Subaru collapsed on the ground in numb agony as the dagger punctured his back and pierced his lung. The three thugs ran away in a panic as soon as they heard someone approaching the scene of their murder.
Subaru's vision started to fade to black - the terror increasing the beats of his heart, accelerating the blood pooling outside of his body - the crimson warmth turning Subaru's body cold and lifeless as the ground.
You have died! [Return by Death] has been activated!
Subaru shoved the child out of harm's way. However, malnourishment and degraded stamina reserves forced his body to freeze from overuse.
Which only made the dragon-pulled carriage run him over much easier.
Subaru felt his bones break, his skin and muscle ripping apart, while his organs were bruised and popped. In that one moment before death, every part of Subaru's body was flooded with agony.
You have died! [Return by Death] has been activated!
Mutilated.
That's how Subaru can describe the corpses in the loot house. Even from his position laying on his back, everything smelled like blood; the night air added a rich chill to the breeze of the slums.
Subaru turned to his left.
Rom's jaw was ripped from his body. The old giant slumped over the makeshift bar, various glass bottles and jars smashed into his bisected corpse - the stench of cheap ale and homemade booze mixed with the decaying rot.
Subaru turned to his right.
Felt's body was impaled onto the wall of the loot house with her dagger. The blonde girl's death was not gentle or quick. Her red eyes were a homogenous mix of despair and remorse, the fear of her life ending before she could achieve her dream, and how her ambition got everyone she cared for killed. She soiled herself as her limbs were broken one at a time.
Subaru turned back to face the ceiling.
Emilia's cadaver swung with a loving pace. Left to right without pause. A noose of her intestines connected her to the rafters, her silver hair never becoming stained with her draining life essence, even when her organs were wrapped around her delicate neck like a macabre scarf. Her neck bent at a horrible angle. Amethyst's eyes were wide and lifeless. She struggled and screamed until it was nothing but a dry, scratchy howl akin to a dying animal. Blood dripped down her body as her voice - and her life - was snuffed out.
"Oh dear," A voice of sickly sweet poison. A woman in scanty clothing appeared in Subaru's vision as she leaned down, her mutilated face regrowing into her signature psychotic beauty, while her dark hair flowed down and tickled his face. "Getting rough with a delicate lady like me~?"
Subaru saw her breath become visible in the cold air, the temperature in the room rapidly plummeting to cruel levels of freezing - but not enough to prevent Elsa from cutting him open and playing with his warm entrails with erotic nostalgia.
That last instance of perverted cruelty was the previous sensation Subaru felt before he drew his final, painful breath.
You have died! [Return by Death] has been activated!
Subaru found himself back where he arrived in this world. He can remember how he died. He remembers what Elsa did and she killed those people. The burning pain in his stomach when Elsa gutted him like an animal and played with his innards with euphoria. He felt as if his body was eroding from the inside out as his mind was on fire - his heart hammering in his chest as he subconsciously put a hand to his stomach.
High amounts of mental disruption were detected! You have been inflicted with {Traumatized}! [Abnormal Resistance] (F) has been created! {Traumatized} has been mostly negated!
And then it was gone. Subaru took in a deep breath and exhaled the unease in his mind.
"Hey, kid," The apple merchant said. "You wanna buy something?"
"No thanks, Kadomon." Subaru turned away, pulling his wooden wagon of goods before hastily turning away.
"Then stop holding up the - wait, how do you know my name?"
Subaru ignored the merchant; too frustrated with his problems. A brisk walk later he found himself sitting at a fountain. The ambient water sounds put his startled mind at ease.
It only made him think clearer about how much he hated his current situation. He had lost track of how many times he had died, trying to help the silver-haired half-elf from meeting her gruesome fate which would get worse each time, and would always appear before the apple merchant.
Subaru somehow would get the apple merchant angry, who seemed much more prioritized about making a sale. Even when Subaru pleaded for help in one loop, he was turned away. Not even the guards he managed to flag down would take him seriously.
It only reminded Subaru how bad the odds were stacked against him.
What money he brought with him wasn't the same currency in this world. He couldn't read any of the writing around here. There was a natural disdain for those living in poverty and it broke Subaru's heart every time he ventured into the slums to resolve the issue of the stolen insignia. Compared to the family starving to death and children prostituting themselves to sketchy individuals, Subaru quickly realized how much he took for granted back at home.
Subaru was broke, homeless, illiterate, and surrounded by uncaring people. It's for this reason that he no longer read those fantasy stories anymore - the unknown and being unable to handle what was going on without warning felt worse than bad heartburn. Subaru knows this world is unkind to the weak, as his [Return by Death] was his only saving grace.
