Harry Potter, current residence of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, considered himself sane, thank you very much. When Harry learned, however, that his best friend had traveled to the past via a time-turner, he was sorely enraged to say the least, and thought Dumbledore was at the brink of insanity. He couldn't seem to put the information together. He was sitting in a lumpy chair in Dumbledore's office at the moment, said Head Master seated across from him. Harry closed his eyes and counted backwards from ten, repeating to himself, almost as his very own mantra, that killing Dumbledore would not help the situation, but would probably make it worse. His other, redder-haired friend, Ron was sitting next to him pale and shaking a bit.
"So boys," Dumbledore went on cheerfully, as if giving off an air of normalcy, trying to sound as if bushy-haired girls fell down staircases every day and traveled to the past.
"Since Ms.Granger is ...erm... away for now, I will have to ask that you collect her homework and such. Oh, yes and make sure you don't mention this to anyone. It wouldn't do to have it going around school that I let another one slip out of my grasp." He said the last part almost to himself.
"So you expect us to just go to classes and act as if nothing has happened?" Ron said incredulously.
"Yes, you've got it. Lemon drop?" He questioned cheerfully, in the eccentric way only Dumbledore could.
Ron glared.
Hermione heard voices, and from her semiconscious state of mind it sounded as though someone were singing. How absurd, Hermione thought, that someone should be singing a sonnet as I wake up from my nap. Contrariwise, the author thought it was best if she didn't continue reading Alice In Wonderland.
Hermione opened her eyes and saw a most particular sight above her: Sirius Black putting on a striptease show for a younger, Poppy Pomfrey. Sirius was in the middle of slowly taking off his button down shirt, when Lucius Malfoy accompanied by Severus Snape, burst though the door. Lucius strode through the room, while Snape stood entranced, staring at Sirius Black. Sirius leveled him a glare, took up his wrist watch, which was carelessly thrown to the floor seconds earlier and dragged a squealing Pomfrey through the doors of the Hospital Wing. Apparently, the nurse was the only person in the school Sirius hadn't shagged, aside from a few select Slytherins, ranging from greasy-haired-stalkery Snape to rhino-looking Bulstrode. Sirius, Hermione thought, was a horribly depraved boy, not to be confused with deprived, as Sirius was morally corrupt and not deprived of fully enjoying his shagging sessions, consensual or not.
Lucius approached Hermione, with not-so-platonic thoughts in his mind. James Potter though, who was at her side (Hermione hadn't noticed whilst the salacious atmosphere around her was going about, James had snuck in), jumped up and raised his saber glaring at Lucius as though he were Lucifer himself, which could be the case as their names were so alike.
"James, put down the sword. Remember what happened the last time you used that thing?" Remus questioned, coming out from the shadows in which he was hiding, creating a suspicious look about him, not that he had anything to hide of course cough cough.
"I don't recall, Remus. And this is a SABER and I think you should call it such. In fact, I believe you have offended Winkles and you should apologize for degrading him," stated James angrily, as Remus shot him a bemused glance.
"Ah, Potter put down that sword before you put an eye out. I believe it wise to listen to your wolf-friend, in this instance." Lucius declared haughtily. James gave him a glare so intense Voldemort would have hesitated for a second before crucioing him to hell.
"Get off you're high horse, Malfoy. We don't need your lot in here." James said, angered at the fact both Snape and Lucius knew about Remus.
"Oh, what a wonderful day it is, when I can spend time with mud-blood loving Gryffindors and listen to their wistful idioms," Lucius spat sarcastically. "Why don't you and you're Werewolf lover go find a broom closet and shag?"
That was the last straw for James, as he flung himself at Lucius and grasped him firmly by the neck. Hermione sighed, it was indeed going to be a long day.
"Okay Ron, now just,...yeah that's it right there.." Harry exclaimed, dropping to his knees in front of the bushy figure. It had bushy hair, a stick like figure and an exasperated expression, but it just wasn't the same. Ron kneeled in front of the broom and shook the wild mane of hay they had stuck to the top of it.
"Harry, I know you miss Hermione, but dressing up this broomstick isn't helping our cause." Ron stated logically to Harry, who was making "Hermione" sweep up a box of spilt cookies on the floor. Ron gave Harry a patronizing glance before sighing and leaving the room to spend the rest of the day setting up a Hermione shrine, which he had previously planned to make with assorted sticks and Snape's genital hair. Harry watched Ron stalk out of the room and then continued working on his "Hermione".
Hermione was wandering the halls aimlessly, a past time she felt she had started to love ever since she had come to the past. It seemed to be, because of the fact that Voldemort wasn't around as much in this time, even though everyone always referred to it as the darkest time, that strolling around the halls came naturally to Hermione. So, on this lovely-wait, what day was it again? Well...er...on this lovely, lets say, oh I don't know, Friday, Hermione was walking, in a daze down the hallways of Hogwarts, even though everyone would likely be suspicious that this new comer knew her way around Hogwarts perfectly. Hermione was thinking about how lovely it was that she didn't have to spend a day with whiney Harry, who would constantly complain over the loss of his dead parents and the evil dark lord who was trying to kill him, oblivious Ron, who just couldn't see that red heads weren't her type because of a freak circus accident, which involved a rouge clown and a couple of green-haired midgets, and finally, Voldemort, the evil dark lord, who thought it would be trendy to cliche-edly follow the path of every other evil villain who had suffered from an abusive childhood, and an emotionally abusive father. She was wondering where that red-eyed freak was at this very moment, probably biding his time, until he could eventually come out of hiding, to attempt to ....sigh...take over the world again. He really was an evil-
"Hullo, there," said a mysterious voice, a voice that seemed incredibly snake like, a voice which one could compare with a viper or a python or-Voldemort! How ironic, thought a small suspicious looking rat sitting on the floor in the shadows, where none could see his black, black soul. Hermione jumped around in a move worthy of a low budget movie about the dangers of chain smoking and ran towards the sound of the voice. Hermione thought this was the logical thing to do, as all the young woman in scary movies all did the same, right before suffering a gruesome, horrible death. A tall man stepped out of the shadows. He had untamable black hair, bright black eyes and a copy of Singing Solicitous Songs With Sally in his right hand.
"My names Dourl Riddle," he said pleasantly. Hermione looked confused.
"Dourl? What kind of name is that?" She asked.
"Oh, well, my father is into some kinky stuff, including some freaky anagram thing he does with his name. So, naturally, when I was born he decided to make my name one too. See Dourl Riddle changes into Lord Lurid'de." He explained casually, wiping his fingers across his vest, as if trying to get rid of invisible dust.
"So, does that mean you're lurid?" she asked dumbfounded.
"Oh no, father got a bit lazy after having to name all of the children he had as a product of brutal rape of various muggles," he replied calmly, "I was one of his favorites though, so he put more effort into not making my name out to be something stupid like Tonic, which is incidentally the name of my brother. Anagrams are very hard to make you know."
Hermione walked away and tried to pretend the entire event had never happened.