Part 3

Schuldig was sitting on the couch with a bowl of cereal when Crawford got up. "And what time did you get in last night, young man?" He asked in what he assumed to be a rather good impression of a father finding out his son had come in way past curfew. Having never suffered this he forgot to add the blood curdling glare and he sounded more fond than homicidal. It kind of ruined the whole effect that he didn't even look at him when he said it.

"Feck off, Schuldig." Crawford said. "I'm older than you, and perfectly capable of staying up past sun down."

"And who was the lucky lady, might I ask?"

"None of your damn business." Crawford answered pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"Ah, so there was a lady." Schuldig said with a grin, "do tell. The last date you had was with the geisha Murasakiiro, and we all know how that turned out."

"Schuldig, remember when I threatened to bake you in a pie." Crawford said over his coffee cup, "I got the recipe off the internet."

"Yes, well," Schuldig said getting up and putting his bowl down on the coffee table, "Me and Far are going shopping, as we now have to buy presents for some goodie two shoes if we're staying, so, we'll be back later."

"And don't forget Nagi this year." Crawford said pouring himself another cup of coffee as Schuldig murmured "verdammt" under his breath in a way that suggested that he had forgotten Nagi.

In the centre of Shibuya all of Tokyo appeared to be doing their shopping for Christmas, as there were 4 shopping days left, and like Schuldig no one had thought to buy anything. "Crawford's easy," he said to Farfarello who was trailing behind him, he was wearing a rather loud woollen sweater with a wintry scene of cottages on it with his jeans and a vibrant red and green striped scarf with holly on it. When Schuldig had seen it he had confirmed beyond any shadow of a doubt that Farfarello was mad, anyone who willingly wore that had to be. "We'll get him some wine and some truffles."

"We could get him Abyssinian." Farfarello noticed, "we could strip him, paint him gold and stick a bow on his…"

"Far." Schuldig said scandalised,

"Katana." He finished.

"Besides I don't think Crawford would appreciate that gift." Schuldig said stepping into a large department store, "if someone gift wrapped Weiss for me to kill I don't think I'd want them near any sharp objects." He started to chew on a fingernail as he thought, "look, buying for the Weiss chibi will be easy, we'll get him some plushie and some glitter lip gloss or something, its the same as for a seven year old girl. And Hidaka's easy as well, we go to that sport shop and get him a jersey or something, which leaves Yohji."

"Liquor." Farfarello said, "win win then, you can share it with him."

"And Abyssinian." They both growled, "and what do you want?" Farfarello grinned at him in a way that suggested that if he thought about it then it would be quite obvious what to buy him. "And, k'so, Nagi."

Farfarello looked at a stand in the shop and picked up a Simpson's Novelty mug that said "Eat my Shorts dude," every time it was turned on it's side. Schuldig looked around the shop pretending not to be with him.

At the other end of the floor there was a large gathering of bored looking parents and excited sugar infested children queueing patiently to enter a garden shed with Christmas lights festooned around it, "1000 yen to see Santa." He muttered darkly, "now that is evil." Then he smiled as something occurred to him. "Hey, Far, you thinking what I'm thinking."

"What we conk Santa over the head, I steal his clothes and we ask the kids what they want and then buy that for Nagi?"

Schuldig looked at him in surprise. "No," he said, "but I like your idea better."

After a short interlude involving a Santa having a cigarette break and a glass of imported Christmas cheer (there was no milk and cookies for this Santa), Farfarello and a rather heavy lawn ornaments with a few whispers of "I think you've killed him." And "well we are evil assassins," whispered back Farfarello straightened his Santa hat, decided to forego the Santa beard (because the man they had knocked out had actually grown one) and sat down on the cushioned throne inside the garden shed that was parading as Santa's grotto. "Now what do you want little girl?"

The little girl who happened to be at the front of the queue was dressed in pink gingham with ribbons in her hair, she was missing one of her front teeth and was holding her mother's hand for grim death, her mother was happily taking photos of her precious little angel meeting father Christmas. She looked at Farfarello and his rather strange Christmas elf, who happened to be leaning up against the grotto wall picking at his nails, with rather dayglo orange hair and no pointy ears and then she pouted. "You're not santa." She said. "Santa has a beard."

"I shaved." Farfarello answered.

"And Santa has two eyes." She said firmly.

"I lost one in a freak reindeer accident." Farfareelo answered.

"And your elf doesn't have pointy ears."

