Fate: I lub this story and I have no idea why.
Disclaimer: Too late. takes over Fate does not own Yu-Gi-Oh! She only owns a few pathetic drawings and a broken-down website and a cranky computer and an unpublished series! Oh, and two boxes of chocolate Penguin mints. But Yu-Gi-Oh by far outweighs them all, and she has it not! Bwa ha ha ha ha...
::chapter three::in which bakura is very angry::
Bakura was bordering on furious. When a yami is even so much as borderline furious, things tend to swiftly get messy. If said yami is armed with a deck and Sharp Pointy Things, gods help the target of their wrath.
However, Bakura was unaccustomed to being furious with Seto Kaiba. Thus, he made a leap of tomb-raiderly logic and concluded that Seto had made an excellent dupe for a certain pharaoh. So, being the very singleminded person that he was, Bakura abandoned his great hikari quest and went haring off to the Kame Game Shop, fuming the entire way.
He slammed the door open in a move reminiscent of a game-addicted CEO. Yami and Yugi both made strange squeaking noises and fell out of view off of the counter on which they had been previously...occupied.
Bakura stormed over to the counter and hopped up onto it, swinging his feet over so that he nearly kicked Yugi in the face. "What did you engineer this time, pharaoh?" he snarled as Yugi scrambled back, seeking cover.
Yami blinked. "...the hell?"
Bakura growled wordlessly. "Are all those years of inbreeding finally catching up with you? You. Seto Kaiba. My hikari. Gone. You," he added coherently.
"Seto Kaiba kidnapped Ryou?" Yugi gasped while Yami was busy looking puzzled.
"No shit," Bakura snapped.
"But how do we come into this?" Yugi inquired.
Bakura began to wonder if the mental deficiency that Yami seemed to have developed was catching, especially through saliva. "You sent him, of course."
"Damn straight we sent him," Yugi retorted spiritedly, smacking away the foot swinging towards his face again. "But not to kidnap anyone. Yami bullied him into bringing you your shipment."
"Well, he didn't," Bakura snarled. "He pinched my hikari instead." He tried to 'accidentally' kick Yugi again for emphasis. Unfortunately, Yugi was prepared for such an occurrence and whacked the offending foot away with a convenient doorstop that had formerly been holding the supply room open.
"Yow!" Bakura yowled, and launched himself at Yugi.
"Mweep!" Yugi yelped, diving behind Yami for protection. Bakura 'oof'ed as he hit the ground, scrabbled uselessly for Yugi before he realized what had happened, then went scrambling after the pair bonded by the Millennium Puzzle.
"Nut, mother of Ra!" Yami exclaimed as he tried to scoot out of the way. Yugi determinedly held him in place rather than bail out as well. The resulting three-way wrestling match was possibly one of the most spectacular on that side of the Pacific.
"Ahem," a voice said quietly from above the three.
No one took any notice.
"Ahem," the voice repeated, a bit louder.
Still no response.
Sigh. "Look, if I'm interrupting something, then you could have at least put up the 'CLOSED' sign. And did you drug Bakura with aphrodisiacs or something?"
0.05 seconds later, Bakura vaulted over the counter and past the speaker, flipping head over heels a few times and sprawling on his back by the door. "Aaagh," he remarked, staring at the ceiling. Yami and Yugi declined to supplement this statement, due to their taking the comment as excellent advice and resuming their activities from prior to Bakura's entrance.
Anzu decided not to say anything more in that vein, owing to the murderous look on the white-haired yami's face. "Where's Ryou?"
Bakura scrambled gracelessly to his feet and turned the full blast of his anger on the dark-haired girl in a look that would have crumbled stone. Anzu, faced with certain doom, merely folded her arms and looked at Bakura. "I'm not impressed. Do you mind answering my question about my friend, or should I go back to making snide remarks about a threesome between those two and you?"
Bakura sulked briefly – his murderous look was pretty damn good in his eyes, and he'd seen some pretty nasty looks – then snapped, "In between pretending to be rabbits, your precious little spiky-haired friends seem to have duped Seto Kaiba into kidnapping my hikari."
"How long has it been since you last had a joint?" Anzu inquired.
Bakura glared at her.