[Return by Death] (Passive) Rank (S):
Upon the user's death, this skill will rewind time by an unknown amount.
A penalty will incur if you try to reveal this skill.
"Pseudo-immortality with no way to protect me," Subaru dismissed the notification screen, briefly looking it over for anything to help his situation. "In a world full of unkind strangers away from the loving comfort of my home - this is a nightmare!"
His shout got a few odd looks from the people nearby, but Subaru knows they won't reach out to help him. Only one person did, and it was the silver-haired half-elf who lied in the loop they met when she told him her name was Satella.
The name of the devil of this world.
"I found someone kind to me and she's crazy!" Subaru didn't understand the girl's thinking. What kind of logic is it to lie to someone claiming to be the Big Bad Evil? The fact a supervillain myth existed - one who is merely sealed away and unkillable - made Subaru want to leave this world even more. "...But she doesn't deserve to die like that, and neither those people in the loot house, but what am I supposed to do? I'm just a malnourished kid with issues!"
With a sigh, Subaru pulled up his stats.
Name: Natsuki Subaru
Title: The Gamer
Level: 1
XP: 0/1000
Class: N/A
Job: N/A
HP: 120/120
MP: 110/110
Strength: 2/ Dexterity: 5/ Agility: 2/ Vitality: 2/ Magic Potency: 1
Stat Points: 0
Although he did get 100 HP and MP for each level, Subaru's phantom pains of how he died only remind him of how powerless he is. He knew these types of introductions; a tutorial-like trial where the character has to explore and figure out a way to grow stronger. But he knew those types of game design from hardcore grimdark RPG games where the tutorial level was absurdly difficult unless he found out the right methods to pass. At least his low HP made sure he died quickly, but couldn't last long in a fight.
"What am I supposed to do?" Subaru asked himself as he dismissed the screen, hoping that something would change to give him a boost. Every time he loops back into the past, the knowledge he acquires only disturbs him. Just thinking about Elsa - freely roaming around with her gore fetish probably gutting some poor slum dweller - was enough to give Subaru knots in his stomach. If it wasn't for his [Abnormal Resistance] skill being generated when he looped back, created from his trauma and reducing the stress of his returns, Subaru knows his sensitive mind would be broken. "How am I supposed to survive when [Return by Death] undoes any progress I make?"
Especially when it comes to acquiring and leveling skills. They don't carry over when he resets, forcing him to grind all over again. While Subaru did find out some methods to quickly gain some skills and a few quests for some XP, it wasn't enough to protect him, let alone protect someone else.
Even if Subaru's skills were retained after he resets, he wouldn't abuse that mechanic. Dying is painful and death is unsettling. He read enough stories to know that death exists for a reason - he was well aware of the tropes of immortality and how it can be argued as a curse. Subaru is living that curse; just thinking about what's going to happen to those people in the loot house - and thinking about what pain he will experience if he fails - nearly makes him puke.
"Open quest log."
QUESTS LOG
[Quest: Trouble At The Loot House.]
Description: Save Emilia from her fate at the loot house while protecting Felt and Rom from Elsa.
Trigger Conditions: Enter Rom's loot house with Emilia and Felt to wait until Elsa arrives.
Reward: 15,000 XP, additional rewards are possible depending on the outcome.
[Quest: Stolen Property.]
Description: Help Emilia recover her insignia.
Trigger Conditions: Find Emilia and offer to help find her stolen property.
Reward: 5,500 XP, additional rewards are possible depending on the outcome.
[Quest: Triple Threat.]
Description: Survive against the thugs who will try to rob you.
Trigger Conditions: Walk into the alleyway near the slums.
Reward: 350 XP for surviving the encounter, additional rewards are possible depending on the outcome.
[Quest: A Child In Danger.]
Description: Prevent the young boy from being run over by a dragon carriage.
Trigger Conditions: Wait until the child wanders into the active road.
Reward: 50 XP, additional rewards are possible depending on the outcome.
[Quest: Hold Up.]
Description: Defeat the mugger who is targeting the general shop.
Trigger Conditions: Wait until the mugger enters the store and makes his intentions clear.
Reward: 200 XP, additional rewards are possible depending on the outcome.
[Quest: A Child In Need.]
Description: Help a distressed Plum be reunited with her parents.
Trigger Conditions: Wait until Plum is separated from her mother.
Reward: 50 XP, increased relations with her parents, additional rewards are possible depending on the outcome.
(New!) [Quest: Finders Keepers.]
Description: Dig up the hidden cache buried in the slums.
Trigger Conditions: Wait until the ones who buried it are away from the area.
Reward: 200 XP, everything in the cache, additional rewards are possible depending on the outcome.
