know. And I'm going on holiday soon – August 2nd.)

Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize belongs to me, but Jamie belongs to me (Jamie IS me), Siân belongs to herself, and Tanya belongs to Tanya. Oh, and the Wizard of Oz thing belongs to Frank L. Baum, who wrote the classic children's book. The book was infinitely better than the movie.

New Teachers at Hogwarts!

Jamie tried to whistle as she ambled towards the DADA classroom, following the map McGonagall had duplicated (Tanya had the original from Dumbledore). She failed rather miserably. All that came out was a puff of pathetic air, for lack of a better phrase.

Jamie glanced down at the map again for the eighth time in three minutes. The 'You are here' red dot showed her to be one corridor away from the DADA classroom. 'Hmm,' she said. Nothing really very meaningful, just a meaningless 'Hmm'.

She walked around the corner. The red dot was now two centimetres away from the DADA classroom and since one centimetre on the map one metre, Jamie walked two metres to the DADA classroom and turned to the doorway.

'You're late.'

Jamie looked around the classroom. There was no one there. 'What?'

'I said, you're late. And address me as 'professor' when you are speaking to me.'

Jamie looked around again. Again, no one. Just an odd pen on the desk and a rather large closet in the corner. Nothing else. Not even a computer. If they had computers at Hogwarts, that is. Jamie had suggested this to Dumbledore when she's arrived at Hogwarts, but he'd just smiled and said he'd think about it.

'Sit down.'

Jamie looked around again. 'Where are you?'

'I am the Oz, Great and Powerful, and I am everywhere. SIT DOWN.'

Hmm…that line sounds vaguely familiar, Jamie thought. That's right! The 'Oz, Great and Powerful' thing is from 'The Wizard of Oz!' Looks like he didn't get back to Omaha…

Jamie spoke aloud. 'Where?'

'Where what?'

'Where do I sit down?'

'Um…wherever.'

Jamie sat down on the desk, and unbeknownst to the voice (aka Wizard of Oz), quietly took out her wand and pointed it at the closet.

'So, let us begin. First off, I shall teach you –'

Jamie interrupted the wizard by raising her wand and saying loudly, 'Alohomora!'

The door unlocked itself, and Jamie quickly sprinted over to it before Oz could lock it again. She flung the door open, and indeed, there Oz was, looking very surprised and quite scared, too. Jamie grabbed his arm and yanked him out of the closet.

'What were you doing in there?!' she cried. 'You aren't even a wizard, much less a qualified teacher! You're just a circus balloonist from Omaha who also happens to be a ventriloquist!'

'Well, y-yes, but, er, you see, I, um –'

'Where's the real teacher? Where's the program thingy that was SUPPOSED to teach me about how to teach a DADA class???'

'I, er, I-I, I,' Oz stammered.

'You WHAT?' Jamie yelled. Oz covered his ears. 'Does Dumbledore know you're here?'

'W-well, whoever Dumbledore is, n-no,' stuttered the fake wizard. Then Oz realized something. 'How do you know who I am?'

'You mean you don't know that there's a book called 'The Wizard of Oz' that was about Dorothy –'

'Oh yes, Dorothy, I remember her! She was the first one who found me out…and – did you say there was a BOOK about me?'

'Well, not specifically about you, it was more about Dorothy having adventures and meeting new friends to get home than you.'

'Well, goodness me!' said Oz, looking quite flustered.

'Hey, what is your real name? I really don't think it's 'Oz', because well, it's…weird.'

'Yes, I know. I wanted to make up an alias, as I didn't like my name very much. So I just said the first thing that came into my head.'

'So what IS your real name?'

'It…er…it…it's…'

'What IS it?!'

'It, ah, it's, uh, it's, er, it, it, it's…it's…'

'Just TELL me! It can't be very much worse than 'Oz'!'

'I…er…can't tell you.'

'Why not?' asked Jamie.

'Because, er, I…swore I wouldn't tell…?' Oz looked truthful, despite the question mark at the end of his sentence.

Jamie looked annoyed. 'Oh, all right. Then WHAT are you DOING in here???'

'I'm…visiting?' said the wizard unconvincingly, with uncertainty clearly showing in his voice.

Jamie scoffed. 'Yeah, right.'

'Oh, fine,' said the wizard, defeated. 'You know when I got into that balloon, and it floated away?'

'Yeah, duh. I told you, I've read the book!'

'Okay. Well, I couldn't get down, and the balloon went behind a cloud. Then I was out of Oz.

'So I floated for a very long time, occasionally looking down below, and on the third day, I looked down and saw Omaha! I had no idea how to get down, unfortunately, so I just sat down, and thought for a long time.

'Obviously, the balloon was running on hot air, so it was logical that if I took away the heat, the balloon would descend. So I got up again, and I turned off the burner. But when I looked at the earth again, I saw that I was no longer over Omaha. Instead, I had floated across the sea, and was descending on a shocked King's Cross, in London, England!

'The balloon was not descending straight down, but was still going sideways a bit. So I landed in front of a wall, I think, as I heard two thuds – one from the ground, and the other from the wall.

'The balloon had run out of air completely, and I had to crawl out from under it. So I crawled, and I found myself on a platform, with a large red steam-powered train that had 'Hogwarts Express' on the front! Very old-fashioned!

'Then a man with dark hair, and for some reason, red eyes, and said, 'You'll want to get on the train now, it's almost leaving.

'Not knowing where I was and having nothing better to do – as I didn't exactly know how to get out, because there was just the platform and nothing else – I got onto the train, and found that each and every compartment was empty.'

'Wait, this doesn't really make sense. The Hogwarts Express doesn't run until the beginning of the school year, or between terms,' interrupted Jamie.

'I…have no idea what you're talking about.'

'Ignore me. Right, do continue. This is very interesting. It's better than some stupid class, anyway. Why would I need to be trained? Besides the fact that Dumbledore, for some inexplicable reason, hired me though I know nothing about Defence Against the Dark Arts? Anyway, so you got onto the train…then what?'

'Well, as I said, all the compartments were empty, so I chose one at random and sat down. Being very bored, and having nothing to do – there weren't even any sights to see, the train hadn't started yet – I fell asleep.

'When I woke up, I found myself outside of a large castle, and it was already dark. Fortunately, I had a flashlight, and so with some difficulty, I came to a set of rather ostentatiously large double doors, and opened them.'

Jamie interrupted, as contrary to popular belief until now, Jamie hadn't been paying attention at all. She had been staring out the window, as usual, and starting to fall asleep, until something finally registered in her mind. 'Wait, did you say 'red eyes'?'

'Then I walked through a corridor lit by candles along the walls…sorry, what? When?'

'Uh, when you were talking about the guy with the dark hair and red eyes, and getting on to the train and stuff?'

'Yes…yes, yes, I did. Does that matter?'

'Yeah. I think you,' said Jamie, grabbing Oz's arm again, 'should go see Dumbledore.'

The wizard sighed. 'Okay. Fine.'

'You sound like a five year-old,' Jamie pointed out.

Oz stuck out his tongue at Jamie.

'Immature little midget.'

(A/N: I started this in like, the summer holidays, apparently, according the author's note above, and forgot all about it until I decided to update HPCC, my other fic, and found this on the USB drive thingy I have. And so I finished it, but not knowing what my original intentions with this chapter were, this might be completely different with what I had in mind for the non-existent plot. So this was finally finished several months later, on Saturday January the 8th, 2005.

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