"Right, so Seto Kaiba kidnapped Ryou for no reason whatsoever," Anzu said skeptically.
"Exactly," Bakura told her. "Wipe that look off your face."
Anzu ignored him with the ease of one who ignores three or four pesky teenage boys on a regular basis, and thus can handle pretty damn near anything or anyone. Proceeding to one of the tinted glass cases with a 'NEW!' placard, "Their timing is absolutely awful," she announced. "Whenever I come in here to see their new orders, they're snogging merrily away behind the counter, and neither hell nor high water will divert them. And I never think to bring a camera and sell the pictures." She turned to face out the window, eyes narrowing into slits. "For God's sake, they should either buy Yugi a chastity belt or sell the store, because – "
She was cut off by the sound of the glass case slamming open. Spinning around, she was confronted with Bakura bowing mockingly and motioning towards the now-opened case. "Take what you will, they'll never notice," he suggested.
Anzu put her hands on her hips and glowered at him. "I will not sink to your level, so unless you're going to steal something yourself, you lock that case right back up before I slap you."
Bakura raised his eyebrows. "As you wish." He immediately began picking through the cards and slipping them into his pockets and up his sleeves.
Anzu watched him irritably for a minute, then stalked over, elbowed him aside, and snatched up five of the remaining cards. "You mug me for these once I've paid and you're going to be down about twenty teeth," she told him.
Bakura blinked at her. "Is it that time of month again?"
The brunette considered doing some untrained dental work anyway. "You'd have been unconscious in an alley already if it was. Just because I work with fairy cards and have friends doesn't make me all nice and cheery all the time. Maybe you should get past the idea that every duelist has to reflect their cards, too."
Bakura considered this. "Nah." With that, he pulled out his lockpicks again and went to work on the next case over.
Anzu glared at him helplessly for a minute, realized that trying to get him to overcome his kleptomania was a hopeless cause, and walked purposefully over to the counter. She picked up a stapler, hefted it thoughtfully in one hand, then leaned over and dropped it onto the writhing pair.
As Bakura flicked another case open and began helping himself to the contents, Yugi rose to his feet groggily and said, "I think I got a staple in my skull."
"Oh poor you," Anzu said briskly with no sympathy whatsoever. "Ring these up before you get seduced again," she said, poking the cards with one finger.
Yugi turned a very becoming shade of magenta, muttered something unintelligible, and began punching keys on the cash register. Yami wobbled to his feet also, looked over at Bakura, and howled, "Tomb robber!"
Bakura shoved one last card up his sleeve and clasped his hands together over his heart, staring with limpid eyes at Yami. "I was trying to reform," he said in an innocent voice. "It was all in service to the lady," he added, looking at Anzu.
"Oh, shut up," Anzu retorted, pocketing her purchases. "I am not your excuse for thievery."
"Oh, right, my obsession for pretty things and Duel Monsters is. How could I be so stupid?" Bakura asked sardonically, smacking himself on the forehead. "And your obsession with obtaining my hikari brought me here, so you'd still have all your merchandise if you hadn't orchestrated his kidnapping. Now where is he?"
"How should I know?" Yami demanded. "I sent Seto Kaiba along to Ryou with the cards to distract the two of you from tearing each others' throats out. I know very well that kidnapping one's hikari is one of the most incendiary acts that a person can perform, and I was trying to avoid such an altercation," he spat, wrapping an arm around Yugi's shoulders. "I am not that stupid, contrary to your beliefs."
Bakura thought it over. Yami did, unfortunately, have a very good point. "Then why," he began plaintively, "did some pampered rich boy who hasn't seen him in years randomly kidnap him?"
"You're asking me?" Yami retorted. "I don't know! I don't want to know!"
"I assume you want to know, though," Anzu said to Bakura. "Want a lift?"
Everyone stared at her.
"I may be bitchy but I'm not cold-hearted," Anzu informed the other three. "And I have a car. Do you want a lift to wherever you're going or not?"
Bakura shrugged. "Will it kill me?"
"Only if you strangle yourself with the seatbelt or make me crash," Anzu retorted, pulling her car keys out of her purse and heading for the door. "Coming?"
Bakura swiped another handful of cards on the way out, then jumped into the passenger's side. "Floor it."