(EXPAND LIST)
"I barely remember that new one," Subaru said, knowing the failure conditions of these quests usually resulted in him dying - maybe that's why the results of failing the quests weren't displayed - or maybe since anything can happen death wouldn't be the only outcome. The new quest he discovered brought bad memories. "Walking past some people burying a box in the ground is enough to get my head bashed in with a shovel - what is wrong with this world?!"
The fact that a malnourished slum-dweller missing an arm was able to kill him with a crude shovel only made Subaru feel he could never get far in this world.
Subaru tapped EXPAND LIST and scrolled down the list for a long minute - feeling overwhelmed at the sheer number of quests generated from his numerous deaths - before finding the first quest he received after his arrival.
[Quest: A New You!]
Description: To make your new life easier to adapt to, you must first adapt to your surroundings and raise your level to 5.
Reward: Unlock Class. Unlock Job. Gain 3 Godly Gacha Cubes. Advanced to the next quest [A Better You].
"I should have known something was fishy when I saw the rewards," It didn't make sense to have a big payoff for what seemed like an easy task. "Getting quests that have a high XP payout while trying to stay alive is tough as it is." He let out a sigh as he will spend more time interacting with the world to make it happen.
Subaru rubbed his hand over his chest to calm down his erratic heart; he didn't want to go into the slums anymore - but knowing there is a psychotic woman and soon-to-be-dead victims in her wake made him conflicted. To help stop Elsa, or to prioritize his safety.
He took in a deep breath and felt his anxiety ease before willing his inventory screen to appear in front of him; taking the large amounts of ingredients and supplies from his wooden wagon before tossing them in, ignoring the surprised faces of people watching the items seemingly disappear into thin air.
"Nothing more than a glorified porter," Subaru let out a sigh, pulling his empty wagon with him. The wobbling imperfections of his creation only reminded Subaru he won't be able to fix it with his old man anytime soon. "Is this my main purpose? To be a smuggler?" It would certainly be easy now that he thought about it, but it only made him angry to know he was taken from his loving parents and comfortable home to live the life of a criminal.
Speaking of criminals…
"Damn it - not you three again!" Subaru said as he saw the three thugs approach him; he didn't even mean to walk in this alleyway. "Why do I end up bumping into you three?"
"Bumping into?" Kan repeated in confusion. Subaru recognized the dwarf. "Is this guy nuts or something?"
"Crazy or not, everyone has got something we can use." Chin and his signature knives would always remind Subaru to never let his guard down in a fight.
"Just leave your valuables on the ground," Ton was always the one in the previous loops to settle things without violence. "This doesn't have to get violent."
"I don't have anything, see?" Subaru tilted the wagon forward, showing its empty contents. "All I got is this," He reached into his inventory and pulled out an apple. The action made the thugs pause. "You're doing this because you're hungry, right?"
"…You're a magician," The way Chin said it made it sound like a cautious statement rather than a question. "You can just make stuff appear out of thin air?"
"Not exactly. But you guys want food, and I want to be left alone. How about we make a simple trade?"
The thugs looked at Subaru before giving each other a glance.
'They're being quiet,' Subaru thought to himself as he watched them approach. 'Maybe I won't have to get into a fight after all.'
The air was forced out of Subaru's lungs when Chin kicked him in the chest, causing Subaru to fall onto the homemade wagon. It shattered from the impact.
"What kind of flimsy crap is this?" Chin looked baffled at the pathetic sight. "You'd think a magician would have something better."
"Probably some noble's brat who ran away," Kan stepped on Subaru's hand, twisting his heel in the flesh. "So how about you conjure up some coins, and we'll let you go with a few bruises?"
The dwarf let out a shriek and backed off when Subaru spat in his eye with a wheezed cough but he still managed to glare at the thugs with rage in his eyes.
Both of them moved out of the way when Ton grabbed Subaru's shirt and lift him, "Nothing personal kid," The large man raised a fist primed to punch. "But we gotta earn our meal somehow…"
Subaru quickly reached into his inventory for a knife and stabbed the larger man's shoulder before twisting the blade deeper. Ton's agonizing scream grew louder when Subaru ripped out the knife and slashed his eye.
[Weapon Proficency] (F) has been created!
Subaru was dropped to his feet as Ton stumbled back in shock, clutching the bleeding wound on his face. His two friends acted quickly with Kan tackling the Japanese boy onto the ground before screaming. "Chin! Hurry up and stab him-!"
The dwarf's words were snuffed out when Subaru threw his knife at his friend's stomach; Chin fell screaming as his shoddy knives clattered on the ground. It distracted Kan long enough for Subaru to pull out a frying pan from his inventory and swing it against the dwarf's head.