"All the better to hear you with, my dear." Schuldig drawled from where he leant against the grotto wall. "Now if you don't mind, we're on a schedule, hop unto Santa's lap like a good little ingrate and tell him what you want?"

"I want a pony." The girl said firmly.

"Pony's die when you stuff them down the chimney." Farfarello said with what sounded like the voice of experience. The mother mouthed "thank you."

"Then I don't like you Santa." She walked up to Farfarello and kicked him quite solidly in the shin.

"And you've been a very naughty girl," Farfarello said rubbing his leg, "and you'll be lucky if I stop at your house and give you a lump of coal. Now feck off."

The second child was a boy in camouflage gear, he hopped unto Farfarello's lap. "I wanna BB gun and pellets and a target and a gun and."

"You'll put your eyes out with that," Farfarello answered, "wouldn't it be more fun to play scrabble." There was no way they were buying Nagi any kind of projectile weapon, and this kid's parents probably didn't want to get him one anyway. "Scrabble's a great game," he knew he'd bought it for Nagi and then proceeding to eat all the E squares. The boy hopped off Farfarello's knee and then kicked him in the shins as he walked off.

The next child was a little girl who happened to be as cute as a button, with blonde hair that was twisted into two braids, and she was dressed exclusively in pink. "Why you sad, Santa, your face is all red and pouty, is it too warm for you?" Farfarello wanted to strangle her as she clambered on his lap.

"No, dear." Schuldig said from the side, "Santa's face is red because he's full of Christmas cheer and love for all the kiddies." The girl threw her arms about Santa and hugged him tight.

"Now what do you want for Christmas?"

"World peace." The girl answered, "I want the world to stop all wars and be happy and peaceful because I am a pacifist."

"You are a precocious little minx." Farfarello corrected, "now what do you really want for Christmas." She leaned up and whispered it in his ear. "A Barbie deluxe dream house with pink limousine. I think that can be arranged."

"Thank you, Santa," she beamed kissing him on the cheek. Then climbed down and kicked him on the shin, "that's for calling me a minx."

The next child was a little heavy set boy in a woollen coat with mittens on strings hanging down either sleeve and a scarf that only revealed his eyes and fringe to the world, he went to jump up but Farfarello stopped him. "You'll break my legs, lad, and although I'd like nothing more I do need to be fit for Christmas eve," he said, "now what do you want to be for Christmas?"

"Puh-puh-puh-pretty." the boy stammered.

"Well you are certainly unfortunate in the looks department, aren't you kid?" Schuldig said dryly.

The kid started wailing and kicked Farfarello in the shin before running off. Schuldig shrugged.

A tall blonde lad of about Nagi's age worked his way through the crowd. "Who's the git that called my sister a minx?" He said, he was tall and slender with a shock of platinum blonde hair and wore a long grey coat. He was a very pretty boy and there was an air of violence about him, in fact the boy looked like he had a great future about him in Evil Incorporated. "I'll punch his bloody lights out." A line of people pointed at Santa.

Schuldig smiled.

"Suddenly" the boy said his eyes glazing over, "I feel the sudden need to tell Santa what I want for Christmas." He walked over and sat on Farfarello's knee. "Halo 2. I want Halo 2, and a meccano set. Yes, I want Halo 2 and a meccano set." Farfarello's grin was truly frightening to behold. Two gifts for Nagi, one for each of them and he was sure that Omi wouldn't mind a Barbie deluxe dream house with matching pink limousine.

"There." The man in his boxer shorts said to the security guards beside him as he pointed at Farfarello, "those are the guys that hit me over the head and stole my costume."

"Duh-duh-duh-Dad," the heavyset boy with the stammer said, "that's the wuh-wuh-wuh-one." The group of Yakuza looked at Schuldig, then Farfarello looked at Schuldig and still holding the teenaged boy by the arm went to make a break for it.

"They're kidnapping him." The precocious little minx shouted loudly, "Milliardo!"

Farfarello said the only word you really can say in a situation like that. "Feck."

Author's Note

Learn German with Seraphim Grace: Lesson 1

Verdammt- loosely translated this means dammit.

However for those of you who speak German, mein deutsche is grosse sheise und ist nichts gut.

But I swear in it quite fluently.

I know it's not funny to throw the Peacecrafts in, but all the AA&W have a strange cameo appearances (baby's just hasn't been posted yet) and well, I bet you didn't see this one coming, I didn't.