"Yeah, yeah, you're in a rush," Anzu said, firing up the car.
"Well, yes, and there's also the fact that Yami is chasing after us and foaming at the mouth," Bakura said, turning in his seat to look out the back window.
"Why?" Anzu inquired.
Bakura held the handful of cards he'd snatched under her nose. "I think it had something to do with these."
Anzu rolled her eyes. "You're so perceptive. Sit still and stop hitting the mirror," she ordered, readjusting the driver's mirror for the third time after Bakura bashed into it once more. "Where are we going?"
"Seto Kaiba's mansions," Bakura said grimly. "Ryou said I should show up later, and I think I've waited long enough. It's not like I'm patient. Can this thing go any faster?"
"My God, niisama, you just randomly dragged him out of his home because he had a bunch of bruises on his face?" Mokuba demanded wearily.
"His darker was trying to strangle him!"
"Niisama, I've spent a lot of time with that tomb robber. He's volatile, he thinks in slightly different patterns than sane people, he's got an awful accent and doesn't understand Japanese half the time, but he's pretty protective of his other half. Or do you not notice all the times he takes hits over his other half's injuries?" Mokuba pointed out.
"...no?" Seto said truthfully.
Sighing, Mokuba proclaimed, "You are hopeless. I spend a lot of time in that game shop, so I know these two. They're not so crazy. They both tend to be a little violent and a lot narcissistic, but it's a trait that everyone with the jewelry shares."
"So he's not in trouble," Seto began.
"Mmm...no," Mokuba replied.
"But we are."
"Erm. Yes," Mokuba sighed and touched his forehead to Seto's. "We're gonna die."
"Should we double the guards?" Seto asked hopefully.
"They'll just get killed," Mokuba said with certainty. "You've seen these people in action."
"We're not dueling with them!" Seto protested.
"I somehow don't think that matters," Mokuba replied.
"...oh crap." Seto sighed. He was quiet for a moment, then brightened. "Wait a second!"
"You had the idea too?" Mokuba asked.
"Maybe. Was your idea to wait for the other to show up, then see how long we can get them to stay so we can analyze them?" Seto's eyes began to gleam. "If they can do all those things without being in a duel, then this is power that can be harnessed. We don't need those microchips anymore!"
Mokuba's eyes narrowed. "Niisama...er...my idea was to shove Bakura-san out into the driveway, lock the door, and pray that his darker half doesn't take revenge."
"But we have them here!" Seto said excitedly. "We can't just let them go!"
"How the hell do you plan to keep them here?" Mokuba demanded.
Seto shrugged. "I don't know. Pay off his parents?"
"He lives alone," Mokuba said. "That's right out."
"That's excellent!" Seto continued, sitting up. "Perfect! He can't possibly own that house. He only transferred here a few years ago! I'm going to go call Domino Realtors." With that, he took off out of the back door.
Mokuba stared after him with a doom-laden expression. "Oh, Lord. This is going to get messy."
"Messy? What messy?" Seto replied, whipping back into the room. "This is going to be great!" He took a deep breath, then went over to the door that led back to Ryou. "You should probably go warn Moni. Ja!"
Mokuba glared uselessly at the closing door. "You suck!"
Somehow, that didn't relieve his feelings in the slightest.
Bakura-luva-- Must...wash...eyes...faints
molten-amber-- j00 like?! Whee! Sparkly Magenta Fluffilicious Sesshy-sama-esque Tail Huggles for oo!
KeMu-- pats Mokuba on the head and runs quickly in the opposite direction
otakusoei-- He's the ultimate evil?
Ice Puppet-- I like Ryou being eeeeeevil.
Gyakutenno Megami-- We live in feeeeeeeear. Mwahaha.
BlackRose-- Angst/Comedy is our special genre!
R Amethyst-- Er? blink Oh well! But what's wrong with being hyper...?
CharcoalCat-- Yay! We made someone happy.
Saturn Imp-- I'm getting there...I think?
Liviana-- OO eep.
Duel: brings forth her Review weaponry and sets out to conquer the Digital World When I'm done there, I'll go after you unless you give us comments...we feed on comments...we grooooooooww....giggles maniacally