Kan fell onto his side with a sickening crunch, dazed and in pain, while blood trickled out from the wound.
"...I just wanted to be left alone, but you idiots just had to get greedy!" Subaru dropped the frying pan as he shakingly got to his feet. His frail body trembling from over-use - stabbing Ton strained his muscles, and swinging the frying pan with enough force made it feel his arm was going to pop out of its socket - but the phantom pains from being stabbed in a far-gone loop flared on his back.
"I'm sick of people like you!" Subaru kicked the dwarf with as much force as his adrenaline would allow. "I'm tired of getting dragged into other people's problems! I don't care if you're starving - especially when I am on the receiving end of your desperation!"
Subaru screamed and shouted with each kick. His rage no longer focused on the destroyed wagon, nor was it about the threat to his life. He simply vented the frustrations of his current predicament out on an easy target.
The Japanese teen didn't notice Ton ramming his shoulder into him, forcing him away from his friend. Subaru let out a wheeze as his back collided with the harsh ground. The larger man had a bleeding arm dangling uselessly while he quickly used his free hand to carry Ton's bruised body over his shoulder. He turned to shout at Chin, "We gotta go! Now!"
"Fuck…" Chin let out a pained moan as she used the alleyway's walls to stand on his feet. Blood ran through his fingers as he tried to stop the wound. "...the skinny little prick managed to cut me good."
"He can pull weapons out of thin air!" Ton rushed over and helped to drag his pale companion away from Subaru's exhausted form. As best as he could carrying a dwarf with his remaining good arm. "This isn't worth it!"
It was the last thing Subaru heard as they ran away, blood from their injuries dripping down to form a trail, the only evidence of his short-lived brutality. Subaru felt his malnourished body pushed beyond its limits, his heart hammering too hard in his chest, as sweat-soaked his bloodied clothes.
He barely managed to turn onto his side before the burning vomit spewed out onto the ground. After coughing out the last bit of vile out of his throat and collapsing onto his back, Subaru glanced up as he heard the sound of running on the rooftop.
With tired eyes, he saw a familiar blonde thief stopping at the edge, ready to jump down. Yet Felt glanced at the mess below and bolted in the opposite direction, years of self-preservation guiding her to run away from potential danger.
"No…" Subaru coughed out. He knew wherever direction Felt ran away to, Emilia would follow her. "That was my one chance to warn them…!"
Subaru failed again. He is malnourished, battered, and alone. He was overwhelmed by the situation he is in, too weak to protect others, and inexperienced to handle problems any other way. He has experienced death so many times he has lost track and was afraid he was going to die again.
It only reminded the Japanese teen how far the quality of his life had fallen; the only thing he use to worry about was eating a decent meal, where every day his parents' love encouraged him to that it was okay to be himself and he had nothing to prove to anyone. It inspired Subaru to focus on fixing himself so he can take on the unknown future one day at a time.
But now he is reliving the same hellish day over and over. He starts knowing he failed and ends up as a corpse. All for some unknown justification to abduct him from his peaceful life.
"WHY AM I EVEN HERE?!" Subaru shouted in desperation and frustration; tears pouring down his face. "IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR SOME HELP?!"
He was met with silence. A familiar sense of broken hopes subconsciously created in desperation for some guidance. He let out a sob with his hands covering his face in some vain attempt for comfort.
'I want to go home!' Subaru repeated in his head as he cried. 'I want my old life back!'
Subaru cried hard as the little strength he recovered was used to curl into a fetal position, making himself small as possible. It was subconsciously out of fear to protect his innards as the possibility of Elsa arriving by mere chance to take advantage of a potential victim who was too scared to fight back only made Subaru tremble harder. Anything can go wrong and it frightened him to no end.
A warm hand pressed against Subaru's back - calming his crying into mere whimpers as the stranger's hand gently moved to pick up the boy into a much-needed hug. "It's okay," The stranger said. "Everything is going to be fine now."
All Subaru could see with his watery eyes was a man with red hair and a friendly smile.
A/N: Sorry for the lack of uploads - I've been dealing with stuff in real life. But there was something about Arc 1 that feels such a big hurdle to jump over. I stated before that the one thing that bothers me in fics is that it takes several chapters for Subaru to finally get out of the Capital. So consider this chapter and the next one the standard introduction part of the story that will show Subaru's place in the world. (I had to revise this chapter because I wasn't satisfied with it.)
Will this story have suffering? Yes, but nothing like cannon since the Gamer abilities will take Subaru down a different road. I know suffering is part of the Re: Zero brand, but 90% of fics on this sight already have Subaru suffering - I just want to do something different. It gets hard for me to be attached to Subaru's struggles when he dies for the 40th time and fails over and over again while his deaths get more brutal.